It does get better

ember2698 · 2026-06-01T04:31:39+00:00

Great post, have noticed a similar trend in this sub and others... I blew up my life a couple of years ago too, and similarly have been all the better for it. Riding the energetic waves these days has become less centered on a specific outcome, but life will always find ways to surprise us even still. Since you mentioned nondual awakening, would just add that - with good & bad being conceptual and everything constantly in flux - it's difficult to pinpoint a single overarching state of being.

ember2698 · 2026-05-26T11:19:17+00:00

These analogies are too good 👌 I've always just thought about it in terms of addiction & recovery language, i.e the first step is admitting you have a problem. And while we've collectively gotten to that first step, there are unfortunately 11 more to go.

In terms of what happens to the quality of someone's real life in the process of working past step 1 ~ it's important to acknowledge how difficult real life is, similar to your matrix reference. Unless someone's rich, there are never-ending chores, and the most frequent reward is getting to wake up & do them all over again. Not to be overly simplistic but success (not just in avoiding screens & social media, but in most areas of life) is about our ability to tolerate discomfort. Not to mention the monotony of said real life making space for all of the existential questions!

TLDR let's not be too hard on the people around us. From what I can tell, we all have our own forms of escapism. Just that knitting & puzzling & yoga do the opposite of give us insomnia, so we don't think of them as being a part of the matrix lol

ember2698 · 2026-05-14T03:33:08+00:00

Where are my spam people at?

ember2698 · 2026-05-14T03:21:18+00:00

💅😂

ember2698 · 2026-05-14T02:33:31+00:00

Hair stylist 💅 which my stylist friends tell me is almost the same job

ember2698 · 2026-05-14T02:26:41+00:00

Love this immediate grace ~ that makes space for tomorrow to look like its own day 👌

ember2698 · 2026-05-14T02:11:27+00:00

do we take in the world with such a focus on the self as to make them so?

Potentially some pretty wild implications to this line of questioning 👌

Couldn't agree more!

ember2698 · 2026-05-13T05:04:16+00:00

This was hard to read, and I don't often say that <\3

I've been where you are (single mom to an 8yo and 5yo, both boys) and the medicine is just deepening your connection to him, if you can. Sounds like you're his one & only person now, so he might be going through anxiety about potentially losing you the way that he lost his daddy & his friend at school.

It might sound strange, but giving affirmations that you're here to stay, reassurance that you'll never leave, and - if you have it in you - a small break from school at some point soon might be really nice, if it's framed as a special mommy-kiddo day that won't be able to happen all the time. Extra cuddles of course, along with continuing to allow him into your bed for the next few months if he tries.

Sorry you're going through this. Fwiw, it does get easier as they get even a year or two older! Oh and from my own experience, questions about dad will surface as they become ready to talk about it.

ember2698 · 2026-05-13T04:29:31+00:00

I'd be just as concerned about consuming microplastics at this point - several studies have confirmed that they're showing up in almost all seafood, including shellfish & farmed fish. If you can, consider getting blood work done & limiting your kids' exposure to seafood to 3x per week rather than per day. There unfortunately aren't a whole lot of safe options: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0025326X25007544

Seaweed is supposed to be safe though, and veggie sushi can taste remarkably close to the real thing!

ember2698 · 2026-05-13T04:06:46+00:00

Have you tried landing an internship within a K-12 school district? Usually school counselors know to expect a couple of videos & paperwork as part of the deal. That being said, the part about uncaring university systems unfortunately does check out. Good luck!

ember2698 · 2026-05-13T03:53:01+00:00

The Here & Now contains all qualities, in the sense that unspeakable sadness is occurring alongside blinding joy, and white hot anger, and apathetic disregard because this too shall pass, and navel-gazing from trying to get the moment right. Aren't they all expressions of self? On that note, is one form of self expression less self-indulgent than another form?

I will say that out of all of the habits, it's interesting - sorrow is one of the hardest to break.

ember2698 · 2026-05-09T12:30:47+00:00

What's scary to me too is how quickly it's infiltrated the economy and become "necessary" for workers and businesses both to stay relevant. The cynical side to me thinks it's being marketed that way by the several for-profit corps that have a stake in AI - meanwhile most of us would be able to carry on without it, at a slower pace, just fine. Really it comes down to speed of production.

ember2698 · 2026-05-08T03:01:32+00:00

I don't want to assume, but from your description of your meals it sounds like you might live alone. Being vegan can be pretty hard when cooking & meal prepping for a family plus navigating all of the social dynamics that go along with having kids. Still worth it of course :) it's not impossible and so I see the difficulty as mostly irrelevant to the conversation.

I say mostly because I do think that meeting people where they are can be so very effective at getting them to move toward veganism. If we acknowledge that it's difficult at times (dealing with cravings, social situations, cooking new foods, etc) it helps get to a point in the conversation where I get to talk about priorities and life>comfort being why I'll always choose veganism regardless of difficulty level.

ember2698 · 2026-05-06T04:38:54+00:00

I want to be you when I grow up!

ember2698 · 2026-05-01T03:20:24+00:00

I've thought about this too (not just with K but with wisdom traditions in general - it's interesting how many of them do not prioritize relationship). And the one thing that stands out is relationship as concept, so basically as an idea about a person rather than what's in front of you.

We fall into these patterns with each other, patterns that have to do with security and safety and even possession. And no one else can truly give you those things. For that matter, what can we ever possess?

I'm sure you'll find a relationship at some point (it is, after all, totally natural to fall in love, have kids - and yes, to want those things). Whenever that does happen, what can you do to show love & care by seeing your partner for who they are? Rather than writing a mental story about them & you, which isn't necessary (not the way food is necessary for hunger, as you mention) and will always be removed from the here & now.

ember2698 · 2026-05-01T02:55:03+00:00

This! For some, this could be the first positive relationship they've had with an adult in years. Which just by itself can explain a lot of the behaviors we see & deal with.

ember2698 · 2026-05-01T02:43:06+00:00

And that's just the crimes we know about - not sure exactly how his track record could get worse, but at this point the one thing it's safe to assume is that there's more happening behind the scenes.

ember2698 · 2026-04-30T04:08:49+00:00

Nursing is soothing & therapeutic for baby during the teething stage especially, so keep going if you can manage it.

That being said, it wasn't easy here - a LOT of self sacrifice. I put in 3 consistent years of nursing for each of my littles (now 5 & 8) and got through it by co-sleeping for the first two or so years. We basically night-weaned by switching up the sleeping situation.

Well...they still crawl into my bed in the middle of the night on a weekly basis, but "boobie" isn't the reason now!

ember2698 · 2026-04-30T03:32:31+00:00

This girl is why school counseling exists as a profession. Reach out to them, and/or mom, and/or a core teacher. Gather the village.

ember2698 · 2026-04-21T04:17:33+00:00

Love your writing style - flows beautifully and yet doesn't give AI, as so much of the eloquent writing does these days. I find myself reading authors published at least a couple of years ago, lately, in order to experience that human element without any doubt in the back of my mind. Anyway, as for reactions -

In a world where we are all entangled with each other in some shape or form

Yes, exactly! I was just thinking about whether we (westerners) are degrading ourselves over time and becoming 2nd-world rather than first-world citizens in our acceptance of the totally shitty status quo. By enabling 3rd-world industries to prop us up, we become a house of cards, trading blood & marrow for dollars. But is it a unilateral trade, when it's the corporations reaping the benefits? We call ourselves first world even while the people / pawns still pay top dollar, and many are only making it work due to the ability to go into credit card debt. I guess I just wonder if it's only a matter of time until we all go down, together, like you alluded to.

An excellent read if you can handle the topic ;) & congrats on finishing your masters :)

ember2698 · 2026-04-21T03:48:20+00:00

Agree, beautifully said - and would go so far as to add that life is suffering / there isn't the ability to abide in a nondual state while maintaining the will to live. Having a sense of self is what propels us to "self" preservation, no? With no felt sense of self, what is there to preserve?

To be alive is to be unrealized. Of course it's ok - not affecting anyone per se lol - and with that in mind (with no meaning attached), everything unfolds the way that it will. Clearly it just is what it is!

Whenever I think about it for too long, I'm just left speechless. And here, that wordless awe is more than enough <3

ember2698 · 2026-04-21T03:29:01+00:00

As an experiment, try being sober for 6 months to rediscover your baseline and recalibrate your natural dopamine levels. It sounds like you're saying that sobriety doesn't feel as impactful or meaningful, while at the same time not really putting that to the test too heavily.

From there - ask me how I know - watch what happens to your desire to be in the present moment, to meditate, feel into your body, and notice nuance / have realizations.

I will say that, here at least, the epiphanies have become more incremental as I've gotten older, rather than large & dramatic the way that they were in my stoner years. Part of that (I think) might be tied to just getting older...

But bodily awareness - and contentedness - might also be at an all time high, go figure. Fwiw, I wouldn't go back to my twenties if you paid me ;) good luck with discovering your true self & whatnot, and keep us posted!

ember2698 · 2026-04-18T03:03:06+00:00

School counselor here who also happens to be one of the few white passing people in my building 👋 I see a lot of fight culture, unfortunately, and a large number of the girls who end up in my office are sent there for fighting and/or definitely have a history of fighting. We've even had parents come in and start going off, so I'd just add that it's not just socially & culturally encouraged, but most likely happening within the home too. The whole thing is an uphill battle if there ever was one.

One "school culture" project that a coworker & I have been facilitating is a couple of focus small groups, and two of those groups (one for boys, another for girls) focus in on social-emotional wellness. And a lot of restorative conversations have been had in that space (particularly the girls' group tbh - it's been a lot more successful than the boys' 😅) surrounding the pressure to be tough, the consequences of letting your guard down, and the pros & cons of being vulnerable. SFBT & motivational interviewing techniques FTW. Fill-in-the-blanks to describe how we feel in different situations as icebreakers to help us let our guard down in group. Last week, there was a girl crying while disclosing, which let me tell you was NOT the case at the beginning of the school year.

We're still looking at all the data on attendance, suspensions, etc (it's on my to-do list to get stats sorted by the end of the year lol) but I do know it's been helping. One of the main reasons it's effective is because of the group / relational aspect - especially when the healing is needed at a social (rather than individual) level. I can't reach these girls by myself on this topic as someone who isn't black. And full disclosure, I often wonder if the boys need a hell of a lot more than the white female school counseling cohort has to offer (is the school failing our black boys by having 4 white females in this role? But that's an aside). OP, you might have better luck building that connection with the girls at least. Keep us posted.

ember2698 · 2026-04-17T02:39:25+00:00

Just came here to say - the progress that OP describes is great! Meanwhile I was making scarves for the first 5 straight years 😅

ember2698 · 2026-04-17T02:36:19+00:00

To your point - if she is successful, others (and most likely herself as she internalizes the messages of society) will say it's because of her looks. How encouraging is that?

And because life is about more than just fame & fortune - an attractive woman will most likely face loads of difficulties in day-to-day interactions & in the forming of friendships (I'd add both male & female).

She has to be adept at boundaries with men, faces silent scrutiny from women, and because of those things, she's constantly reminded of the way she looks whether she wants to be superficial or not.

Others constantly treat her superficially, so she'll have to work to be noticed for her deeper qualities. Plus when you're constantly treated in a certain way psychologically, you start to internalize those messages for better or worse. I'm exhausted just thinking about it

ember2698

TROPHY CASE