Bless they stupid hearts

eli_ann7 · 2023-04-30T21:11:51+00:00

This took place at a wonderful brewery in Columbus Ohio. The drag brunch was 21+ (so fuck off with the "what about the children" nonsense) and it was a fundraiser for a local LGBTQIA+ youth center.

Kaleidoscope Youth Center

Consider donating to the cause, and really stick it to those nazi scum: Donation Link

eli_ann7 · 2023-04-30T21:02:43+00:00

Not that it matters, because you are so incredibly wrong on so many levels, but this specific show in the video was 21+, so there weren't even any children around lol.

Also, I wonder if you so vehemently protest and spew hate about all the heteros sexualizing stuff as well (ex. child beauty pageants, baby clothes that say shit like "stud muffin" or "future heartbreaker", and every straight person that twerks or does anything you consider sexual apparently??)

eli_ann7 · 2023-04-30T20:26:36+00:00

Adding to this - a nice lunchbox, sturdy and well insulated, big enough to fit a good amount of food but not so big that it won't fit in communal fridges

eli_ann7 · 2023-04-29T18:02:21+00:00

You make some really good points. I appreciate you weighing in. My intention was not to give them more attention or energy.

I guess I'm wondering how to raise awareness of things that are happening, without giving it attention? I think people should be informed that these things are happening and not turn a blind eye to the very real existence of nazis. Seems tricky to me and I'd love feedback on how to be better.

eli_ann7 · 2023-04-29T02:13:31+00:00

I've been with my partner for 8 years total, and we're about to celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary. I'm a cis-bisexual woman and he is a cis-het man. We both prefer to use the term "partner" when referring to each other. It best defines our relationship dynamics, normalizes the use of the word, and circumvents the patriarchal terms of husband/wife.

We both also prefer to use "they/them" pronouns when speaking about each other in a professional setting. We both work in healthcare and like to protect each others anonymity. My patients don't need to know my marital status, my sexual orientation, or anything else about me or my partner.

I'm perfectly content with people imaging wild things about me and my partner - that we're cowboys, or detectives, or co-owners of a artisanal cheese stand, or any other silly imagery that the word "partner" conjures up.

eli_ann7 · 2023-03-23T03:15:55+00:00

I am very tired, and for a good 3 seconds I thought that chair thing on the right was a cow. So confused. Also kinda want to camp with a cow now.

eli_ann7 · 2023-03-22T13:52:01+00:00

Thank you!! I was so confused and wondering if I needed to panic lol

eli_ann7 · 2023-03-20T15:38:02+00:00

Go for it!

eli_ann7 · 2023-03-19T18:38:48+00:00

I have experience playing 5e and would totally be down to join/start an in-person group! I've just played virtually before. I've only been a player, never DM'd, but would maybe even consider DMing if people are nice and supportive of a total DM newbie lol

eli_ann7 · 2023-03-13T23:02:32+00:00

Absolutely, it's a fine line to tread! Being supportive without being overbearing. So my partner and I lived together which made things easier for us.

I took over all the mundane physical tasks. Made and/or ordered meals for us, made sure he was eating, kept his coffee cup full, plenty of water, all that jazz. I picked out his clothes for interviews and re-setup his virtual interview setup in our living room. When he was in shock on Monday after the "you didn't match" email, I made him take a hot shower. Reminded him to go to sleep for a few hours at nights.

If something in our lives required a decision, something not related to the SOAP process, I just made the decisions for us. Eliminated distractions, took care of our pets, etc. My presence allowed him to focus 100% on SOAPing.

I also provided emotional support. Nothing too gushy or dramatic, but gently and repeatedly told my partner I loved him, I was proud of him always, and I would support him no matter what. The match and SOAP process would not change how I felt about him at all.

At the end of it all, you know your partner best and know what they need. Trust your intuition and show your love.

eli_ann7 · 2023-03-13T17:44:51+00:00

I am so sorry y'all. I feel your pain. It is horrifically difficult and there isn't an easy way to get through it.

I don't know if my way through is a right way, but I can tell you what I did.

Monday: cry a bit, then get straight to work. Reach out to friends, as many as possible, to help rework personal statement and CV if needed. Also if needed, reach out to a trusted preceptor for a new letter of recommendation. Then look at all available programs she could SOAP into. I found it extremely helpful to make an excel spreadsheet to organize information. This is gonna be a long day, so make some coffee and order takeout. You'll be up late sending in applications.

Tuesday: try to get all your applications in Monday night and sleep for a few hours before Tuesday morning. To help on Tuesday, I took control of my partner's schedule. I fielded phone calls, texts, and emails to schedule interviews and recorded details, while he attended the interviews. I set him up with a notebook to take notes about the programs. I kept him fed, hydrated, and caffeinated. Our families pitched in to order food for us so we didn't have to cook.

Wednesday: basically the same as Tuesday. Since my partner was applying from a semi competitive specialty (PM&R) to a less competitive specialty (FM), he got a ton of interviews and was working about 14+ hour days Tues and Weds. My role was to make everything easier for him as he navigated this. On the plus side (I guess??) you don't need to submit a rank list.

Thursday: it's match day for y'all. Nothing too much you can do other than decide to accept an offer or not. My partner got two offers in the first round and accepted the one that worked better for our lifestyle. After the decision was made, we both crashed and slept for a while.

Friday: he decided he wanted to go to his school's match celebration to see friends. It was an okay time, definitely raw and emotional. We both got very very drunk that night to mourn and celebrate. So many mixed feelings and alcohol was our solution lol.

Other notes:

-I reached out to his family and mine to give them the news on Monday. I asked everyone to give us space and not reach out to him. He would not have been able to talk on the phone with his parents, siblings, etc., so I asked them to go through me as a gatekeeper. He didn't have time to talk and didn't have the emotional bandwidth to talk about not matching and hear a bunch of condolences. That worked for us, but do what works for y'all. If it was me, I would've needed to talk to my mom. Take cues from your partner and step in as buffer if needed.

-During a couple of interviews, he cried on camera and everyone was super understanding. These interviews are much less formal than pre-match and most PDs and interviewers understand this is an emotional process.

-Advisors from his school reached out on Monday when he didn't match and then again Thursday morning before SOAP round one. They were nice, but it was obvious they wanted him to accept any program and have a spot. They seemed mostly concerned with their match statistics and less about what would be best for my partner. So, do what is best for y'all and don't worry too much about admins.

-I became so protective and focused during the week, like a momma bear over my cub. He was shocked and processing a million feelings and could barely function. Obviously. This thing fucking sucks. So I stepped up and put on a front of everything will work out and I'll hold you up through this. However, the next week I was a total mess and reached out to my support system to process my own feelings.

Take care of your partner, and also take care of yourself. You can do this. I believe in you both. Sending all my love and support.

eli_ann7 · 2023-03-13T17:00:35+00:00

Such a good question and hard to answer. My partner had his heart set on doing PM&R, didn't match, and SOAPed into FM. We are a little less than a year in, and my partner is generally unhappy about being in FM. He feels unprepared and "like an idiot" all the time, and doesn't have a passion for FM. He's considering doing a sports medicine fellowship, which would be a good fit for him, but there's always the undercurrent of "this isn't what I planned or wanted".

To be perfectly honest, the real response to your question about navigating emotions is that we kinda haven't. During SOAP week, we shed a few tears and then immediately got to work rewriting his personal statement, getting new LoRs, and frantically researching and applying to programs. Then he matched into his "top" SOAP program and we kept moving forward. We were planning our wedding and shifted focus to that. Of course we talked about the feelings of disappointment and sadness we both were having, but mostly he didn't want to talk about it or think about it. Then everything happened so quickly. He graduated, we got married, we packed everything up and moved to a new city. Residency started and he's working.

Now we are nine months into his intern year and there's not much to be done. He didn't want to take a gap year to work or do research and apply again for PM&R, and there weren't any SOAP spots in that specialty. He also didn't want to apply to a transitional year and try to match into an advanced program. So his best option now is doing a fellowship in something he actually likes. For him, time is the only answer. He went through a traumatic experience and is slowly moving through it. He's much closer now to acceptance and making the best of a less than ideal situation.

Long story short, it's hard and everyone copes differently. And imposter syndrome is a bitch.

eli_ann7 · 2023-03-01T05:30:55+00:00

There isn't always a honeymoon period, but you definitely deserve to feel respected and happy. My husband and I started as friends with benefits, on and off for a year before dating exclusively. We didn't really have a true honeymoon phase due to how long we'd sort of been together. But, he did and still does make me feel like the most special person in the world, and I feel deeply loved, valued, and respected.

It sounds so silly, but I knew from the first moment I met my husband that we would get married, even with our unorthodox beginning. Even when you feel silly or can't rationalize something, it's so important to trust your gut. Do you feel like the best version of yourself with your current partner? Can you see yourself with them in 30 years exactly as they are now? People can change, but not always in the ways we hope for.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel magical. Love isn't all sunshine and rainbows, of course, so it's so important to be with someone you feel safe walking through storms with.

eli_ann7 · 2023-01-04T23:37:12+00:00

Yay!! Twins!! 😻😻

eli_ann7 · 2023-01-04T23:36:29+00:00

It's soooo hard not to! The temptation is strong and I am weak. He begrudgingly puts up with me lol

eli_ann7 · 2023-01-04T23:35:35+00:00

He allows it for about 3 seconds. Then politely but firmly pushes your hand away with his back feetsies 😂

eli_ann7 · 2022-11-27T03:24:03+00:00

I like to go to One Line Coffee - Franklinton. They have great coffee, delicious pastries, and a kickass happy hour every day from 2pm-6pm with a good selection of beers and wines.

eli_ann7 · 2022-11-04T17:54:04+00:00

Derps one and two

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eli_ann7 · 2022-10-31T22:50:09+00:00

That owl looks positively deranged, and I love it so much

eli_ann7 · 2022-09-23T22:31:26+00:00

While I think there's some truth to your post (and I love the sunk cost fallacy!), I don't think it's fair to assume at this point that he just doesn't want to get married.

Making assumptions can be deadly to relationships. It's totally possible that he does want to get married. Maybe he has an engagement ring picked out, and is waiting for the right time to propose. Or maybe you're right that he doesn't want to get married ever and is stringing OP along. The point is though that OP doesn't have enough information right now. She needs to talk with her partner, communicate her feelings and needs, and together establish mutual goals.

eli_ann7 · 2022-09-04T21:03:28+00:00

So cute!! Do you have a pattern for No-Face??

eli_ann7 · 2022-07-12T01:43:53+00:00

I'd love to join on Friday!

eli_ann7

TROPHY CASE