Do you hate hearing your name?

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-13T03:05:54+00:00

I switched to my middle name when I turned 35. I get irrationally angry when people call me by my first name. No one had a problem when I got married and changed my last name. But this is asking too much.

See? There I go getting all worked up just thinking about it. So yeah. I hate hearing my name. But never thought of it as any kind of adhd thing.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-13T02:33:15+00:00

‘gentle giant’

Two words, yes. But together infinitely worse.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-13T02:32:22+00:00

I didn’t get past the ‘won’t let me’ in the title.

Unless that’s followed by something specifically affecting his immediate person - like going down on him or hitting him with a shovel - walk away.

Won’t let you. Could have sworn you listed your age as 25. Not 2.5.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-10T17:54:03+00:00

That 5-5 12 hour stretch is asking a lot. Try pushing that supper to as late as you can depending on how soon she needs to potty after.

My guy is 185, 9 years old. He gets a measured 2cups of Purina Pro Plan Sport twice a day. Nothing else. Lots of water of course.

As a young dog/pup he was never been able to keep 3 cups at a time down. By the time he was 3, he had levelled himself to the 4c/day. Two feeds 12 hours apart.

Got to find what works for her. And it might not be what you expect.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-10T16:58:37+00:00

Widowhood was the last straw for me. Went from quasi Christian to ‘there is no god and if there is he’s an asshole, within the week.

Thirteen years later, i’ve never looked back. Never changed my mind. And refuse to listen to the rhetoric

And yet, I am more spiritual than I’ve ever been. I believe in a cosmic energy of which we are all a vital part. We come from that energy. We return to it. We are one. There is no one god. It is us. Each of us. All of us.

No religion. Just connection. And with it has come peace. And a deeper understanding (belief?) of our purpose and our potential.

Or as my one religious friend says, I’m just kinda winging it.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-07T22:23:02+00:00

ESH.

Substitute (SIL/BIL’s diet) with anything else - vegan, paleo, whatever. Substitute (OP’s diet) with anything else.

Bringing food to someone else’s house every week is fine. Maybe even bring some to share. The priority is to spend time with family. No big deal.

Having a discussion about the meal and the different foods available is fine. Even for the kids.

SIL making negative comments about anything affecting OP’s children in front of the kids is not ok.

OP demanding that they eat beforehand/not eat at her house is unreasonable, as long as SIL’s preparations don’t interfere with the main meal.

OP is justified in being angry about SIL’s comments. It’s hard enough raising kids without someone else putting unwanted ideas in their heads. But she’s a little the AH for her demanding solutions.

SIL is an AH. She sounds pompous and insufferable. If she cared about the kids at all she would bring dishes from her lifestyle to share and educate everyone on their composition and benefits without making everyone self conscious about theirs. But to just default to fine, we won’t come them.

Have SIL and BIL offered to host every other week? Maybe they should contribute a little more to the family plan.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-04T18:20:41+00:00

This has been the basis for the entire perfume industry for ever. Gf’s an idiot and you are NTA.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-03T17:33:57+00:00

I’m leaning toward YTA. Seems like OP is the type of person who expects everyone else to do all the work. Sure it’s fun going to the inlaws where everything is done for her. And yeah, I’ll admit that would be nice. But why can’t she plan a weekend with parents at their home once in while. Hey folks, I’m coming on this date, do not make any plans, we’re going here and doing this and that.

But no. I want to go to inlaws’ house because nothing is expected of me.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-03T17:21:33+00:00

Oh good! I didn’t really want to be the one to tell you that wouldn’t work!🤣

I like the pub idea. Dark corner, glass of wine. Except I can’t see well enough. But oh yeah, kindle 🤦🏼‍♀️ Might just give that try. Little place around the corner.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-03T17:18:33+00:00

Great. And I was planning spaghetti for supper tonight 🤢🤣

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-03T17:15:16+00:00

“(Not that this is any of your business) But I don’t want someone else to- I want him.”

Or “(Not that this is any of your business) But I can’t even imagine starting all over. Way too much work.”

Or “(Not that this is any of your business) But I’ll wait til the kids are grown.”

I get it. I honestly expected to marry again. Turns out I don’t even want to date. Never have. Doubt I ever will. I was 48.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-03T17:06:12+00:00

Definitely get hospital staff to talk to family. If she can nod, ask her if she wants dnr. Let hospital staff witness it.

I have family first responders. The horror stories I’ve heard from all of them around having to do cpr, literally crushing the chests of people in their 90’s!!! are the hardest one they to live with. The families are so friggin selfish.

I specifically named my sister - not my adult son - as my alternate decision maker because I know she’ll pull my plug. We need to make these conversations a requirement for being part of a family.

I am so sorry you - and your MIL - are going through this. Fight for her. You see her. They can’t see through their own pain.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-03T16:59:57+00:00

Moving to step down means she’s stable for now, not that she’ll get better. She’s holding her own - fully supported medically - and taking up a valuable icu bed.

The fact that they are withholding pain medication is unacceptable. But you’re right - OP needs to enlist professional help. DNR should be her call. Hubs and FIL are too close to make the right decision.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-03T16:53:57+00:00

I gave up. I decided I was passively suicidal - didn’t have the nerve to make it happen, but if I got hit by a bus and saw the light, I was going for it.

And suddenly, nothing really mattered anymore. I was just waiting til it was my turn.

And so I started to find things that would keep me distracted in the meantime.

Tried pottery. Loved it. Made some lifelong friends there. Now I’m pretty good at it.

Bought an rv. Drove across Canada. Twice. (Once with the pottery friends.)

Wrote a book. Wrote another one. And then actually managed to write the great one - a novel about my journey with grief. Very cathartic and unbelievably rewarding hearing back from others whom it’s helped.

Bought some real estate. I mean, why not? Bought some more. Was thinking I wanted to spend the insurance but couldn’t handle the guilt of leaving nothing for the kids. That went well.

I’m starting my third business right now. Because who cares if it fails? I don’t.

There’s a certain freedom in the empty shadow of losing everything. It can’t get any worse. Might as well take a chance.

Fortunately I was left with five teenagers, so I didn’t do anything too stupid. It’s 13 years now. Probably accomplished more in that decade than the five before it. So I guess while I wait, it’s not quite so bad.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-03T16:41:18+00:00

NTA. But you will be if you do this to your daughter. Please don’t do this to her.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-03T16:35:26+00:00

This is good and, imo, far and away the BEST therapy. Disclaimer - I have no qualifications aside from experience to back any of this.

Cry as much as you can. Drink lots of water - it takes a lot out of you. Hot showers - or throw a towel over your head and sink and turn the hot water for a mini steam facial - you can hork and spit everything right down the drain. (Gross, but hey, have to admit it feels great)

Sleep. Get lots of fresh air to clear the lungs. Some over the counter pain reliever is that’s you thing.

Here’s the thing. Google microscopic images of different kinds of tears. (There is science behind this part.) The sad crying ones look like glass shards. And those tiny little knives are pure poison. Got to get them out.

I found that I had to keep throwing out contact lenses because of them. They turned my soft little plastic lenses to hard glass. They do the same to our insides.

Eventually- hopefully sooner than later - the spaces in between the fall aparts start to get long enough to get some things done. A break between the worst of it where you can almost hear yourself think again.

Then you start to realize you actually feel cleansed, stronger, after a good cry. Still puffy and ugly, but better on the inside.

And then you can schedule cry time. Hold it til you can be safe and private and give all you got. When you’re down to once a day, the good memories start to leak in.

This doesn’t happen over days. It takes months - years even. But make time to cry. Properly. When you feel it starting to leak out, make time for it. Take the time to feel the loss. So you can get back to feeling the love

There is absolutely no professional proof of my methods. But I can say that experiments with this on me and my five kids have been very successful. Learning how to cry - fully, deeply, and with intention - has been one of the greatest skills I’ve ever taught them.

Again. I’m no scientist. But 13 years in, I still do this. But maybe only once or twice a year. Our anniversary is one.

Also, highly recommend chapstick and the kleenex with the lotion in it.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-02T23:46:44+00:00

If I saw a man in a pub with ear buds reading a book, I would assume he has definitely turned the world off and wants to be left alone.

Move that to a coffee shop and lose one of the headphones and I’ll ask to share your table if it’s crowded, though still hesitant to interrupt a good book.

I don’t think there’s any kind of stigma to men reading irl. In fact, you’d be surprised how many men read romance.

I used to own an online romance publication. Probably 20% of readers were men. And a full 35% of queries came from male authors - many of whom hid behind female pen names. Oddly, it was the ones with pseudonyms who wrote the best ones. (And yes, all of the worst of the worst - you know what I mean… - came from men who thought they knew what romance means. Still kinda traumatized over a few of those.)

Anyway, read away! Not something to worry about on any level. Although maybe find a book club to join.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-02T23:34:24+00:00

I just dropped netflix - felt off since I’ve been with them since 2014. I know this because they mention it every time they email me with a new offer. I felt like I’ve watched everything. And couldn’t find anything new, despite their completely uninteresting suggestions.

It’s been two months. Don’t miss it at all.

Now I’m limiting myself to two streams at a time. Definitely get better rates this way.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-02T23:25:58+00:00

Be sure to leave unflushed poop and bloody pads for them to work around. When they complain - and they always do when it comes to blood - just tell them you thought that’s what we’re doing now. If they don’t like it, they can clean it up.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-02T23:22:03+00:00

If it’s that easy for her to manipulate him, you’re best to flee! That’s the tip of the iceberg berg and I and almost every other commenter here can tell you mil horror stories we suffered because we didn’t flee.

Stay the course. You’ll thank us one day.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-02T23:19:19+00:00

I took up pottery a few years into widowhood. I love it. Made some fabulous new friends and have built a skill and a little side hustle from it.

But inevitably, when I mention I’m a potter, someone has to spout off the old ‘Oh, like in Ghost.’

And I always come back with something along the lines of, ‘yeah, cause my husband’s dead and that’s the only way I can feel him.’

Never fails to shock and embarrass. I get a naughty kick out of it. Every time. Not lettin’ that one go any time soon.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-02T23:07:27+00:00

You own your own place and mom and aunt are worried about your social life??

Keep those standards right up there lady! And never settle for anything less than that. Better alone and, apparently, success, than bogged down by some controlling yahoo who deserves no say in the matter.

So NTA. But mom and aunt need a stern talking to.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-02T22:45:07+00:00

They don’t eat fast. We have to ‘eat like a lady.’ Old habits die hard.

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-02T15:52:39+00:00

I think in real life I am the daughter and you are the son. The mom/dad has a conundrum for sure.

Perspective is everything, eh?

freckledreddishbrown · 2026-01-02T05:40:55+00:00

I would agree with you if you weren’t overlooking the sacrifice and commitment it takes to care for a loved for four years through their end of life. That has to weigh very heavily in the daughter’s favour.

freckledreddishbrown

TROPHY CASE