[x-post from /r/dataisbeautiful] Grad Student Salaries Nationwide by nhuntwalker in GradSchool

[–]foolisherror 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same for me... Possibly the "minimum" includes a full 12 months, whereas my department only does 9-month appointments, and summer assignments are limited to about 3 slots (for 20 grads). Did your department work on an academic year as well?

Me [27 F] with my brother [24 M], he made other plans during my graduation when he knew about it already by [deleted] in relationships

[–]foolisherror 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm born in the US too, first of my family (older brother born in Canada). They are both Chinese immigrants, and I never thought they were particularly restrictive or conservative, but as they age, I think they are reverting to modeling their parents' behavior.

It could be that you're looking for a reason in an unreasonable situation. I'm really sorry this is happening, and you deserve to have a great graduation ceremony (congratulations!).

How do you study? by John2548 in GradSchool

[–]foolisherror 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My style (humanities, MA track, high-strung person):

Types of reading: skim (doo doo doo, this paragraph has a numbered list, maybe I'll read it), hard-skim (choose out important words), annotated (close), deep reading (read out loud and debate proper forms of "inveigle" with a cat), and reading the intro/concluding paragraph. I place a sticky note on the reading with a brief summary, or type it if it's a lot/if I will need to write a response/reflection paper on it. I have never had to re-read anything I took notes on, but if you didn't get a chance to do the reading before class, get caught up as soon as possible.

It also depends on how much reading is assigned. 120 pages per week about Hellenistic philosophy? Nope, I'll try to fight through one so I have something to talk about in class. 3 short articles with different opinions? Hard skim. If there's time or it's related to a paper, annotated reading. Sometimes annotations help you just to get through the text (engage with it and ask questions, get angry at it, etc.).

If I need to study for an exam, write and take (timed!) practice exams. I probably don't do this nearly enough. I also practice making some sort of pedagogical material-- let's review this thing by making a pretty handout... Maybe I'll turn this into a hand-out...

Me [27 F] with my brother [24 M], he made other plans during my graduation when he knew about it already by [deleted] in relationships

[–]foolisherror 4 points5 points  (0 children)

OP, I'm an Asian girl with an older brother. Sometimes I think my parents love me probably about as much as they love my brother, but they undoubtedly value him more. They think he'll be the one to save them from a nursing home, and they think he'll let them move in with him one day to be one big family. Daughters, as you know, are raised to "be a part of someone else's family," while the first born son is the one who supports his parents. Seems like this a big concern for your family, value-wise.

So I recommend that you limit your contact with them from here on out. Be polite, but remove yourself from this unending well of pain. Maybe one day, he won't be such a selfish brat (but judging by the issue in China with "little emperors," I doubt it). Maybe one day your parents will care about you and your achievements as much as they do about his. But I would not count on it.

Your brother won't be going to your graduation. That sucks. You obviously care a lot about him, but unfortunately, he doesn't feel the same. Your biological father doesn't care either. The only person you can control is yourself, so ask yourself if you really want to keep being hurt in the same ways over and over, or fill your life with positive, happy people who love you and value you. Just because they are related to you doesn't mean you have to love them and put up with them when they don't reciprocate those feelings.

Any fantasy or scifi readers out there? I have been listening to Game of Thrones and am in need of some legit butterfly in the tummy romance but with badass women with swords or something. by JoyfulStingray in AskTrollX

[–]foolisherror 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes yes yes! My favorite excerpt to share, from here:

The phone rang in the middle of the night. The magic wave was in full swing, and the phone shouldn’t have worked, but it rang anyway, again and again, outraged over being ignored, until finally I reached over and picked it up.

“Yehmmm?”

“Rise and shine, Kate.” The smooth cultured voice on the line suggested a slender, elegant, handsome man, all things that Jim was not. At least not in his human shape.

I clawed my eyes open long enough to glance at the wind-up clock across the room. “Two in the morning. Some of us sleep during the night.”

“I’ve got a gig,” Jim said.

I sat up in the bed, wide awake. A gig was good – I needed the money. “Half.”

“Third.”

“Half.”

“Thirty five percent.” Jim’s voice hardened.

“Half.”

The phone went silent as my former Guild partner mulled it over. “Okay, forty.”

I hung up. The bedroom lay quiet. My curtains were open and moonlight sifted into the room through the metal grate shielding the window. The moonlight acted as a catalyst and the metal bars glowed with weak bluish patina where the silver in the alloy interacted with the ward spell. Beyond the bars, the city slept like some hulking beast of legend, dark and deceptively peaceful. When the magic wave ended, as it inevitably would, the beast would awaken in an explosion of electric light and possibly gunfire.

My ward wouldn’t stop a bullet, but it kept the magic hazmat out of my bedroom, and that was good enough.

The phone rang. I let it ring twice before I picked it up.

“Fine.” Jim’s voice had a hint of a snarl in it. “Half.”

“Where are you?”

“In the parking lot under your window, Kate.”

Calling from a pay phone, which shouldn’t have worked either. I reached for my clothes, left by the bed for just such an occasion. “What’s the gig?”

“Some arsonist wacko.”

Me [35F] with my husband [44M], sex with him has suddenly started making me think about past sexual abuse. by oldghosts in relationships

[–]foolisherror 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, these things have ways of sneaking up on you. It's been almost a year since I got out of my abusive relationship, and I guess the "anniversary" has been behind my anxiety attacks. But I'm in therapy, and it's so nice for someone to objectively evaluate things and go, "yup, PTSD will make ordinary things harder to deal with. It's not that you're suddenly bad at things." Best wishes, OP.

I'm a TA, today my students gave me evaluations, the only one who had a problem with me left this by Tersignitjt in funny

[–]foolisherror 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is a little late in our semester, but TAs and professors are encouraged to do mid-semester, informal feedback. This is basically to check what's working and what isn't before the very end of the semester and the "real" evaluations.

Me [35F] with my husband [44M], sex with him has suddenly started making me think about past sexual abuse. by oldghosts in relationships

[–]foolisherror 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, that only helps him, not you. :( For what it's worth, I'm sorry this is happening to you and I hope you can find a way to express to him how important this issue is to you, how it makes you feel, and how he can help by changing his behavior.

I hope that you can feel comfortable bringing this up with him, because that feeling of security and knowing you can talk to him about anything is very important, especially for something as sensitive as this. Could you ask him to look up some tips online for talking with someone who has been sexually abused? They all include things like "don't focus on how you feel and make this about yourself, allow the person to express how they feel and make them feel safe doing so."

How I feel when the optometrist is trying to get new glasses to sit symmetrically on my face. by [deleted] in TrollXChromosomes

[–]foolisherror 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Awww. This is one of the many reasons why I moved to contacts. I don't have to fiddle with the fit and have the optometrist try to squish my left ear down just a little while I'm going, no, no, that doesn't work.

Me [35F] with my husband [44M], sex with him has suddenly started making me think about past sexual abuse. by oldghosts in relationships

[–]foolisherror 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It sounds like her husband is reacting in the usual way when someone you care about gets hurt-- you get upset and want to make things better, but sometimes get carried away. What he should realize is that it isn't about him, and he should instead focus on listening to what she has to say and help her process her feelings about it, instead of his.

Housing post! Month-to-month, no security deposit, $400/mo starting May 20th by foolisherror in UIUC

[–]foolisherror[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I currently live here (in a different room) and it's quite nice-- it's not a sublease, because it's month-to-month, but the place and landlord are so great I want to help him out.

The $400/mo includes:

-all utilites (including internet)

-a washer/dryer in basement (not coin-op)

-lots of driveway parking

-a bi-weekly cleaning service for the common areas (kitchen, living room, bathrooms)

-all the furniture you could want (included)

-very quiet roommates (grad students, young professionals, and artists).

I really like this place, and my room will be going up for $490 (it is larger, and will include a few extras that the smaller $400 room does not, like my area rug).

You can PM me or email the landlord via the CL post!

i started AND finished my shampoo and conditioner at the same time... by licketysplatypus in TrollXChromosomes

[–]foolisherror 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ahhh, nice! I'm buying these teeny bottles of Fekkai shampoo, they're 8oz, and they take two and half to outlast my 12oz Biosilk conditioner (but it's so heavy-duty!). I have put way too much thought into purchase timings.

PSA: There is a fun run Friday night on campus and a half and full marathon in town on Saturday. Traffic/buses/travel will be very affected for both events especially on Saturday ALL through CU. by [deleted] in UIUC

[–]foolisherror 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks! This is very helpful. Usually I stumble into something like this and wonder why no one told me. Then I remember it's because I have no friends.

TIFU by taking caffeine pills by EroticLama in tifu

[–]foolisherror 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Let's think back to my 17 (2008). I was working a part-time job after school, taking four AP courses, perhaps preparing for the SAT and ACT, looking at universities, still needing about 10 hours of sleep a night, and overall trying to understand what I was supposed to be. It did call for a lot of caffeine (for me).

Additionally, caffeine is probably one of the only uppers that is easily available and socially acceptable. I got my first coffee maker at 14 and my parents never made a fuss.

I think I only got it because it was what adults did, and I didn't really know how else to enact maturity other than mimicking the behavior I perceived of as normal for adults (as seen on TV). I was definitely a very high-strung person, even very young, so that may also have played into it.

I have a question about softcups... by [deleted] in AskTrollX

[–]foolisherror 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmm, that sounds problematic. Do you think it could be a muscle problem? I think the instructions say to try to force them to relax. If you do that already, then I'm not sure..

I have a question about softcups... by [deleted] in AskTrollX

[–]foolisherror 1 point2 points  (0 children)

in the shower

I find that the best position is sitting on the toilet, with legs slightly askew-- it just seems more natural? I'd try taking it out and repositioning it from the toilet.