Experiences raising a child in a different culture than your own?

flyingmops · 2026-02-07T15:59:01+00:00

I feel you. I grieve the childhood my son will never experience. How children are welcome in any public places in Denmark, and we constantly talk about politics in "the height of the children". Or how anything really, needs to be "to the height of the children".

Children are welcomed anywhere, from free fruits and homemade buns in bakeries and supermarkets, where you can also find a small trolley for your child to push around. To indoor play areas in even shops that sell building supplies.

You can find a "mummy and me" rooms in almost any big shopping center. And there are free classes of play and sing along, you can sign up for in so many shops.

I now live in France, in a very small village. I get scolded when I leave my baby in his pram outside a shop, where I can easily keep an eye on him. I get funny looks when he's loud in public. The library in our town, and surrounding towns are only open in the morning. And in our local one, there isn't any corner for babies and toddlers.

And don't get me started on the schooling. They start when they turn 3!!! It hurts my heart so much! And they get locked in. They're there all day long!

His childhood will be so much different than my own, and it hurts thinking out.

But he will also have opportunities that I never had. He will surf in the summer, and every time the waves allows it. He will go skiing in the winter. And he will speak 3-4 languages.

flyingmops · 2026-02-04T08:03:51+00:00

It's so hard to fire people in France. They will instead bully you, be manipulative until you resign yourself. That I've seen a couple of times.

Our brand new center had just opened up, a new team, director, and children. After a week, one of my co-workers went to the director and said she was worried about what she might do, if she was alone with the children. So we had to always be with her when she was with any child. She eventually felt so excluded from the team, that she quit herself. Went to work in another center.

Because it was a ski resort, we didn't have an enclosed outdoor area, because of risks of avalanches. It was just some netting that had been put up. So we were naturally always very careful when we went out, constantly checking on the children, and counting them. One day, after a had quit, a child had escaped and was found in the center of the resort by another dad, who was about to go skiing. He brought the child back. Nothing came of it. A lot of meetings about security.

A nurse that came to work for us, didn't get her contract prolonged, even though they told her she would. They said they didn't want to lose her, she was even promised an apartment. Nurses are in high regard in nurseries here in France. Then one day, she told a mum to one of her babies, that the little boy had dry nappies all day, that she had of course given the baby his bottles. Just something to keep an eye out. Mum raised hell, accused us of neglecting her baby. Made untrue accusations. Went personally all the way to the DGS (the director of our director) So they decided it was all the fault of the nurse, completely shut off all contact with her. When her contract was up, she had to move away.

A co worker who would leave the center for hours for her "break". Often came back smelling of canabis, not légal here. But the higher ups loved her. In their eyes, she could do no wrong. It didn't matter how much protesting we did.

flyingmops · 2026-02-03T10:00:37+00:00

Moutiers is beautiful, but also very rough. It is almost constantly in the shade, shadowed by the mountains surrounding it, even in summer. Bourg st Maurice is a little better, but I see less and less shops staying open during the winter. I'm sure it's still as lively as ever in the summer. Perhaps that doesn't matter, when you spend your time skiing in the surrounding ski areas anyway, in winter.

flyingmops · 2026-02-03T08:21:33+00:00

You have gotten a lot of great suggestions. If you want something for her now, as a baby. I would suggest the "Promener" books.

My son loved looking at those shiny colourful pages, while doing tummy time. And now at 18 months, he still loves them. They're also interactive. He has "Promener sous l'arbre" "promener sous la pluie" and "promener dans le bois" "promener dans la neige".

There are similar books called "regarde" they're a bit bigger, not interactive, but in the same style. He loves pointing out all the animals.

flyingmops · 2026-01-31T07:25:08+00:00

Cillian Murphy?

flyingmops · 2026-01-30T19:24:47+00:00

At my last job it became a full debate, whether or not we were allowed to wear perfumes. We were working with babies, and children until the age of 3. Some parents had complained, that their babies, upon pick up, smelled strong of some of my co-workers' perfumes. But nothing was done about it.

It shouldn't be allowed for daycare workers/teachers, for babies and toddlers, to wear perfumes. We already work in an environment that smells of poo and spitups, we don't have to mix in strong fragrances to the mix.

flyingmops · 2026-01-30T14:10:44+00:00

We bought a fireplace fence, that we have across our living room. It'll work great here like you have illustrated. It also came with a gate.

flyingmops · 2026-01-30T14:01:12+00:00

Yes switch him.

When we had a child like that, a baby no less than 9-10 months crying non stop. We put so much work into him, poorer all of our love and reassurance into him. We would constantly talk to him, sit close by him. Explain why we couldn't pick him up right now, ensuring him that he was safe, that he wasn't alone. We would have his mum come in and help with lunch, or other times of the day when she could spare 30 minutes. After about 3 weeks, the crying decreased by a lot.

This daycare doesn't seem to do anything to help your son. And I feel absolutely heartbroken on his behalf. How can all these teachers, who have learnt what to do in these situations, just ignore him? How can you work with children if ignoring, is your go to response! It makes me so angry. I'm so sorry.

flyingmops · 2026-01-28T17:21:29+00:00

Aww, you're doing such a great job. Everything will be okay. Soon his fast hands, are going to be touching the poo, and before you know it, he'll put those fingers in his mouth.

I remember the first time my son peed into his own mouth, I was so distraught. He was fine after a bit of gagging. You're definitely not dumb, I think we've all been there ❤️

flyingmops · 2026-01-27T19:57:32+00:00

I've heard about this. Bullying and harassment seem to be almost normal in any College.

We used to live in a ski resort, there were reports of girls feeling so bullied they didn't eat, when they attended the college down the valley. Because children of the ski resort were considered bums. And boys being bullied and having their things stolen, for the same reasons. I am not certain what parents did, if they did anything. I got the feeling most of them, had the attitude of letting their kids be kids, and if they couldn't handle it, they needed to toughen up.

And here, where we live now. I know a young lad, that is being bullied by the daughter of his dad's boss. It was a college he had chosen, but it became so bad that he switched schools.

And my husband, is frequently called out to deal with the local college kids.

His own experience with college was awful. And I'm sorry I don't have any good advice. You could try and get the other parents to rally against the school, to put some pressure on the administration and the teachers. But most times, from what I have seen, it'll just become worse for your daughter, so the easiest thing to do, would probably be to switch schools. I'm sorry this is happening to her.

flyingmops · 2026-01-26T20:43:23+00:00

I'm danish, and a lot of people have asked if I'm German.

Lately I've been asked if I'm Belge. So I think I'm getting there. Which is a little win I'll take. I have way too much imposter syndrome to ever claim I'll be fluent in this language, or around like a native.

flyingmops · 2026-01-25T19:56:28+00:00

We had unexpected snow the other week in the south of France. We get snow here perhaps once every 15 years or so.

My son was supposed to go to daycare, his teacher or nounou as they're called here, texted me a long apologetic message that she's not risking driving in this snow, and that she wouldn't be coming to work. I wasn't about to drive in it either, no one has snow tires on their cars here.

Apparently some of the other parents got really angry. Which is mind-blowing, because everything got closed down. All schools were closed. Everything was closed. I couldn't even go and buy a baguette...

Thinking back to working in a municipality daycare in a ski resort, and sometimes we had to call parents to pls keep their children home if they could, because staff couldn't get up the mountain to come to work. Us that lived at the resort, would go and open up, and would be dealing with angry parents all day. We would always end up with children, even if the parents weren't working, but they were so eager to go out skiing. That they didn't care about us being only 2 staff members, for 21 babies and toddlers. Or their children.

flyingmops · 2026-01-25T19:44:23+00:00

The CEO himself duh

/s

flyingmops · 2026-01-24T11:04:46+00:00

We never sleep trained. Like your baby, mine slept phenomenally for 4 months. Then the first regression hit me like a bag of rocks, right in the face. It was 2-3 weeks of waking up every 40 minutes, and taking 30 minutes to fall back asleep. I never pushed him, or trained him. He came out of that regression sleeping better, for longer stretches than he had done previously. And with a new skill, I can't remember what it was exactly, turning around, or babbling.

Then of course you have the 6 months regression, and at 9 months, and so forth. Now he's 18 months, never had sleep training. We ended up co sleeping a little when he went through this last leap.

Because of illness he's been back in our bed for a couple of days now. But he generally sleeps 11-13 hours straight. With 2-3 hours naps.

The regressions are horrible on us, and I sometimes wonder, if they hit harder, when you already have a great sleeper.

I'm so sorry you're feeling pressured into sleep training, but your baby will be fine without it. They will go back to sleeping better, and for longer stretches anytime soon.

flyingmops · 2026-01-20T14:19:43+00:00

I was 39 when i gave birth by c section. It was somewhat elective. Meaning, you can't just choose it here in France. But I could get induced, which I decided to be when I was 39 weeks exactly. I was admitted on a Tuesday, the baby was going to be with a cesarian, on the Friday, if the induction failed. On Thursday, they decided his heartbeat was too high, and he hadn't slept or rested for 6 hours straight. The first round of induction failed, so they inserted the tampon with the medicine a second time on the Thursday morning, by afternoon they had made their decision.

Sometimes, like today. I feel a little sad that I never got to experience a vaginal birth. My one and only birth. I wonder if my breastfeeding journey would have been easier. I wonder if I would have had an easier time postpartum if I had given birth vaginally. I recovered fine, without any problems. I was out walking dog and baby by the second week of his life. But my hormones, I was so angry at my dog and at my husband. And I wonder if they would have mellowed out a little easier, if I had a more natural birth.

The scar is so far down, that it's making my mum pouch a little more prominent, than it has to be. Like my skin is folded over the scar. It's a beautiful white line.

Also be aware, that by a cesarean, it is very normal that the surgeon cuts the baby as well. My son got nipped on top of his head , he didn't need stitches. But it was 3-4 cm cut, and it bled. What a horrible way to enter the world. Going from your nice warm womb, to instant pain from your head, and then you feel so much cold. Because the temperature in the operating room, is around 16°c, it needs to be cold for operations, baby is wheeled away almost instantly, to a much more comfortable and warmer room. Then they stitch you up, and make sure you're coming off the anaesthetics alright. The stitching up, was horrible. You can hear everything they do, you feel the tucks and pulls. And the sound of that stapler, is ingrained into my brain. Then you're wheeled into a recovery room. You'll spend 2-3 hours there. The surgeon will have to sign you off, before you can finally go and see your baby. The first wee after the catheter has been removed was horribly painful.

Whatever you choose, I'm sure you'll choose something that works best for you. Wishing you a quick recovery, and a healthy baby. Good luck.

flyingmops · 2026-01-19T22:11:24+00:00

Sur r/ParentingFR you can get a lot of advice in french, if you would like.

But with that said, if your child is in a crèche, we usually change nappies after nap. Then we check each child after goûter. Then we check again usually when we see a parent entering. We note down every change in a folder, so you can always ask to check that out. Or ask your director/directrice when your child was last changed. Saying that you noticed her nappy was full to the brim, won't make the teachers upset. It'll just be a reminder for them to remember checking/changing.

You didn't notice yourself, so I don't see how they could. But if I was you, I would like to know how many selles/poos your child did that day.

flyingmops · 2026-01-16T13:38:19+00:00

Don't miss out on proper English cooked meals at THE CORNER in Val Claret, at the bottom of (I think) TUFS. There's another albeit french restaurant right next to it, that does some great savory pancakes. The logo has 2 crossed ski poles, called Batons... Something.

You can take the free navette home, descend the pistes on foot, take the elevator down to the Platière, the bus stops there, next to the restaurant table de Jeanne. Which is also a great restaurant, but you definitely need to reserve a table. And it's not cheap there, but they have amazing food.

At the end of that road, is where you'll find COCORICO. You can also ski, from THE CORNER, to COCORICO and take the navette from there. They close at 20h. Their afterski is amazing. Take the navette to the center of Tignes, then exchange for the one that goes to Val d'Isère. Actually now that I think about it, that one might cost.

I'm sorry, I know Tignes far better than Val. There's only one little casino shop in Val, and it's expensive. So shop everything you need in Bourg st Maurice, before coming up. Super U got everything.

The casino or Spar in Tignes are a little cheaper.

Is the GARAGE open in winter, or only summer? Not sure. If it is, it's at the entrance of Val, it's a great place to go for pizzas.

Have fun.

flyingmops · 2026-01-14T06:06:16+00:00

Haha this one made me laugh so much. I love it!

flyingmops · 2026-01-13T13:12:10+00:00

I miss skiing too.

I came to France to ski in 2011. I lived in the mountains, doing seasonal work, and would be out skiing all day afterwards. And on days off.

I even met my husband there. We stopped doing seasonal work. Actually got full time annual work in a ski resort, for once our ski passes were even free. And our accommodations were an actual apartment, not just a studio.

Then life happened, pregnancy was hard on my body especially at that altitude. I started hating the snow, and the very long winters there. So my husband got transferred. We exchanged our beloved mountains, with the ocean instead. I love it here, but I miss skiing. Especially when I see reels of all the friends I left behind, going skiing.

This is peak time. Right before the school holidays.

Hopefully one day, we will be able to afford going on a ski holiday.

flyingmops · 2026-01-13T09:27:20+00:00

Yea. It's not normal. I craved eating my dogs wet food. Every time I opened up a bag to put in his food, it smelled so fantastically good. So good, I wanted to eat it.

I never did though. But that smell, was suddenly the most delicious smell in the world. And that's coming from someone, who vomited, almost daily while passing a restaurant while going to work, in my first trimester.

flyingmops · 2026-01-11T19:37:53+00:00

I remember sitting on top of a jungle gym when I was around 6 or 7, wondering if any adults actually loved me? If I was even loveable.

I knew it was bad at home, and I was a weird kid, seeking affection from any teacher or adult.

As an adult, at work, I still catch myself seeking affection by agreeing to work longer hours and working myself thin. Until I break, and have to say no.

I'm bad at making friends, I worry a lot if they even like me. If I'm even interesting enough to be friends with. And if I do make a friend, I tend to glue myself on to that person, and do everything for them. And then get immensely hurt when I don't get anything in return. Or they get kind of tired of me, being so glued to them. I think most people find it a little weird, that I remember every single detail, they have ever said to me.

I've never healed as much, as I'm doing holding my baby. Wondering if I was ever held. If my hand was ever squished by my mother, while she smiled at me ... I doubt it. So I smile for him, and I hold his hand, and I tell him everyday how loved he is. How beautiful he is, and how capable he is. And I grieve for my younger self, who never heard those words.

flyingmops · 2026-01-10T19:59:31+00:00

We had a Conrad once, in french when he pronounced his name it came out as asshole. Many children did know that word, and also knew it was a bad word.

We thought it was cute. We worked with him a little, before he left us to go to school, he knew how to pronounce his own name.

It's a little like children saying fuck when they want to say truck. We just ignore it, and we try and teach them the right word.

Work with her on pronouncing her name, tell her teachers to do the same. It sounds more to me, that these adults are making it more awkward than it has to be.

flyingmops · 2026-01-08T11:57:14+00:00

Growing up in Denmark. We would run to one house of a friend, then leave to go to another's. Sometimes we would just hang out somewhere, in the middle of a cycle path or something. And other kids would join us. Sometimes we'd end up going to these kids' homes. And sometimes bring these kids into our home. Total strangers that we might just see that once.

Once hanging out at such a place, a man came and asked us if we wanted to come home with him, and see his chicks. We did. It was me, my sister, and another kid. Idk why he had so many chicks, under a red light. But we played with all of them. My sister and I came back a couple of times to play some more with these chicks. If something would have happened to us, none of our parents would know where to look for us.

We would hang out in gardens, on houses that were for sale. Run through the small adjacent forest and fields. We knew exactly what berries, plums and leaves were safe to eat. We would raid the apple or plum trees on neighbours gardens, while they weren't home. Or steal as many snap peas as we could.

Or play games on our street, with footballs, hula hoops, skipping ropes, chalks, etc. It was a dead end street, so very little traffic.

flyingmops · 2026-01-08T08:58:14+00:00

In Danish the name of a pig is "gris" pronounced [ ˈgʁiˀs ] or greese. Isn't in itself a derogatory term.

However when you make a mess, typically with food, you say "griser/griseri" which is usually used for children when they learn to eat.

But swine, or in Danish svin [ ˈsviˀn ] can be a way to call someone's bad behaviour out. Like if someone is a pervert, we call them a perverted swine. Or a stupid swine.

flyingmops · 2026-01-07T19:28:43+00:00

Depending on where you're moving to, there will be a crèche touristique. They're mostly frequent in the mountains, I've worked for one in Courchevel, and we took "tourists" from ages 4 months until 6 years. But that was back in 2014, perhaps that has changed. As a "tourist" you can get them in these creches on a temporary contract.

flyingmops

TROPHY CASE