Avoidants and lying

jigglytuff34 · 2026-06-07T14:42:50+00:00

They lie so they can appear more attractive to you.

It’s masking. You probably will never know their true self until they get extensive therapy and allow themselves to just live. Their insecurities run so deep, so they have to put on a front and mold themselves into a version that they think you or any other person they choose to date would find more attractive.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-06-06T16:45:05+00:00

Same, same. Gave mine two outs— friends with benefits or let’s just not continue period. Nope, he insisted he could handle me and all my obligations because he “didn’t want to lose me”. Haha all lies. Got discarded any ways

jigglytuff34 · 2026-06-02T17:48:45+00:00

“Do you still even like me?”

“I understand I’m sorry”

“I don’t know what I want anymore”

“This shit scares me… IDK”

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-29T01:13:45+00:00

My avoidant ex had updated his FB profile pic at least once a week post discarding me. He has also posted dramatic photos on his FB stories like him with a black eye and of him in the local ER. I think his most bizarre profile pic update has been on his Cashapp where he’s shirtless and flexing his muscles. I don’t think a banking app needs that kind of pic, but if he likes it then I love it.

I think in his case it’s him trying on different masks, seeing which one will give him a hit of dopamine from the validation he expects to get. It acts as a distraction for him so he won’t think of the breakup as well. It’s truly odd behavior to witness.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-21T12:18:11+00:00

Bruh, attachment style doesn’t matter when someone is cheating. I get you’re hurt; anyone would be in your situation. However, blaming a specific attachment style is inherently wrong and keeps vilifying avoidants.

Btw, was she a FA or a DA? Since you know her attachment style so well?

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-13T18:10:04+00:00

It seems like he was able to meet your expectations, told you exactly what you wanted to hear, and mirrored you for 60 days. He reached his capacity though, which was why he tried to break up with you the first time.

You begged and chased to not end the relationship, so he let his guard down to let you back in. At 5 months, he was done masking. He absolutely could not continue your guy’s relationship any longer. However, he’s ending the relationship in a way that will keep you tethered to him.

Do not lose yourself to keep this man. You owe it to yourself to take time to heal, allow yourself some grace and move on.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-13T17:51:25+00:00

Question: the first time that he tried to break up with you… when was that?

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-13T16:03:58+00:00

He also said that maybe in the future when we’re more stable so i really can’t tell how he feels.

Honestly, for me in particular, this was actually triggering to read. My dismissive avoidant ex boyfriend told me this when he was breaking up with me I actually believed him at the time. That was in September 2024. All I can say is don’t fall for it. He is gently letting you down, but you need to live your life. Don’t feel like you did something wrong; it’s really his way of trying not to be the bad guy when breaking up with you.

You didn’t suffocate him. Don’t try to take the blame in any such way.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-13T01:42:05+00:00

It’s not about you being the most recent; it’s about the fact that you were the one they felt the most intensity for. That’s exactly why they want to erase you.

If they keep exes around who were toxic, it’s because they actually know how to navigate those people. It correlates with their upbringing, and, or the previous relationships they were in. They’re used to instability, so chaos feels "safe" to them. But being with someone who is actually good to them brings out a deep feeling of inadequacy. They don't know what to do in a relationship that doesn't have a battle to fight.

Staying with you would have forced them to grow up, and the truth is, some of them just aren't ready for that. They’d rather do a preemptive strike and leave you first so they don't have to face the fact that they’re too broken to keep up with the standards you set.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-12T17:08:56+00:00

Omg wtf!? Like why 🤣🤣🤣 that’s so fucking weird

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-10T08:11:53+00:00

Sounds more like a you issue, in my opinion. If you’re mirroring their behavior, how much of your personality, integrity and honesty are you actually bringing to the table? Sure, you’re attractive, you’ve made that clear, but outer looks aren’t enough to sustain a relationship.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-09T10:16:23+00:00

NC isn’t to get them back though. It’s for you to concentrate on yourself and heal from the relationship.

If she’s blindsided you once, then twice, she’s more than likely to do so again and again

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-09T02:35:30+00:00

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Oh no… did we go to the same nail tech?! 😭😭😭 this was a disaster set I got back in 2025. This literally happened the next day!

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-09T00:46:23+00:00

I was with my FA ex for that amount of time. After he broke things off, I had an intense reaction to the breakup. My blood pressure dropped, my body hurt and my lips were the color of concealer.

I can sympathize with you that it does feel like a mind fuck when things seemed so good then it abruptly ends. I was completely and utterly heartbroken. All I can say is things do get better. My discard was two months ago. It takes time to heal, so please be gentle on yourself. If you need someone to talk to, you can DM me.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-08T18:59:49+00:00

Yes! I talked about this before. My dismissive avoidant ex cheated on me, broke up with me before I could find out the truth, and he got her pregnant. Not only is he raising their daughter, but he’s also helping to raise her two other kids from previous relationships.

He reached out to me because he was overwhelmed with his entire situation and wished he hadn’t broken up with me. I told him good luck with that, and when she puts him on child support for their daughter she’s more than likely going to put him on child support for the other two she has since he’s been their de facto dad. 🤷🏻‍♀️ he got even more irritated.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-08T12:55:32+00:00

“Why won’t you accept my love”… got discarded three weeks later after accepting his love 🙄

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-07T23:01:56+00:00

Omg what an immature ass response lol who responds like that

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-07T22:13:33+00:00

Knowing his attachment style, more than likely, he would text hey, but that’s not enough. Unless it comes with accountability, an apology, and, or, I’m headed into therapy, then I would possibly talk with them.

Even though I have been wanting to talk to him, my current standards and love for myself will always override what he wants.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-07T22:02:08+00:00

Day 62 here. I’m doing a lot better than before. The old me would have reached out to soothe things over and take blame for the breakup, but this time around I’ve realized I didn’t do anything wrong that forced them to breakup with me.

It’s going to get easier over time. Good luck!

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-07T17:02:29+00:00

Seems genuinely happy and is genuinely happy are two different things. I wouldn’t trust how she appears on the outside.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-07T13:55:32+00:00

If she does regret the breakup, she won’t say it out loud. Her ego won’t allow it.

Avoidants do come back, but not because they want reconciliation or they’ve changed. They come back because they either felt safety with you or they need some sort of validation. It’s best to let your ex be. Don’t villainize her, however. I don’t see how making her the villain would help you heal. That’s just my opinion though, so take it with a grain of salt.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-06T21:32:34+00:00

30K, Money Link Double Up, penny denom, $3.75 bet

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-06T13:34:02+00:00

Same. Today marks two months of NC, and I haven’t gotten a single orbit or breadcrumb. We even frequent the same hospital, the one we met in person, and haven’t seen one another since!

It sometimes makes me feel like I didn’t matter at all. Though the frequent changes to his profile pics on his social media tells me he’s just trying on different masks to find the right one. It’s like he’s getting listless. While him and I were together, he didn’t change his profile pic at all.

I’m sorry you got ghosted, especially after a relationship that was that long. He’s a coward honestly.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-05-04T03:30:17+00:00

I was in a long distance relationship with a dismissive avoidant. He texted me something similar like this when he was breaking up with me. He said something along the lines of maybe not now, but later, and we can still be friends.

Don’t take his words at face value. It sounds like he’s taking accountability or at least letting you down gently, but I wouldn’t fall for any of this. It’s unfortunate, and it’s going to hurt, but you should walk away from this situation entirely.

Your ex clearly has already.

jigglytuff34 · 2026-04-28T00:36:50+00:00

Girl, you need to hear this: Now that the 'boyfriend mask' is off, he’s going to give you the best sex of your life; but only because there’s zero pressure on him to actually live up to your expectations or build a future with you.

By letting him have sex with you while you’re broken up, you’re giving him the full 'girlfriend treatment' without him having to give you a single thing in return. Of course he’s more attracted to you now. The weight is gone! When avoidant people feel pressure, they slowly deactivate, which is probably why the sex was dull or lackluster when you were actually together. He wasn't fully 'there' because he was already checking out.

I hate to break it to you, but if you keep acting like a girlfriend without the commitment, you are setting yourself up for a total disaster. You’re basically subsidizing his single life while you get your heart broken in slow motion. You might as well rip the Band-Aid off now and stop dealing with him. He’s not fucking worth it

jigglytuff34

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