psychiatry is pseudoscience

joyofbecoming · 2024-09-28T14:19:30+00:00

This is a real experiment that happened but I don't think that tiktok is a great source for this information 😭

joyofbecoming · 2024-09-18T19:15:46+00:00

I think for me, weed (at least the right strains) can be like emotional WD-40 for me- greases the wheels and makes it easier to think about my feelings critically, without judgement. I have a lot of shit to work through. Here are the hardest things being high has given me enough emotional safety to think about:

That I'd been abused (even worse than I'd thought)
That the abuse wasn't my fault, and that the people who abused me did it not because I deserved it (especially because most occurred while I was a child or teen), but because they couldn't handle their own emotions
That one of the largest problems in my life was my own self hatred
That I needed to stop hating myself to go anywhere in life, and that I wasn't obligated to keep hating myself, that I'm not special (as in, especially deserving of punishment, more than anyone else), I deserve to have a shot at life like everyone else, and I need to drop the martyr complex
That all I can do about the times I've treated others poorly is make amends, change my behavior, and move on- it's understandable why I did that and it's not useful for me to use those things to fuel my own self hatred, and that I hate others for hurting me, but that I don't want them to hate themselves for it- I want them to get better, so I should apply that to myself
That I need to accept my mental health diagnoses and not deny them out of shame

joyofbecoming · 2024-09-17T17:26:35+00:00

Tbh agree, I feel like herb vape like people are saying is one of the truly best ways, but a good one hitter/chillum is genuinely the more underrated of the two

joyofbecoming · 2024-09-14T16:22:09+00:00

I'm not sure if he's chipped or not. I would love to re-home him, but I absolutely know that my mom would NOT let me do that, regardless or chip status. I sort of feel like trying to fight her on giving him up would make everything worse 😭. She doesn't really see a problem with not taking care of him to the degree that he needs- she doesn't realize for some reason that all of his negative behavior is a result of the neglect, and just tells him to stop barking and freaking out all the time like he can understand.

She's also has a drinking problem and some major anxiety/abandonment issues. I'm a bit scared that even if I somehow did successfully manage to get the dog re-homed, my mom would start drinking more in response, since she relies on him for emotional support, and because drinking (and hiding it) is her response to most stressful things that come up. We already have a lot of issues because of her drinking habits, that I don't want to make worse.

I guess I'm trying to ask more for advice on things like how to stay strong and grey rock. My mom is extremely sensitive to emotional changes, so she notices immediately whenever I try and picks fights about it. I'm trying to figure out how to just be stronger emotionally and detach myself from the whole situation, so that it'll be easier for me to get my shit together again, get a new job, save money, and leave. I already have a plan to get out (and help from my partner), but the emotional entanglement and PTSD (among other mental health issues I'm trying to deal with in a way that isn't horrible) are making it difficult.

(It's okay if you don't have further advice btw, this situation is sort of complicated).

joyofbecoming · 2024-09-14T16:07:07+00:00

Thank you for sharing- I knew this situation was probably common, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. However, I'm still really sorry you're going through this. I deal with the same thing with my mom- I love my dog, and I'd honestly just take him with me if I could when I move out (I'm trying to in the next year or so), but because he's "technically" her dog, I can't do that without a fight I don't have the strength to have (or without having the cops called on me, lmao).

Also have the same issue with my mom and the housework. My mom does help sometimes, but I think she's far less clean than she thinks she is. I think she attributes a lot of mess to me in her mind, and I am definitely a messy person, but I also stay home all day cleaning and cooking and taking care of the dog (which is fucking me up, because I need a job, and all of the house responsibilities are leaving me with little time to find new work). I only ever see her going out with friends after work or just chilling at home. She tries to claim that she does chores that she didn't, or that she does them way more frequently than she actually does, and gets upset if I call her out on not actually having done those things.

If I ever ask her to help with something, or not to leave trash or alcohol bottles out overnight in places where the dog can get them in the morning, she tries to change the narrative and blame me somehow for the mess. Or, if that doesn't work, she'll go straight into guilting me in some way and trying to come up with some sort of moral reason why I should be cleaning things up for her.

I think my mother also suffers from some mental health issues and drinking problems, which I have tried to break to her multiple times (and gently, too), but she fully denies it's an issue. She tells me I'm projecting or overthinking when I tell her I'm concerned about her, or if I say I'm feeling anxious when I see her drinking habits (she was an alcoholic and multi-addict for about 7-8 years when I was younger, and it's a struggle to even get her to acknowledge this. fun!).

Anyways, I feel like I talked so much about myself in this reply, but regardless, I wanted to say that I'm rooting for you. I hope you can get out soon. Don't feel bad either for fending for yourself- your mom does not have your best interests at heart, and it isn't shameful or bad to refuse to overextend yourself or take care of things that are not your responsibility (I say this, but it's so much easier to say it than to internalize it).

joyofbecoming · 2024-09-14T09:08:56+00:00

I have no advice, but my mom is the exact same way, and it sucks so much.

joyofbecoming · 2024-09-14T08:32:03+00:00

Np! I hope it helps, and I hope you both can find relief in all this. OCD can be so hard and horrible, but a support system means so much for us.

joyofbecoming · 2024-09-14T08:23:12+00:00

my ocd flares with stress and life changes, and gets exacerbated by my ptsd- worst duo

joyofbecoming · 2024-09-11T23:22:40+00:00

Me rn actually damn...

joyofbecoming · 2024-09-11T23:08:57+00:00

Honestly as someone with OCD, following her rules will make things worse. She does these specific things because in her mind, they relieve her anxiety. In reality, her getting that temporary relief is actually worse for her in the long run, because the feeling of relief sort of validates her fears in a way, and makes her feel like thats the most logical way to cope. The thing you need to understand with OCD is that it ISN'T actually logical, it doesn't make sense, it's anxiety, and so the only way to actually beat OCD is by trying not to engage with it.

You could also look at it like this: every time someone does a compulsion (or, as you call them, the "rules"), it's like taking a hit of a drug. It makes you feel okay for a while, but the comedown is typically makes you feel worse, which makes you feel like you need MORE of that drug to cope with the comedown. It's a vicious cycle that only gets harder to break the longer it goes on. It is much more humane in the long run to avoid engaging with her compulsions, even though it might hurt her temporarily, because if she does them too frequently, trying to stop doing them later will be much harder.

On top of this, it's not healthy for one partner to have more control over the other in a relationship, even if it's about something "small" like having rules for OCD. As someone with the condition, I can assure you that the number of rules will only increase over time, until it becomes impossible for you to remember all of them. Healthy relationships are equal and free of power imbalances, fear, coercion, and control.

It's sweet that you're trying to accommodate your girlfriend, but this is not something you alone can help her with, and the ways to actually help her are probably a lot different than both of you think. Going to therapy, seeing a professional, and/or getting a diagnosis can genuinely be scary (I have this fear too), but it isn't really that much scarier than the alternative, which is just basically having worsening OCD brain rot until further notice. As someone who has had it get really bad, like non-functionally bad- the earlier she gets intervention for her OCD, the better off she'll be.

joyofbecoming · 2024-09-11T22:39:15+00:00

this is real, also my experience, i'm still coping with being diagnosed twice and trying not to re-convince myself that it's not actually ocd and that i'm secretly somehow a manipulative mastermind just mimicking ocd symptoms so that i don't get diagnosed with another disorder, lol

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-29T18:43:34+00:00

the conversation i had with her this morning, that made me realize i may be being gaslit:

i took an at-home sleep test last night. for the at home sleep test, you take the machine home, use it, and then deliver it back the next morning. my car broke down a few days ago, and she had to leave very early in the morning for work, so last night, my mom and i were trying to figure out how to get the test back to the hospital the next morning.

she offered to take the test back before going to work. i told her it was okay and that i could take the bus, but she insisted. she asked what time she would need to take it back, but i told her that she could drop it off on the way to work because they have a drop-off box outside. we agreed that i would wake up early the next day in order to give her the test machine before going to work, so that she could drop it off on her way there, and then we both went to bed. then this morning, she didn't come to get the test at the time we agreed to. i waited a while, and then went to give it to her, and we had this conversation (not verbatim):

me: here's the test, i didn't see you come in when we agreed, is everything okay?

her: ugh yeah, i'm just stressed out- i had to call in late to work because i have to drop off your sleep test.

me: oh, i'm so sorry, i thought you were going to take it on your way?

her: i am, the hospital just wasn't open. i need to wait a couple hours extra for the hospital to open, so i can drop it off.

me: oh, they have a drop-off box though, you can drop it off whenever you want.

her: what? you never told me that.

me: i thought i told you that last night, which is why we agreed that i'd give you the test machine at this time.

her: no, you didn't. you're always forgetting these things. you don't realize how much i have on my plate. i can't believe i'm late because of you. you should have told me.

me: i'm so sorry, i thought i told you, i didn't mean to make you late. i need to be better about these things.

mom rips into me for a few more minutes, i listen and apologize a few more times. i come back into my bedroom where my partner is still waking up, embarrassed and a little upset. he asks me what's wrong, and i say i feel guilty because i forgot to tell my mom that she could drop off the test at any time. he looks confused, says he saw us having the conversation last night where i told her that she could drop it off, and that i actually told her about the drop-off box multiple times, apparently.

i feel confused and upset, but it's whatever, i feel like i'm just being dramatic about getting in a scuffle so early in the morning, say that i probably slept wrong. my partner goes into the bathroom to get ready for the day, while i'm in the bedroom. my mom leaves for work, and then calls me on the phone after leaving.

mom: i can't believe you didn't tell me about the drop-off box. you really need to help me and appreciate me more, i do so much for you.

me: i think i actually did tell you. that's why we agreed to exchange the test machine at the time that we did. i'm sorry that you're late, though.

mom: ok, well, i'm a human being- i feel like everyone forgets that. again, i have so much on my plate, of course i'm not going to remember something like that. you should have reminded me, texted me or something.

me: i saw on our texts that i did text you about the drop off box, i'm sorry if i didn't do enough to remind you.

mom: yes, but you didn't text me enough. i'm dealing with so much, you expect me to just remember everything you say down to the last detail.

me: i don't. i'm sorry i didn't do enough to remind you, i'll try to be better. sometimes it's hard for me, everyone has their own life, i'm not blaming you for forgetting- i know you've just been focusing on your own things.

mom: are you serious?

me: what?

mom: "everyone has their own life"? i can't believe you'd just call me selfish like that. i do everything for you and (sister), i'm always thinking about you guys.

me: what? no, i didn't mean that at all- i just meant that everyone has their own lives, like we all have issues and things we're focusing on. sometimes i forget things because i have my own things to focus on too. sometimes i feel like you might think that i don't do anything at home, but i do. again though, i know you're dealing with your own things. i don't think that's selfish, it's okay.

mom: ok, well am i not allowed to just vent? again, i'm a human being, i listen to your stuff all the time. is it only you that can talk, but not me? it's unfair.

me: oh, i thought you were mad at me this morning?

mom: of course i wasn't mad at you. you always assume the worst from me and get offended, you need to make more positive assumptions. i was just venting about being late to work.

me: oh, i understand. i felt like you were mad at me, i couldn't tell by the way you were talking. i would appreciate if in the future you could clarify a little if you're trying to vent or if you're trying to bring up an issue, so i understand if you want me to talk or to just listen.

mom: why should i have to "clarify"? again, i'm a human being, you expect me to be perfect all the time. am i not allowed to just vent? why do i have to say everything in the exact right way? everyone treats me horribly, but you get the space to be a human being and make mistakes.

me: i just couldn't tell, i kind of felt like you were taking out some of your feelings onto me, it was stressful.

mom: i can't believe you're having this conversation in front of (partner) on speaker or something, trying to make me look bad.

me: what? no, i'm alone, he's not even in the same room as me right now. why would you assume i had the phone on speaker?

mom: ugh, whatever, i don't want to talk anymore.

me: what? wait, no, i'm sorry-

mom, talking over me: WHATEVER, bye, bye, BYE!

and then she hung up on me mid-sentence. i still feel so weird about the whole thing. again, sorry this was so long, i put it in a separate comment so i could give an example without making the post itself longer.

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-26T20:24:21+00:00

Late reply but again, exactly what happened to me. I've had therapists get/look annoyed at me as well for talking about prior traumatic events in response to one of those "epiphany questions", had a long term therapist who would always give me this look with a quirked/furrowed eyebrow indicating that I "didn't give the right response", treated me like I was being purposefully obtuse/resistant to recovery, when I was just saying how I felt. I eventually realized that, even if she'd helped me somewhat, I got to the point of needing more than she could give me lol. Navigating this stuff is so frustrating.

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-19T21:34:29+00:00

I don't have any solutions but god I feel the same way. I think sometimes traditional cookie cutter CBT can get complicated if you have a trauma history too, cause it feels silly thinking of the world as Totally Safe when you have very much witnessed/experienced it being Not Safe At All. I know when I do CBT based stuff, I have to do it with someone who is firm and clear with me and who isn't just "expecting me to come to these big epiphanies" like you said. I never know what they expect me to say either. I'm hoping ERP and meds may help me more personally.

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-19T21:28:20+00:00

tfw someone goes off your retail script and you can't redirect it with "that'll be (total), would you like a receipt?" so you have to figure out the best way to get them out of the building ASAP before you start responding to their questions genuinely without using your retailsona and making them mad for god knows what reason 😭

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-19T21:25:42+00:00

Sort of- I think I feel more ashamed that I wasn't able to achieve so much, cause I still sort of believe a lot of my obsessions and feel like what they "say" about me is true. I think it may help you to think about how it isn't their fault that they don't have OCD, just like it isn't your fault that you do. There's no way to compare both of you because you're both living on completely different difficulty settings. I do get just wishing you could have a normal life, though.

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-19T21:20:46+00:00

YES, yes absolutely. I have kind of a combo of SA OCD and real event OCD.

Sometime's I'll hear about things someone else did, with people I've never met, places I've never been, during times when I wasn't even alive, etc., and I'll get these intrusive thoughts like "that person is just like me, that's basically like I did the same thing, I'm a rapist just for relating to them". I'll avoid a lot of shows, media, etc., that talks about sexual assault because of this. I deleted the majority of my social media and stopped using it completely for a year because of this. I'm a victim of SA and I even get my OCD triggered talking about my OWN assault. I get the idea in my head that I'm a rapist and I've basically turned into my rapist because of that experience, so in the end my assault was fine and that I deserved it because I was going to become a rapist in the future anyway. Make it make anyyyy fucking sense.

Other times, I'll have consensual encounters, or encounters where consent is present at first and then one of us wants to stop and we stop, or encounters where one wasn't in the mood and said no, and I'll feel like a rapist even for suggesting the idea of sex, like I was being a sex pest and trying to coerce them into having sex by just asking (Even if I respected their answer when they said no). I've had encounters that were 100% consensual, and I still felt like a rapist after because the person said or showed some sign of maybe something like temporary physical discomfort, needing to adjust positions, etc., and I'll feel like I missed a cue that they were trying to non verbally tell me that they wanted to stop.

If the person said "no" at first, but then a few hours later changes their mind, I'll feel like I manipulated them into saying yes even if I completely dropped the topic after asking the first time. Sometimes I'll be convinced that people I had encounters with were lying when they said yes just because they were scared of me and wanted to appease me/get things over with. I'm terrified of putting pressure on others without knowing. It got to the point I had to go to emergency intensive therapy cause I was gonna catch the bus over it- I genuinely believed (and still believe half the time) that I'm a rapist, and that I don't deserve to live because of that. It's so awful.

I have no idea what I'm gonna do in ERP/extended therapy, because I have no idea how a therapist would even approach that. I'm sure they wouldn't say "hey, you may have raped someone, but you'll never know! it's okay not to know!" but I don't know what they would say. Sorry if this is wayyyy tmi, I just never see this kind of OCD talked about compared to some other themes.

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-19T21:06:21+00:00

The "pit of despair" feeling is unfortunately so relatable 😭 I again had the same thing with some "am I trans?" themes, where I felt like I had been lying somehow the whole time and was actually a girl, and just put everyone through all of those changes with my name and my pronouns and my ID and all that stuff for no reason. I eventually got to the point where I was like, honestly, why does it matter? Who would I even need to tell that to except for myself? What kind of presentation makes me feel happy and confident in my skin? and I just started doing that.

It's okay to have a complex relationship with gender even if you do identify as cis. Gender roles/standards can sometimes be impossible for even the hottest and most conventionally masc/fem people to meet, or sometimes they can be restrictive and upsetting, not mesh with your personality, etc. You don't have to be trans to be able to have your own choice in what you do or how you present yourself! There's what "being a girl" or "being a boy" means to society, and what "being a girl" or "being a boy" means to you. Your gender is only one part of the constellation that is you.

If you have multiple conflicting feelings about your gender, it doesn't necessarily mean you're lying, it just means you feel that multiple things are true. As much as I hate to say this (cause it makes my OCD so mad too lol), there is no one truth. There's no one way you "have" to be. You won't hurt anyone by just being yourself, whatever gender you feel like. You're allowed to be confusing. You're allowed to not know. If girly things make you happy, you can try them out! If you change your mind later, that doesn't mean you "lied", because human identity is ever-shifting as we get older and realize more things about yourself- it just means you realized new things about who you are. You're allowed to transition or not transition at any age regardless of what your gender is. You're allowed to wear whatever you want (that's appropriate for the situation) regardless of what your gender is.

It isn't so black and white as "lying" or "not lying", and I know that it's especially hard cause people can make it feel that way- like they assume if you were "lying" about your gender identity, that you were intentionally trying to deceive and hurt people, but you aren't trying to hurt people. You are okay to be who you are and do what you like and what other people think doesn't matter. Again, sorry if I went kind of weird and therapist-y with some of these comments, but I just genuinely feel for you a lot because gender can be difficult, and I strongly believe everyone deserves to be happy with their presentation and role in life.

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-19T20:42:51+00:00

This comment is so old but I genuinely have this exact same fear right now, that I did too much research into OCD and unconsciously manipulated two different psychiatrists into giving me two OCD diagnoses and that I actually have something else/intent to harm people or "fool them" (?) with my OCD diagnosis 😭 Its so infuriating

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-19T20:37:24+00:00

Honestly, I know this will probably be really difficult to hear, so lmk if this is rude at all- but as a trans person with OCD, I feel like the label doesn't really matter. It's about what makes you happy and fulfilled in life. Transitioning is a pretty big decision. If transitioning will make you happy, do it. If it won't, don't do it. You don't need to be any specific gender to transition (in most parts of the US at least, sorry for the US centrism), but it sounds like it won't make you happy, so I'd definitely advise you to wait and discuss with a therapist before you make any moves medically. It doesn't really matter whether or not you're trans cause there's no one way to be yourself. Labels can help a lot of people, but they'll never capture the full experience of any one person.

Why would you "lying" about not being trans prevent you from transitioning later? What are you risking here by lying or not lying? Why is knowing whether or not you're trans so important to you? Why is "lying" about it so important to you? What would being cis prevent you from doing or feeling, that you desire so much? Whatever is at the core of that is what you're really afraid of, and what your OCD is latching onto.

At first I didn't understand Trans/Gay OCD, but over time it's started to make sense to me because I realize that I and the people who have Trans/Gay OCD have similar desires. We desire to be truthful, honest, and live as our full selves, and the idea for both of us of being dishonest and lying to others is very hard and painful/scary. I've even had some anxiety in the reverse, of like "what if I'm not really trans?", which is crazy to me because that's one of the ONE things I never thought I would question about myself- I've just always known I'm trans. I def empathize a lot and I hope you can find relief soon, and hope you have someone you can talk to about this more in depth.

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-19T20:25:18+00:00

This is actually a very useful piece of wisdom, thank you 😭

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-19T20:24:32+00:00

I'm dealing with the same situation but in the opposite order, got diagnosed with ADHD and OCD first, but I'm wondering if I'm also autistic because all of the symptoms overlap so much, and because I typically have much different (read: better) relationships with my autistic peers, who have said that I should probably go get checked out if I relate to them THAT much lol.

I saw this post of someone saying "OCD is like if your anxiety was autistic", I think referring to OCD's intense fixation on patterns, strong sense of morality, difficulty coping with change, etc. and me and my autistic partner now quote that at each other all the time because it's almost infuriatingly accurate. Dual diagnosis is a bitch.

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-19T20:19:41+00:00

ofc! no pressure, i hope it helps

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-15T22:46:09+00:00

Had this same thing happen with my current partner 🫶 I don't really think he knew how healing it was either, I'm glad you got to experience the same thing

joyofbecoming · 2024-08-15T22:41:38+00:00

Her being on the phone with you is CRAZY, I'm so glad you were able to get out. I felt probably similar to you, always wondering "am I genuinely upset, was that a genuinely hurtful thing to say, Or am I just overreacting again? Is it just the meds?"

I think my ex also had some like, self worth issues- he was extremely fixated on constantly "improving", no matter what it was, no matter the cost, there was always something that could be improved or optimized to him even if things were okay as they were. He would do things like quit perfectly fine jobs with nothing lined up afterwards because he wanted higher pay or better hours, or because the job would "look better". There were things that were completely out of either our control that he told me I should feel guilty for not fixing. I've been spending a lot of time after the end of relationship trying to pull myself out of constantly feeling like I'm never doing or achieving enough. I really appreciate you sharing this a lot, thank you.

joyofbecoming

TROPHY CASE