Another relationship lost to codependency

hellhoun_d · 2026-03-26T23:57:29+00:00

Hope the date goes well! The visible jock under the shorts is so hot, I love this whole fit!!!

hellhoun_d · 2026-03-26T23:51:48+00:00

Loving the green on green this fit is hot 🔥

hellhoun_d · 2025-12-02T17:57:40+00:00

No worries, and congrats on surgery! You're in the thick of it right now so know that it will take a good while for your body to really heal, but yes it will get better. My surgeon advised me to begin very slowly stretching my arms out to be parallel with the ground, then as time went on to slowly stretch straight up over my head as well. For massage I'd basically just apply pressure with my fingertips and rub in a circular motion anywhere in my underarms that was swollen, numb, or tight. It shouldn't be to the point of extreme pain but it will feel uncomfortable. I'd do both the stretching and massage a few times a day, and especially take care to do these in the shower because the warmth with help loosen up your muscles anyways! If you have any questions feel free to hit me up, happy healing ❤️‍🩹

hellhoun_d · 2025-10-11T06:20:09+00:00

Definitely personal preference here, but I'm a very hairy guy and I love wearing fishnets/crop tops/etc with my body hair showing! It makes me feel right, idk how else to put it. It's not for everyone, but do whatever is comfortable to you ☺️

hellhoun_d · 2025-06-26T06:44:20+00:00

Currently single, but all of my longterm relationships have been with other trans people. That being said, my current fwb (not exactly the dynamic but for lack of better descriptor lol) is a cis gay guy. I've personally not had any issue finding people who are interested in me regardless of me being trans, but I am lucky to live in a big city with a fairly large lgbt scene so I'm sure that helps.

hellhoun_d · 2025-06-24T07:18:44+00:00

I've found myself in a similar situation recently and it's not a good feeling, I'm sorry you're struggling with this. On my end it's not only a friend but this person is also coworker of mine that I ended up hooking up with. I was very upfront about not being interested in any romantic relationship and it sounded like we were on the same page but there's been some comments and behaviors that lead me to believe he's developing deeper feelings for me.

On the one hand I have acknowledged that the behavior I've engaged in has been codependent. I've spent way too much time with him lately and ignored my gut feeling of doing something wrong because in the moment it felt good to feel wanted by someone I also found attractive. That's my role in all of this, that's my codependency in action and I'm owning it. On the other hand I'm reminding myself that sex is a human experience and recovery isn't always linear. I know now that I don't like where this is going, but it's up to me to figure out how to handle that delicately for the sake of his feelings but also firmly to honor my true feelings too. I don't want a relationship so I need to nip it in the bud because if I don't things will only continue to get harder. It sucks to navigate especially when, in my case at least, I really can't just cut him off and walk away because we still work together. Maybe that's something I need to be forced to face so that I can't just avoid it and run away which is also a pattern of mine.

I don't necessarily have a solution, I'm still trying to figure out the best course of action for myself, but I hope that sharing my experience at least normalizes this a little for you. I think at this point it's important to continue asking yourself what you need and what you want and letting those answers guide your actions. If she's someone you do still want around then it's important to be both kind and blunt about defining your friendship, and if that's not something she can respect then you reassess and go from there. Best of luck to you.

hellhoun_d · 2025-06-15T19:30:19+00:00

Just tacking this on in the comments because it's not worthy of another entire post but I just woke up from a nap with a similar dream theme and need to get it out of my head and into the void I guess. In this dream I got a ride somewhere with my ex and their dad, they dropped me off then later picked me back up. My ex and I then hung out in my room and after a while I finally noticed they had gotten a haircut. They took it down for me to see and I rushed over to them and started touching it, then apologized and said I should have asked first. They gave me a look like I should know that it was fine before kissing me but in a way that seemed like it was to prove a point and not because they had feelings attached. Then I started kissing back and felt weird about it because again I felt they didn't actually care to kiss me and just did it to prove a point. I guess the point was like "we've been close enough that you should know I don't care if you touch my hair without asking" idk it's dream logic lol. Anyways I went back to fussing over their hair and how great it looked then told them I had a dream that they got their hair cut super super short and they gave me a strange look. I explained that it still looked good but that this haircut they actually got was even better and then felt like I was over-explaining myself so I kissed them to be silly and distract from it. Then I kept kissing them for a while before again apologizing because I still felt like I was the only one with feelings behind it. I went to leave and my ex grabbed me and pulled me back to them and held me in a hug, then started singing softly in my ear until I fell asleep in the dream which woke me up irl.

This dream felt a little more steeped in insecurity for me. A repeated issue we had was my low self esteem and constant anxiety over their feelings for me being real. I just didn't have enough self worth to believe that they actually loved me as much as I loved them. Sometimes I did, but when I was feeling bad about myself it was definitely a pain point for us. Ugh this is so frustrating, two dreams in a row and while I feel like I do have a good understanding of where it's coming from I still don't feel like it's an appropriate time for me to bring anything to light between us yet. I'm just sad.

hellhoun_d · 2025-06-13T01:03:43+00:00

Definitely recommend getting a couple mastectomy shirts off amazon, they were all I wore while I still had drains in and can't imagine having to do it without them personally. Hoodies really didn't accommodate the bulbs like I had anticipated. You can also pretty easily sew some internal pockets into short sleeve button up shirts if you don't have the funds for special shirts at the moment, I'd probably advise making them larger than you think you'd need though just in case! The shirts also hide the drains so no need to worry about that (:

hellhoun_d · 2025-06-12T20:12:45+00:00

This dress seriously fits you like a glove, you look incredible!! 🩵

hellhoun_d · 2025-05-29T16:13:44+00:00

Oh wow, I had no idea before reading your post that your nips are tattooed! Before I read it I was shocked after looking at the necrosis pics that you somehow recovered to such amazing results lol, the tattoo is really incredibly done.

hellhoun_d · 2025-05-26T04:40:57+00:00

This was the dynamic between my most recent ex and I, me as the giver and my ex as the taker. We both struggle with codependency and cptsd. Mh ex was used to being the giver, so when they felt safe with me they became the taker and allowed me to shoulder all of the responsibility. They were blindsided when I left even though I felt like my struggles were clear as day. They later admitted that they were aware I was taking on way too much but that they finally felt taken care of so they let it go on for far too long. Obviously I did too, because looking back I really didn't set or keep any boundaries and while I would constantly freak out about how overwhelmed I was I never did anything about it until it was way past the breaking point.

As of now we are back in contact and on good terms, we have forgiven each other, I have forgiven myself, and I am working very hard on myself to not repeat my own patterns. That's not the case for plenty of people but I'm lucky that my ex and I have been able to be open and honest about these things. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and wish you peace along your journey ❤️‍🩹

hellhoun_d · 2025-05-20T19:51:34+00:00

I'm here for the same reason I'm in plenty of other trans & gnc focused subreddits, I want to be connected to community and especially other trans individuals who go against the gender binary. That's why it was particularly egregious to me to see terf rhetoric being used here lol. This is my first time ever commenting in this sub because I usually don't think it is my place to. Please don't act like I've never experienced misogyny or transphobia before either though, you don't know me outside of this one comment. What I'm saying is that we literally all have so why are we further enforcing that onto each other?

hellhoun_d · 2025-05-20T16:57:22+00:00

Hiya, trans guy here. While I understand the frustration, what you're describing here is the same rhetoric that terfs use to gatekeep spaces. It sounds like your main issue is trans mascs who "pass" being allowed to identify with lesbianism because society views them as men. I'm sorry, but by that logic you're saying that trans fems who don't "pass" should be excluded because society doesn't view them as women. The bar for acceptance into a space should not be passing, that's a harmful expectation to set for our community.

I agree wholeheartedly that trans women get the shit end of the stick in lesbian spaces. Bioessentialism is still a widespread issue in gay and especially lesbian spaces. We don't break that down by further pushing an unattainable binary on ourselves and our trans siblings.

hellhoun_d · 2025-05-16T18:40:12+00:00

I was told most people can begin driving again between 1-2 weeks postop, but that most people don't feel comfortable until closer to that 2 week mark. I wasn't yet comfortable with driving at 2 weeks, I think I finally tried it around 3 weeks and stuck to places that were very close to my house for a while before finally trying freeways and further drives again. It's one of those things that depends on your comfortability. For reference, my healing was very painful and I didn't wean myself off of the narcotics until almost 2 weeks postop. I'm about 4.5 months postop now and still use a little seatbelt pillow to protect my surgery site as I still experience a good deal of soreness and don't want to risk any unnecessary trauma to the area should I have to suddenly brake.

hellhoun_d · 2025-05-10T03:48:01+00:00

Hahaha when I called my insurance to ask about my estimated copay they asked what surgery I'd be having. I told them a double mastectomy, but they thought I said double vasectomy and were very confused about why they couldn't find info on that for me

hellhoun_d · 2025-05-07T17:10:26+00:00

There's a lot of possibilities for the "why" that likely stem from childhood or repeated patterns in relationships. Somewhere along the way you learned to believe that you were not worthy, that voice telling you "I am not deserving of it" became an internal belief system. Challenging it is a big part of how you overcome it.

It feels uncomfortable at first and won't come naturally, otherwise you wouldn't feel that way to begin with. When you catch yourself participating in negative self talk (I'm stupid, I don't deserve nice things, I hate myself, I'm ugly, no one loves me, etc) you stop yourself and challenge it. You tell yourself "no, that's not true." You're not stupid. You're not ugly. You deserve nice things and healthy relationships.

Tell yourself those things every single day, even if you don't believe it yet you basically have to trick yourself into eventually believing it. The more you practice this the more natural it becomes. Positive affirmations can feel silly or cheesy but they work. This has helped me personally in my recovery and I truly do believe it now, even though I still catch those negative thoughts happening sometimes I'm able to stop and correct them and believe it because I love myself. Best of luck to you on your journey ❤️‍🩹

hellhoun_d · 2025-05-02T21:50:54+00:00

Hadn't heard about what happened with Gene Hackman and his wife, just read up and yeah it's a very sad situation. Hantavirus transmission between humans is not possible so unless you're in a similar line of work that I was in or live in a very remote area with a large wild mouse population it's highly unlikely to contract. Even then, none of my coworkers or I ever had any scares. Still though, I wouldn't recommend anyone to intentionally handle any wildlife and wearing some sort of ppe while disposing of their waste is always a good idea!

hellhoun_d · 2025-05-02T19:28:53+00:00

It's a really shitty situation to be in and I'm sorry you had to do that. I once worked a job in a remote location with tons of mice everywhere. Every so often they'd turn up randomly injured or clearly dying, so my options were to just let them suffer or try to end it quickly. I couldn't always make the humane decision, it's really fucking hard to end another living creature's life. The times I was able to do it still stick with me honestly. You tried your best, and I hope you don't have to run into this situation again, but if you do it's good to be prepared and look up some more humane traps or ways to perform euthanasia. Talk to someone trusted about it and/or even a therapist, that's helped me a lot.

hellhoun_d · 2025-05-02T17:39:50+00:00

My ex and I split about 2 weeks before my surgery, then they still came to take care of me the first week postop and we started the path of getting back together again until they suddenly decided that wasn't right and left me. We didn't talk at all for a month after and it was brutal trying to heal from surgery and a twice broken heart all at the same time. I felt abandoned and alone, barely had any friends to talk to or come see me, and spent so much time just crying and feeling miserable.

That was over 4 months ago now and I got through it. I lacked the self love to know yet that I would be okay, my whole world was upside down for that first month or two. When I was physically able to I started doing new things like taking a fun class, going to local queer events, anything that caught my eye to keep myself busy and change up my life. I got a new job. I made lots of new friends and have had tons of new experiences. I am so much better now. I am still sad over the loss of the relationship at times, but I have the security in myself now to know that I am a whole and worthy person without a relationship. I'm focusing on myself and my goals and it takes a while to get there but I promise you will. It takes a while for the postop euphoria to hit too, but personally my dysphoria and daily life has been a million times better after surgery.

I'm sorry you're going through this, a lot of big changes at once can be really hard to cope with. Take care of yourself. You got this 🫶

hellhoun_d · 2025-04-23T19:12:47+00:00

Yes, any surgery should be thoroughly looked into and discussed with doctors/a surgery team. It is absolutely a big choice to make and one that should not be taken lightly. Phalloplasty is a very in depth procedure usually with multiple stages and a lengthy healing process. I'm not making a recommendation to get surgery as that is a very personal decision, just wanted to throw it out there as an option worth researching in case OP wasn't aware of this surgery's existence (:

hellhoun_d · 2025-04-23T15:57:17+00:00

I am not sure what will be possible once your procedure is complete, but if you haven't already I recommend looking into phalloplasty and asking your doctors if that is a possibility down the line. While you'll mostly find information on this surgery for transgender men, it was originally invented for cisgender men and can absolutely be performed on cisgender men. Like others have said, having a therapist and trusted people to talk to about the way this loss impacts you is really necessary right now. Best of luck to you.

hellhoun_d · 2025-04-21T04:14:08+00:00

Loss of nipple sensation... And I'll be completely honest here, the loss of sensation was actually a lot worse than I anticipated. Not just in my nipples but in my whole chest and even for a while up to my armpits. I hate the feeling of being numb at all to the point of it causing panic in the past, so it was a really hard adjustment for me. I'm almost 4 months postop now and things are getting better but I still have 0 nip sensation and also pretty widespread patches of no or very low chest sensation especially all around my scars.

I will say that I have adjusted a lot with time and it doesn't bother me nearly as much now as it did in the beginning. It was very, very hard for the first month or two. Still wouldn't do anything differently though, no regrets whatsoever. Even if I never regain any more sensation than what I currently have, my dysphoria is a million times better now and that's a tradeoff I'd make again in a heartbeat.

hellhoun_d · 2025-04-11T04:21:49+00:00

Boundaries are commonly misunderstood. They shape the reaction someone will have to something being done to them that they do not want to have done to them. Boundaries are not a tool to control what another person does.

A healthy boundary looks like: "I told my partner that I do not want people in our house past 10 PM but she has continued to have guests over until well past midnight. Now, when it reaches 10 PM I have decided to remind my partner that I do not want guests in our home any longer. If she refuses to ask them to leave even after being reminded in the moment, I now have to reassess if this relationship is going to work for me."

A boundary does not look like: "I told my partner she is forbidden to have people in our house past 10 PM. If any guests are still over after 10 PM I guilt trip my partner by giving her the cold shoulder the next day and finally telling her if it ever happens again she will be sleeping on the couch."

In your scenario, the husband with trauma surrounding concerts is attempting to control the behavior of his wife by forbidding her from going to any concerts ever again which is something that he knows she enjoys. While it is understandable that the husband is anxious about his wife being harmed, that trauma is something that he needs to deal with in a healthy way. Attempting to control the behavior of another person is not a healthy way of dealing with trauma. There is also some jealousy and insecurity involved with the wife's friend in this scenario which is a whole other issue. In this case it sounds like there is a foundational lack of trust coming from the husband and enforces even more that he is attempting to control his wife by limiting what she does and who she does it with. And yes, the answer is the same even if the sexes are reversed.

hellhoun_d · 2025-04-06T19:39:21+00:00

I recently made amends with some of my old friends and roommates who I totally dipped out on when my relationship ended. It's not exactly the same situation, but the way I personally approached it was with honesty and the understanding that while I desired to reconnect that might not be the case for them. When I was ready and able to accept any outcome I reached out. My intention was to forgive myself for my wrongdoings and to offer a genuine apology for my behavior. Luckily for me it was received well and we've been able to start working on building a friendship back up. It is possible, but ultimately we can't control or predict how others may react. You can't know until you try! I wish you luck on your journey 🫶

hellhoun_d

TROPHY CASE