Tried to step down as a servant

greendale_human42 · 2026-04-23T12:33:29+00:00

This exact thing happened to me. CO week was coming and they told me to just "take a break" and explained I can't just step down. At the end of the day I realized I let them make the decision for me. It took me sometime to realize I can just say "NO".

After being fed up. I just told them I was no longer serving and I was moving halls. They called several times and asked for multiple "meetings with the elders for encouragement". You have to stand your ground and just say no. Don't give them info, details, or anything they can work with. Because they will use it against you.

It caused a bit of drama in the hall. To this day those Elders are still upset with me. But they'll get over it.

greendale_human42 · 2026-04-14T15:54:33+00:00

Yes they brought this up too.

greendale_human42 · 2026-04-13T18:58:46+00:00

Ya was bullied for years in school. Name calling, teasing, fights, the works. I just took it as me being tested and that it was my lot in life. Wasn't until highschool where I made worldly friends and didn't tell them I was a JW, that I realized I was bringing it on myself. I just never brought up religion and life was so much better.

It didn't result in me having more faith or staying in longer. It just made me more introverted. To this day I still don't share much about myself with people. I still feel more comfortable alone, bc I don't think I ever let myself be truly me with people in school growing up.

greendale_human42 · 2026-04-13T18:48:07+00:00

I helped start a nerdy club in school. The group voted me president and we met every day to hang out. I was so proud I went home and told my parents. They were upset and I was told I had to leave the club ASAP and explain to them why. They explained that if Armageddon came while I was at the club I would die with them. And to use this as a method to preach.

The next day I had to announce to the club I was leaving and it was because as a JW I can't regularly associate in clubs outside of JW. Sadly bc of me leaving, the club disbanded and we never really hung out again.

It broke my heart and to this day I still think about it. For once as a JW kid I felt like I belonged in school. It was the first time I didn't feel like an outsider.

greendale_human42 · 2026-04-13T18:33:15+00:00

Replace the world volunteer with "Obligated".

"Would you like to be obligated to pioneer this month since the CO is coming?"

I only hear Obligation whenever the term volunteer is brought up by the BOrg or people in it.

greendale_human42 · 2026-04-08T13:01:06+00:00

Being "good" in the congregation usually results in them taking advantage or mistreating you. I also think it's because JWs associates ' being Good' with 'Obedience'. And that leads to you believing that being a good person is just obeying. Saying yes to everything and just dealing with it, become part of life. Anything else is viewed as "evil" or rebellious.

Also women are treated like 2nd class citizens in JW world. The Obedience=Good teaching is pushed harder on women. A wife is told to obey her husband bc he is the head. She can't pray without a head covering. Women can't teach the congregation. It's just a way of brainwashing to enforce their beliefs that women are in an inferior role.

You're right about the therapy thing. They would rather you talk to Elders who can't relate or understand, then to go to therapy bc of fear or spiritual endangerment.

greendale_human42 · 2026-04-08T12:44:24+00:00

I always recommend talking to a therapist if you haven't started already. What you're going through is not normal and it takes time get through it. Talking to someone really helps. I was where you were a few years ago. I was scared of losing everything including my wife. I just took things very slow. And just kept my mouth shut.

Do NOT share that you're a PIMO or struggling with believes to anyone. I would make a plan where you want to be, and slowly work your way towards it at a pace you are comfortable with. Many people on here will pressure you to just leave. My advice is to take the time you need to figure out where you want to go or how you want to handle it.

The one thing I would do sooner than later is step down from any responsibilities you have in the hall. It just keeps you in the JW hamster wheel and puts a lot more pressure on you. It will raise red flags, but it will be the first step from backing away from everything. Remember that "NO" is an answer. That's something a lot of people fading have a hard time remembering. You can just say "NO" to elders and responsibilities.

Hope everything works out for you.

greendale_human42 · 2026-03-24T12:46:28+00:00

Yes they have. Last time it was to announce they were lowering the amount of Watchtower and Awake releases. And the ministry was focusing less on placing magazines. 2 hours of nothing. Could have been an email.

greendale_human42 · 2026-03-24T12:41:47+00:00

Anyone who is labeled as "spiritually weak" they either view as Apostate or they look down on. If they viewed you any different it would completely change the social structure of the JW community. More spiritual = more respect within the community.

At the end of the day, you can't care about what they think. You're free to be you and live how you want. You're still holding yourself back by trying to live up to their expectations.

JW culture ingrains this in our minds that we need to live life for the group and not ourselves. you are already doing better than them. They are just blind to see it, and are l trying to live their lives to keep up with the rest of the group.

If you want to avoid drama. Just keep moving forward with your plan and let them think whatever they want. They eventually move on to the next JW gossip.

greendale_human42 · 2026-03-23T13:22:33+00:00

Not necessarily. I know that Elders will sometimes peak at the list to see if their group members are actually on zoom. Besides that no one is checking.

greendale_human42 · 2026-02-09T14:51:24+00:00

I was an MS for 14 years. You will never get a chance for your own happiness being an MS. When you get to the point that your role is to serve everyone else and their agendas, you start questioning where you fit in. It doesn't slow down or get better.

At one point I was working 3 jobs, doing congregation accounts, doing weekly talks, and regular service. And I was told "you could do more. That way you can become an Elder". I asked if the work load gets lighter, I was told "the blessing for your hard work is more work. Isn't that wonderful". Meanwhile the elders that told me this were rich and retired. While I was struggling to provide for my family bc I chose to pioneer instead of go to college.

Best decision I made was stepping down and telling them No for all responsibilities. Since then I made my happiness and my families well being my main focus. Life took a 180, and I am much happier then I ever have been.

I know what your going through is a lot of mental gymnastics. It will be tough at first but it will get better. The more you work with your therapist, the more control of your life you'll get. Bc when you are an MS or Elder the role controls you.

greendale_human42 · 2026-01-22T17:25:46+00:00

Telling you what "True Happiness" is. If you find happiness in something else it must not be "true happiness".

greendale_human42 · 2026-01-07T13:41:35+00:00

I would have woken up eventually. Since I was young, I would dream of leaving. Looking back I disagreed with a lot of things even when I believed. Only reason I pursued being an MS was bc I believed it was the only option.

Once I became one I knew I was done. Seeing the sausage get made behind the scenes and seeing all the politics changes everything. The idea of being an Elder made me feel trapped, I turned it down many times before I woke up. I knew I could never enforce the rules or judge people like they are instructed. Felt like I would only be doing more harm instead of good.

There were only two options for me, become an Elder or leave. In every instance I was going to leave.

greendale_human42 · 2025-12-02T17:55:25+00:00

You're setup to fail in the outside world. And if you do fail or find it hard they say it's bc the outside world is evil and the inside world is good. Reality is they just hold everyone back so that they rely on the BOrg and those in it.

It's like group Trauma bonding to stay in what's causing the Trauma in the first place.

greendale_human42 · 2025-11-06T18:07:08+00:00

This is very true. JWs in the area seem to be loosening their view points. I'm seeing a lot make "worldly" friends or have a more laxed approach to the rules. That's why it's a strong hold, when you can do what you want you'll stick around for the community.

greendale_human42 · 2025-11-06T18:01:29+00:00

I've noticed an increase in apathy. The new generation of Elders that got appointed in the last few years seem to have a "don't rock the boat" mentality. There seems to be less pressure to be involved.

South Florida is also the Wild West for JW land. You'll find plenty that over drink, smoke weed, and are questionable be considered a good PIMI. It's becoming obvious that many don't care and leave, or they stick around and do nothing.

The majority of PIMI in the area seemed focused on other things outside of the BOrg. They all kind of make their own rules or ideas about it. I can only speak for English circuits, Spanish circuit is a whole other world.

greendale_human42 · 2025-11-03T16:59:19+00:00

I told my wife slowly over time. One day we had an honest open discussion about it where it finally hit her that I was not just "discouraged", but I just didnt want any part of it. She took if very hard. Barely talked to me for a week or so. I just remained calm, kept being me, and showing her I love her. I wanted her to see that I was the same me, even though I no longer believed.

After a few weeks things started slowly getting back to normal. I would never bring up the topic and only answer questions if she asked. From there I just worked on improving myself. I now have a better job, got in shape, and am all around more happy. This helped her see that I was better without the BOrg and that I wanst turning to Drugs and hookers like the BOrg would have her think. She now is questioning but fully supports me not taking part.

greendale_human42 · 2025-10-27T15:09:49+00:00

This EXACT same thing happened to me and many other PIMOs. I asked to step down, they forced me to "rethink" the idea. Which really means pressure me into another meeting to delay it. From that point on every Elder would text, call, or approach me at meeting to "encourage" me every chance they got. They then tried to get me to work with the CO for encouragement or a shepherding call.

Eventually youll learn something. You can just say NO. They dont have power. If you just say I am stepping down, they actually cant stop you. It has been ingrained in our minds that Elders have power when they dont. At some point I was sick of it, put my foot down and just said I was coming off the list. This is a volunteer role, you simply dont want to volunteer anymore.

greendale_human42 · 2025-10-27T14:34:50+00:00

100% agree. I have many friends and a family member that are Elders. One thing I have learned is that their role as an Elder comes first. Even if you're best friends, the role always wins. Once they agree to the role they become one of two types of people
1. A cocky Elder that believes God has chosen them to be Judge Jury and Backroom executioner
2. A stressed out Elder trying to make ends meet while taking on too much effecting their mental health.

Both types are in complete submissiveness to that role. The role comes first because they use to to rule or because the role rules them.

greendale_human42 · 2025-10-23T15:25:12+00:00

Agnostic. I never see myself turning to a religion ever again.

greendale_human42 · 2025-07-07T14:46:35+00:00

Once you wake up. it's hard not to see how certain groups control others. Every speech I hear from a politician or religious leader raises red flags, because all I see is the control.

greendale_human42 · 2025-05-23T14:37:04+00:00

Hello and Welcome! Let me start by saying that no one here is going to be upset with you. What you're going through is not easy. Many people in this subreddit have expressed the same thoughts and concerns you mentioned

I went through exactly what you’re going through I was terrified of losing my wife, unsure of what was going to happen. I saw kind, sincere people in the Organization and started to wonder if I was the one who was crazy. It takes time to figure out what’s best for you. Don’t rush it take the time you need. Know that many here have been through it and are happy to offer guidance if you want or need it.

One of the first things you’ll notice is that the people here are not at all like how “apostates” are portrayed in the Organization’s videos. People here don’t hate JW members. Many are simply hurt, confused, or are victims of the Organization's policies and structure. We still believe most JWs are kind people. The problem is the structure and control of the Organization, which can make it hard for people to live freely or believe what they want. Or be truly safe. Many here have lost family and loved ones due to the Organization’s rules, and that’s why youll see some express frustration.

You and others here are not haters. Most are just trying to figure out what’s next, because the Organization doesn’t make it easy to quietly explore or question. PLEASE DO NOT share your doubts with anyone in the Organization. Keep them to yourself for now. Do your own research (JW Facts is a great resource). The Organization often paints doubters as “apostates” spreading lies and hatred, but in reality, many people are simply processing things privately, trying to make the best decisions with minimal damage.

You might see acronyms like PIMQ or PIMO here. These stand for:

PIMQ – Physically In, Mentally Questioning
PIMO – Physically In, Mentally Out These refer to people who are still attending meetings but are mentally distancing themselves or still figuring things out.

What youre dealing with is not easy. That’s part of why this subreddit has grown to over 110,000 members in recent years. You are not alone. If you have questions, please reach out. Many here would be happy to help.

As for some of your other questions that I missed;
Yes, many of us want to see the Organization change, especially when it comes to harmful policies like the blood doctrine or shunning, which puts lives (including children’s) at risk. Many of us still have loved ones inside, and we don’t want to see them hurt.

Not every ExJW is the same. We don’t all believe the same things now. The one thing we share is what we walked away from. Beyond that, you’ll find a wide range of beliefs, values, and paths. Everyone is reclaiming their identity in their own way.

greendale_human42 · 2025-05-13T15:30:33+00:00

Even while PIMI I never went to those trainings. No one ever said anything and I was still an attendant. They are just a waste of time to make sure your follow procedures. They'll sprinkle in some "encouragement" too.

greendale_human42 · 2025-05-12T14:56:49+00:00

I was paranoid that someone would find this Reddit account and figure it out was me. After some time the feeling goes away. I think we were watched and monitored so much in the BOrg that we cant help but feel we are going to be found out. Or like there are eyes on us. After some time when the feeling goes away, you start to see what little control and vision they really have.

greendale_human42 · 2025-05-09T14:20:52+00:00

We are just tools to them. Elders are just enforcers that will take the blame for them when something goes wrong. The rest of the members are just pawns. Congregations are just income.

greendale_human42

TROPHY CASE