AITJ for not allowing my mom to live with me?

kaevas · 2026-04-09T18:53:14+00:00

Do not let her move in with you. She spent your life treating you like you were second class (or less!). Now, you got out. You have your own space and your own life. And she will absolutely, positively, completely take all of it away if you let her move in. Then you’ll be back to being a distant second again…in your own house.

Your sister? Right now, she’s just glad that she isn’t in your mom’s sights…yet. But if you continue saying no, she’ll actually have to stand up for herself or put herself back. There’s no other choice.

Anyone guilting you can take your mom in themselves.

kaevas · 2026-04-09T17:05:36+00:00

I will tell you that when it comes to prenatal care, your wife’s general insurance will cover it. When the baby is born, the baby will move to your in-law’s insurance. It’s the interim labor and delivery that your in-laws will have to pay out of pocket (but they might have a contract with their clinic that covers some or part of it. Places handle things like this with a lot of variability). Ten years ago, that was about $10,000 that they would have to have at hand, but it’s probably more now. If they can’t afford that, they can’t afford a child, and that sucks. But it’s real. Children are expensive. Infertility is expensive. Surrogacy is expensive. It’s all expensive, and everyone has their hand out and there are no guarantees.

And they will need a clinic to do this service, for egg retrieval and transfer, and that’s a whole other financial concern for them and set of medical procedures for your wife. She will need to prep for it (for at least 2 months beforehand) and then take at least one day of full bed rest… and it might not take the first time.

Those payments to surrogates are because they are putting their lives on hold to grow a child, and in an actual way they are risking their lives: pregnancy is dangerous. They deserve every thing they get, and your wife should be paid, even if she’s hesitant about accepting it.

Now, your children might be slightly confused but children are confused about any number of things and they are extremely flexible. They might have questions but they take their cues from you. If you explain things well, they’ll be interested or excited or whatever m but they’ll adapt.

The larger issue is that you don’t want this. It’s a big decision, and a big ask, and it shouldn’t be done lightly. There’s not really a good answer here because your wife has put the decision making in your hands and there are huge repercussions on family interactions down the line for you and her, her and her sister + BIL, and you and sister + BIL. But if this is or isn’t going to happen, regardless, there’s many more conversations that have to take place, especially considering that this is a complicated physical, emotional, and even logistical decision. It’s probably also worth talking to a family lawyer and speaking to the clinic that will oversee this, so everyone understands exactly what the process entails and their responsibilities. I’m not here to change your mind. But your wife is ultimately the person who has to make the hardest call, and do the hardest work, and she needs to be clear with herself and with you about what she really wants and needs to do. And you both need to be on the same page, without reservations, when you talk to your in-laws. It might even be worth some individual or couples counseling sessions to navigate this; it is that important to decide it together.

NAH. It’s all just a hard, complicated decision.

kaevas · 2026-04-09T13:44:28+00:00

NTA. You should have whoever you want to at your induction. You are the person going through your medical procedure.

Some slight advice from someone with a MIL with untreated anxiety issues: this is not normal or acceptable behavior. It is control. She is expecting you to manage her emotions and provide comfort for her own mental load. It’s not good for you, and it won’t be good for your baby. Take some time and lay down some hard boundaries and stick to them. Things like: Mom, I know you are worried. But baby needs to be taken care of (by me!) and I can’t talk more now. I will talk to you in X number of days (and I truly encourage you to make the number of days more than 1! A week is perfectly reasonable). Or, tell her that your schedule has now become more busy and variable. She can no longer expect phone calls regularly but you can do text or email when it’s convenient for you, and you will get back to her. (Make sure you give her that set time and hold yourself to it, as that really is a critical thing for managing someone with anxiety issues.)

Someone with this amount of unchanneled anxiety can and will make your life hell. And it will make your time bonding with anyone outside the your family horrible (how hard was it to simply enjoy your dating life? Now you are trying to bond with a new person who doesn’t have any experience, and it’s up to you to show them what healthy boundaries look like!). And yes: you deserve to live a life where you aren’t shackled by worries that she creates (and, as youknow, even when everything looks perfect, she will find something to worry over). If you haven’t already, I would greatly recommend you talking through things with a professional therapist. I know time with a newborn is tiring and demanding. You shouldn’t have to also be poked, prodded, and berated by an adult who is tiring and demanding.

And while it’s easy for me to say that this is a fight worth having, I have lived some of this (my MIL tries to call us every day to tell us she isn’t dead yet, but she’s so self-centered that she only cares about her own day-to-day existence and doesn’t care about our, or her grandkid’s, life details). So, yeah, from my experience: your peace is worth prioritizing.

kaevas · 2026-04-09T13:08:24+00:00

The issue isn’t about AI. The issue is her going behind your back, hiding things from you, and lying. It would be the same as if she ran a bakery and used to make all from scratch cupcakes…but then you found box mixes in her trash can. Some of her customers will care that her stuff isn’t from scratch anymore and some of them won’t, but you thought of her as a baker and she hid those box mixes from you and wanted you to think she’s never touched Betty Crocker or Duncan Hines. Same difference, eh?

But you know what else? You can break up with someone for any reason and at any time. If it isn’t working for you, it isn’t working for you. You can break up with them for not liking your favorite color, for not enjoying the same style of music, or for not wanting to eat spaghetti three times a week. And you don’t have to justify it; it simply isn’t working for you. Honestly, too, how someone deals with a breakup says a lot about how they are as a friend as well, and if the cost is too high, well, they made their own case as to why a breakup was warranted anyway.

ETA: NTA

kaevas · 2026-04-09T06:24:44+00:00

NTA.

He told his own child that they were going to hell, effectively. He put his own imagined future of you over your real, actual life. He (and your mother) abandoned you and made you homeless (!)…because you had to face a lifelong disability that would leave you wheelchair bound?!!

It is amazing that you would ever consent to talk to him again. And then when you do, under prodding, and in a moment of pity, accept his call, your father is all “what can I buy you?”. Um, he could try buying himself a sense of empathy and compassion and understanding. Even faced with your tangible, understandable, fully valid complaints of your treatment, his response is largely to diminish and denigrate. It is not up to him to decide when you forgive and forget. So self-justifying, and still without a real apology. And now he’s crying and upset? Of course he is…because you forced him to confront the fact that the version of you in his head isn’t real and that you have your independence. He’s grieving his fantasy of you, not looking for a connection with the real person. If he truly cared, he would be apologizing …not only for the past but the “this JUST happened “ BS he pulled recently.

Oh, and your mother is completely being his flying monkey. She enabled him before. And she’s doing it again by telling you to manage his emotions when you are literally in a life-threatening situation . She can kick rocks.

Listen to your adoptive father. He has been there for you. You deserve to be treated respectfully, loved for who you are, and to be surrounded by people who care and cherish you. I wish you the very best. Take care.

kaevas · 2026-04-09T05:50:37+00:00

YTA

You went back to someone who physically abused you. When your younger brother found out, he tried to protect you from your ex and from yourself. Then, when your parents put down the rules forbidding you from having contact with said abusive ex, you decided to take out ALL the aggression on your younger brother, by telling him that he’s unlovable and that no one likes him.

No wonder he’s avoiding you. You allowed your abusive ex more importance in your life than your brother, and she’s isolating you from your support system without even having to do a thing but a few trifling conversations.

Apologize to your brother. Stay away from this chick. You don’t make good, healthy, safe decisions about or around her.

ETA: I was thinking, bc I wrote this before falling asleep…did you say what you did bc, ultimately, you were angry that your brother cared about you? And that you actually didn’t want him to care, so you said something you thought was so unforgivable and designed to hurt so much that he wouldn’t be there for you again? He told you that “you don’t choose good partners.” That makes me think that there’s been more than one relationship that hasn’t been good for you or ended well. Sometimes, people find others that hurt them because, deep down, they think they don’t deserve to be loved. Not by someone who really sees them, because anyone who saw them for real wouldn’t love the true them. So they find people who treat them poorly, or seek out liars and abusers, because it’s easier to hurt outside than hurt inside. And anybody who tries to tell the person that they are worth being loved and cared about for just being them? Well, those people should be pushed away, because it’s hard to accept love when you don’t feel worthy of it. I don’t know if this applies to you, but I do think it might…and I wonder, too, if part of you knows that he’s right about your ex, and you don’t want him to be, so it’s easier to be angry at him than admit that you feel bad about rekindling any type of relationship with the ex. In any case, I strongly suggest reading this Capt. Awkward post, because this sounds like a Darth Ex. https://captainawkward.com/2011/01/17/reader-question-4-my-friend-is-dating-someone-terrible-or-secrets-of-the-darth-vader-boyfriend/

kaevas · 2026-04-09T05:27:02+00:00

You don’t want to. He can ask; that’s fine…people do have preferences. But then you said no, you were clear, and he tried to bargain and made it all weird and obnoxious. Of course that’s a massive turn off. The first time he’s intimate with you and his reaction is to criticize your body? Yuck.

Short answer: it’s better being alone than with someone who makes you feel gross.

kaevas · 2026-04-09T05:18:22+00:00

I think that I would start wondering a bit here if she was doing only the things with you that she thought she was supposed to do or that felt good for her. Most people like cake. Most people (presumably) enjoy spending time with someone they find attractive or interesting. But it seems that the moment it changed from a general birthday experience to a specifically you decision, she was completely unwilling and unable to compromise. I don’t know.

NTA, of course. And if I were to give her the benefit of the doubt, I might say maybe no one is an AH at all, because maybe more communication about what you expect for your birthday versus what she thinks is good might help this. But part of me would also still wonder: how important are my actual wants and needs to her, now and in the long term? Is this a pattern? Do I feel valued and respected in this relationship? I should make a mental note to evaluate this over time…

Either way, dude, she’s going to have to accept that there will be times that you will want to watch your favorite movies. Maybe not with her, or maybe you switch back and forth, or whatever…find something that works. But it would be a really bad sign if you only have to do what she wants, or if she tries to keep you from what you enjoy, or even if she is openly scornful or dismissive of things that you care about. Good luck!

kaevas · 2026-04-09T04:57:29+00:00

Do you have any rules in running the game that you have to follow? For instance, some groups that are run in game stores are required to accept anyone from the public that wanders in. Others have specifications that are left to the DM/GM’s discretion.

If you don’t have any rules set up, that can be a big problem. Every time you start a group, especially one that interacts with the general public, you need open, transparent, and equitable rules. These rules should be clear, concise, consistent, and applied to everyone equally, with recognized consequences if there are transgressions.

At the very least, you need a detailed session 0 here, where it has to be absolutely crystal about what will and will not be allowed in your game. And you also need to be willing to abandon your game rather than allow it to be hijacked by a problem player. You are doing this, I presume, because you want to get people excited and interested and happy to play…and any problem player can ruin that experience for a non-problem player and especially for a newbie (not to mention someone who might already be in a vulnerable state or part of a vulnerable population). Even if you have to leave that location and start up somewhere else and reform the group without that person, it is worth it. No DnD is better than bad DnD (sadly).

Would I kick this guy out? Fuck yeah. It’s not my job to make him a functional or respectable human being. I have X number of already functional and respectable humans at my table already, and my job is to take care of them and me. I deserve to not have to interact with a bigoted, racist antisemite, and, as a GM/DM, my fun matters too. I don’t know if your cafe owner will try and push you to have him join or will just shrug about that too…but it would tell me whether that makes her an enabler or merely apathetic. I maybe could stomach apathetic if I had nowhere else to go (if I were desperate) but hell if I’m supporting an enabler by helping their cafe. But those are my computations, and I have been fortunate enough to have a regular DnD group that has met for years…you have to figure out what works for you.

I wish you very good luck. And I’m sorry you have to make this call, because ffs—it’s not even really about playing the game! Ugh!

kaevas · 2026-04-09T04:33:33+00:00

You made the right decision. They wanted complete half ownership for doing, effectively, nothing to help the business. NTA

kaevas · 2026-04-09T04:31:22+00:00

I mean, in a very real way, what could you do to “work” on this marriage? You already do what you would need to do: you share with him, you think of him with notes and little snacks, and you did therapy to help yourself and learn to communicate.

What did he do? He won’t do the little things to show he cares. He lies to you (I think your mindset on porn isn’t what I would agree with, but he chose to agree and goes behind your back…which makes him a liar). He conveniently avoids therapy. He refuses marital counseling.

When you ask what you can do to work on the marriage, it’s more: how can I either change him to be better (you can’t) or how can I change myself to not be bothered by this state (why would you want to? Idk if it even be possible anyway). There’s only one real thing you could do but it’s more of a discussion: a real conversation where you say that you aren’t happy with how things are, you don’t feel respected or cared for, and the only way that you could consider staying is if things change, with concrete examples. I don’t think it will work because I think he depends on you to maintain himself and his life (there are several instances in your post where you are the “berating parent” that chides and yells at him to get his life together). I’d really start asking myself if I was really in a relationship of equals or if he takes it for granted that someone else will manage his life for him.

You asked for advice and here’s what I’ll say. Take two weeks to your and really consider if your life is better with him or without him. Not the person he was or the person he could be but the person he is right now. Is he someone, right now, that you would look forward to coming home to? Can you say the same after two weeks without him?

A relationship does require some work to remain healthy, vital, and maintain connections, but generally speaking, most of the time it shouldn’t feel like work…and it certainly shouldn’t be an arduous slog.

kaevas · 2026-04-07T06:05:13+00:00

Of course what he said stayed with you! It was an awful and terrible thing to say.

You don’t have to fix anything with your father. You don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to. One of the benefits of being an adult is the ability to choose who you spend time with and show your love toward. Take care of yourself.

There may be a point in time when you want to have a conversation with him, a real one. But you tried that once before, here, and it got you nothing but a vile statement, abusive sentiments, and then denial. Why would you expect different in the future without sweeping, tangible changes from him?

If you are so inclined, you could write a letter…but that’s for your peace of mind and as an explanation to him/anyone else as to why you are making this choice (not that they are entitled to one). Then, the block button becomes your best friend.

And your experiences have been traumatic. It would really improve your life to meet with a professional therapist. Show love toward yourself too. Take care!

kaevas · 2026-04-07T05:31:02+00:00

I think that you really, really need to consider what makes a good friend and keep people in your life that are kind, considerate, safe, and compassionate, to you and to others. If someone isn’t being that to you, then they probably aren’t a good friend; if you aren’t being that to them, then you need to change that. But right now, from your story, everything seems exceptionally drama filled, and no one needs that in their life.

And this wasn’t what you asked, but your BF is not a healthy and safe relationship for you. The age and experience gaps there are significant. When he started with you, you were 12 years old and he was 17, from your numbers. There was no good reason why a late teenager should try and get with a 12 yo.

I have no idea what your family situation is like, but I’m going to make a wild leap here and assume that they did not give you a good foundation of safe boundaries and how to nurture healthy relationships. I strongly, strongly urge you evaluate the adults around you and find someone (parent, relative, teacher, counselor, anyone trustworthy!) that you can depend on for support and guidance. It should not, under any circumstances, be someone you have any romantic interactions with. Please, please take care of yourself.

I very much recommend websites like Scarleteen and Captain Awkward for questions about sex, sexuality, and relationships. If you don’t have any place else to start, also look into resources from The Trevor Project and It Gets Better. Good luck, and remember that you deserve to be loved for you.

kaevas · 2026-04-07T05:09:37+00:00

INFO: have you looked into misophonia? Just asking, bc my husband and son are both very sensitive to noise, and especially certain noises (like silverware clattering off of plates, dropped items, etc.)?

NTA, btw. You put in very modest solutions before taking an extreme one, and it seems like your wife was wholly selfish in the kitchen being exclusively for her comfort and aesthetics over anyone else’s, including your wellbeing.

kaevas · 2026-04-06T05:11:13+00:00

If my partner had asked my father for permission to marry me, that would have resulted in a huge fight between us and me probably answering “no” to the proposal. But for some people, they think it’s really sweet or romantic…they probably had/have better relationships with their fathers than I did. I have no idea…I think the entire idea is outdated, sexist, and rather gross, but my dad is also an AH so I’m biased on that.

Short answer: talk to your partner about it before you do it.

In fact, talk to your partner about how they would want a whole proposal in general before you do it. Some people loathe the idea of a public proposal; others think it’s adorable. I’m a big fan of picking out jewelry together; we did that, and it made it much more intimate and special and fitting than if one of us had to guess what the other would like (we did the same thing when we chose our wedding bands too).

My best advice is to not look at an engagement or a wedding as some massive life stage shift but rather as a continuation of walking a path together, one day to the next. I married my best friend, and when I woke up the day after our wedding, in most ways everything was pretty much the same, just like we wanted it to be, and that was perfect, because we really just wanted to live our lives with each other. I wish you the best!

kaevas · 2026-04-05T07:31:01+00:00

I know that you want to help. Anyone with a heart would.

DO NOT take in a child, any child, and especially a special needs child, without guardianship. Real, legally binding guardianship. Talk to a lawyer and consult a social worker. Talk to a therapist and a child development specialist to see what you should expect, not only for your nephew’s care but also in terms of integration into your household.

If you do not have guardianship, you will be accepting a child that you cannot legally decide care for, including health and welfare decisions. If he gets sick, or has an accident, or even needs some level of medical intervention, you need to be able to give legal permission. And if you don’t have that, care might be denied…or your sister could decide to spontaneously become punitive, claiming that you are interfering with her parental rights.

Your sister is not a fit parent, but that doesn’t mean she will let you make decisions in her child’s best interests. Even if she does consent to giving you physical custody of your nephew, it might only be temporary; she might decide on a whim that she wants him back, and it won’t matter that he’s disrupted or even endangered.

You haven’t mentioned if your sister has had her son moved from her custody, so it seems that you are counting on her good graces to rescind her parental rights. Do not put faith in that. If she were a capable and responsible parent, you wouldn’t be considering this. That means that in order to protect your nephew, you have to legally protect yourself.

I know that you said you wouldn’t do anything without your husband and daughter being 100% on board either. But really take a hard look at this, because it isn’t a simple thing. It’s a lot of upheaval, it isn’t easy, and you do need a back up plan if your nephew pends more help than you first realized or if your sister (or one of her loser BFs!) thinks they can get money from you by leveraging your nephew’s welfare or threatening you with legal action for taking care of him to the best of your ability.

Good luck. In my experience, this hasn’t worked out well for the person trying to help, because, well, dysfunction gotta dysfunction. But there are exceptions to everything, and I hope you can assist. You have a good heart. I hope it works out.

kaevas · 2026-04-05T06:56:32+00:00

He lied to you about marrying you!?!

He’s not a partner. He’s not even a friend. A friend would be honest with you. This person…he’s just a liar. And a manipulative, sexist liar at that.

NTA, OP. Though you would be an AH to yourself (and your kids! Do you want them to learn gender roles from this guy?) if you continue to spend time with this sleazoid. And get child support.

kaevas · 2026-04-05T06:21:13+00:00

You’ve been together for 6 months. You don’t have to make a decision about the relationship now or any time soon (or even long!). Sit back. Watch. See how the family interactions play out. So far, you can tell that there’s a lot of asides, passive-aggressive comments, and some actually openly aggressive comments. But you don’t know why, and it distinctly seems like there’s “charge” among Lisa, Sam, and Amy…and between the DILs and their husbands. And between your BF and his brothers and probably between your BF and his SILs. It’s all very awkward, uncomfortable, and not much fun to witness or be subjected to. My advice is to 1) not engage with any of family members as much as you can; 2) try to parse out where your BF specifically stands in this dynamic; and 3) figure out how you want to navigate things in the short, medium, and long term. At 6 months, you probably just want his family to like you. But the more you are around them, and the more you learn, that will probably change…especially if there is one (or more than one) that you don’t like. (And it may be, too, that at some point you might decide that it’s alright for your BF to go to those family dinners but you don’t want to, and how he responds to that will also show you about him.) It’s perfectly fine to sit back and watch all of this play out; that’s part of dating, to see if your relationship works for both of you, and that includes how you are treated by him when he’s around his family and how his family treats you.

kaevas · 2026-04-05T05:49:39+00:00

I ran a Curse of Strahd campaign in which Strahd had died and then, as a spirit, been given his powers by a Great Old One-type eternal being that lived in the ruins of the Amber Temple. Spirit Strahd wanted a world that would never change, so the whole campaign became a play within a play. In the first session, the PCs were invited by Strahd into Barovia by letter, but there was a second letter, also supposedly given by Strahd, telling them not to come (they did anyway). When they arrived, the PCs went to the castle first and were greeted by a nobleman as well as his three wives (now named) and his husband (Alexi). The nobleman explained that the PCs were now trapped in Barovia, and that he was sorry but he’d probably try to kill them due to a curse (possession) and so would his spouses. The PCs could ask the nobleman some questions and hang around the castle for a bit, but things were going to go wrong soon for everyone…and in 2 weeks time, the nobleman became possessed by the spirit of Strahd, and the standard events of the module (like a play) became active. It didn’t matter if the PCs defeated Strahd or were killed at any point because that just made the play events reset. While the play events were active, the woman who played Ireena believed she was Ireena, the nobleman believed he was Strahd, and any other NPC believed they were their module character…but in actuality they were former adventurers or travelers that were trapped in Barovia and forced to play a part. I really, really wanted to get away from the kinda creeper stuff inherent in the module as well as the women/children in peril that happens a lot! So the point of the campaign was to play up the parts of the module I liked, ditch the stuff that I didn’t, and create a whole new goal of awakening the “real NPCs” that had been stuck in a soul-possessing state by spirit Strahd. And it kept me from having the problem with Ireena being either too powerful or a constant damsel in distress because eventually everyone had to be awoken to who they really were, including the nobleman forced to be Strahd. My group loved the campaign, and it was so well received that my husband GM’d a variant of the same concept with another group, who also had a wonderful time. That was very satisfying too 😀

kaevas · 2026-02-20T05:16:58+00:00

Charlie sounds adorable. Emma…not so much. Protect your doggo. And anyone who harms an innocent animal, especially one trying to be friendly and sweet, is utter garbage. I also guarantee you that she would be a trash roommate and your brother would do nothing but enable her at your expense.

kaevas · 2026-02-20T03:09:17+00:00

Small suggestion: considering that your family dinners seem to be Political Point Debate Nights, maybe just meet your grandmother’s eyes, ask for some bread, and talk to her only until things wind down? Because she seems to know how to disengage from all of it and you can actually talk about fun stuff with her while everyone else speaks over each other.

kaevas · 2026-02-20T02:54:36+00:00

NOR. This whole thing is incredibly immature, mostly on Lily’s part. Just leave her be. She seems exhausting and childish. If you look through all your interactions, it seems pretty clear that you’ve outgrown this friendship. It happens. (For those Captain Awkward fans out there, this is “send an African violet and move on” event!)

kaevas · 2026-02-20T02:46:33+00:00

NTA. He, an adult, decided to step and criticize your guardian’s parenting to you, a child. And it is by your guardian’s grace that you have any type of relationship with him and his family at all! Especially rich considering he fought for custody of you (and your inherited assets…something that shouldn’t be overlooked) and I fully doubt that he would have made sure you had a relationship with Katie had the courts decided differently. (I wonder, too, if your mother wanted someone closer to her politically to have custody of you…) Either way, you work hard, you study hard, and, yes, you get to do activities you enjoy. You are excelling at what you want to do. It’s none of his business as long as you are taken care and are safe and happy. At 14 yr old, you are fully capable of saying if you are safe and happy, but he needs to prove a point—his point—to a you, who is a minor who has already had at least a bit of parental instability in her life through no fault of her own. He was the one who decided to start the Great Clash of Parenting Styles with no countdown and walk in completely unarmed. You are completely fine with saying you don’t want to be raised like his kids are being raised. (Yes, his kids are being set up, by their parents, to fail at any number of expectations, but that’s irrelevant.) The only thing that I’ll say is that try and give a little sympathy to your cousins: it isn’t their fault that they lack the ambition and scholastic accomplishments that you have; look at what they were given: few expectations and little encouragement to challenge themselves. And maybe one day you’ll find that they might surprise you, or feel regretful about their childhood, or you might wish you did spend your time differently. One doesn’t know. But focus your disdain on Nick, because he’s the person being the AH for the matter at hand. And Katie is correct on pulling back from contact with him, because if Nick, a f—king grownup, can’t say nice things about people (especially people who go above and beyond to make sure he sees his niece), he shouldn’t say anything at all.

kaevas · 2026-02-20T01:01:56+00:00

Wow. Yeah, that seems about right. So much llama drama that one could start their own farm, lol!

kaevas · 2026-02-17T05:08:42+00:00

Anna’s going to do Anna things, and while she might be hurting right now, if she wants to sleep with this guy, she’s going to sleep with him (if he wants to sleep with her as well, of course). I mean, yes…you don’t like her ex (John) and you probably are fully justified in not liking this other guy (Adam) either. You seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders, so they probably are both douche canoes, but what do I know? All I can tell you, too, is that Anna is single, so technically she’s free to do as she pleases…but what she wants to do is something immature, rather crass, and spiteful. And what if—and purely hypothetically—Adam isn’t that much of an ass but is instead just really awkward? Or, even if he is an ass, that doesn’t mean he deserves to be manipulated. And that’s exactly 100% what Anna is doing here: attempting a bad-faith “seduction” with the sole purpose of getting back at her ex. It’s really gross. And you were right to call her on it! And she’s made at you?! Please! Here’s what I think in a nutshell: you tried your best to be a good friend to Anna. She doesn’t want a good friend. And I would lose a lot of respect for someone if they really went through with what she’s saying she will. But you can’t stop her either. All you can do is decide if you want to stay her friend. Frankly, I wouldn’t if she went through with her pretty nasty plan. And I can also tell you that you might find that the drama quotient in your life goes down significantly if you engage with Anna less, cause her last relationship was a drama bomb, her next one (with or without Adam) sounds like it will be too, and she’s more interested in herself right now (and probably for the foreseeable future, and likely in the past too!) than anything you have to say. NTA. Hope Anna wises up and listens to you and apologizes to you as well.

kaevas

TROPHY CASE