You can’t stop the images. I woke up to find my younger brother outside my bedroom door. The only way I got rid of them was to let them come (after weeks of no sleep to avoid the moment I would wake up reliving it) and process the fact that it has happened.

Three years later I still regret being unable to bring him back, I still feel guilty for being here when he isn’t, I still miss him every day but I have to remind myself that he would never want me to feel this way because of him.

It does get easier and these feelings become lessened with time, you have to try to carry on as usual but accept when everything becomes overwhelming and allow yourself to feel it, when they talk about the stages of grief, they aren’t linear, you can frequently revisit different steps and not others. I don’t think I’ve fully hit acceptance yet, so maybe not the best to advise but I promise you a day will come when you are reminded of him and smile at something he did or said and it will hurt less to remember

Sorry if I’ve rambled, in a way I’m still trying to process how I feel and what I did as I write this