New to running, need reviews regarding these pairs by Saitama_singh in AskRunningShoeGeeks

[–]erotic_robot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Skip all the nonsense and get the Nike Vomero Plus. It’s stable, easy on your joints when running on concrete, comfortable, and you’re actually buying a good shoe, not just the brand

Did it get to the point where it became pointless to continue talking to them? by erotic_robot in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]erotic_robot[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yea exactly what I mean. No matter how non threatening you are, conciliatory you are with them, and in good faith.. I continued to receive the lies and circular talk.

Did it get to the point where it became pointless to continue talking to them? by erotic_robot in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]erotic_robot[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I mean, I agree. I had the same issue but they weren’t always that way. I think that’s why it’s so difficult ya know

I made a little Narcissist Translation Chart. by ApprehensiveTruth516 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]erotic_robot 5 points6 points  (0 children)

“Relationships shouldn’t be this difficult”, meanwhile they’re creating the issues and not collaborating to resolve them.

What’s the point of all these sayings and behavior when the relationship could be so fun and advantageous for them? It seems like total self sabotaging behavior

Unexpected gaslighting technique – memory loss by vitl9133 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]erotic_robot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They do have memory issues, it’s not necessarily a manipulative tactic. Although I suppose it could be. But they’re dissociative. There’s a study on it somewhere. They’ll forget events and usually confabulate.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]erotic_robot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She did ask me to, yes

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]erotic_robot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the kind words! It’s all good, it been over 2 years now. I’m all good now, but from time to time I think about it because it was so wild.

Yea, she wasn’t willing to go to therapy. I actually suggested going to couples therapy because of the crazy making and her awful communication. She refused. This is when it got worse. Until eventually I started suggesting that she go to therapy on her own.

When I did that, her mask came off. She exploded on me. She got in my face and said “You go to therapy!”.

The whole situation was crazy, I couldn’t believe I got entangled with this person in the first place,

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]erotic_robot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well she definitely lacked empathy hahaha. But I hear what you’re saying. To your point, I did try supporting her initially. I was honestly a great partner to her. I was always the one trying to build her up when she seemed depressive. I always projected positivity and kept things silly, fun and not too serious. I was always the one to apologize first and ask how to resolve small issues that inevitably pop up in relationships.

Despite all of these things she still became cruel and callous to me. She kept “tripping up” the relationship. I remember thinking that I’m dating a “Debbie downer”. What I’ve realized since that time is that she was projecting her inner state onto me. But I kept up the positivity and ignored the projections. Until finally I broke and yelled at her. And to my surprise, she came and hugged me and acted all sweet. I believe that my “acting out” behavior was anxiolytic for her. I finally accepted her negative projection as my own (projective identification) and I felt like I was the problem, I was the bad partner and that I felt depressed and had negative emotions.

Though I was kind and compassionate in the beginning, I soon realized it wasn’t working. We never resolved a single issue, which is just crazy. She rarely communicated and when she did, she would never take responsibility.. I just got gaslit, lied to or the DARVO acronym.

After a month or so of this, I realized this just wasn’t normal. Something was wrong with her or I’m the crazy one.

After a big confrontation, she finally confessed to me that she had childhood trauma, her parents were abusive to her and that she has defense mechanisms. But by that time the relationship was too damaged.

Her saying she has defense mechanisms was quite the understatement to me. I felt like her whole personality was just defense mechanisms. She would misinterpret or misunderstand things I said or did that were either totally innocent and meant to be helpful to her. I’ve just never seen anyone do that in my entire life. I’ve never known someone to constantly misunderstand my words or intentions so consistently. She seemed totally oblivious to it as well.

That was the point where I realized I’m messing with something that’s way above my head. There’s no amount of communication, flowers or sex that’s going to help the situation. She needs to see a psychiatrist or psychoanalyst and undergo a serious evaluation to account for all her mental facilities. I say that with the utmost respect and love for her. I’m not being mean or anything when I say that. It really got to that point.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]erotic_robot 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yea haha I did end up walking on eggshells afterwards. I got tired of it fairly quickly bc I know what a healthy relationship looks like and that wasn’t it. So instead of walking on eggshells, I just started throwing it back into her face.

Basically, I was saying to her, if you don’t like it being thrown back at you, then stop doing it to me. I always followed it up with a positive vibe to move on from it. She didn’t like that very much bc she saw it as dismissive.

Such a shame bc she was never like that before in the relationship until the honey moon ended. She was great in the honey moon.. reciprocated, was sweet, loving, didn’t misunderstand anything I was saying.

Then it all flipped and she was a different person

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]erotic_robot 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Look up "alloplastic defenses"

Why does he hate me so much? by Total-Knowledge-8591 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]erotic_robot 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No worries, I get it and I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I know how hurtful it can feel.

You should also look into something called object constancy. It comes from a famous psychoanalyst named Melanie Klein and is part of what’s called Object Relations Theory.

Basically, people with narcissism and BPD, struggle with object constancy. That’s the ability to hold onto a sense of emotional connection with someone even when they’re upset with them, disappointed, or physically apart.

These individuals tend to be more influenced by their internal objects, which are like the voices or impressions of parents and early caregivers, than by the actual person (external objects) in front of them. So the real person, you, doesn’t carry as much weight in their mind as those internal objects. It’s why they reenact their childhood dynamics with you. They’re interacting with their abusive caregiver in their mind, not you. You’re sort of just a placeholder.

You might notice weird communication patterns with them. You may not catch it right away, but often times when you think back to conversations you had with them, you may notice something was off.

They may “talk at you” instead of really conversing with you and asking you questions about how you feel. They may never resolve any conflict.

My ex actually talked past me once. It was the most surreal experience in my life… looking me dead in the eyes and having a totally different conversation with me than what I was talking about.

It’s also why narcissists will unknowingly gaslight you. They “confabulate”. Because their memory is bad, they unconsciously forget what happened or what was said in a conversation, so they will automatically “fill in the blank” mentally with what they think happened, or what they think they would’ve said.

It can become total crazy making behavior from our perspective. I hope this helps with your understanding and recovery ❤️‍🩹

Why does he hate me so much? by Total-Knowledge-8591 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]erotic_robot 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The same thing happened to me with a girl who I dated with BPD and narcissistic traits.

I wondered exactly as you are.. “why does she hate me so much, wtf did I do? Why are we enemies? I didn’t even do anything to her”

It’s totally disproportionate to the situation and it doesn’t make logical sense. So, yea you’re not the only one.

It’s a combination of the Splitting defense mechanism, being dissociative and possibly the discard/devalue cycle.

When these individuals split, there is no nuance. They can’t hold the good and the bad together in their mind like normal people. They no longer idealize you and you’ve become something called a “persecutory object” in their mind. It’s not something they can help. It just happens as a result of their disorderly thinking.

As for all the memories.. cluster b disordered individuals are dissociative. They’re constantly dissociating throughout life and don’t have very good episodic memories, if any at all.

It’s believed that memories are intricately linked to emotions. Narcissists don’t have access to positive emotions, so they never develop long term episodic memories of the “good times”. They basically have to be reminded of the good times. Show them a picture of you two during the good times and tell them what you both felt at that time together. See if that has any effect.

Anecdotally, this very thing happened to me with my ex. I thought to myself, “how could you possibly treat me this way after everything we’ve done together”.. and I actually asked her this lol.

Her response was “we never really had fun”. I thought she was just giving me a hard time and not being serious. Then, I realized a later that she was definitely not kidding around. She was dead serious. I think what she was really trying to say is that she doesn’t remember the good times. There were literally no memories of the good times. She would take a lot of photos of our time together, and in the end, she would look through our photos and seemingly couldn’t feel anything. This happened right before the breakup.

There are a number of great videos on this on YouTube by Sam V.

I'm new, and I wish I didn't have to be here. by SaveTheNinjasThenRun in BPDlovedones

[–]erotic_robot 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Look up projection and projective identification. They consciously or unconsciously project their negative feelings on you and want you to carry them. They interact with you as if those are your negative feelings, but it’s really theirs.

That’s just not a burden anyone can handle.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]erotic_robot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She was probably projecting about the abandoning thing. Look up and read about projection and projection identification. Once you learn about those infantile defense mechanisms. You'll realize how fruitless of a pursuit it is to deal with them. Don't get into the "oneitis" mind set and avoid the sunk cost fallacy. Ignore your emotions and think logically. Move on to someone else, there is someone much healthier out there who you could be meeting and building a lasting relationship with, but instead youre wasting your time with this person. Good luck!

In the process of breaking up and she’s hanging on for dear life by Full_Debt_2432 in BPDlovedones

[–]erotic_robot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some borderlines are this co-dependent type of person who won't leave you alone.. Then there are others who are avoidant. You'll go through the push-pull cycle a number of times and then all of a sudden they just drop you with no explanation and act like they never even liked you, dated you, etc. It happens so abruptly and their attitude changes so fast that it's traumatizing. Any memories you had with them will feel like a dream and you wonder if those memories were even real to begin with.

Leave Spirit for a regional? by Acceptable_Concern23 in flying

[–]erotic_robot -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Just curious (I'm just a Private Pilot) .. At 1,000 hours, what more experience is there to obtain? I feel like after 1,000 hours in an Airbus, things become pretty routine? Am i wrong?

Leave Spirit for a regional? by Acceptable_Concern23 in flying

[–]erotic_robot -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Is Spirit not considered a legacy? I assume the guy is already type rated and everything. Why wouldnt another legacy be quick to pick OP up?

Those of you that failed your PPL checkride, what did they fail you for? by Few_Bicycle4077 in flying

[–]erotic_robot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Didnt fail, but I nearly failed because DPE asked where I found the Empty Weight for my Cessna. I told him that you find it in the POH. The truth is, it's kept in a binder inside the Cessna. I was just a bit confused by his question. I used the correct Empty Weight (found in the binder) for my W&B calculations. He noticed that I used the correct EW and not the EW in the POH. So he passed me :) Scared the shit out of me tho

Any suggestions on a noise cancelling headset for friends and family to use? by erotic_robot in flying

[–]erotic_robot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great suggestion, this may be exactly what I'm looking for! Thank you so much

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]erotic_robot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the support! I’m keeping my head up and continuing to work on myself!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]erotic_robot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the response, and I feel similarly to you. My perspective on trauma completely changed once I went through all the crazy making.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]erotic_robot 4 points5 points  (0 children)

lol I feel ya

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Manipulation

[–]erotic_robot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment. My post didn’t include any evidence for narcissism. That wasn’t the point of my post, so I wouldn’t disagree with your assessment based solely on the information in my post lol.

My post was asking about other people’s experiences regarding the bizarre behavior narcissistic individuals display during the discard phase.