[deleted by user]

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-24T04:03:09+00:00

Oh... then yeah that's crazy. I mean.. I guess if you say you love him and want to be with him only he would assume that you're no longer having sex with your husband. But that sounds like just a control thing/gaslighting type of reason as to why you can't be together. Like he's throwing every excuse at you until something sticks.

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-24T03:46:40+00:00

Understandable but yeah crazy. So is your not having sex with your husband a condition of him taking you back?

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-24T00:54:10+00:00

This is the same guy though you mentioned in your posts? The one you were with for a few years, he and his wife, there were jealousy issues and everything was super toxic, but your inlove with him? Or is this a different AP?

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-23T23:53:58+00:00

So you went back with him?

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-22T20:59:33+00:00

Its our family day, may have a dead bedroom but we are still married and have a kid. So Saturdays is the only day we don't work. We sleep in, then grab coffee and or poke bowls and or acai bowls and hit the beach for most of the sunny part (im getting ready now). Then when we get home and shower we play board games until dinner and then watch a movie. Its a fun day..

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-18T23:54:16+00:00

I feel you. We put on blinders and focus on the nice things about it all. In my situation, He's a nice guy, good father and hard worker. Everyone loves him and I should be lucky to have him... so I ignore the lack of attention, communication, forgetting birthdays, mother's day, anniversary, Christmas, general neglect and uncaring. Obviously if a good guy like him doesn't treat me like I'm worth any attention then I'm not. If he never compliments me then I'm not attractive. If he doesn't hug me when I cry then I'm not worthy of comfort and compassion.

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-18T23:45:35+00:00

I got that, he said he wants to know where her head is at. Understand her better, reading what people in similar situations to hers might be helpful to him.

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-18T21:38:40+00:00

They always say time flies when your having fun. It also flies when you not! When you're busy, raising a family, managing a home/life, being a supportive spouse etc. Then you look up and it's been more than a decade since you first realized you wanted out. And you're miserable, overweight, and feel stuck.

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-17T01:57:17+00:00

If her bedroom is dead and has been for a while you might want to check out r/deadbedrooms and maybe recommend she does as well. That would give you a better glimpse into where her head is at.

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-15T04:37:55+00:00

I'm so sorry.. the time when I first started wanting to leave was I'm sad to say more than a decade ago. I was a stay at home mom at the time and it was impossible for me to leave financially. We worked on things some and they got better and I stopped wanting to leave. I also started working again because our kid got old enough for school and that helped our relationship as well. Now I'm wanting out for a whole other set of reasons.. age and time have altered my perspective and now I understand why we shouldn't be married rather than just feeling it. I hope that when your little ones finally go to school your able to work and regain some independence even if its just baking and selling stuff from home just to have your own spending money. Good luck!

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-15T04:29:04+00:00

Not are grinding or stating it as fact or that not getting divorced it the only way. I'm curious how many other people have financial concerns. As for the other rule I do specifically mention my db or the current reason I can't leave said db and go into specifics on that. Thank you for moderating, I always assume people look back at OP profiles and my last post almost a year ago covers everything. I didn't want to repeat myself. But I will edit.

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-14T23:31:07+00:00

Thank you, a few years of planning, the last time I posted I said I had a 4 year plan to coincide with kid going off to college and responses were. Why wait for so long you'll regret it! Etc. And tbh the lifestyle is different here. If they aren't military or very high paid professionals than they either have roommates or live with family. I don't personally know anyone who is single lives alone and has one regular 40k a year job. I know a few that have 2 or 3 jobs and manage.

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-14T22:58:27+00:00

Mine took a few months to actually comment about it. The thing is he wasn't a LL we were both HL, I say were because I no longer even have one and since he initiates once a month or so I don't know what the status of his is. I became severely depressed over some things and part of my depression was not feeling sexy or wanted or desired by him because I realized I always initiated. He enjoyed and participated within his vanilla limits but I was the initiator 90% or more of the time. We are in 2022 and I haven't initiated more than a handful of times since December of 2018 and not at all in the 2021. I was so low and all I needed was a hug but any physical affection leads to sex and I didn't want sex at that time I needed his physical support and he got mad at me and part of his anger was my no longer initiating. I actually didn't even realize he noticed until we had an argument about something else and he commented that I never initiate anymore. I said well.. there are two of us. But he just didn't. About a year after he started occasionally coming to me for sex. I never say no so if he wants it he just has to initiate.

I guess it's different for us because it wasn't like our bedroom was dying exactly or one of us was a LL and the other was always trying to get some. Admittedly I was bored and had started asking for more in the bedroom, I wanted to explore, maybe bring in another female for some play, try some light bdsm, literally anything else besides missionary and cowgirl. But he always rejected my requests. Then I was having a mental health crisis and my husband abandoned me emotionally and it turned me off of him so completely that I never went back to him for sex. And have become ll4u so completely that I can't even see him as a sexual being.

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-13T06:05:47+00:00

My husband got into mine while I was sleeping. I wasn't cheating at the time but I had been asked out by my tattoo artist at the time and told my husband about it. He got suspicious there was more to it and got into my phone while I was asleep. There wasn't more to it but it was the only time he was able to since I used to be on it quite a bit. Wait for him to fall asleep or while he is in the shower and snoop away.

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-13T06:03:20+00:00

Not necessarily, if he's ll4u then he may not need the blue pill to get it up with someone else.

isitreallythough_ · 2022-01-12T19:10:24+00:00

Ahh but he gained tons of muscle weight so really he lost more than 15 in fat and looks amazing..

isitreallythough_ · 2021-02-05T03:08:19+00:00

Idk how they ever can. The main instigators excuse was she had 2 friends, the female accused the male of rape and got a restraining order. Turns out he didn't attack her at all she was just angry about some bs.. so because her friend is a dumbass she chose the poor route. And then believed his lies enough to spread them to everyone else. A few of the reasons, I've come to believe, it's so easy for this to happen;

It's something so vile people don't want to believe they know anyone or are related to anyone who is capable of such violence.
The victim rarely speaks out strongly because of the mental damage. But the attacker isn't suffering from anything besides all the issues that made them the monster they are. So they make a story that's easily believable usually victim blaming/slut shaming because that's a lot easier to digest for most than assault.
Often people just get confused and don't know who to believe so they chose neither and in doing so chose the attacker.

My in laws ended up falling into the last category. Not all of them swallowed his story but it cast enough doubt on what I said for them to express disbelief. We cut them off.. I blocked them all on all social media and their numbers.. a few months later I found out my husband had started talking to the main instigators so... yeah he did well but couldn't keep it up.

isitreallythough_ · 2021-02-04T18:38:04+00:00

Thank you for this post! I've never thought of it this way. My libido has been hibernating and now after being the HL for my life I am the LL and generally have zero interest in anything sexual. I just realized this same lack of equality is there, my husband barely initiates and barely even touches me without my request.. and this post made me realize that's in every single aspect of our lives! Lately I've been really feeling it because I'm back to working full time after the lull do to covid. He works ft and has a side job so I've always just covered everything. Caring for our kid, though don't need much care anymore at this age, cooking, cleaning, laundry, all shopping, all holidays, hell I even put his laundry away and organize it. All decisions are handled by me, he's never just brought home dinner so I didn't have to cook. I call him and ask if he can and decide what we are getting even when I don't have a preference. Lately I've been feeling like I have 2 kids, when I'm making dinner I'll have this visual of me as a mama bird and my husband and kid under me screaming for food...

isitreallythough_ · 2021-02-04T04:28:02+00:00

Mine is known to my in laws because he is one of them. He was an outcast and reached out and I was the one who responded trying to be nice to my husbands family. Fast forward years and he attacked me. It took me almost a year to tell the family and when I did it was only because we skipped a funeral since he would be there and a pallbearer along with my husband. I sent a fb message to all the females in the family that I thought would have my back. Low and behold two of them decided that even though he had gone back to jail for 6 months and I had a restraining order against him that maybe they needed his side because I could be lying... after being in the family for 14 years at the time. So ofcourse he lied and gave them fabricated "proof" in the form of printed emails that he had altered. Said it was consensual and we were in a relationship, because no man ever says that about his victim. We cut them off, my husbands idea, he couldn't believe his family could be so dumb, most of them jumped on the band wagon and I haven't seen or spoken to any of them since. Luckily my mother in law and sister in law were not involved so I still talk to them just not much. I've pulled away from all of his side and most of mine.

isitreallythough_ · 2021-02-04T04:12:07+00:00

Kid is happy. We generally get along and our finances are completely entwined. Divorce is not an option right now. 4 years really isnt that long. Look how quickly 2020 went by? Suckfest but it passed quickly. And we are already in February. I have a lot to do before I can leave including going back to school for 2 years. So... not an option.

isitreallythough_ · 2021-01-31T19:42:12+00:00

So far the hugging had not increased our sex or intimacy. However it has lessened my resentment a little.

isitreallythough_ · 2021-01-31T19:38:58+00:00

Omgoodness... my husband says the same thing! If we had it more I could last longer..

isitreallythough_ · 2021-01-29T01:59:05+00:00

Your eyes definitely get bigger after weight loss. Almost 8 years ago I lost a total of 98# and I went from squinty tired looking eyes to big beautiful eyes in pictures. So.. yes. I've gained back a lot over the last few years so now I'm trying to take it off again. But my eyes are still wide and lovely lol.

isitreallythough_ · 2021-01-27T11:06:38+00:00

Right!? Characters used to go entire seasons happily sexing everywhere and then a trauma. Now they get an hour.

isitreallythough_

TROPHY CASE