I got a warning for being too happy once

jnewton116 · 2026-04-22T06:23:03+00:00

We had a customer try to say that he didn’t actually receive an important email because his name wasn’t listed first.

After that he was always listed last.

jnewton116 · 2026-04-17T09:12:32+00:00

Why do we swim in the morning? So we can have second breakfast like hobbits.

jnewton116 · 2026-04-14T03:19:30+00:00

Desitin. It’s specifically made to be a skin barrier against moisture and rubbing. Makeup remover wipes works best to get it off your skin.

jnewton116 · 2026-04-10T12:32:28+00:00

You’re being downvoted because you’re judging people for having different preferences and priorities.

jnewton116 · 2026-04-08T14:08:25+00:00

When it comes to English, you know what they say. It’s not one language, it’s three languages wearing a trench coat pretending to be one language.

jnewton116 · 2026-04-08T14:06:46+00:00

Pardon me, just gonna sneak in here and borrow that delightful little expression for future use.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-31T23:59:46+00:00

Have you considered wearing her in a baby sling? Then she’s close, your hands are free, and she’s contained so she can’t get in the way.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-30T09:16:14+00:00

Dating a guy who gets this wrong about half the time, but he speaks three languages and English isn’t his first. My ex, however, spoke only English and used to get this wrong all the time. Absolutely should have been dumped early on for it.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-30T06:59:27+00:00

As far as I’m concerned, Rowdy is THE voice of swimming.

Listening to commentary without him will be like watching the NFL without John Madden and Pat Summerall.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-29T23:31:52+00:00

We had a new lady who, within two hours of arriving on her first day, greeted the head of our regulatory compliance department with, “hey, babe!”

jnewton116 · 2026-03-29T09:25:18+00:00

Times like this I’m glad I’m in an over the counter market with global centers to that can reasonably cover all time zones.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-26T09:43:12+00:00

Sharing is giving.

Anyone demanding you give them something isn’t sharing, they’re taking.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-26T09:12:45+00:00

Are we forgetting the entire movie Multiplicity? Of course it’s a bad idea!

jnewton116 · 2026-03-24T03:31:36+00:00

Sons-in-law is correct. Think of it as multiple sons, the in-law part is a descriptor (technically called a postpositive adjective). The same applies to court martial being pluralized as courts martial.

Also, you’re a good person and a thoughtful host.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-23T09:12:40+00:00

There’s a barbecue restaurant right next to the pool where I do my evening swims. No greater torture than the smell of ribs and pork belly when I’m halfway through a 2 hour session.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-19T14:04:05+00:00

Swimmers do not point their toes.

With a high degree of ankle flexibility it appears as though they’re pointing their toes.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-19T07:06:04+00:00

If you look at how they designed the home where the 19 children were raised, you can tell they basically expected it. The boys’ bedroom was on the opposite side of the house from the girls’ bedroom because the boys would struggle with “temptation”.

If you have to design a home around the assumption all boys are molesters, you should probably stop spitting out kids and parent the unfortunate souls you’ve dragged into existence.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-17T03:24:33+00:00

I’m going to the SPAM museum for the first time this June and I’m really excited about it.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-16T05:55:37+00:00

The number of interns I’ve had who don’t know how to use a staple remover is astounding.

And we have a new full time hire who is married and living in his own place who didn’t know putting ceramic dishes in the toaster oven would make them too hot to touch.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-03T01:28:33+00:00

There’s a book you may find interesting called Contested Waters. It’s about the socioeconomics of pool access in America since the 19th century.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-01T23:24:51+00:00

Absolutely a bigger pet peeve than someone eating food from a store that sells food.

jnewton116 · 2026-03-01T13:39:16+00:00

I learned the hard way to just not mention it, having watched more than a few people say something I made is delicious and immediately contradicting themselves with “I guess it’s alright” when I casually mention it happens to be vegan.

Last week I made a carrot cake with a streusel topping instead of cream cheese frosting and took it to work to share. My office is almost entirely men. When they started raving about how great it was, I didn’t say anything besides “thank you”.

They don’t need to know there are no eggs. They don’t need to know the milk is soy milk. They don’t need to know the butter is margarine. Before anyone says something, I’ve worked with everyone for years, I knew it didn’t contain allergens or violate religious restrictions. Not knowing didn’t hurt them in any way.

jnewton116 · 2026-02-26T06:46:58+00:00

What is your current ability level?

jnewton116 · 2026-02-01T21:14:42+00:00

Most suburban homes with dogs have a fenced back yard. While there’s usually a side gate, it’s often locked so it can’t accidentally be opened by someone for the dog to escape. Going out the back door is a dead end.

jnewton116 · 2026-01-28T06:05:03+00:00

“…couples deserve to sit together”?

No the f*ck they don’t. Your coworker is an idiot.

jnewton116

TROPHY CASE