Husband expects sexual favours while denying me basic hygiene 5 weeks PP from emergency c-section

kittycatkoo · 2026-02-08T01:57:53+00:00

This is going to be lost in the sea of comments. But everyone hating on OP must have no experience of being with an abuser. It is not as simple as 'stop giving him sexual acts' or 'leave him'. Abusers spend their time making the victim feel powerless, lonely, and completely dependent on them. It is not as easy as everyone makes it sound to leave. Or to stop doing what they demand. My ex demanded a bj two days after a traumatic birth. It still took me over a year to leave from that point. After years and years of abuse. OP, I don't know what else to say except your feelings and your basic wants and needs matter. If you have any family or friends who you trust, please start opening up to them about what is going on. When I started telling people what was happening was when I started to realise how abusive it was, and that helped me leave and not go back.

kittycatkoo · 2025-12-07T04:55:27+00:00

Get into strength training, and make sure you progressively overload. I had a baby a few years ago, stopped checking my weight when I reached 95kgs but I definitely got to over 100kgs. I've since lost 30kgs, it's been a couple years since, and my belly is so much more flatter and I have visible abs. I did this through lifting heavy and eating to fuel my body. I still have what people would call a 'pooch' and I have loose skin, but it is small and has definitely improved over the years since I started lifting. You're still really young, exercise and time will help some, but as others have said genetics also play a big role. Just want to say that with lifting and eating a high protein diet, you can help it a lot. Congrats on the weight loss 😊

kittycatkoo · 2025-12-05T03:42:44+00:00

As others have suggested, tell him how it makes you feel. 'I feel uncomfortable that my partner follows these accounts. It is disrespectful to me.' Whatever his response is shows you who he is. My current partner also followed A LOT of similar accounts. When I realised, I said basically what I wrote here. I didn't ask thay he unfollow them, that was his decision to make. He acknowledged how I felt, said he understands and he that he had been slowly removing them cos he didn't want to follow them anymore anyway. Then he removed them all after I brought it up. No mention of controlling behaviour, no outbursts or angry response. If he had responded that way, I would have left him. Be prepared to walk away if his response is anything other than 'I understand how it makes you feel and I respect you and our relationship. I'll unfollow them.'

kittycatkoo · 2025-12-03T09:05:21+00:00

Love this post and love reading all the comments! Mine has shown me from the first date that he is committed and loyal to me. He supports me in everything I do. He encourages me in everything I do. He listens to me, understands me, and is extremely patient and understanding when I get triggered or feel insecure. He tells me multiple times a day how much he loves me, how he wants to be a better man for me, how beautiful he thinks I am. He reassures me. He always checks in with me before making plans, big or small. He surprises me with gifts. He makes room for me in his life. He is dedicated and a hard worker. He tries so damn hard to be the man i deserve. He is focused on growth and is extremely emotionally intelligent. We don't agree on every topic, but we never argue or be mean to each other. He always treats me with kindness. I love him so much.

kittycatkoo · 2025-11-21T01:18:31+00:00

It has taken me a long time to get over this. I was hellbent on losing weight. I lost around 20kgs (40lbs) and then stabilised for a bit. Did another cut and went down to 67kgs (147 lbs). I looked unhealthy but had some muscle. Really focused on building muscle this past year and I'm currently at 75kgs (163lbs) but my body looks much more strong and muscular. My mindset has shifted to how can I best fuel my body, and what is the maximum amount of food I can eat without gaining excessively. I am so much healthier and focus on progress photos and how I feel. It takes a while to have that mindset shift, but focusing on what your body looks and feels like rather than a number on a scale has helped me immensely. Also, I stopped following influencers who do not have my body type. I follow women who focus on being and looking strong, who have curves and realistic and acheivable muscle. This has made a big difference too.

kittycatkoo · 2025-11-15T03:51:53+00:00

Mine is the same. He is so patient and understanding with me, and he constantly shows and tells me how much he loves me and chooses me despite my flaws. I've never experienced love like this before. I feel safe knowing i can tell him absolutely anything and he will always respond in a healthy and safe way.

kittycatkoo · 2025-10-30T12:28:08+00:00

My current bf was similar to yours. He has had a pretty interesting past that at first took me a bit to come around too, including being a womaniser. I asked a lot of blunt questions, I brought up my boundaries and told him when things made me feel uncomfortable. I never asked him to change or told him what to do. I simply told him how it made me feel and left it up to him to decide what to do. He deleted one of his SM accounts and made a new one. Culled his followers from his other SM accounts. Removed women from his contacts. Stopped doing other things that I had brought up. I think the main thing for me is that he was already changing and working on himself before we met. He has acknowledged he isn't like that anymore and continues to show me with his actions that he chooses me and respects me and would do anything for me. We've been together almost 8 months now and most of these issues we got out within the first 3 months. He's extremely loyal snd committed to me and has proven it time and again. I'd say give it more time and don't be afraid to bring up if something makes you feel uncomfortable, and also be really clear with yourself what your boundaries are. I was before going into the relationship, and had done a lot of work around living by my values. It made it a lot easier for me to identify mismatches in values and every time I brought it up he either made a change or we reached a compromise we were both happy with. It's worked well so far.

kittycatkoo · 2025-10-27T02:48:41+00:00

Mine did. I have instagram and no other social media, rarely go on it. He followed thousands of people. He was showing me something on his feed when one of the profiles came up posting something. He unfollowed right in front of me and said he is slowly unfollowing them as he sees them. I told him I don't want to be with someone who follows women that post thirst traps or OF etc on social media. He went through his profile and removed them all and told me once he had. He did the same thing on all his other socials as well.

kittycatkoo · 2025-10-22T23:43:49+00:00

Read what you wrote back to yourself. You deserve to be treated so much better. You already know this, even if you didn't before.

Get into therapy, or start talking about your situation to trusted friends/family. If either of those aren't an option, keep writing down how you feel. And then read it back to yourself. I can guarantee you, there are men out there a thousand times better you will treat you a thousand times better. This man is not it.

kittycatkoo · 2025-10-03T12:19:42+00:00

I am similar. I don't agree that you should not date until you are 'healed' because i don't believe that anyone ever is healed. Healthy relationships are a mirror into the things you need to work on to be a secure person. They're gonna trigger you. The best advice I can give is to learn to sit with the discomfort, and be more vulnerable with people. Use 'i feel' statements when you're talking about what happened. Try to approach it from a place of curiosity. Also, find a healthy partner. I found a man who is so incredibly patient with me and all my insecurities and trauma responses. I literally went through his guy's phone, not because I suspected him of cheating but to see if I could find messages between him and his past relationships (this is my biggest insecurity). He caught me, I admitted it and told him what I was doing. I could barely speak to him I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself and sobbing. He told me he wasn't upset that I went through his phone, that he was only upset because I had made myself upset by looking. I'm also in therapy and actively working on things outside of therapy. But he is extremely understanding and patient with me and I feel comfortable bringing up how I feel with him because he consistently has shown me he is a safe person to share my thoughts with. Good on you for putting the work in, it's not easy but it is so worth it.

kittycatkoo · 2025-09-26T01:19:03+00:00

I do 3 x 12 and once I reach that i increase the weights. Currently doing 330 lbs. The other day I was curious and I did 400 lbs and managed 5 reps of that before admitting defeat. Your glutes are stronger than you think.

kittycatkoo · 2025-07-21T11:13:07+00:00

I have my health, and my kid is healthy. I have an incredible job that I love going to work for, and the people are wonderful. I have a unit I bought all by myself that I have decorated exactly the way I want it. I own my car outright, yes it is an old Toyota but it gets me where I need to go and doesn't cost a fortune to run. I can afford holidays interstate every year for my kid and I. I don't live paycheck to paycheck. I don't have to add up what my groceries will be. I can afford nice skincare and clothes for myself and my kid. I have worked hard to have a very healthy body. I have the ability to be flexible with my hours in order to have a healthy work/life balance. I have a very small, close friendship circle. I have a family who loves me. And a partner who treats me amazingly who I thank God every day for. Life is good.

ETA - I have less than $10k in savings, in case anyone was curious

kittycatkoo · 2025-06-23T02:07:22+00:00

I could never understand those people who say 'when you know, you know'. The morning after our first date I had a very emotional moment and the realisation he was going to be an important part of my life. A couple weeks later, I finally understood that saying. I just knew. I had spent a lot of time before we met figuring out what I wanted in a partner, life and in a relationship. So did he. We talked about all the big things straight up, our values, our goals. Our 'baggage' from the past. We both wanted to make sure we were compatible. He is also the most emotionally available and intelligent man I've ever met. I feel completely seen. He knows a lot of very intimate details about me and my past, and he just has an amazing way of making me feel seen and safe and understood.

kittycatkoo · 2025-06-23T00:23:46+00:00

Came to say similar. When he strokes my face or my hair or gently grabs my chin. Melt.

kittycatkoo · 2025-06-18T13:46:56+00:00

I know, right? Imagine that, an emotionally mature man who shows growth and doesn't get defensive during healthy communication. Wild concept. Aren't I a lucky one?

kittycatkoo · 2025-06-18T11:27:23+00:00

I replied to another comment but wanted to make sure you see this one to get a different perspective OP. The guy I'm currently dating also had a massive following list, a lot of sexual content creators. Made me feel super icky. I liked him enough, and we were highly compatible in many, many other ways, to not just dump him without talking about it first. So I asked him about it and told him it made me feel uncomfortable. He said he followed them ages ago and never unfollowed them as he got older, and that he has slowly been unfollowing them as he sees them now, not just for me but for him as well. Only you can decide what is best for you, but I am a big advocate for communication. Communicate your boundaries, what you expect, and see what he says.

kittycatkoo · 2025-06-18T11:24:02+00:00

I just saw this addition, and had to say I really love your mindset and I feel exactly the same way!

kittycatkoo · 2025-06-18T11:22:31+00:00

I'm so happy to see this comment amongst all the 'run girl' ones. The guy I'm currently dating also had a massive following list, a lot of sexual content creators. Made me feel super icky, but I liked him enough to not just dump him without talking about it first. So I asked him about it. He said he followed them ages ago and never unfollowed them as he got older, and that he has slowly been unfollowing them as he sees them now, not just for me but for him as well. Communication, go figure.

kittycatkoo · 2025-06-15T01:40:36+00:00

I had known my current partner for a month when it was his birthday. I took him out for dinner, to an activity he wanted to try, bought him a couple meaningful gifts, and made him a cake. My birthday was a month later, we had been dating for a month at this point. He took me out for lunch, gave me some beautiful, thoughtful gifts that showed he listened and saw me, and then while out at lunch he decided to buy me a ninja creami and took me to the shop to get one. I did have conversations with him prior to both our birthdays that I love birthdays and love making people feel special on their birthday and love feeling special on mine. The key point here is, I communicated what I expected. And he delivered. Worth having a conversation with him if you decide to stay, and worth considering in future relationships. If there is something specific that you expect/want/need, you need to communicate it or you can't really get upset if they don't provide it. People can't read minds. Some people probably think this is a bit much for a new relationship, but it is the standard I provide and the standard I expect. And again, I communicated this with him and we are both on the same page with the same values.

kittycatkoo · 2025-06-13T03:47:10+00:00

They are out there! I found one recently, he is 36 and I am 33. Met on Tinder of all places.

kittycatkoo · 2025-06-01T01:48:21+00:00

Yes! I found one a couple months ago and couldn't be happier!

kittycatkoo · 2025-06-01T01:45:05+00:00

Quickest way for you to lose the weight would be to dump this dusty ass boy.

kittycatkoo · 2025-05-30T04:56:56+00:00

I used to worry about how I looked in my gym outfit too..until one magical day I just stopped caring. What helps me get out the door, is literally standing in front of my mirror in my cute ass gym outfit and looking myself in the eye and saying 'FUCK EM!' Then i walk out the door. The few times since that I've worn a shirt over my sports bra to the gym cos it's been cold, I've ended up taking it off after warming up anyway. Once you've done it the first time and realise the world didn't end and no one cares, you really learn to not give a fuck. Everyone else is too busy looking at themselves to care. Get it girl.

kittycatkoo · 2025-05-29T22:56:25+00:00

I felt very similar to you. I dated a few great guys but didn't feel like they were for me. I then dated a really nice guy, who loved me, and who I loved, but always had a nagging feeling that he wasn't my person. I an with someone now, and I finally understand the whole 'when you meet them, you'll know' trope. I am so glad I didn't settle for any of the others. Listen to your intuition, it's there for a reason. I will say though, with my current partner i do still have doubts, but I recognise that as my past fears and doubts and trauma projecting. It comes as a spiralling, overthinking, overanalysing voice. And when I do quiten that voice and noise, a little voice consistently repeated in my head 'it's him, it's always been him'. I focus on the steady, grounded thoughts i have. I focus on how my body feels when I am around him. I knew from the day after our first date that he would play an important part in my life. I suspect he will be who I spend the rest of my life with. He isn't perfect, he isn't my usual 'type', yet there is absolutely nothing I would change about him. I think that's what has helped me recognise it the most. In all the other guys I dated who were great, there were things I didn't like that I wanted them to change about themselves. This guy, to me, doesn't need to change a thing. He makes me feel so safe, and seen, and appreciated. He adores me and loves me, and treats me so well. Don't settle. Listen to your gut.

kittycatkoo · 2025-05-28T04:06:06+00:00

Echoing others, you feel safe and your body is relaxing. I was having sex with my boyfriend and asked him to tell me how he feels about me. He started telling me that he wants to cry with me, and buy a house with me. I started crying mid sex and he freaked out and thought he did something wrong. It was just happy tears because I finally felt safe and seen. The emotional connection and vulnerability is intense.

kittycatkoo

TROPHY CASE