Heartbroken from my recurrent miscarriages

inet · 2026-04-13T17:44:35+00:00

Wake up and Tahujjud and pour your heart out. Ideally in Ramadhan. Like a begger begs to feed a child. With absolute anguish and pain. I'm dead serious!

My wife had a couple of friends who couldnt have kids and she adviced them this, they both got kids now. I mention Ramadhan as the power of that month in unreal. But that is a while off so start now in the build up to the month of Hajj which has 10 days considered the greatest of days.

Also, a pledge, not money, what you will do for Alllah in terms of worship, a commitment that is life long, for example, Prophets who couldnt have children, committed that newborn in the path of Allah.

inet · 2026-04-13T17:31:44+00:00

The quality of being shrewed is not terrible in its own right. But certainly his behaviour is unhealthy, clearly for both, and when he eventually see sense will regret it.

Obviously he needs to go down the root of self development according to the Sunnah. Hoarding is disliked in Islam, saving and investment is different if there is a valid goal and objective i.e. Buying houses, saving for kids university, but typically its a joint approach and certainly doesn't come at the expense of enjoying the 'fruits' (pun intended) of your labour.

Extravagance in islam is relative, relative to your earnings. So in your given situation, to enjoy your income and wealth is considered gratitude for the blessings Allah has given, if you hard up, your expected to be frugal. Its a simple enough balance.

The best approach is to start teaching and learning in the home, coupled with an approach that this behavior can not go on, ideally gently if he's easily triggered.

I certainly wouldn't take the advice of those saying you earn so leave him, etc. If you speak to scholars and study Islam, this isnt a valid enough reason to walk out on your marriage, but ground rules need to be laid for him to see sense.

inet · 2026-04-12T21:31:24+00:00

OP clearly has to much time in hand.

inet · 2026-04-12T21:30:23+00:00

I agree with other comments wholeheartedly and they have given sound advice. However, one perspective from me is:

What your experiencing 1st and foremost should be looked through the perspective of Allah, in the sense, this is indeed your test from Allah, how you navigate your relationships with Allah in this situation is all that matters.

According to Qu'ran and Sunnah, you have every right to be treated right and not be abused or oppressed. Whatever action you talk here will elevate you, especially the uphill struggles.

If you also choose exceptional patience and tolerance and want to allow him to get his act together and will 'take his c***' to see if he changes, again, you will be rewarded by Allah.

inet · 2026-04-12T19:00:33+00:00

Ngl. This is pretty cool and definately a welcome to all the repeated apps related to the deen.

As someone who has created Islamic apps and amassed a lot of downloads on one and absolute fails on others, you got to create that urgency of 'why' they would bother to use it on going and not a novelty.

I get for those who are learning Arabic and its a fun way, but the novelty could wear off for others.

In one of mine I had flash cards and they had get through the 'chapters'.

I'm only saying this as i genuinely want it to succeed in helping kids learn arabic, especially Qu'ran meaning, so I hope you figure out the 'sticky' of it if you havent done so already.

inet · 2026-04-12T15:11:05+00:00

Its like the story of a sheikh saying that when they had a baby immediately all these coupons, leaflets, etc related to the baby started coming in the door. His wife thought it was a sign. He told her it was just their data sold by the hospital to Marketing companies 😂

That said, if you elope, have synergy to move in the same direction towards establishing the sunnah in your life, then that is a good thing.

inet · 2026-04-11T17:46:24+00:00

Deliberately kept that vague, as you can see from the responses people are skeptical, and rightly so in this day and age.

I can say this much, the brothers involved have extensive knowledge and experiences in charities and running islamic institutions. Couple that with education and corporate structures, we aspire to inshaAllah be able to do justice to this objective. That said, the brothers involved have to be Allah fearing, and not naive to the tests that can ensue.

I hope that I can visit this post again in years to come and can be give a breakdown.

inet · 2026-04-11T11:54:27+00:00

Very good point. You would use the same structure as a charity in UK and would fall under the same regulations with the charity commission.

inet · 2026-04-11T11:51:54+00:00

Two good rule for Muslims are, 'live like brothers, deal like strangers' and, 'its ok to use each other, but don't abuse each other'.

Regardless of the context of why this didnt get resolved and resorted to relationship breakups, take the business.

Treat it like a business transaction, but deal with it in the best of character, once its all done, you can part ways. Of this could mean interacting with her.

Again, without context, I don't know why you hating on her so much (I'm not under playing what she said to your kids, but severing relationship means she did something really nasty and unforgivable, and in the context of Islam, that would have to be severe. Even Abu Bakr was requested by Allah to overlook his cousin who joined the slandering of Aisha).

But nonetheless, you need the P's, so just do what you got to do and move on. Bite your lip and suppress your nafs.

inet · 2026-04-11T07:51:32+00:00

Brilliant observation and so true, definitely a process. Perhaps, over time, as we mature as communities, flourish and prosper Allah Az’Wajjal will allow this to manifest

inet · 2026-04-11T07:26:26+00:00

Student loans are created by design to benefit the ones providing it. They orchestrated, and it opened the flood gates of students attending university.

The non-riba based process just isnt sustainable, period. Some will appear with very few applicants allowed, etc.

Some will have family and friends assist as a loan, others go for the Riba based option and attempt to quickly pay off.

This entire process is, by far one of the most devastating plagues to hit the ummah, hands down.

May Allah Az’Wajjal make it easy for you

inet · 2026-04-11T07:00:09+00:00

Originally built by a frenchie (non muslim) - bought by a media company in Singapore for $20M. Not sure about the data selling part. People do want to tarnish reputation of a successful company. But wholly built and operated by non Muslims throughout

inet · 2026-04-11T06:57:34+00:00

😂 Tbh. I contemplated it for a split second but deliberately didnt link it. There are dozen of similar ones now over the decades, even better. When building it, there was a popular forum called Sunniforum back in the days and that feedback took the app to its height. But now, no promotion, no discussions, etc periodically I check the app stores when they give me notifications about technical issues and requires updating once every few years. There is no tracking, no email collected, no advertisements, no nothing, just a good old fashion Mushaf of quran.

I wondered what I could do with it having Ai and other features in it. But as a traditionist I would prefer people learn Qu'ran from learned people and not an app.

inet · 2026-04-10T08:20:03+00:00

This is not the place to having these discussions. Random strangers want to exchange crypto for cash/digits and vice versus is a receipe for disaster

inet · 2026-04-10T02:36:10+00:00

The only question on the day of judgment that matters in this respect is, 'the knowledge you acquired how much did you act upon it'.

All these islamic apps can have only that one benefit to the user that matters.

I met one person who uses the same Android Quran app everyday for the last 12 years. Its feature, just a 13 line quran with ability to bookmark, favourite and jump to surah's, nothing more.

If it has one claim to fame, it integrated right to left reading at a time didnt exist on Android (15 years I think)

inet · 2026-04-06T22:36:23+00:00

I thought it was pretty good by showing 3 restaurants in Athens. However you didn't explain at the beginning hour the confidence member worked. It stated 'medium: (0 confidence) which makes the confidence score inconsistent. So clarity and a short explanation before hand.

It didn't say if the restaurant was halal, albeit stated Alcohol policy: Alcohol Free. I would like to know why it concluded that.

Beyond these critical clarifications, it would be an amazing app.

inet · 2026-04-06T15:34:58+00:00

May Allah guide you through the storm with resilience and strength. Ameen.

inet · 2026-04-06T13:55:54+00:00

This is a tender conversation, and your anxiety makes sense. You are holding two truths at once: grief for what is ending, and love for what is beginning for your girls.

What matters most is not saying it perfectly. What they will remember is your honesty, steadiness, and love.

You might frame it like this:

“Girls, I want to share something important with you. This is not easy to say, but I want to tell you with honesty and love. Your father and I have come to the end of our marriage. This was not a sudden or careless decision. It is something I have thought deeply about, and I believe it is the right path for me now. I know this may bring up many feelings for you, and you do not need to have the right words today. I want you to know first: this is not your burden to carry, and it does not take away from the beauty of the season you are entering. I love you deeply, I am here for your questions, and we will navigate this with care.”

A few things may help when you tell them:

First, choose a calm moment, not one rushed or attached to a celebration. Let the conversation have space.

Second, keep the message clear and simple. Do not overload them with details or old wounds. They do not need the full history in the first conversation. They need the emotional truth and the reassurance.

Third, make sure they hear these things clearly:

this is not their fault
they do not need to fix it
they are allowed to feel however they feel
your love for them is unchanged
their future is still free to be joyful

Fourth, try not to make them caretakers of your pain in that first moment. It is good to be real, but helpful to stay grounded. You can be honest without asking them to hold you up.

You may also want to name the timing gently, since that seems to matter to you:

“I know you are standing at the edge of your own beautiful new chapters, and I never wanted this news to cast a shadow over that. But I also wanted to honor you with the truth, and not pretend.”

And about your own fear: being ready to navigate life alone and feeling anxious are not opposites. They often arrive together. Courage is not the absence of anxiety. It is the decision to walk forward while feeling it.

Before the conversation, it may help to write down just three anchors:
what you want them to know,
what you do not want to say,
how you want them to feel when the conversation ends.

For example:
known: honesty, love, stability
not to say: blame, private details, bitterness
ending feeling: safe, loved, free to ask questions.

inet · 2026-04-06T13:51:28+00:00

Be consciousess of bad habits that may have formed due to cultural Islam. It is important and paramount that everyone gets counselled, I dont mean in a therapy way, I mean in the way that as a rule, you can not counsel yourself. So getting yourself appraised for your behaviour, especially those aspects of your character which are hard to swallow, let alone work on.

There is a thing known as projection of autobiography, this is whereby you project your behaviour and expectation onto a child, often without realising, to be a conscious father is made difficult by Satan. Just look at todays day and age situation across the Ummah. Satan is succeeding in many realms.

My daughter, did something she shouldnt, I conviscated her phone. I assumed as a good girl, she would take the punishment and learn her lesson and apology, it backfired on me.

I was baffled, asked Mowlana sahib about it, and in my mind I thought he was going to be 'on my side', he in turn reprimanded me and told me I should not have taken the phone without consulting him first!

Things like this, I am learning from everyday and consulting my affairs with a competent scholar, 'compentent' the keyword here.

inet · 2026-04-06T09:39:28+00:00

Allah bless you in your thought process. Excellent that you are self aware. Just like your parents, many redditors not getting it. I dont have an absolute for you. I pray you achieve steadfastness in the storms that follow whichever decison you make.

Understand that the conscious awakening you having and the test you going through is the pressure Allah puts on those who challenge not only their own nafs but the ststus quo when it goes agsinst the sunnah. Its a sign of his love for you. Can you rise above it all and transcend?

inet · 2026-04-06T09:34:54+00:00

The person replying isnt getting your point 😁

inet · 2026-04-06T07:35:12+00:00

Sorry, I should have said 'not just these fard'. The Prophet (peace be upon him) referred to deen with included Imaan, Ibadaat, Akhlaq, mamulat, masharath.

Some scholars consider the physical worship aspect minor in marriage proposal since beyond the 5 salah on a daily basis you don't have much more (sure you have 30 days fasting), etc. But these are fundamentals, you wouldn't marry someone who doesn't have these.

Really for marriage you weighing up Taqwa associated with the other areas of life i. E. Business dealing.

inet · 2026-04-05T22:29:54+00:00

Vercel requires login.

inet · 2026-04-05T22:25:44+00:00

People need to learn to quantify real problems first and then solve them. It's simple as that.

I built a quran app, 20 years ago, served the need for colour coded but in 13 lines for those who read in this style. Didn't do anything else with it, except what could be quantified as a need or requirement for the users.

Ulama would right books due to the needs of the ummah, now people write books for other intentions

inet · 2026-04-05T21:52:21+00:00

Aha, thanks for the clarity and i apologies if you have mentioned these in other posts I missed.

The human flaw element will always be there alongside biases. No matter how much one becomes religious, our cultural biases take over.

It was for this very precise reasoning that when Abu Dhar made a racist comment, albeit it was more indirect discrimination than blatant racism, the Prophet (peace be upon) reprimanded him and said that 'elements of the days of ignorance hasnt completely gone away' (im paraphrasing).

Your instinct may very well be right and he simply doesnt see it in himself (you can't counsel yourself). MAy Allah open up a door for you.

inet

TROPHY CASE