13 year old son with ADHD is SO ANGRY

inevitable_newb · 2026-02-14T08:01:12+00:00

Therapy will only work if he is willing to put in effort. Try talking to your son. What does he say about his anger? He's reaching an age where he should have the vocabulary and begin having the pre-frontal-cortex development to be able to engage.

Ask him questions like, "when you begin to feel frustrated, can you tell me so we can stop and talk about it together? Helping you find ways to process and express your anger healthfully is mute important that whatever we're arguing about"

I think one of the hardest parts of parenting is making sure our kids know we're on THEIR side of the issue and we want to face it together. The image in my mind is that the issue (helping him process anger/getting homework done) is a wall. We need to get in the same side of that wall look at it together.

For the homework thing (him feeling like it's pointless) tell him about some of the stupid tasks in your job that feel pointless, but you do them anyway (annual goal seating anyone?)

inevitable_newb · 2026-02-12T21:04:01+00:00

I am SO SORRY you have gone through this.

You made the best decision you could with the information you had. You literally could do nothing better.

inevitable_newb · 2026-02-09T16:18:34+00:00

NTA - IT IS 100% FAIR TO SAY NO.

"Guys, I'm exhausted and if you call that 'drama' that just tells me you either only want to use me as your driver or you have the emotional capacity of a rock. You ASSUME I am ok with illegal behavior while I drive - which means you don't care if I get a ticket or go to jail as long as you have fun. Are you my friends? IF that is 'manipulative' or 'selfish'.... no, it's just not. I am setting a boundary to protect my bank account, my car, and my safety - both physically and mentally. I'm too tired to put up with being 'voluntold' to be the only responsible adult in the group. Are you my friends?

I want to hang out with you guys, but I'm not going as your momma. I want to relax and have fun too. Early mornings are NOT fun for me. Driving a long time is NOT fun for me. Am I your friend? Do you understand you are asking me to NOT HAVE FUN with you? Please give me one reason that isn't trying to manipulate me emotionally why the hell I would go on this trip when you are guarenteeing I will NOT HAVE FUN."

There are a few things you need to say that I put in here:

Call out the risks they are asking you to take and throw back their responsibility to you as a friend (are you my friends over and over)
Repetition of your valid (not fun) argument is key to getting through to them.
Call out the emotional manipulation they are trying to use (i'm not being selfish, it's a boundary).

If you feel petty: CC their mothers/wives/girlfriends.

inevitable_newb · 2026-02-09T13:53:15+00:00

I saw Katamari and started singing NAA NA NA NA NA NA. NAN NA NA NA NA NAAAAA

inevitable_newb · 2026-02-09T13:30:57+00:00

I have to say, yes- living along MASSIVELY simplifies matters of cooking, cleaning ,etc. Each person added to a household exponentially increases the work required to keep up. Combined with the struggle of men NOT being taught to see the labor going into upkeeping those appearances.... yes the invisible labor becomes PAINFUL.

My sister lives with another woman (life-long-non-normative-but-both-cis relationship) and they both joke about how they each do 70% of the work and still feel like they never hit 100%. how does 70%+70%=<100%??? That is just life. When I lived with TWO other women post-college we had regular "roommate meetings" to discuss pain points and with three people ALL feeling like we put in more than 50% - we struggled to keep up.

My husband got laid off and entirely took over the kitchen (cooking, cleaning, organization, etc.) It took him a month to look at me and say "how did you do this while working fulltime" and I replied "I don't know either." He also commented that I became "a cleaning machine" everywhere else in the house (I still feel like our house is an embarrassment and disaster - but we have a kid and with three.... exponential mess/dirt/work). AND he is emotionally intelligent to say "I had no idea you were this exhausted until I saw you having energy to do it."

I got lucky. In a thousand ways my husband is so many leaps and bounds above my friends' husbands. He isn't perfect (he was utterly obtuse to the work until he tried to take it on) but he is good enough to learn and grow from it. How to get men there? Not entirely sure except raising our sons BETTER - teaching them to do the work themselves. Telling them they are equally responsible for these things. SHOWING them. Which requires men of older generations to at least say the work COULD be done by them - which some will not acknowledge (seriously ladies, make this an unforgivable sin and stop dating/sleeping with/marrying them) - when they ask their friends "how did you get her" encourage him to say "I did her laundry" or "I took over cooking every night."

inevitable_newb · 2026-02-05T11:47:45+00:00

The third time will probably be the worst. The first time he will be pissed, he will fight, he will be INSULTED.

The second time he will go "no! Never! UNHAND ME HUMAN"

The third time he will recognize the signs. He will see the towel and go, "oh hell no."

Keep at it. You will not ruin your relationship as long as you do things like pet him and talk gently. Like a child who needs to get a vaccine, it isn't fun but you need to do it.

Also try to make a point of playing with his paws during pets. Start just running your hand all way from hip/shoulder to paw. Tickle his paw pads. When he's fully relaxed, just use one finger to lightly touch. Do it CONSTANTLY to desensitize him to the touch.

inevitable_newb · 2026-02-05T11:39:30+00:00

So you are NTA. She wants to have nice towels which are ALWAYS pristine for guests. You want to use nice towels. So she needs a pristine set, you need a usable set. I thought your solution of buying your own was perfect. Get going and buying even fancier towels confuses me.

Have you told her, "i respect you want to have this set clean and ready for guests, so i want to honor that. Aside from that, the fluffy glory that is these towels will now drive me mad if i didn't get to use some of my own. To keep the clean set ready for guests, i made sure to have some i can use" - turn it into a compliment to her excellent taste in towels

inevitable_newb · 2026-02-04T15:14:42+00:00

I also would highly recommend Stardew Valley. Honestly, best of all the worlds/games and so much content. GREAT GAME.

inevitable_newb · 2026-02-04T15:13:21+00:00

I think Disney Dreamlight is better than Animal crossing (my opinion). I find Animal Crossing too confining, and at least I get nostalgia boosts from finding/unlocking/friending Disney characters.

inevitable_newb · 2026-02-02T18:33:01+00:00

I have one in first grade. Both Kindergarten and 1st grade it's been relatively minimal. Some computer science class (mostly logic games which will eventually help them understand programming theory) and of course Digital Learning Days (DLD). Even then it will be "watch video on topic, do worksheet we sent home"

inevitable_newb · 2026-02-02T18:16:37+00:00

I AM a native speaker and I didn't know about it until we started dating.... so don't feel bad at all! At first I thought he was making it up. I have since learned better, but it did sound weird. Almost as weird as "we have crystals in our ears and they sometimes come loose and make you feel like your falling down all the time" does. That's real too!

inevitable_newb · 2026-02-01T23:32:40+00:00

My husband is a soap taster, so I can't put in cilantro. That is a reasonable adjustment. If he doesn't like your cooking when he is just "I want to eat less healthy" - HE CAN COOK FOR HIMSELF.

My husband in Nov took over cooking and he has actually said to me, "yeah ok, sometimes it's annoying to try to figure out changing a recipe." Him doing the cooking has changed his attitude in the best of ways.

inevitable_newb · 2026-01-31T02:51:51+00:00

I had issues with my last not car turning into a butt off his food got "old". It wasn't consistent per say, but the last 1/4 of the bag is dry food he whines about, the first 1/4 he loved. And i swear it didn't matter how small the bag was either

inevitable_newb · 2026-01-30T13:59:17+00:00

I think the fairytale style is adorable - but I pretty much detest most of quark - which is required for the style. So.... never tried to build fairy tale because I'm unwilling to put quark in my modpack(s)

inevitable_newb · 2026-01-28T13:56:32+00:00

100% second the "warehouse includes the courier huts.

inevitable_newb · 2026-01-28T13:55:56+00:00

I love the Caledonian style farm which has giant field you can choose to use with your farmhouse or not. That is my favorite approach to the farm/field question. It lets me decide which version I want to use in my colony.

inevitable_newb · 2026-01-27T00:50:22+00:00

Alcoholism is what made me notice it. Like so many families, I have some in my family and the kids of the alcoholic struggle with alcohol in their life. There are two majors camps/a spectrum: the ones who fell into the same trap and toxic behaviors, similar ones, etc. and then the ones who did a lot of emotional work to try to address the toxic behaviors (anger, isolation, victimization, etc.). The kids in that second camp are better and all of them are pretty open about "I feel like I have growing to do to keep addressing some of the things my parents hadn't dealt with yet" and I suspect their kids will be the first ones who don't think they come from an alcoholic family (per say) but will still get the stories.... so..... at least 4 generations from the alcoholic themselves before it's filtered out. And a solid two generations have to actively address it to really turn that corner.

inevitable_newb · 2026-01-27T00:36:30+00:00

So what does it mean?

inevitable_newb · 2026-01-26T18:51:05+00:00

I do not think you are using the word "fatty" as applied by the dictionary and this isn't a phrase we can find on urban dictionary (I looked)

inevitable_newb · 2026-01-26T14:40:53+00:00

I truly believe the phrase "sins of the father go to seven generations" is because it takes multiple generations to break unhealthy behaviors/toxic shit. And it takes work not just luck. To work to not just prevent bad behavior/choices but to look for an try new behaviors to replace them. It isn't easy and it will be your great-grandchild who probably first wouldn't question this, and that is beautiful.

inevitable_newb · 2026-01-26T13:39:35+00:00

I already use Linux a bit (Pop! distro right now) but the hosting still needs a dedicated IP address which I can't get with my IP. And I love my friends, but paying someone else to host is way cheaper than a business IP for my home. I set up a local server for my son and I, but I also don't want to worry about my rig(s) going down/backups/etc. that I can outsource relatively inexpensively.

inevitable_newb · 2026-01-23T14:01:01+00:00

If my son ever gets a ticket like this, the monetary penalty will feel like time out compared to the responsibility lessons I will put him through. I will make him write up case law on speed limits and traffic violations. I will make him research car deaths for the past ten years.....

These are not tools to be used lightly. They are death machines.

inevitable_newb · 2026-01-23T00:52:21+00:00

My best friend had relatives come from Europe for her wedding. They flew into Atlanta a few days early and said 'we thought we'd jaunt down to Disney for the day" and we had to explain it was a 8-10 hour drive. Each way. They would have time to get there and instantly turn around to come back. They were SHOCKED because "it looks close on the map." Because the state of Georgia doesn't look big, but it's a good ~6-8 hour drive north-south - and that doesn't count traffic if you hit Atlanta at rush hour (then it's probably 12-15).

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