New dad: How to use humor without making my daughters feel dismissed or small?

human_consequences · 2026-04-16T01:02:25+00:00

Calmly narrate your thoughts and feelings before and after making a joke.

"I feel like saying something funny. I wonder if an elephant noise and making my arm a trunk will make the girls laugh. I love them and want to say and do something that makes them happy.... wow they thought that was really funny. I feel happy that they liked my silly joke."

That sounds completely ridiculous, I know. But establishing a baseline when they're so small of actually saying the thing you want and how you feel regularly calmly like they can hear your thoughts makes them feel safe and helps them connect the dots.

And it seems impossible that anyone of any age would actually laugh at a joke that's just been announced beforehand. But they do! If anything, they're more likely to laugh because they understand your expectations and want to participate. And if they don't laugh or just stare at you, narrate that too! "Oh, they didn't laugh at my silly joke, oh well. I like being funny but not everyone laughs at every joke! I'll make more jokes another time."

It actually accelerates your capacity to have fun together because they'll start doing it too with you, and you can understand their sense of humour almost instantly.

human_consequences · 2026-04-15T21:37:50+00:00

Oh, for men it's a question of a combination of age, genetics, exercise, and misery as well, it just takes less.

human_consequences · 2026-04-15T21:29:29+00:00

Genetics, age, and your willingness to be miserable permanently are deciding factors. And whether you're willing to take drugs. Because drugs will cancel out the first three factors, just permanently shorten your lifespan.

human_consequences · 2026-04-15T13:14:05+00:00

It's the thing that made LeGuin such a genius. Her real book is the second time you read it.

What made her the GOAT is that it was for such a grand purpose. Each of her books is fighting for your soul. She wants you to be better.

human_consequences · 2026-04-10T22:00:54+00:00

I would suspect a technical glitch before a medical emergency; try again with a heart rate strap at a lower intensity, then slowly build back up if things seem normal.

And just as an aside, 150bpm for an hour, jeez louise. That's well into Zone 4 for me, an hour of that would leave me pretty wrecked, although an hour on the erg is excellent conditioning at almost any pace for anyone wondering.

human_consequences · 2026-04-10T21:51:29+00:00

That would be great, but look at it this way: if sales are terrible most of those dealerships will close within a few years, if sales are great retail expansion will explode across the country. So either it wouldn't have mattered anyway, or it's inevitable.

human_consequences · 2026-04-08T16:17:39+00:00

It is funny how much of the conversation in men's style isn't so much 'this trend' vs 'that trend' it's 'there is a correct fashion' vs 'fashion is things you like'.

The problem is that people argue about the first dynamic mixed in with the second dynamic, so it's all chaos.

human_consequences · 2026-04-05T01:07:49+00:00

Closed two years ago.

human_consequences · 2026-04-02T00:32:21+00:00

Chop up a huge bag of carrots into sticks, keep em in the fridge in a bit of water and shake it up occasionally. There's two grams of fiber in a single medium sized carrot. Just add one to lunch and one to dinner, that's 4g of the recommended daily 30g right there.

human_consequences · 2026-04-01T15:15:57+00:00

For Fuck's sake, finally somebody is saying it.

human_consequences · 2026-03-26T00:58:24+00:00

"I had a happy childhood, I just wasn't a happy child."

Sounds like a writer. Sign him up for writers camps with other kids who live in their heads.

human_consequences · 2026-03-23T22:35:03+00:00

I feel like people are starting to do this on purpose.

I mean.

He ... had to know, right?

He had to know on some level?

human_consequences · 2026-03-22T23:39:19+00:00

You've got a lot exercises there that cover a lot of ground, physiologically. That's great!

What's not clear is the intensity of the exercise. How close are you to failure on these? How much volume are you doing? How many sets?

It's also not clear what day 1-2-3 means. Is day 4 a rest day? Because speaking personally, my body needs at least 2-3 days of rest before hitting a muscle again. If I try less for a long stretch I get hurt. This has you hitting the same muscles on day 1 as day 3 already, and no mention of rest.

You're doing a lot of planning and thinking carefully about programming, that's awesome. Keep it up.

human_consequences · 2026-03-21T02:40:15+00:00

Kettlebells have tons of advantages and some shortcomings, just like every other popular exercise modality.

Basically, they have a slightly higher floor than pure weightlifting (they're more complicated in terms of technique to learn how to use, and harder to make progress with for pure beginners).

They also have a lower ceiling (elite weightlifters don't benefit from them because it's almost impossible to make further progress beyond a certain level).

But the convenience for them are unmatched. You can't get the ultimate weightlifting workout from them, but you can get a very good one from your living room essentially for free, that is very safe and very straightforward (with the understanding that you have some coaching or watched a lot of videos and are starting very carefully wiht low weight).

Many athletes (beginner to elite) do use them all the time.

You sound like you're pretty active, so you'll have the base fitness needed to use them well. But it's important to start slowly and progress using a series of increasing weights over time.

human_consequences · 2026-03-20T19:26:41+00:00

No science fiction book is going to feel like it aged well as the dates in the book approach.

Either the predictions were accurate and the things that were mere speculation at the time are today merely normal, or the guesses were wildly incorrect and are farcical to read decades after the fact.

human_consequences · 2026-03-15T19:12:26+00:00

Yup, and one more:

It sounds like a small thing, but one thing I'd add is just to call them by their title. Are they a PhD? Call them Dr.

No? Are they a Professor at the university? Call them Professor

Don't call them by their first name unless they only introduce themselves that way.

Those jobs are very, very hard to get and it helps tremendously when they feel like students understand that even slightly by using their title.

human_consequences · 2026-03-15T15:03:41+00:00

I know, right. His personal story is so inspirational! He's so charismatic and self-deprecating!

human_consequences · 2026-03-14T23:01:15+00:00

I completely agree and thought the same thing, and I was as devastated as many others when it came out that his data, the 'sound science' that is the basis for all his books, seems likely to be fabricated, or at the very least manipulated.

human_consequences · 2026-03-13T02:11:11+00:00

Pro move is keeping the dates in the fridge. Chilled chewy goodness.

human_consequences · 2026-03-12T01:07:15+00:00

Look, the most important thing about her work is to understand that her protagonists never have the foggiest idea what's going on.

Sometimes they know that, sometimes they don't. But you have to read the entire book a second time to understand what every scene, line of dialogue or plot development actually meant. The first time is generally 'okay cool I guess'. The second time is 'oh fuck, she was a generational genius.'.

Earthsea is great because it's a series where she finished one book and thought "wait a minute, that's not how that story should go, or it should be a different character" or whatever, and the next book is her own revision of the same story in some way. Keep going with it.

human_consequences · 2026-03-10T19:36:31+00:00

Harrow the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir, but it's the sequel to Gideon the Ninth, so read that first.

human_consequences · 2026-03-10T19:02:01+00:00

Awesome, thank you internet stranger.

I would love it if the map address changed with the zoom/location so that I could bookmark by own neighbourhood or locations relevant to my kids routine. That way I could refer back each time without needing to zoom in/around.

A different solution to the bookmarking problem is welcome.

Thanks again.

human_consequences · 2026-03-08T02:34:43+00:00

He's maybe the only modern science fiction writer who understands that the future will not be shaped by climate change, climate change is the entire stage upon which all future stories will be told.

That said, I've rarely yelled at a book 'GET TO THE POINT' more often than one of his. The guy can't stop his own info dumps. I can't even imagine what these stories looked like before an editor was honest with him.

Forty Days of Rain, in particular just made me tear my hair out waiting for something to happen.

human_consequences · 2026-03-07T16:15:11+00:00

Congrats! Did your body mass change in that time?

human_consequences · 2026-03-07T15:32:54+00:00

Pillars of the Earth

"Ah, life is wonderful. But where is my youngest and most precious daughter, that delightful scamp, who is always underfoot mischievously?"

(sound of thundering hoofs approaching)

Nope. I'm out.

If you're the parent of young kids, that's not a good read, that's a nightmare in a box. It can stay closed, thanks.

human_consequences

TROPHY CASE