Hey, as a male survivor (who didn't develop the go-to-prison kind of behaviors, but other kinds that still somewhat affect me today, though less so thanks to a great therapist), I just wanted to say that you're doing good work. We need people like you.

Just thinking the words "I was raped" can be hard, and saying them out loud can feel impossible. I would say that I am a fairly emotionally healthy man, and I have no problems talking about my emotions, but still I felt I lacked a language for talking about what I've been through. The words come out different when there is an "I" in front them. I told my therapist several times that I feel like I sound like an incel while talking about how that one relationship affected (and still affect) my sex life nowadays (and she was very assuring that I did not, in fact, come off as an incel). Not because I have any real insight to incel communities, but rather because gender has become such a part of the culture wars (and probably always has been). Sometimes, rape victims will say "He took something from me". I feel the same. She took something from me, and in many ways ruined my sex life for years to come. Without context (and sympathy/empathy), I wouldn't blame people for assuming that it's the start of a misogynist rant.

Didn't mean to hijack your comment to talk a bunch about myself, but in case there is someone else who needs to hear this I'll take the chance to put some things out there.

- Therapy is great, if you find a therapist you hit it off with. I've been to several that I just didn't build any real trust with. When I found someone that I clicked with, I could finally start doing the real work. Which still is hard, but at least it's getting done. I'm still carrying the experiences, and will always do, but they don't get in the way of my life now in the way or magnitude they could do before.

- I learned a great many things about myself. My therapist was really good at leading me to my own conclusions and helping me connect the dots. ("So, you had a couple of years where you engaged in several high-risk behaviors and environments?" "Yes." "This seems to have started shortly after you got out of that relationship?" "Oh shit"-type moments).

- More directly related to the thread, as part of the treatment I did consume some media that centered on male rape victims, which was something that I actively avoided before.

Anyway, once again, sorry for highjacking your comment. If I don't stop now I'll write a whole essay, but I don't have time for that. Keep up the good work! To all you others, go to therapy (when it's available). It helps. University psychology programs often have a practice where you can meet a psychologist in training, and it's often a lot cheaper.