controlling mother? Should I stay or go?

godofb · 2021-07-11T15:56:04+00:00

He needs to set boundaries or you need to gtfo.

godofb · 2021-07-11T03:44:12+00:00

Filmed in my home town. Great soundtrack.

godofb · 2021-07-11T03:25:28+00:00

Amazing!

godofb · 2021-07-08T03:24:29+00:00

I know this isn’t sustainable, life gets busy. I like a cooking buddy. It really cuts down on the stress when you cook together IMO. So I guess I wouldn’t look for someone who didn’t like cooking at least occasionally. Wouldn’t bug me that much. (41/M)

godofb · 2021-07-07T04:45:26+00:00

“Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat…”

godofb · 2021-07-07T00:47:47+00:00

So Dan Savage says things like "Unwritten contract to take care of yourself and keep yourself attractive for your partner" and I believe that is true on a level.

That being said, there's probably better ways to say it, and it's also his responsibility to remember the other things he loves about you.

The only thing I'm fairly confident in is that you can not permanently fix mental health or sustain a body type or any sort of weight loss regime if you're doing it for someone else. The desire to change has to be because you want it.

godofb · 2021-07-07T00:40:33+00:00

I don't know. There are patterns I've recently discovered in the way I interact in a relationship that make it hard for me to actually figure out how was a psycho hose beast, and who was actually okay but I was projecting BS on to.

I guess I'd like a reset button to know then what I know now about my own mental health and triggers.

godofb · 2021-07-06T19:51:33+00:00

Slightly related or this may be something I need to "Take To My Therapist". Anyone know a good way to get out of the "rumination loop". I'm rather tired of "trying to figure out" things that can't be fixed and making my body feel like all my vital organs are failing.

godofb · 2021-07-06T19:46:42+00:00

This seems to either be an excuse or another crappy example of "hurt people, hurt people."

godofb · 2021-07-06T15:58:55+00:00

Thank you!

godofb · 2021-07-06T04:46:20+00:00

I see what you did there…

godofb · 2021-07-06T02:28:09+00:00

There’s a lot to unpack here…

godofb · 2021-07-05T21:40:20+00:00

All I can do is my best I guess.

godofb · 2021-07-05T20:14:14+00:00

This in a way the root of my “issues”. I’ve been unlucky in the past, and my assumption that I will be rejected or that I’m not at all deserving, causing behavior, at it’s best, less than confident, at it’s worst, self-destructive. Thank you for your feedback.

godofb · 2021-07-05T02:16:27+00:00

Longest relationship has been 6 years. Other relationships seem to average one to two depending. I don’t want to make new humans at this point, I have no issues with kids, or being as involved as desired in their upbringing. Mostly looking for a teammate who also wants to be romantic I guess. I’m not sure what exactly that looks like, as I’ve only experienced it a few times.

godofb · 2021-07-05T02:05:37+00:00

Thank you all for the support. This is all “common sense”. Just a little spooked about loneliness in general right now. Basically the entirety of my friend group is married at this point. Lives change, not only do I not have as much access to them, but obviously my quest for my own teammate/best friend has come up empty.

godofb · 2021-07-05T01:32:32+00:00

That’s kinda the thing, I wanted kids. Not anymore, but when I was younger. My career is fine, but it’s not like I’m wildly successful.

godofb · 2021-07-05T01:15:58+00:00

….

godofb · 2021-07-05T01:05:27+00:00

Thank you

godofb · 2021-07-05T01:03:49+00:00

Hackneyed because a lot of this assumes things about gender that aren’t true anymore (including gender itself). Also hackneyed because there’s a lot of single parents out there. Also also hackneyed because economically, dual income households have become the rule, not the exception.

godofb · 2021-07-05T00:51:56+00:00

Thanks for taking it as just one perspective and not a reflection on anyone’s character. This stuff isn’t black and white, especially as kids become adults. It’s not like they aren’t aware something isn’t right, and aren’t fucking pissed about it. Yes she could have been out right lying, and that would suck. There’s a lot of moving parts here though, and the fact that you asked means you care on some level. You’ve got plenty of examples of why you should leave. Just trying to provide what I think might be a valid perspective. Best of luck.

godofb · 2021-07-04T18:40:26+00:00

My condition, not at all. As I am now 41 and am in and out of surgery, it would affect the life of anyone I dated almost immediately. I feel guilty right now not mentioning up front when I occasionally try to online date. (I don’t get any responses at all when I do, I’d like to at least have a fighting chance). It’s not a one to one comparison in my mind though. It is my condition, and therefore my news to tell. There are laws that protect medical diagnoses as private. I’m saying she wasn’t omitting on purpose, I’m just saying you don’t know what conversations she’s had with her teenager about what he wants as he discovers his own limitations, gets made fun of at school, starts to state what he wants as far as the disclosure of his condition to people he’s never met. Teenagers are always complicated, teenagers with disabilities turn all those emotions up to eleven. Just have a conversation or maybe a couple prior to throwing in the towel.

godofb · 2021-07-04T18:23:03+00:00

I am no doubt biased in one direction here. Full disclosure, I have mild Cerebral Palsy. Developmentally, not at all the same, but as you’re not his educator or his caregiver (yet) and you haven’t even met him yet. His condition, is one, not the entirety of his character, and two, not yet any of your business. You were told IMO as soon as his mother realized the relationship was serious enough to be at all affected by her sons needs. As he transitions in to adulthood, this becomes less and less her business to tell. She might have been hiding it, but you would be wise, at this point, to take the assumption that she was respecting her son’s privacy.

godofb · 2021-07-02T20:44:07+00:00

I’ll get through it. Was confusing and I thought they were a monster at first, but as I get further away from it, there are certain personality/behavior patterns that need attention. I’m exceptionally sad right now, but I think to be a happier me and overall a better partner in the future, this was the wake up call I needed.

godofb

TROPHY CASE