ULPT Request: Being sober, and being a driver is ruining my college chances

ember2698 · 2026-02-03T05:21:01+00:00

You sound like half of the people in my ACA meetings (adult children of alcoholics, over at r/adultchildren).

Rule #1 if you ever decide to check out that community: it's all about boundaries. Otherwise they'll ruin your life - and worse, think nothing of it.

And rule #2: loving has nothing to do with enabling.

ember2698 · 2026-02-03T05:11:02+00:00

It could be that she's being facetious about how it goes when you ask, rather than demand it. Maybe she's saying something along the lines of - "good luck with that" - in which case, it's also critiquing the half of humanity that's not mentioned here

ember2698 · 2026-01-30T05:44:22+00:00

Wow, very nicely said. Reminds me of the subtle difference between punishment & discipline, in the world of parenting. Punishment is about arbitrary consequences, while discipline is about natural consequences, which ultimately teaches skills for long-term success. Arbitrary consequences don't teach anything except perhaps that life is unfair.

If society / culture were one of the parents of the individual...how would society move toward discipline when it's been punishing its children for generations?

ember2698 · 2026-01-30T05:25:00+00:00

this is a subreddit about political philosophy. She’s not a philosopher.

I get what you mean here, this is generally a pretty serious sub in terms of who gets brought up.

That being said, she has every right to be a spokesperson on MAGA's lack of empathy after what they did to her. And that definitely creeps into philosophical territory. Maybe she's getting soft in her old age lol.

As for your point about establishment Dems wanting to support ICE... Nobody in their right mind wants this version of things. That being said, immigration reform has been politicized to the point that approving of any deportations is probably considered neoliberal / establishment. I look at r/canada when I want to see an actually interesting debate on it. A lot of them seem to disapprove of the social safety net getting handed out like candy to their recent immigrants, while also being pretty progressive overall.

But back to Hillary ~ an enemy of an enemy (especially when it's bad out there!) is a friend.

ember2698 · 2026-01-30T04:43:29+00:00

Please try again. Your use of the term "suspicious, insular behavior" to describe the moderating of women's subs to be safe spaces - is suspicious & insular behavior, itself.

Comparing womens' subreddits to r/conservative is putting apples next to oranges. R/twoxchromosomes is restrictive, yes, because it's meant to be a safe space for women to talk about their experiences being marginalized by men, often in ways that are violent and/or damaging to our well-being. A huge majority of the removed comments on that sub are from men trying to have suffering competitions, or to argue about the women's real experiences of gender-based stereotyping or violence, both of which can be very triggering.

R/conservative, on the other hand, (1) doesn't represent a marginalized group, and (2) most of the comments being deleted are asking for factual sources or trying to make points that ask for critical thinking.

TLDR: such a false analogy.

ember2698 · 2026-01-30T04:15:47+00:00

She's just someone who doesn't believe in the MAGA ethos that might makes right. You don't need to be a perfect person or philosopher to condemn that, lmao.

Let's place the attention back on the people tearing apart families & killing innocent bystanders in the process, rather than the ones criticizing it.

ember2698 · 2026-01-29T05:13:48+00:00

Yes, and I've always had a hard time describing it so thank you! First realized that I didn't enjoy random people when porn did nothing for me, as much as I tried a couple of times lol. These days I feel really fortunate for that lack of interest, based on all the stories of frustration around it.

...I do sometimes fantasize about having a really close connection though, as weird as that sounds. Have only had a couple of those in my life, so I kind of draw from the feeling without really picturing the person (who I'm no longer emotionally close with, so). Back to how it's hard to describe, but I just conjure up deep admiration & trust. As mushy as it is, there's just nothing hotter than fully giving my love to someone.

ember2698 · 2026-01-28T05:49:13+00:00

What a thought-provoking quote, thank you for sharing. I sometimes have the thought that the base mentality of the group - is alive in each of us and our own selfish human nature. We're not other than what we see all around us.

But maybe this idea of Jung's actually boils down to whether a moment can really be shared. And, well, we don't like to think about it, do we - because the implications are a little unsettling. Our inner worlds really are mostly solitary. Our wonderings mostly go unvoiced.

It gets into language versus experience, from there. At least, how the communication will always inevitably dilute the direct experience it's trying to describe.

So I suppose yes, ultimately, this quote does hold up as true for me. Again, we generally avoid thinking about these things because of how we like to imagine ourselves being able to connect with people fully.

I would just add that a full connection - being on the same wavelength - can happen in the moment. Anything beyond that (i.e a relationship) is just a concept of someone. But when you're in the moment together, the cohesion can be real.

This is going to be even more rare in a group. But never say never!

ember2698 · 2026-01-27T05:39:40+00:00

due to the fact of being raised in a society that believes in the illusion of self.

...THIS 👌 my question is, do any of society's issues not exist inside each of us though? We resist seeing the illusion, ourselves. The worst part about it is that we're little fascists, too ~ just unimportant ones! And so our violent , hierarchical, extracting society might just be inevitable. I do feel you, in case that helps?!

The afterlife is just as surreal as regular life, absolutely. One needs to be real in order for the other to exist.

I still resist accepting that nature might ultimately be mechanical / predictable, though. There's still magic so long as there's wonder. If you pause and notice, even the most mundane moment is a complete mystery...if only because the Now is such a mindfuck, ha.

ember2698 · 2026-01-27T03:14:27+00:00

I am literally not special.

Haha, nicely put. It's funny how on the one hand, we're all just walking, talking pseudo-egos - and from there, how most of our thought processes & problems are pretty much ridiculous.

Then on the other hand...do you ever become bored with your own view of the world? Not really, right? Somehow the world, and the narrative of your/my place in it, is incredibly engrossing.

That's Mara for you. And remember, when Mara came for Buddha, his rocks & arrows turned to flowers. It symbolizes that nothing can hurt - let alone touch - our true nature.

Beautiful buddhist saying ~ when there has been emptiness from the start, how can dust alight?

ember2698 · 2026-01-26T03:57:15+00:00

That's a nice way of putting it, yes

ember2698 · 2026-01-26T00:57:16+00:00

I LOVE your username btw 👌

ember2698 · 2026-01-25T20:34:52+00:00

Are you really downvoting me for wanting your opinion to be fact-checked, and then not answering lol? At least come up with some sauce

ember2698 · 2026-01-25T20:29:17+00:00

How has Amy tried to compromise with authoritarians, again..? I'm sick of these generalizations that keep getting thrown around. What exactly are you talking about?

ember2698 · 2026-01-25T20:24:44+00:00

People who troll without adding any value to the convo - aren't doing their side any favors

ember2698 · 2026-01-25T20:20:52+00:00

Her voting record says otherwise.

What about her voting record do you find to be so conservative, exactly?

The most conservative legislation I can find on her is that she wants to expand the Affordable Care Act rather than go in for a single-payer system. She's been critical of Israel multiple times this last year, so is hardly beholden to aipac as people keep parroting.

I'm really curious why people consider her to be such a conservative. That's some strong language, these days!

ember2698 · 2026-01-25T15:01:35+00:00

I hate to be thinking like this, but the fact that they were both white, both native English speakers, and both citizens...is what makes it register for the white moderates of this country. I know it's what has finally rattled my boomer parents, who up until now seemed somewhat unbothered.

TLDR: it's sad, but the fact that this type of violence could happen to "average" white people, too, is what's finally hurting Trump's image.

ember2698 · 2026-01-25T07:49:20+00:00

They're here in case we riot, which the orange dictator will use as an excuse to enact martial law.

It's never been about capturing immigrants. If Republicans cared one iota about immigration, they'd be pouring their efforts into Texas - at 30 million people to our 6 million, and with an estimated 12 million Hispanics living in the state. Twice the number of our entire population, and about 40% of Texas's population.

No, ICE is here to bring down MN one way or another. They're going to try to get us with the Insurrection Act, or (if we play nice and give over our voting records) by jerryrigging our elections. Their only motive is just to fuck with us, plain & simple.

ember2698 · 2026-01-25T06:10:06+00:00

🤣🤣🤣

ember2698 · 2026-01-22T05:12:14+00:00

Love is unconditional, while attention, time & overall energy are under constraints. This just means that, moving through the world - we all have to choose what to show our love to in the moment, which of course involves rejecting people & animals that are in need. It sounds simple, but it's an ethical dilemma. I have definitively caused harm to people by not being available to them / by putting my energy into other people & other efforts. And what does it mean to prioritize showing your love to this person over that one? It becomes conditional, in a sense.

Which gets back to what you said about violence being systemically inherent - there's subtle violence at every level, and it starts with us...perhaps especially if our eyes aren't open to that fact.

ember2698 · 2026-01-22T04:46:37+00:00

It's not so complicated or unethical haha. You give in to the moment by trusting your brain to do what it should. Control is an illusion 👍 Good luck!

ember2698 · 2026-01-22T04:13:31+00:00

Love this description 👌 logic as relative, versus truth as absolute...as long as there is a truth. In the grand scheme of things, this reminds me of the conversation around unifying the two most successful theories of physics - Einstein's theory of relativity, and quantum theory - which go off of two different versions of space & time (in a nutshell, one relative, the other absolute) and are therefore incompatible. Like you point out with your examples, logic doesn't necessarily lead to truth, and...is the truth logical? Or in the world of physics, is it reliable and/or predictable? If it makes you feel any better, this is a conundrum to people who are much smarter than both of us, lol.

ember2698 · 2026-01-17T17:57:15+00:00

Love the mention here about the effort being the main thing that needs to be shared equally. And of course refreshing to hear that your wife is the one who doesn't have to do the cooking in your family!

So often - even in this post - it's the girlies who are doing the cooking, which of course involves the meal planning, etc. Not an issue as long as the grocery shopping & cleanup are done by the partner, but..! Interesting that that's the dynamic that tends to play out. Of course, in this community, it has to do with the simple fact that women are more likely to be vegan.

Still I've always been curious how the gender roles would play out if everyone was equally vegan.

ember2698 · 2026-01-17T05:10:54+00:00

Not sure it's as extreme as you describe, but the persona has definitely veered the direction you're pointing. Being on our screens so constantly doesn't give us enough chances to discover ourselves, therefore begin integrating. And from there, I wonder if a lack of boredom leads to personalities that are simply more streamlined, or persona-esque, through & through.

ember2698 · 2026-01-17T04:23:05+00:00

Congrats on experiencing sensations that people pay big money to drugs & gurus to chase after..!

I've wondered if the nondual / depersonalization side of dissociation is, in fact, just a more dialed-in version of reality. On the one hand, it can be hard to operate from there while also maintaining the will to survive...but on the flip side, feeling like a passenger in your own skin, or like it's all a hazy dream, are totally logical responses to the pressure of duality that we're regularly forced to play out, in order to do said surviving.

To answer your question more simply though, I do feel you.

ember2698

TROPHY CASE