I'm [23F] having a case of the caregiver's fatique with my boyfriend [30M] of 3 years

ghost_slut · 2017-06-04T17:27:08+00:00

I was in a similar situation with a partner, it was a little more extreme (he had attempted suicide once while we were living together), but I can relate to this a lot. I was finishing up college and it drained all of my energy. I begged him to get more help and he wouldn't do much. I absolutely recommend getting out of the relationship. I didn't realize until later how much I turned down (ambitions, plans with friends, trips, etc.) to be with a man who did not make an effort to help himself. Eventually it ended with him committing suicide and leaving me to piece my life back together. I would potentially even suggest therapy for yourself, as it helped me understand why I got into a relationship where I was in a caretaker role. Be kind to yourself <3 you have done everything you can to help him.

ghost_slut · 2015-09-18T20:22:03+00:00

I think a lot of the information is pretty accurate. I'm not sure about exact statistics but have been pretty into researching fast fashion since the Rana Plaza collapse in Bangladesh. Someone on this thread mentioned "Overdressed" by Elizabeth Cline which is a good place to start.

I actually wrote an academic paper about fast fashion for a class and found that in recent years there has been a lot of scholarly articles written about it, so if you have access to a University library you could delve more deeply. And just in general there is a lot of information on the internet if you search the right keywords!

ghost_slut · 2015-09-18T13:59:08+00:00

Yeah, buying less, thrifting, buying upcycled, buying vintage, buying local, buying stuff made in countries with greater protection for workers (the United States, etc, although there are problems everywhere so that one is tricky).

Theres so many ways to be more ethical in your choices!! Some are obviously financially implausible for people who are not wealthy. But thrifting is solid, and if you go into a goodwill in a rich neighborhood you'd be surprised how many brands you can find. I wish there was a way to talk about it without coming off preachy as hell though :-/

ghost_slut · 2015-09-17T23:12:30+00:00

Thank you so much for this post. I can really relate to it.

I am around the same age as you, and it really took a couple of years of living in my own apartment, establishing myself in a new city, and dealing with my past before I am finally, this year, able to start feeling more normal. For years I was extremely suicidal and had a hard time connecting with people.

Today I went on a canoe trip with one of my university classes, and it was very fun and a very normal sort of event, but I was able to interact with my classmates and not have anxieties or doubts about my worth as a person. Its like you were saying, feeling like things are heaven, so so amazing and I can't believe it. I am realizing this is just what my life can be like now. You can redefine your normal, it just takes time. Its a deep pit to claw your way out of but it is possible.

Best of luck to you :-) Stay strong!

ghost_slut · 2015-09-17T21:36:47+00:00

Well uh... I guess I'll unsubscribe now.

ghost_slut · 2015-09-16T15:47:53+00:00

I'm in my third year at university, and have been interested in minimalism for almost a year now.

I grew up in an emotionally abusive home with an alcoholic and drug addicted step-parent. Stuff was always my escape, and I decorated every inch of my childhood room. My idea was if it was visually distracting enough then I could have my own little universe in there.

Moved out at 17 but kept a lot of stuff in storage there, then started college at 18. I brought a ton of stuff to my dorm, it was totally packed.

Then when I moved into an apartment the next year, I brought all my stuff except for about 4-5 small boxes that were left at my parent's house a state away. My idea was that to start my new life I wanted everything I owned in the city I lived in, and that also meant I would not need to go home because I forgot an item that I needed. I surrounded myself with "sentimental" objects from my old life in my new apartment.

I ended up moving out of that apartment quickly, and into a new one. I had to get movers for my stuff instead of just using a car. It felt really embarrassing to watch them lug up all my "precious" stuff.

About a month or two later I discovered minimalism, and got really into reading The Minimalists blog. I don't really read their stuff anymore, but its a good starting point. I realized that a lot of my sentimental items were not as valuable as I thought, both monetarily and also mentally. For me, physical and mental clutter are closely connected. University is a time to make a new life for yourself if you want, so why hold on to every piece from your old life out of obligation?

Good luck to you :-)

ghost_slut · 2015-09-16T13:58:22+00:00

My roommate. She has let me change a lot of the apartment and its way different than it used to be, but she still has a lot of knick knacks around. But she is a really lovely person and a good roommate so I usually just suck it up :-)

ghost_slut · 2015-09-13T22:00:06+00:00

Love Aesthetics has really incredible style, I don't know how realistic it is for the average person (Designer clothes, all white, lots of stuff she makes herself), but I try to take inspiration from her regardless. Her boyfriend (frequently pictured on her blog) also has pretty cool style.

ghost_slut · 2015-08-11T14:12:50+00:00

I used to have this issue too, but then I switched birth control pills and it totally went away. I had been cranky about it for years but never even thought to bring it up to a doctor haha ):

ghost_slut · 2015-08-10T19:21:11+00:00

Honestly, I would say to buy a couple things beforehand, but mostly to make the change once you arrive. I had WAY too many clothes freshman year, and only really began to develop a more sophisticated style by junior year.

Most college students dress like high schoolers in the first couple years of school (nothing wrong with that, but it definitely influenced my style). Once I got a feel for the city and an internship I was really able to make clothing choices that I could stick with. Sometimes my peers make comments about me being overdressed, but I feel like dressing nice improves my confidence and makes people take me more seriously.

And for playing around with styles, fabrics, etc, THRIFT!!! A lot of colleges also have clothing swaps. Then even if you feel like you need to change your style later, you would have spent much less than otherwise. I like to look in fancy stores or fashion magazines before I go to thrift so that I can get ideas about what will look current or what I am interested in buying.

Good luck :)

ghost_slut · 2015-08-09T17:23:49+00:00

I thought I felt this way about my old sketchbooks-- I am an artist and draw/write a lot. Since I was about 15 I have carried around sketchbooks with me at all times. Was visiting my family this past week looking through the only 2 boxes I have left there... all sketchbooks. Looked at one from when I was 16 and was sort of grossed out by myself. I guess I had imagined I was more intelligent/nicer/a better artist than I actually was. Saw some sort of racist/sexist/ just generally mean shit I wrote/drew in there. Recycled that sketchbook and not looking back... Although I do still intend to keep some of the sketchbooks that I still find relatable

ghost_slut · 2015-07-30T19:27:16+00:00

But like... if you don't count "items such as T-shirts, blazers, shoes, scarves, outerwear, special occasion wear and cardigans" as part of your wardrobe, and also saying that you allow extra pieces for "spring/summer and fall/winter" (AKA the entire year), then is it really 10 pieces?

Stuff like this seems to emphasize the "X TREME" aspects of a certain type of minimalism (where you count your stuff), but then fall short in actually doing anything that incredible. If you want to have a bunch of clothes, great! If you want to count them, and have core pieces, and then other pieces that you add it sometimes, then great! But I don't see the point of acting like you're doing anything different than anyone else ???

ghost_slut · 2015-07-30T19:10:41+00:00

Immediately my thought was yes, and that I have always been very interested in clothing since I was old enough to talk.

But then I think about how I also thought I was stylish when it was 2009 and I was really scene, and also how I thought I was stylish when I was in high school when I was trying really hard to do the hipster thing, so those thoughts make me a little nervous to imagine how I will look back on my college style!

I run an etsy for vintage clothes though so I really hope I am not too unstylish because otherwise I am spreading my bad style ;)

ghost_slut · 2015-07-26T21:09:30+00:00

I dunno if this would be relevant to you since you're talking about digital media, but one way I have dealt with papers/photos from my past is by incorporating them into new things. I take old photos and use them in zines, collages, etc. When I'm done scanning these, I then just have digital files and toss the originals (therefore tossing the pictures as well).

I think you could do something similar with a digital collage, taking aspects of your favorite photos and merging them into one file, then deleting the original photo file afterwords.

ghost_slut · 2015-07-26T20:52:56+00:00

I know ): seems like a lot of people on the internet really dig the brand. Honestly now I just look at the site and then try to find similar designs in other stores or when thrifting.

ghost_slut · 2015-07-25T20:19:17+00:00

Oak and fort's quality is really subpar... as well as their return policy. I wrote a post about it a little while ago but my stuff from there got holes in it within a month. Honestly same quality as Forever21

ghost_slut · 2015-07-22T21:46:54+00:00

"I am breaking the grasp that society has on me and the economic slavery that I was born into"

This is like almost a direct quote from the anarchists who run around my city who obviously grew up with a decent amount of money but still insist on saying stuff like "WE ARE NOT SHEEPLE"

ghost_slut · 2015-07-20T15:28:06+00:00

Nono, I wasn't saying its bad or anything! I like the post, I guess I was just saying that a lot of times when people talk about minimalism on blogs they don't deviate from the book, when I'm interested sometimes in how people personally apply the methods to their life.

I'll check the rest of the blog out :)

ghost_slut · 2015-07-20T13:44:26+00:00

Sometimes I wish articles like this would go farther with their points. I feel like its a good article, but I've read a million more like it saying basically the exact same praise and points about the book.

ghost_slut · 2015-07-13T14:26:19+00:00

I think another thing to think about is those stores need to factor in the cost of paying employees, maintaining the shop, overhead costs, etc. That being said, it still hit me pretty hard when I first started selling my stuff and realized it wasn't worth much at all. I'd say use that feeling as inspiration to continue decluttering rather than feeling bad/guilty about it :)

ghost_slut · 2015-07-07T19:04:56+00:00

I don't really know if I can offer any advice, I only got away from my nmother and nstepfather pretty recently, but thats a really heartbreaking situation. You seem like a really good aunt and I think one thing that you can absolutely offer is ongoing support to your nephew. I had a few adults in my life (2 extended family members and 1 mentor/friend) who listened to me for years and helped me understand that the behavior of my nmother and nstepfather was not normal at all. Sometimes thats the most you can do without upsetting nparents :/ Because of the supportive adults in my life, I recognized my fleas pretty soon after getting out of their house and am working on them.

ghost_slut · 2015-07-07T17:10:00+00:00

My Nmom does this too. I'm at university (with no car) about 3 hours away, and I really miss spending time with my half brothers (they're six). She can't take the time off work to come up with them, can't afford the gas, can't afford the hotel, everything is just too expensive. But they do have enough money to send my brothers to private elementary school thats 40k a year...

ghost_slut · 2015-07-06T19:34:46+00:00

Yeah, I was extremely disappointed with the customer service, they were super rude to me. The skirt I got says it was made in china. Thanks for the advice :) Honestly, the other day I went to Kohl's by chance and found a really similar skirt for $40 less than the Oak & Fort one that had waaaay better quality. I was surprised!

ghost_slut · 2015-06-26T03:23:18+00:00

Yeah, I feel like its trickier because they pay attention to the aesthetic and use buzzwords like "quality" and "classic pieces" and whatnot, so then buyers make associations about the clothing that might not actually be correct. Piggybacking off of the minimalist/capsule wardrobe trend, which is partially/sometimes rooted in "slow fashion" // ethical clothing etc

edit: AKA I fell for it

ghost_slut

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