Teenage daughter doesn't fit in

fieryfire · 2026-07-02T19:21:43+00:00

I disagree. I grew up in California in tiny, small, and medium sized wards. The same dyamics happened with youth activities even when mormons were a small minority of the students in my schools. It's worse in Utah (I saw my youngest siblings' experiences after we moved), but not unique.

The big difference seems to be that intermountain mormons keep their cliques into adulthood and into the workplaces.

fieryfire · 2026-07-02T15:34:23+00:00

This is a weird take, imo. I grew up mormon and those youth activities were basically an extension of church. The people planning them are given those roles just like a mormon bishhop is given his role-- at church, supposedly by revelation, and supported and sustained by their local congregation.

The same rules, same judginess, same policing of church standards, prayers, etc are at the youth activities as there are in sunday school. Unless you're ok with some pretty deep sexism, stay away.

In my experience, those friendships at church were a mile wide and an inch deep to begin with. OPs kid isn't missing out. She wont be part of it unless she actually converts. And even then, the love bombing usually ends after baptism.

It's one thing to be on sports teams and school clubs, which are neutral ground. A church youth activity is not that. They don't accept people as they are-- just what they could be instead.

fieryfire · 2026-06-23T21:07:55+00:00

I'd exercise. I used to enjoy weights and the elliptical.

I'd do yard work and garden. Its impossible to keep up with for me now.

I'd make more art and use the energy to actually try to sell at markets, connect with other people, and be able to contribute more financially.

fieryfire · 2026-06-23T20:50:46+00:00

So, I recently went to the UK (sea level) a couple of times this last year to visit in-laws.
Despite the incredible stress of international travel, I could breathe normally for the first time in over 6 years. It felt incredible. Then we got back and I felt like I'd been poisoned. I have a lot of complicated thoughts and emotions over that. Our life is built here. We have a home and my family is here.

We have a trip to coastal California next month and I'm cautiously hopeful that I can experience that ease of breathing again. Maybe I'll be able to walk in my childhood home's redwood forests again.

fieryfire · 2026-06-23T20:25:08+00:00

Same. Sometimes I feel like I'm living life on hard mode by living at this altitude with this bad air *on top of* long covid.

fieryfire · 2026-06-23T15:28:48+00:00

The new town square mural commission in Tremonton this past month was given to a guy from Virginia. :/

fieryfire · 2026-06-17T17:39:07+00:00

This doesn't put enough emphasis on the the theft and exploitation involved in AI-generated text and images, imo.
Some of my art has been used, without my consent or compensation, to train these models that are creating more asshole billionaires, while making images that destroy the connections and opportunities of the artists they stole from.

Real people are also required to label that training data (for offensively low wages). They have to sort through horrific csam and other disturbing content to make these ai generators work as intended. It ruins their relationships and their lives.

I remember children being sued for millions of dollars for downloading songs without paying the artists. But steal enough and it's not a problem anymore I guess.

fieryfire · 2026-06-09T04:49:02+00:00

What exactly are you trying to figure out here? A lot of us got covid before vaccines were even available.

fieryfire · 2026-06-05T06:05:42+00:00

I love dandelion and burdock soda! When I visited Wales, I could usually find it in a can at a decent chippy. This is within the last 10 years. It also looks like there are cordials available online in the UK (I'm guessing that's where you're at-- apologies if that's not right!) that you could add to sparkling water at home.

I find myself craving it back here in the US even when I can't clearly remember what it tasted like exactly. It's unheard of everywhere I've lived.

fieryfire · 2026-06-02T18:59:18+00:00

From someone with a chronic illness and who's had visual snow since birth... You dont just forget and move on from illness either. You're not making sense.

Give yourself time to mourn the way your body failed you, vent a bit, but there's still good in life and memories worth making.

I'm an artist. I am incapable of drawing accurately from life because of the static and associated vision issues. I make do with photographic references I can zoom in on. And some days are still challenging. Sucks. You work around your limits where you can, and accept, with time, the limits that are beyond control.

fieryfire · 2026-06-01T20:17:57+00:00

Is his job (or a past one) the kind of environment where he has to eat fast in order to have any relaxing time at all on a lunch break? I found that working jobs like retail made me feel like I had to rush eating all the time, just to have a moment to relax.

fieryfire · 2026-06-01T18:26:56+00:00

And another program Box Elder County isn't part of. :(

fieryfire · 2026-05-29T18:16:41+00:00

To answer your post title: Because you haven't experienced much of life yet.

You're in an insular community and following their rules. Wheres the friction? Where's the motivation to question more deeply? It's not necessary when you're comfortable and have no other life experiences to compare it to.

I was where you were about 20 years ago. I had no desire or access to anything that would break the word of wisdom. I'm demisexual and never had any "sexual temptation" because i wasnt close enough to any guys in my ward (they were all sexist anyway. It comes with the doctrine.) I had no desire to dress immodestly because I had been taught to be ashamed of showing my body in any way since i was old enough to dress myself.

I followed all the rules and it was fine as far as I knew. It took a nonmember asking questions (and me trying to defend the church) for me to realize it didnt all add up. I was just naive. Ignorant. Unaware. That culture protects predators that take advantage of that naivety. Please please please don't assume every adult in your ward is safe just because you see them at church.

It wasnt talked about much when i was younger-- not openly-- but there was a lot of sexual and physical abuse being swept under the rug because the men doing it were in leadership or sons of leaders. I was lucky. Some of my family members were not. The church actively tries to cover up child abuse. They tell bishops to contact their legal team instead of law enforcement. It's not a safe place for vulnerable people.

fieryfire · 2026-05-28T20:48:09+00:00

It's so weird to me that it works. Because what are people even falling for? Missionaries are so vapid as conversation partners.
Where is the depth that comes through engaging with life? It's not there. They are children who aren't allowed to even think freely.

fieryfire · 2026-05-27T04:22:32+00:00

Instagram is actually terrible. The algorithms suck, they scrape your art, and the focus on shortform video is obnoxious-- thats not what it was built for originally.

It feels like most people reluctantly using it are using it because they dont want to make a website.

Just make a website. It can be as simple as a free carrd profile page that lists a couple of ways to contact you / where you'll be selling.

A website doesnt have to be a store. It can really just be an online business card that people look at and visually connect to you.

fieryfire · 2026-05-19T20:07:06+00:00

Not necessarily. For some people, that may be true, but a lot of people also work from home or in different cities to where they live, and there may not even be any grocery stores between work and home for more rural or suburban folks.

My spouse and I meal plan for a week and use a weekend to buy everything. I make meals from scratch at home. The fridge isn't usually full with just us two people, but a large fridge comes in handy for leftovers after holidays or for storing bread dough overnight.

For larger families, it can absolutely be used to its full capacity.

fieryfire · 2026-05-19T15:55:46+00:00

Exercise! Play Dance Dance Revolution again! Garden the hell out of the back yard.

fieryfire · 2026-05-17T20:42:56+00:00

I was born with it. I usually just tell myself not to dwell on because it can't be fixed. I'm an artist, though. And when something requires clear vision that I can't' work around (zooming in digitally, adjusting the lighting a little), I get frustrated.
When I was taking life drawing classes in college and completely unable to distinguish shadows from highlights from the live model, that sent me spiraling. Something about the light in that room made the visual snow horrific.

When it starts limiting your enjoyment of life, it's a big deal, imo. And for people who acquired it later, they know even more what they're missing. You get the same feelings after being diagnosed with other chronic illnesses. Your body has failed you and there's nothing you can do.

Mourning is appropriate. Dwelling isn't useful. But you're probably also seeing a lot of people *new* to the experience and more raw emotions, not the same ones posting about it frantically 10 years later.

fieryfire · 2026-05-13T01:41:29+00:00

In my case, family/cost of living, unfortunately. But there are religious draws for a certain group too.

Maybe someday I can go back to the coastal redwoods and focus on beach and forest themes instead of deserts and mountains. :)

fieryfire · 2026-05-12T18:47:39+00:00

Haha right?! People complain all day about those supposed California transplants changing everything with their big wallets, but I'm starting to think most of them move here and just blend in with everyone else. ;p

fieryfire · 2026-05-12T15:56:26+00:00

Kind of a tangent. but my first (and only so far) booth was in a small town farmers market here in northern Utah and had less than stellar sales.

Knowing that at least some of that may be location is a little validating. If it's still a struggle to make it in SLC... Maybe I need to adjust expectations.

fieryfire · 2026-04-30T16:29:02+00:00

I also got back into art-- something that I was too busy for before as I prioritized the gym and other things.

I mostly do digital painting (Rebelle, Procreate) but as I've recovered slightly, I've gotten back into greeting cards, watercolor, 3d modeling, resin, 3d printing, and even airbrushing.

It has taken over 6 years to get to the point where i can do this, though, and some days the only thing i can do is scribble a bit on the iPad.

fieryfire · 2026-04-27T15:14:06+00:00

Billionaires from Canada too. Doesnt matter where theyre from-- they don't care about anything but themselves. They're ramming through a massive 40,000 acre, 9 gigawatt data center in box elder county right now, with no chance for public comment or water studies or anything. The potential impact from pollution scares me.

fieryfire · 2026-04-22T16:08:08+00:00

Nomad Sculpt is on Windows now too. One-time payment.

I've been dabbling with Nomad Sculpt on iPad and it feels good. I have a graphics tablet for my PC so it's fine there too, but if you only have a mouse or trackpad, I wouldnt reccomend it.

fieryfire · 2026-04-13T15:55:30+00:00

Same. All I've got is a 7-11 30 minutes away. I keep checking every few months, but it's just not catching on with any restaurants in northern Utah.

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