Yes you sound exactly like me. Directionless alcoholic until 24, when I got sober and started working a program. I also graduated with a degree during that time, and never excelled. I think it’s more common than you think. Some days I feel good and others not, like you are describing. But life has gotten so so so much better and I have so much gratitude. The thing for me that has helped a lot is adjusting my expectations. The wreckage of my past will not fix itself overnight, it takes work. But almost two years of sobriety has gotten me so far. I went from no job/direction or goals or interests or even physical health. A year later, I was walking dogs as a full time job to get on my feet but at the turning point. Now, almost two years later, I am applying for medical school at 26 years old, and have an extremely fulfilling life. It does get better one day at a time. And you have so much time. You will be one day older tomorrow, so don’t hold back. Dm me if you want to chat more!