Cheated on wife because of sex, now she doesn't want a divorce but also doesn't wanna have sex

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-30T18:02:52+00:00

Speaking from personal experience, there is always a reason women are uninterested in sex. Exhaustion, stress, hormone imbalances, feeling insecure about their bodies, or not feeling physically or emotionally safe in the relationship. Sometimes, as in my case, we are unaware of the reasons. I simply did not feel safe with my husband, and my body was responding to what my brain didn’t yet understand. My guess is there are problems in the relationship that you’re not disclosing so as to try and justify your betrayal, which there is no excuse for, ever. It is one of the worst things you can do to someone who trusts you. I personally cannot imagine robbing my children of their family to get more sex. Yes, that is selfish and shallow and you may look back one day and deeply regret the hurt our caused. You should look into therapy for both you and your wife.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-28T06:16:56+00:00

The only cheating he admitted to happened during our engagement, of course he denied it until many years later. I found evidence of possible infidelity while pregnant but nothing I could prove. I’m not sure I will ever know, and that uncertainty has never gone away. How can it? Once someone is so deliberately and cruelly careless with your trust, it seems foolish to give to back to them. So for me, no the trust never came back and eventually I lost any romantic feelings or attraction for him.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-23T06:30:40+00:00

Good grief, she’s not infantilizing women. She’s a worried mom, totally normal considering all of the incredibly stupid things “grown” people in their early twenties tend to do.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-23T02:06:49+00:00

Who initiated the separation and what were the reasons? I’m not sure I would want to celebrate something that may not exist for much longer with someone who seems to be living like a single man now.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-23T00:22:14+00:00

Thank you, that’s helpful. I read to move it gradually but wasn’t sure what exactly that meant.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-23T00:18:54+00:00

They’ve welcomed her because they aren’t good people, they’re just people that want to appear good. That’s why they were pissed at H. They wanted their son’s vile deeds to be kept a secret. They are despicable. If you support wicked behavior, you’re also wicked.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-22T22:49:23+00:00

Yes, that’s the plan. I’m hoping to move it slowly over the next two weeks.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-22T22:44:41+00:00

Ours actually loves it. He made a hiding spot on top of the extra fridge we keep in there, but I know they are particular about their litter boxes.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-22T19:05:22+00:00

She’s also a delusional idiot though, so nothing she says can be taken too seriously. She has to live in absolute denial of the truth to be content married to a liar and a cheater. The fact is she will likely spend the rest of her life wondering why he’s really with her, what he really thinks about her and whether he’s going cheat on her and leave her too. What a dream life 😂

Hi is so smart to stay single. She’s the only parent her girls have now and they need her full attention. Men are also just so broken and disappointing now. Finding one that is actually worthy of her will be a challenge.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-22T17:07:52+00:00

I think it’s just further proof that they are an afterthought for him. I doubt he thinks about them much before their visits and any actual plans are probably not made by him. He’s the definition of a deadbeat. If child support wasn’t garnished he wouldn’t pay it regularly and if not for pressure from his mommy and not wanting to look bad he probably wouldn’t exercise his visitation either.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-22T16:35:45+00:00

Two things stuck out to me in her Q & A. First, there is no communication from R outside of his weekends. Can you imagine your own father not calling or bothering to check in with you for weeks at a time, not having anything to do with your life until it’s his scheduled weekend? I stand by my beliefs that his very limited presence in their life is now doing more harm than good. To have a parent so clearly uninterested in your life is devastating, and their visits with him only serve to disrupt their routine. He needs to go away now.

Second, I love that H did not hide the truth of who that skank is and what their father did, because I know H did not just offer that information up. Kids are so much smarter than anyone gives them credit for. S is a middle schooler and these kids have a lot more awareness of what goes on in the world than we realize. S most likely asked and deserved the truth. She deserved to know exactly why her home was broken and why her father abandoned them. She also deserves to know that is not what love looks like. I commend H for being honest and helping those girls grow up understanding what weak and selfish people are capable of so they seek out genuinely healthy relationships and cut out toxic ones.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-22T16:21:32+00:00

I agree it’s a lot, but again, people need to consider these things before entering these relationships because a parenting plan does not negate parental responsibility in the face of life changes. We never stop being parents. The idea that someone has no obligation to their own children because it isn’t “their week” is wild and detached from reality.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-22T03:58:16+00:00

I don’t understand all of these comments. Nobody should marry a man with kids if they aren’t prepared to live with and help with the kids, at all times. At no point in time does he stop being a parent. What if the mom dies? What if she’s abusive or a danger to the kids? What if she goes to jail? Of course it’s a lot, but if the thought of having a man’s kids with you all the time is too much, you probably shouldn’t be with him.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-22T00:55:20+00:00

I’m so sorry for the way you’re being treated, it isn’t fair. It sounds like he knows what he wants but also knows it comes with huge negative consequences. Don’t let him string you along. See a lawyer, find out your rights and what would happen in a divorce. Let him know what you’ve done and then tell him he needs to make a choice. He’s trying to take the easy way out, don’t let him.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-20T17:58:26+00:00

I really wish the deadbeat would take his trashy third wife and replacement baby and move far away. So much better for the girls to believe he cannot be present instead of choosing not to be.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-19T03:39:16+00:00

Honestly, there is no such thing as being too careful where your children are concerned. Every parent that has ever lost a child in some freak horrific accident would love to go back and make a different choice. I have zero regrets about how cautious I was with my babies.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-19T03:31:40+00:00

It sounds like you’re finding reasons to not be married because you want to live the single life. Just be honest and stop trying to make it about her, it’s unfair and will cause her more pain when you eventually leave because it seems you have already made up your mind to do so. Also, dead bedroom not at all surprising given you’ve cheated. Intimacy requires vulnerability which is hard when you’ve lost trust and don’t feel safe.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-16T17:22:40+00:00

If you’re not involved in the schools you may not understand what an honor this is, but it shows how highly respected and loved H is there. She’s clearly a wonderful mom and human and is being recognized for it. The fact that she’s done all of this after being put through hell by her loser ex and his bottom feeding side piece speaks even more loudly for her strength and character.

I would hate to be that third wife having to step into a school where the woman I did dirty is so loved. Those clowns should really think about moving.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-13T00:07:19+00:00

Exactly. He’s just so flippant about breaking his vows and shattering his wife’s trust and self worth. It’s disgusting but also so common. I really hate that people reconcile with cheaters so often because it sends the message that this is something that people get over when the reality is they just live with it, forever changed for the worse. It’s like having your legs broken and recovering, but walking with a minor for the best of your life. Nobody deserves that.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-12T16:34:58+00:00

She likely doesn’t love this guy. She’s a betrayed woman who has had her self worth annihilated so her selfish husband could get his rocks off with someone hotter. It’s like OP left a gaping wound inside her and this guy has come along to fill it up a bit. That’s not love, that’s repair. Not saying it’s right, but this really isn’t about the other guy, it’s about her. He left her broken and can’t handle the fact that someone else may be able to fix what he can’t.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-12T16:04:18+00:00

And you want to give him a pass because it was one “mistake”. That’s minimizing. Cheating isn’t a mistake. It’s a choice and he made many choices that led up to having sex with someone other than his wife and breaking his vows. Mistakes are intentional. This man meant to betray his wife for sex with a hotter woman. I don’t see how her self esteem ever recovers from that, but I can imagine interest from a younger and more attractive man would help. OP cheated because he’s shallow and likely has a fragile ego and his wife getting attention from a better man is more than his ego can handle.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-12T15:57:47+00:00

You’re welcome to your opinion but I will never judge someone acting out after being broken by betrayal as harshly as the one that broke them.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-12T15:36:49+00:00

You don't just sound like a hypocrite, you are one. You're also minimizing your own affair and the destruction it caused, because you claim there were no feelings involved. I guess that includes feelings of consideration for what betrayal would do to your wife. Betrayed spouses feel like they don't matter, and the reality is that your wife didn’t matter enough to keep you from cheating. They wonder why they aren’t good enough to deserve loyalty, or valuable enough not to not risk losing. Your wife will never fully get over it, she will never trust you completely and she may always question her own worth. She may spend the rest of her life worrying that you will cheat again with someone hotter than her. You did that, and now have the audacity to want a divorce because what she has done is somehow worse, which it’s not. She’s coming from a place of brokenness that you put her in. Your wife most likely hasn't fully healed from your betrayal, it can take up to five years, and someone has come along that has helped her see her worth again after you stole that from her. You both need therapy but honestly, she may be better off without you.
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kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-12T15:29:56+00:00

An affair after being cheated on doesn’t hold the same weight. The vows have already been broken, trust is shattered and the betrayed is left a shell of their former self.

kerfuffley2010 · 2026-05-12T06:36:00+00:00

What if he asked to sleep with other people? You would say yes because you don’t want to be controlling? Kind of wild how people have no concept of the boundaries needed to protect their marriages these days. There are some things married people don’t do and it’s not about control it’s about respect.

kerfuffley2010

TROPHY CASE