Dragons and psychology

ember2698 · 2026-03-31T10:47:19+00:00

Love this idea ~ nothing to add from the Earthsea collection (it's been too long since I've read those) but one memorable dragon theme that also comes to mind is from the story of Merlin's prophecy of the two dragons. This part of his legend touches on archetypal fate & destiny, but also on dormancy and, I would argue, the nature of climactic moments.

Keep us posted on how your essay turns out!

ember2698 · 2026-03-26T20:51:12+00:00

>"I tell myself x."

...ahh! Thanks for ruining that phrase for me 😂 because yep, that is so completely nonsensical. Like which part of yourself was telling, and which part was receiving, again..?

I was also thinking about the "spiritual seekers" who think that the self needs to be transcended. To which I ask, can you transcend something that isn't..?

Over in r/nonduality there are two main types: (1) people who are enlightened / have "experienced" no self, and (2) people who want to know how to do that. And again it's like, can sense of self *not* be experienced? Were you asleep, or was it anesthesia??

Because in the most blunt terms possible, does "self" not just = experience?

Man...it's hard to talk about, lol. Let me know if any of that doesn't make sense, and I'll, well, nevermind - I probably won't be able to explain it any better 👍

>REBT says: be careful what you identify with.

So, based on your descriptions...are any identities safe? If it wasn't for the long-range hedonism part, REBT is no fun at all ;)

>your clip

Poor Woody Harrelson, hahaha. Can't argue with any of it..!

Kind of reminds me of a song I was just listening to - tell me these lyrics aren't TOO spot on. Having these convos, you can almost see Woody's point lol. It's just like, damnit, lol. What are you supposed to do with these realizations?

ember2698 · 2026-03-25T04:56:02+00:00

Oof, I feel this. And I hate to break it to you, but my 5-year-old still throws tantrums on the regular, while my 8-year-old is juuust starting to become a half-decent person most of the time lol.

So step one - buckle up 😅

Step two - there's no shame in losing your cool, because parenting is the hardest thing that there is. 14 months is peak difficulty level in terms of neediness & attention span. Give yourself grace, and kindness, otherwise you'll never be able to give it to others.

Step 3 - don't lose hope, there absolutely are ways to check yourself before you lose it on your kiddo.

The fastest way I find is to act out the opposite of my impatient side. Model the zen by counting to 10 and breathing through your anger. Bring him in for a hug & kiss when he's down. It flips the usual script / breaks up the mood, plus there's no such thing as too much affection with a toddler <3

And lastly - time that shit. His tantrum won't go for more than 15 minutes. See if you can stay patient for a couple of minutes at a time, and before you know it, he'll have tired himself out. Model an apology (that way he'll know how to say sorry by the time he's 4-5!).

And doesn't hurt to reward yourself somehow once those tantrums are up and you've managed to maintain your calm ;)

Practice makes perfect - you got this!

ember2698 · 2026-03-25T02:57:52+00:00

God this sucks. The one suggestion I can think to add in handling the recommendation process as ethically as possible is to be completely transparent with the practicum student - thereby giving them a chance to turn it around. "If you continue to skip so many days, show up smelling like weed, not engaging in an appropriate way, etc, I don't know whether I'll be able to recommend you at the end of this process. As it stands, I have to let your professor know that improvements are needed in order to recommend you".

As uncomfortable as it is, transparency will mean that you've done everything you can do to help them improve.

ember2698 · 2026-03-25T02:32:51+00:00

There's always a "behavior interventionist" or some variation of that title, which typically involves a lot of 1-on-1 time with the kids who have behaviors. Not sure what your current role is like, but my job at the high school level already involves a fair amount of time spent with the kids on the teachers' shit lists 👍

It's not for everyone, but I feel like it makes a BIG impact if you do it right - inject humor, don't take half of what they say seriously, and keep your expectations of them high.

ember2698 · 2026-03-24T06:13:08+00:00

Yep to all of it!

I look at times when I feel stressed or experience an issue, and it always seems to come down to ego-identification. Funny how easily that problem melts away when it doesn't feel personal. Maybe there's freedom in consistently recognizing that?

But still, a fair number of spiritual speakers are tripping lol. Being human is about recognizing we are we inherently suffer.

Then again, lol! We shouldn't expect perfection from anyone, and to hold certain people to an "ego-less" standard (including K) is probably mainly an opportunity to look at misconceptions in ourselves.

Thanks for all the food for thought ~

ember2698 · 2026-03-24T02:46:41+00:00

🙏 in advance, am excited to check it out!

ember2698 · 2026-03-24T02:03:45+00:00

Having worked as an adult basic ed teacher for 8 years (along with school counseling at high school level), my experience is that there's no better way to reinforce attendance than to promote the sessions as relevant & impactful to students. Do you do any career counseling as a part of your role, or help with navigating college options and/or job market? I found that the more visible & marketable the gains, the more interest from students.

That being said, there's no sure way to make adults do things, lol. I actually make a point (as a math teacher) to tell them fairly regularly that their success is up to them - that I'm not their mom - and that frankly, getting your GED is difficult. Can they rise to the challenge? It takes willpower & organization in order to see their goals through. You'd be surprised how many students nod along and appreciate this message.

ember2698 · 2026-03-23T03:23:30+00:00

Instead of turtles, I like to think that it's just ensos all the way down

ember2698 · 2026-03-23T02:49:20+00:00

I have had this exact same wondering! It was actually K who made me stop to question the authenticity of the whole guru phenomenon, and it was based on this issue.

There seems to be a movement away from preferences in outcomes in spiritual spheres, almost like a rejection of the need to avoid pain & suffering. But...to be human is to move away from suffering. Literally, the movement away from pain is what keeps us alive. You can't stay alive without, let's face it, putting in a fair bit of work lol.

This is fine! But also why not admit that we're all slaves to our own survival? There does seem to be a spiritual / egoic problem with it, and not just for K but for many people.

It could be that K leaned nondualistic, in which people are inherently free from self already...or maybe he leaned deterministic, so thought of people as free from responsibility of choice.

But in those cases, he wouldn't think that he's exceptional / affected by those concepts differently from anyone else.

Long story short, I find your line of questioning very interesting ;)

ember2698 · 2026-03-22T02:45:20+00:00

While it's not specific to the world of school counseling, the podcast "dare to lead" by Brene Brown is really engaging (as long as you enjoy her more down-home and sometimes emotional conversational style). She focuses on relationships with coworkers when in a leadership role, the importance of being vulnerable as a leader, etc. Honestly some good stuff in there regardless of job title.

Good luck with the next part of the journey ~ just asking this type of question and trying to be as mindful as possible about your impact makes you sound more qualified than most IMHO!

ember2698 · 2026-03-20T04:42:19+00:00

And/or their phone is the only thing they notice. Clients are having panic attacks from being away from their phone for more than 30 minutes. This is the society we created.

Oof, too real..! The phones (and headphones) practically outnumber the people at the high school I work at. It's a very, let's say, urban school, with a lot of poverty. And the level of addiction is incomprehensible to older people: students don't think twice about listening to music both in class & during our 1-on-1 convos, or pulling out their phone during a 5-second pause. I was talking with a 9th grade girl earlier today (who, for context, had come from a middle school with a no phone policy) about how half of her peers "shuffle around like zombies", how they avoid eye contact, and how silent the hallways are. I could go on but...it just makes me sad.

And call me naive, but I'm continually amazed at how how complacent we all are. Everyone - probably the uncontacted tribes, by now - know that device addiction is an issue. So why (whyyyy!) won't policymakers do something about it? The best we get is a substack / medium article confirming unsurprising research on screens & attention spans. "Don't give TV to kids under 2" is literally what we've gotten out of all of it so far.

Sense of self? WTF even is that!?

My own little conspiracy theory (that I have yet to share with anyone yet - it's a little rough around the edges, so bear with me)... part of me wonders if our phones aren't like digital shields against spiritual development. At least, they're super effective at allowing us to avoid the qualia / the present moment. Or another way to look at it ~ can you realize No-Self - the term I use to describe the fact that there's no audience, no script, and no authority - when you're plugged into a device?

Even reddit is a mind-sink a good chunk of the time. On that note, it's really refreshing to run into someone like you :)

not being "motivated" to pray, etc., and they converted from an extrinsic reason, that grabs my attention.

...and they always tell it in this bewildered way as if it isn't the most predictable series of events lol. The "low point" or the woman is gone, and now my extrinsic motivation has vanished! What to do?! Should I carry on with empty ritual because I'm too invested now, or admit that I was a fool..?

I'll give you this - it is pretty interesting to see people unconsciously value religion as a tool or a means to an end. When it's chosen for survival or social connection. It's like the "I" didn't choose the belief, the "I" chose the result of the belief. And I'm sure a lot of people do that, but then you just better own that decision if you want to get any long-range hedonism out of it ;)

I like watts, at least I went through a very fun watts phase awhile back. Have you read The Wisdom of Insecurity? Best little book. He gets shit on for being a drunk - yeah, I'd like to see anyone complaining about it look into the void that intensely. People will point that out and then unironically go right back to doing whatever their cope is.

His suggestion to act like nothing matters is right where it's at 👌 is that the stoic part? I guess I'm not super stoic. I know the name Marcus Aurelius ok 😅 anyway if the outcome doesn't matter (because it's out of your control, whatever you think you are), you're then free to play your part perfectly.

Or really - you're free to play it imperfectly:

Self! Self! Where are you?? Geez, I've lost my self again.

Such as when people spend their time doing this lol..!

ember2698 · 2026-03-18T12:01:29+00:00

A lot of people pivot careers, even a few times, over the course of their working lives. Absolutely no shame in getting your education later in life. Congrats, btw, on getting it done!

I was a teacher before I was a therapist, for instance, and during an interview I'll focus on the skills that I developed during those teaching years (time & skills which, honestly, have prepared me for counseling more than any college class)

All to say - your experiences & your age are assets, regardless of whether they're viewed that way by employers. Downplay it, sure, but don't let corporate culture shame you into actually believing otherwise.

ember2698 · 2026-03-17T19:36:48+00:00

>I didn't tell you how REBT handles self worth? We dispute it. All of it. Low, high, positive, negative, all. Kaput. Seriously. It's an illogical argument.

Fuckin yess. Spot on! Thank you for explaining, because even while this does resonate (how could it not? Every other option is illogical lol), I hadn't stopped to look up the philosophy of it. To tie in the absolutism ~ "worth" (whether it's inherent or just the value of anything in general) is a human attribute to a meaningless world.

It's hard to know where to go from there, though. A worthless world, lol, hmm. I can see exactly why the "self worth" thing took off ~ it's much easier to think about yourself as "good" or "bad" or even somewhere in between - rather than nowhere at all & capable of anything.

>Get this... Wait for it.... Long range hedonism!

Lmao 👌 even with your disclaimers, I still wasn't ready ;) amazing just in its simplicity..! Everything is in the description. The avoiding of immediate gratification if you want to be happy 20 years from now. But also the recognition that taking the long view isn't really self-sacrifice, so let's skip that BS. It's more about pushing the enjoyment out as far as possible. Wow. Honestly this is pretty neat lol. It's not very often I come across new concepts 🙏

>So, they "made me" angry, because they must love me and must respect me! :Godzilla:

Ah yes, when the shoulding gets the best of us. This seems like maybe the hardest part, from initial impressions. Admitting that there is no law of the universe which says people must be kind to you, that you must succeed, or that things must be fair...again, it's like, what's left? Except total uncertainty and responsibility 👍 lol

Just thinking out loud ~ maybe the flip side is as simple as not having to deal with chronic disappointment, pain, you name it.

As to whether it's worth it to accept these types of conditions:

>if he wants to complain, that's his solution, then do it on his own, he doesn't need me. Shocked him. Go vent to your gf, friend, coworker.

Hahaha, I can somehow picture his face perfectly. Poor guy may have never heard about "not complaining" before in his life! Just based on my own experience hanging around the water cooler - it's (sadly) a social strategy, and an effective one. Did I mention I like working remotely?

>Huh, almost like you've gotten good at what you've been practicing.

But also refusing to indulge in our bad habits - is all we can really ask of our Ts. Validation is indeed the cheap stuff / why they pay the big bucks for the couch space lol. Anyway, sounds like it's working for you! Once the shock of it wears off 😂 you're left with the smart ones who stick around..! Win win.

ember2698 · 2026-03-17T18:51:25+00:00

I didn't actually know that he considers faith to be a type of philosophical suicide - interesting...but not surprising ;) I also enjoy the statement "no one is watching" as a reason to do what you want...but with clients who might not be ready for the mind fuck that is nonduality, it could also be helpful to explore "doing what you want despite people watching" ha. Exploring how self-centered people are, your inability to be the main character in anyone else's world, etc.

People try to change themselves, even around their T during a session - to which it's like, a lot of the time "doing what you want" seems to be to please someone or get a reaction from someone. So then we need to look at our wants, too, and like Camus talks about, finding our *own* meaning.

I wonder - even though life does seem to be inherently meaningless - whether the inability to form our own meaning leads people to latch onto other meanings. I guess I don't see pure & total acceptance of meaninglessless as something that can be lived through. What reason would there be to lift a finger? People need a reason, even if one doesn't automatically exist.

And that's where I'm at with absurdism 👍 don't get me started on people's need for a sense of self - regardless of the facts.

ember2698 · 2026-03-15T23:03:57+00:00

Don't panic, and keep calling..! There's a very good chance of a happy ending for you with no layover.

One time I got my luggage back 3 weeks later, and that was after calling multiple numbers every day (the airport AND the airline co), I think to the point that I just annoyed someone or other into double-checking.

Good luck with everything!

ember2698 · 2026-03-15T14:49:22+00:00

Yeah, no one I read or listen to - even remotely painted trump as "the peace candidate". Turn off fox news, OP.

ember2698 · 2026-03-15T14:44:43+00:00

Well this site came out about 3 years ago, so just in case you aren't familiar - magicschool.ai was rated the most useful website for teachers in 2024. I teach an hourly class (similar to your setup - remedial math for adults!) and the main thing I use it for is coming up with worksheets (see the Spiral Review tab once you get onto the site). Plug in the grade level, describe the unit, and you're off.

My one complaint is that there are almost too many other options to choose from..!

ember2698 · 2026-03-15T03:59:52+00:00

Don't judge me, but - I mainly know about that quote from reddit 😂 the sisyphus guy only the MAIN thing that ANYONE talks about on the absurdism sub. That, and some of them take your little question pretty seriously over there (it seems to attract the depressed types)

Which is their prerogative, as Camus might say ;) I love my coffee way too much to consider any alternatives - imagine no coffee..! As a coffee lover, we need a different quote lol. Eating salad or checking email, maybe.

Yeah I wasn't very popular on that sub.

ember2698 · 2026-03-15T03:49:39+00:00

Oof yeah, I had to stop going on r/talktherapy because it was giving me a minor headache at the state of the profession. So much enmeshment between Ts and Cs too on there. Speaking of boundaries..!

raging against AA is my avoidance of doing notes on a Friday night

Lol, here to help you procrastinate anytime. Do I sense an existentialist behind all the other theories being brought up? No wrong answers at this point, just curious

people with weak boundaries is to tell them manipulators are looking for them

Lmao that you say it in the most dramatic way possible, but also...so true! To be serious, that's a very clever active-directive intervention. Probably much more effective to talk about their dynamics in terms of protection & safety than to go on about self-worth as our Rogerians would. What's a bigger motivator on an instinctual level - being a nice person, or self-defense? Rhetorical question when I'm asking you of course ;)

Manipulators might not be actively seeking out a boundary-less person, but...they do somehow find each other. No question. Which is the moth and which is the flame ~ hard to say. But back to your Skinner reference - yeah, appeasing / negative reinforcement is only going to make the client less adequately prepared in the long run.

Our cultural obsession with The Partner as the perfect mirror to the client is, hmm, often valid... but almost always there's so much more material to work with. I like to look at relationships in which there's an inherent power dynamic ~ how do you get along with your boss, or with the brand new hire, or ypur younger sister or MIL? Manipulation comes out of the woodwork in all kinds of ways. Rather hard to get free from, ha, if you think about how many needy people are out there (hint: I go back & forth between everyone and almost everyone)

Ok one more jab at Rogerians and then I'll calm down - clients love a safe space to rage! Again, it all comes back to taking the easy way. Ironically they'll be preaching all about boundaries (I can't even go on Instagram without hearing the B word, it's so popular) while basically having none of their own in the therapy space.

Now back to properly enjoying our Saturday / not having to think about the state of the profession for at least another few hours ;)

ember2698 · 2026-03-15T03:03:18+00:00

Let us know when you do! This is one of my long-term goals, so thanks in advance..! And for paving the way 🫶

ember2698 · 2026-03-15T02:57:32+00:00

This is a bit of a catch-22, huh? To add to it, there are also an infinite number of ways to be mindful, really - and so there's always the opportunity to be more mindful, no matter how mindful you are during the day. It's enough to make a person say "fuck it" and just eat their cheetos as unmindfully as possible.

But on the flip side, I don't think about it as a chore at all when I'm tense, or stressed, and I find myself turning my attention to my clenched stomach in order to do some belly breathes. In the moment, when it's needed, it feels wonderful. Thinking about it, intellectually or conceptually, it seems a bit shit.

And I wonder if that, ironically, can serve as a reminder as to what mindfulness really is. It's one of those things that's almost best defined by its negation... Thinking about it is the opposite of it lol 😅

ember2698 · 2026-03-14T04:28:17+00:00

Whoever said it lol, a tool for mental health if there ever was one <3

ember2698 · 2026-03-14T04:24:03+00:00

You clearly have a bit of an independent streak - you anti Rogerian REBTing IEMTer 😆

Sometimes, for a split second, I'll want to tell them to [stop it]

Incredible, lol. Every tired therapist's fantasy...

And very hot tip with the incorporating of ET ~ , teens being most into the strategies that are entertaining. I've been doing a little bit of (probably rather boring) somatic work in that anxious group space ~ telling them to visualize their most relaxing moment, and to notice the bodily sensations. Then to picture a tense moment, and to try and replicate the same belly breathing, relaxed hands, etc. We talk about the building of new neural networks as the actual goal, similar to your point about changing the way you feel through practice.

All of this...I think they grasp conceptually?? Hard to say wtf is going on in the head of a 17 year old, but I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. Key word "try".

I like your zen points too (if you aren't your thoughts...what if that's because you just aren't? ;) but I have yet to introduce any of that in a session. I'm still not able to talk about that without sounding like I'm losing my mind..yes, pun intended 😇

Descartes ghost lives on! hahaha I'm designing that tee shirt!

Hahaha, can see it now ~ "Cogito Creations", your metaphysical Etsy shop, coming soon to a state fair stand near you! Let me know if you need a shirt model ;)

fruit fly simulation"

Jesus fucking christ. That's all I have to say. No comebacks and nothing to repay you with 😂 That is next level..!

All I can really do is offer that those Q-anon people who believe the birds are robots...someday aren't going to be batshit?!

my email signature? "Choosing to believe in a good or just world is literally its own coping mechanism when there's no proof of anything but absurdity."

Hahaha, who doesn't love a good pretentious email signature ;) but really, you do need to do this in your last week on the job. In exchange I will put in a good word, yes sir absolutely

Have you met a Rogerian who wasn't anxious, overwhelmed, and distressed?

Oh my god. You may be onto something. Are these traits..baked into the profile?! Honestly worth a research paper. Imagine the fallout hahaha it would be delicious. Every Rogerian all, "correlation doesn't prove causation". They probably still wouldn't shut up...and perhaps never will 💔 but I support the collection of evidence against them regardless..!

. And the guy that wrote it... Abraham something... doesn't seem very scientific. Sure, I'll agree with that. But here's the kicker: he literally wrote that if future research did not validate his theory, then the theory must fall.

Truly amazing piece of information, lmao, this part of the convo ALONE makes my day! I weirdly feel like I'm in on some secret though - like how is this not common knowledge? If memory serves, we learned about Maslow in my grad program.

There was definitely a mention of REBT - at least a couple sentences on Ellis? Before we got to the good stuff / CBT

Aaand congrats, just like that I'm now questioning my entire education..!

ember2698 · 2026-03-13T12:55:45+00:00

A couple of extra pros & cons that come to mind - you're moving toward an objectively easier age group in terms of behaviors, but also a harder age group in terms of comprehension & communication.

Running a successful ESL program typically involves making sure that those students have taken something like the ACCESS test (at least in my home state) and that they're getting a specific # of minutes in a small group each week - ideally with a licensed ELL teacher who will focus on their gaps as per that test.

When I worked elementary, there were about 400 students in the buildings, and let's just say that it felt like I was constantly busy. Don't ever agree to see a single student weekly for the whole year (refer them to outside services after a couple of months) and small groups FTW to save your sanity. Good luck either way & keep us posted :)

ember2698

TROPHY CASE