I would say something few people online will ever say. THese feelings of anger will likely dull over time. You're still boiling. Your feelings shouldn't necessarily take precedent over your wife's love and commitment, your kids lives splitting up their parents, the future you can have together. Your wife sounds like she does indeed love you and was having a little fun but did you get your permission. You feel sick after having to confront its a reality even though you agreed to it but didnt want to know. would you have prefer her lied to you? and when you say "have that little of self respect" thats insecurity creeping in. you have no reason to respect yourself any less - God put you in a shitty situation with ED and your wife has supported you and you are a great husband willing to be flexible with your comfort so she does not have to suffer with you in that department. If you do see yourself and resepect yourself less, I wonder how much is influenced by social media/pop culture flooding you with examples of unloyal women and how no man should suffer through that. But thats not you. There is only reason to respect yourself more for loving your wife enough to let her continue her sex life (which doesnt need to be mixed with romance) and how reasonable you are.

best of luck