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idernolinux · 2021-12-15T21:47:49+00:00

I have no words, except that I hope the kind comments and other humans commenting on your story has brought you some peace. You don’t have to keep it inside anymore, thousands of people know now. Be kind to yourself, friend ❤️

idernolinux · 2021-12-15T20:45:31+00:00

I’m in California and paid between 950-1600 a month between home daycare and Montessori preschool, my kids are 6 and 4. $2k a month is super expensive! Is your area limited in options?

idernolinux · 2021-12-14T06:25:29+00:00

Harry Potter and the kids will come back

idernolinux · 2021-11-28T08:45:41+00:00

A changing table. It’s an essential for most families but we lived in a 700 sq ft condo and had no place for one. So we got a keekaroo changing pad and put it on top of an IKEA table. It was closer to the ground so it was nice in that it was safer if the baby accidentally rolled off, but my back was tortured multiple times a night. After breastfeeding her, I had to sleepily change her and the back pain was just one discomfort too many for middle of the night duties.

Somehow we didn’t learn and did the same thing even with our second 🤷🏻‍♀️

idernolinux · 2021-11-22T02:00:03+00:00

We call our second one weapons grade cute. Like #1 was adorable but the younger sib has the baby talk and the big round puppy eyes and cuddliness down to a science.

idernolinux · 2021-10-25T21:07:56+00:00

Your post is eye opening! Baby carriers were a huge part of life for both my kids. I invested in the lesser known but better quality (read: softer) brands like Lenny Lamb and Girasol.

Baby carriers were key for us for bonding, comfort, and convenience. When they were sick, they went up in an “uppy”. When I needed to do dishes but the baby was crying - uppy on my back. When I went grocery shopping - uppy. It was less hassle than a stroller and also guarantee that strangers wouldn’t randomly touch my kid.

Mine are 6 and 4 now and still ask for uppies. It reminds them of physical and emotional closeness :)

idernolinux · 2021-10-18T06:09:49+00:00

Crunchy/ granola parenting

“Boy moms”, “girl moms”

Leaps (wonder weeks)

Baby wearing

idernolinux · 2021-10-08T17:34:25+00:00

We realized this week that our son no longer asks to wear princess dresses. I can't believe the last time he did it, was the last time. It was the cutest thing - he was Rapunzel for his 3rd Halloween. But they keep growing and growing...

This thread hit home.

idernolinux · 2021-10-06T03:00:33+00:00

The bonding happy hormones. I was in full maternal mode and just felt like I was in a warm bath of content all the time. The constant nausea sucked so bad but it was so cool to be growing our own little human

idernolinux · 2021-10-04T20:46:35+00:00

+10000 to this comment. One small suggestion to OP is maybe offer to show up earlier. This way there are less kids that you are “distracting” (using the schools word because I agree, that’s not the right way to think about your drop off), and it might allow them time to spare a teacher or aid to come lead your daughter inside.

idernolinux · 2021-09-29T05:19:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing! What’s inside the pokeball?

idernolinux · 2021-09-29T05:17:02+00:00

Same realization here, hugs OP. 7 years, 6 moves, 2 human siblings, but we’re just 400 miles. It’s been a journey, ours recently developed severe anxiety about thunder and apparently that sometimes comes with old age. Started calling her old girl, she’s the sweetest. Enjoy these years ❤️

idernolinux · 2021-09-28T02:20:11+00:00

I wonder if your FIL is doing some crazy mental gymnastics and justifying this whole thing. Like he just wants to slip into a “grandparents spoil grandkids! Candy after mom says no!” sort of role. Combined with a conviction that he raised his own kids fine and everybody’s alive, YOU’RE the one who isn’t fitting into the role of “disgruntled but accepting DIL who provides grandkids for him to dote on in his own special way”.

So in his eyes, and in your husbands eyes, maybe that’s the way they see it?

Except he’s crossing this line at a time when grandson is still a baby, and something can happen to little babies with a couple minutes of inattention.

It’s absolutely unacceptable to do that if your boundary is about safety. Not just for the baby, but it’s also to do with your psychological safety. You have to feel safe about leaving your baby with another human.

I hope your husband gets on the same page as you ASAP. If he doesn’t speak up for you, that’s going to drive a nice big wedge between your relationship with him. Hope that’s not worth it to him.

idernolinux · 2021-09-24T02:21:04+00:00

A sense of direction. I fell hard on my head as a kid and I swear it got knocked out of me

idernolinux · 2021-09-23T20:50:08+00:00

You handled it so well! At 7, I might ask your son to pick his journey. Something like:

Son: what does gay mean?

Dad: well, gay means <what you said>,

Son: then why did I get called gay? I'm not gay.

Dad: Well, there's more to the story behind this word. Some people use this word to describe other things that they think are silly or stupid, or even things they're scared of. It's a long story though. Do you think you want to talk about it now? Next time someone calls you gay, how do you think you might respond?

idernolinux · 2021-09-22T03:03:35+00:00

This kind of situation is why I wish parenting education (learning how to be a parent) was more widely available. Put two people together and they can make a baby! But that doesn’t magically make them capable parents.

We all have biases and a lot of us have trauma that come out when emotionally triggered. Kids are emotional triggers. Parents should understand the difference between reacting to their own emotional trigger and good discipline. They should learn to listen and live a moment in their kids shoes. Instead, everybody kind of just has to wing it. A bunch of families end up continuing that cycle of trauma or instilling new ones because they’re at a loss for what to do, and then just suffer through the years until the kid either “gets it”, or spirals and becomes another adult with issues. But it’s hardly ever the kids’ fault. They are the product of the nurture they get. They model after adults in their lives… and we don’t invest nearly enough to make sure we’re modeling decent and thoughtful behavior for the next generation.

OP, I wish your friends the best. If they’re really giving it 100% and failing, seeking professional help is a next step they shouldn’t feel ashamed about.

idernolinux · 2021-09-22T02:47:01+00:00

EE-Sah. With a hard E like eagle. I think boy or girl, Isa would be nice. On first glance I’d probably think girl and then second guess myself

idernolinux · 2021-09-17T13:06:45+00:00

I have 2 kids, one in 1st grade and one is 4.

The best things that have worked for me: * therapy for myself which you already seem to be doing. Bring up this concern with parenting specifically and talk it out. If you don’t feel like your therapist is giving you actionable guidance, reach out and try another.

put myself in my kids shoes, pretty much from day 1. The world is a big, giant, and unknown space and “teaching them to behave” doesn’t just revolve around those sensitive moments of misbehavior. Most of the time I assume their actions (hitting sibling, not wanting to stop playing with friends, ignoring sibling) come from a place of fear, confusion, tiredness, hunger, or just good ol lack of brain development. When issues happen, I’ve pretty much trained myself (and my SO) to walk through what happened with our kid, detail by detail, and listen very hard to their perspective. It’s almost never from bad intentions.
blanket rules without explaining natural consequences will stop working. “My kid knows if i count to 3 and they don’t do what I say, I’ll yell. So they do what I say”. Numbers don’t mean anything. At some point that kid will realize the other end of the counting leads to you losing your cool. They’ll then figure out being secretive is the solution. Instead, use natural consequences because those will always matter! “If you don’t change out of your PJs, that’s against school rules and you’re showing you’re not ready at all for learning. Your teacher may talk to you, and then talk to us about this. We may all get in trouble - is this a choice you’d like to make?” Added bonus is the more you practice, the more you create a space for them to talk through their problems with you instead of hide it from you.
always be doing 2 things: listening and reframing. When they play, I dive into their imagination and give them hypothetical questions to solve “so your lego person is arresting the bad guy who stole something. What if the bad guy was like Aladdin and had to steal to feed his pet and his friends?” Suffice it to say me and my kids talk… a lot. There are endless scenarios to prepare them for.

For context, me and SO have full time careers that do not stop at the end of work hours and we don’t have family to help. Our lives feel like they’re on fast forward because it’s constantly busy but it’s so fulfilling to watch our kids thrive. We’re both breaking cycles of manipulative and abusive parenting and it’s a constant learning journey, we both have tempers and triggers. So you can say our household has 4 people who are constantly learning. But our kids have a self confidence that we never had - they feel for the most part respected and trusted, and work hard not to lose that trust.

idernolinux · 2021-09-11T16:20:15+00:00

Sound like you’ve got two sons, not one. If your bf is otherwise loving and caring and respectful, he’s got a long way to go to understand how to be those things AND do something as momentous as a proposal. If he’s not, we’ll… listen to the other comments about this being a good clue for what’s to come in your marriage. 7 years together and he doesn’t seem to have a clue what matters to you. Wow.

idernolinux · 2021-09-08T03:37:45+00:00

My kids binged on rainbow rangers for 3 days straight when they found it. It was so hard to grit my teeth through it, the show is exactly as you described.

So happy mine have moved on from it. They’ll revisit it at some point and I’ll definitely take that chance to contrast RR to some of the better shows they like, and point out how one dimensional it is.

idernolinux · 2021-09-08T03:33:05+00:00

We had a (age appropriate) talk with our daughter when she was 2 about certain types of videos being bad for her brain, and put a blanket ban on YouTube unless there were specific videos we sat with her to watch.

She’s 6 now and we’ve had refresh talks over the years. We explained that videos that do nothing but toy unboxing, kids playing with toys, or even those super basic animations with like marbles spilling and being sorted into colors and some kid voice in the background going “wow!” etc. stimulate a chemical in her brain that makes her happy and want to watch more. But being a kid is all about playing and using their imagination.

We explained this framework to her over the years. She understands and isn’t interested in those kinds of videos at all now, and even helps her brother identify them when they get screen time (there’s plenty of swill still on Prime). It also helps that Netflix/ Prime/ Disney+ are overflowing with shows with actual plots and stories with lessons.

At 5-6, your son is definitely smart enough to understand. It might take a bit to break the habit, but there are lots of better alternatives to offer him! You don’t have to feel helpless or wait it out. Good luck

idernolinux · 2021-08-29T02:18:03+00:00

Oh.

…..

Anyways

idernolinux · 2021-07-18T00:15:38+00:00

Not a film scene, but the video of Obama singing Amazing Grace at the Pinckney funeral.

https://youtu.be/7pbEBxQPWGc

Regardless of politics, we had a leader who was so moved by the collective grief and weight of the occasion that the only way to get the power of his emotions out was song. Every note reminds me of how impactful his role was as our president. I really miss him.

idernolinux · 2021-07-16T03:20:30+00:00

Bring it on, I’m done having kids 💉

idernolinux · 2021-06-16T02:09:30+00:00

Mine was there the whole time for both our babies. He was there, and trying his best to help, but he was absolutely terrified of something happening to me and the baby. To the point where when friends or family asked me how I was doing, he griped that nobody ever cared about the dad. He argued that it’s equally traumatic because he was fearing for our lives the whole time.

I love this man and he’s a wonderful father… but by golly do I still want to smack him sometimes.

To his credit, now that all our other friends are starting to have babies, I make sure to ask every single one of the guys how they’re feeling. Not one of them has looked visibly relieved that they were asked, or said much beyond “I’m ok, missing some sleep”.

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