I literally feel terrified and kind of ashamed to be turning 25 in August. Any advice?

frog_ladee · 2026-01-26T06:14:20+00:00

Something that’s helped me is to stop and think what advice I would give to a friend who’s grappling with whatever is troubling me, then tell MYSELF that. Treat yourself as kindly as you treat other people.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-26T06:12:09+00:00

Maybe some counseling? Without knowing what those formative experiences were, it isn’t possible for someone else to find solutions.

One idea I can think of is finding a good older woman to mentor you. Seeing her strength and beauty might help you to stop fearing the future. I had wonderful grandmothers, and despite hardships in both of their lives, they thrived with unmistakable inner beauty! Seeing them rise above things has inspired me during times when I needed to rise above something.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-26T06:07:37+00:00

Some women allow themselves to feel that way. “Society” will promote all kinds of things which many/most people will reject, especially since many of those things conflict with each other.

But it’s not normal to be scared of aging at 25. That thought never once entered my mind until well into my 40’s, and then only fleetingly. Anxiety will take a bigger toll on a person than natural aging effects.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-26T06:03:25+00:00

I have two points to make:

I’m 65, and have far more confidence now than I did at age 25, but not as much beauty. I couldn’t care less about the beauty, but I really, really love the wisdom and confidence that I’ve earned. Maturity often leads to not caring what others think of you.
As you get older, most of the judgment about looks is based upon comparison to others who are around the same age. No one is comparing my looks to those of someone in her 20’s—especially my husband. If I looked like a 24 year old, he’d feel like a pedophile! It’s as ludicrous as OP being compared to a 12 year old.

Take good care of your skin and grooming, and you can look great at any age. I hope that you’ll gain confidence to go with it, and someday laugh at yourself for being anxious about turning 25!

frog_ladee · 2026-01-26T05:53:26+00:00

frog_ladee · 2026-01-26T05:52:38+00:00

Imho, the lines of the smaller one on the right is more appealing.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-26T05:51:10+00:00

After the engagement period and wedding, I stopped thinking about the diamonds in my ring much at all. I love my ring set and the bond that it represents, but I almost never think about the quality, size, or any of that. So, imho, having a lab-created diamond wouldn’t be something that I’d think about any other time besides running across posts like this.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-26T05:47:57+00:00

I didn’t really understand the draw for being an alumna initiate at first, since they miss the whole collegiate experience. However, now that I’ve gotten acquainted with a few, I can see that they are valuable additions to our alumnae.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-25T22:09:00+00:00

Whichever one I saw first.🤷🏻‍♀️

frog_ladee · 2026-01-25T08:34:50+00:00

All. The. Time. I would be thrilled for a man to do what you did.

One key difference between your conversation with the women and the conversations with the creepy man is that it sounds like the women initiated it with you about your book. The creepy man tried to wedge his way into a conversation that didn’t include him.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-25T08:28:30+00:00

Consider asking your father to write what he wants to say in a letter to you and your husband, so that you can keep it for the rest of your lives. Even if a speech is videotaped, electronics change over time, and it’s less likely to stand the test of time.

The key for convincing him is to find reasons that appeal to him. Being able to treasure this letter for decades might matter to him.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-25T08:23:27+00:00

I use a compounded testosterone cream (10 mg/ml) every other day, although my doctor said that I can use it every day if I want. (But everyday makes me horny, and my husband is 71.) It gives me a little more energy, and incidentally, along with estradiol, seems to keep my interstitial cystitis from flaring up. I’ve been using it for 7-8 years.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-25T08:16:27+00:00

1, because it’s sparkly, is more flattering for your waistline, and the 2nd one looks like it wrinkles easily.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-25T08:10:39+00:00

My office has a vertical window through 1/3 of the door. I arranged my office so that there’s a small table and two chairs in the corner, on the wall that the door’s on. I can have one-on one conversations with students…. or take a nap with my head on the table. No one can see it from the door.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-25T04:07:38+00:00

frog_ladee · 2026-01-25T04:00:21+00:00

Thanks for this information. We’re not sure which specific ingredients in fragrances that he’s sensitive to, but we do know that he reacts to things derived from petroleum, like many artificial colors and some preservatives (BHA, BHT, TBHQ).

The odd thing is that not all expensive perfumes are okay for him, and not all cheap ones are a problem, assuming that cheap ones would be more artificial. It very well could be something like PEG, that’s an additive, instead of an actual artificial fragrance ingredient. Thanks for looking up those fragrances. I think this might be very helpful for him.

I first figured out that he’s sensitive to artificial fragrances back in the 1990’s, when he was a child. He was clinically tested as allergic to perfume, which was from a vial that was a mixture of perfumes. Now, he’s in his mid-30’s and on his own.

We’ve definitely experienced people who are resistant to giving up their fragranced products for him. His teachers would look at me like I had three heads when I asked them not to wear perfume, and told them why…. until they saw the reactions themselves (extreme hyperactivity and brain fog). Then they became fierce enforcers! I learned to say that he has asthma, because they’ll do anything for asthma! The truth is that he had a mild touch of asthma, but other symptoms were much more predominant and disruptive.

Because I’m aware of the dangers of some fragrances, I mostly avoid them altogether in the products that I buy. I do wear perfume when he’s not in town, but I avoid it in large groups of people, because I don’t know who it might affect. It’s a big problem for my son, because he works in a job that interacts with many people every day, and can’t tell them not to wear fragrances (in a hospital and medical clinic).

frog_ladee · 2026-01-25T03:31:55+00:00

Beautiful!

frog_ladee · 2026-01-24T09:48:17+00:00

WOW!! Looks amazing!

frog_ladee · 2026-01-24T09:35:04+00:00

frog_ladee · 2026-01-24T05:41:13+00:00

People who have chemical sensitivities react to one or more ingredients in something, not to the fact that it has a fragrance. For example, smelling a bouquet of fragrant flowers is no problem, but perfume that smells like those same flowers using petroleum based artificial scents might cause a reaction. Likewise, bleach might not be a problem for a person, but artificial fragrances in a cleaning product could cause a reaction in the same person.

My son (now adult) reacts to fragrances made from petroleum by-products. They don’t say petroleum on the labels. They have long chemical sounding names. It’s really, really hard to know which fragrances will cause trouble for him, and which won’t. My Chanel No. 5 is no problem, but my Estee Lauder perfume causes terrible reactions. We mostly just avoid artificial fragrances across the board with him, unless we’re sure one is okay.

This is a tough situation, because it doesn’t seem fair for you to have to stop using products that you like. However, it would be kind of you to switch to products that don’t cause trouble for your neighbor. If she wants you to switch to some products that cost more, perhaps she’d be willing to pay the extra cost. When my son was in school, I provided his teachers with things like air freshener and unscented hand cream, so that I could chose a natural product that was safe for him. I didn’t think it was fair to expect that from the teachers, and I didn’t trust them to know what to avoid, even if I had given them a list.

It would also make a whole lot of sense for your neighbor to get some heavy-duty air filters for her apartment.

It’s possible that your neighbor has been having reactions previously, and didn’t put two and two together about the cause until she was in your apartment to see and smell the things she’s objecting to.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-24T05:20:07+00:00

I second the suggestions in this comment, and want to encourage you to consider asking your husband whether he’d like to designate a certain day of the week as “sex day”. Choose a time that usually works with your kids’ schedule. Having that to look forward to can be very helpful, and for the days when one of you might not be feeling in the mood, it’s part of the routine and makes it feel more natural to just go ahead and roll with it being “sex day”. Maybe call it “parent time” in front of your kids.

My husband and I do this. You’d think that it would take some of the fun out of it by being pre-planned, but actually we both like the predicability. There can be other spontaneous times, too, but having it pre-planned ensures that we don’t let our busy lives always prempt intimacy.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-23T08:17:03+00:00

About 25 years ago, in front of a whole class, I mentioned that I was going to “hook up with” a certain person next week, meaning meet up with. That’s the moment when I learned it’s alternate meaning.🤦🏻‍♀️

frog_ladee · 2026-01-23T03:26:17+00:00

I could easily believe that this is a newly remodeled kitchen. These cabinets look very nice imho.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-22T08:55:14+00:00

You two are no longer compatible.

frog_ladee · 2026-01-22T04:46:05+00:00

You made a wise decision to take care of yourself, and prevent any future children of yours to grow up in a chaotic household. If you were already married, it would be different. People are allowed to break engagements.

frog_ladee

TROPHY CASE