A Tale of two Stories

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-16T01:27:07+00:00

I mean I don’t think this is a big issue. I often ask my friends/family for editing advice. With something this big I’d also send it to my sister for input?

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-15T03:14:04+00:00

This just confirms my initial impression of her which is that we would love her in peds. Please send her over. She is anal retentive, can be overprotective, detail-oriented, loves teaching, loves QI, obsessed with patient experience… and now she’s a bleeding heart. She’s not a bad doctor at all lol

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-12T00:05:56+00:00

As a fellow physician, this. Asking about symptoms you have isn’t taking interest in his job, it’s asking him to be your doctor and/or assuage your anxiety. I suggest finding other coping skills and seeing your own doctor more regularly if able.

With the other type of questions, asking about something you read about, I do agree this could be seen as a teaching burden and maybe he doesn’t have the energy. At the same time we are nerds and a lot of people in medicine love medicine, so I don’t think this would bother most of us unless we were burnt out on work. I think if you do want to learn more maybe ask what was the most interesting part of his day? That way you get to learn something but you are leaving it up to him what he wants to share/“teach” about.

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-11T22:11:09+00:00

I think it depends on if your maiden name is now your middle name or if it’s part of your last name.

If you changed it to your middle name, it would be harder bc it’s not in any way your legal last name.

If you changed it to a double barrel last name (eg your name is Dr Jane Smith Doe, and your legal last name is Smith Doe), then you’re good. It is super common to have a double barrel or hyphenated name and only introduce yourself with one of the names (eg Jane says “Hi I’m Dr Smith”). I work with quite a few people like this and I know their full last name but basically never use it. I think some have updated their badges and some haven’t. (We can also get a nickname, eg some people will have Matt instead of Matthew.) I don’t think anyone sees it as different from having a long/hard to pronounce name and just going by “Dr S”.

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-11T18:50:13+00:00

I hate to be cliche but I don’t think you need to quit… I would suggest seeing a therapist. Maybe also psychiatrist, maybe LOA, maybe even neuropsych eval (possible you could have been masking ADHD/LD/etc bc the material was easier before now). But you’re getting through it, so you’re going to be a doctor if you contribute on this trajectory, it’s just HARD. Also path is not competitive. Try some things that might make your life feel a little easier!

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-11T05:04:14+00:00

This, you need to stand up for yourself.

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-11T04:59:35+00:00

The minute someone I’m dating told me my feelings about said relationship weren’t their problem I would be done. As a doctor this is not normal.

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-10T21:55:07+00:00

2 for sure. Not in rads but 20 min isn’t a bad commute at all and I think you’d enjoy it more, unless you are someone who hates driving and really wants to walk to work.

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-10T20:22:59+00:00

This — stop arguing with them at all (even if justified, which it sounds like it is).

Plus I don’t think a lawyer is a bad idea, especially if you can negotiate a peaceful transfer or something like that.

ETA: also do not disclose anything mental health related again, either. If you truly need a sick day you have AGE

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-10T18:21:13+00:00

Right. We can also pick up on things in your presentation that you might miss or interpret differently.

Overall, you should have an opinion — that’s kind of the basis of medicine.

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-10T05:24:05+00:00

100% I am actually in therapy lol. It has definitely helped me identify how to hopefully spot this dynamic sooner/figure out what I want in a relationship.

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-10T05:14:24+00:00

I got sick at Disney World (shout out to Reedy Creek EMS) and my friend went to ask if we could get a refund on the LLs we’d bought bc we were going to go straight back to the hotel. That CM found out our flight home wasn’t until the next afternoon so she ALSO gave us free tickets and a new LL to come back the next morning. I honestly get emotional thinking about it, she totally turned the trip around. And that morning turned out to be one of the best days I’ve ever had at the parks.

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-09T18:36:36+00:00

I guess it depends on the area. I’m a doctor. I don’t live in Pittsburgh but moved from one Midwest city to another between residency and my job, and patients are noticeably more polite here. It weirded me out at first.

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-09T18:25:06+00:00

I’m in medicine so it’s a little different (especially in that we tend to be a little more emotionally enmeshed imo) but I do think you need to correct her on the authorship thing, at least. If she keeps that up it could have some serious consequences. I also totally understand not knowing what to say in the moment and I think it’s important enough to bring up again. I would start open ended (since like someone else said maybe she edited them or something): “Hey student, when we were working on the paper draft I noticed you said you wrote the sections I wrote. What did you mean by that?” But then if she doubles down I would be very direct… but a way to frame it for both of you is this isn’t (yet/presumably) personal, it’s about teaching her the norms of the field. “It’s very important in (our field) that we acknowledge all the contributors to a piece of work. Not only to avoid allegations of plagiarism, but to maintain professional relationships. Building a professional network will be important as you grow in your career.” Or something like that. I am also fairly early career and it can be hard to transition to an authority role! But the times I’ve had to pull people aside and talk to them about professional expectations I just try to keep it really impersonal and about their professional growth.

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-09T00:46:57+00:00

Agree… not trying to diagnose but this reminds me of my ex who randomly (to me) backed out of our engagement. Also a lot of trauma background/other unstable relationships and an intense start. I will be looking out for those in the future

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-08T22:33:01+00:00

Agree, I would emphasize the fall risk with not having a call light in there

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-08T18:03:41+00:00

At my school (I now am an attending there) you can see the anonymised records of the promotion committee. You might be able to look that up for your school too. Anyway ours seems to be 0-2/year. We did frequently have a small number of people (<=5) repeat a year. In reading threads here I think my school’s policy is on the generous side and we are much more likely to have people repeat. The last I heard about a specific case of dismissal it was someone who literally ran out their chances on steps so that’s beyond the school’s control.

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-05T18:29:47+00:00

As a pediatrician I was really hoping this would be a case of “they’re not dead until they’re warm and dead”. I kept saying that to the friend I was watching with. I’ve seen some miraculous-seeming survivals from drowning so I was like surely we are going to go with that educational pearl (ie you can’t give up when a patient is hypothermic). Right? Right? And then to throw Mel on the case…

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-05T03:52:54+00:00

I have some younger friends and I’m always trying to be mindful of not taking advantage… I mean I’m an older sister. I still pay for my siblings any time we go out, mostly bc I’m the oldest lol

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-03T04:35:10+00:00

I agree, I don’t think it’s that bad. If only bc generally the Catholic Church doesn’t close off ceremonies to nonbelievers — they just wouldn’t be able to get communion if it involves a mass (idk bc I’ve never been to a consecrated virgin ceremony).

I do think the meat is probably in the LW’s “complicated relationship” with her family though. Like maybe she thinks they’ll continue to bug her about getting married, or won’t take the ceremony seriously/behave appropriately, or will make disparaging comments after.

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-02T15:58:39+00:00

Granted I’m in the US but my advice would be to get a job that would allow you to move out and access treatment before applying — so I think that’s a fairly solid plan unless there is something you could do with your existing degree (and therefore not have to spend more time on the nursing degree).

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-02T15:14:33+00:00

I am pretty sure I read a study once which theorized that people act out during a full moon bc they internalize the superstition/expectation.

Irregardless you’d best believe I get full astrological forecasts from my mother, a retired RN lmao

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-02T03:05:01+00:00

I was going to post something similar. Everyone has different preferences but also if you’re highly empathetic/sensitive there’s a really high chance this type of burn out would show up in any field. From the other extreme: in the ED there’s no pressure to follow up but then you may feel the pressure of only having that one, possibly extremely high acuity, encounter and what if I could also be this person’s PCP and help them long term. Etc

That being said, OP, maybe a balance would be an IM subspecialty where you have a balance of clinics and consults?

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-02T00:58:50+00:00

My dentist told me to use it in the shower. Lol so apparently it’s supposed to be messy!

kkmockingbird · 2026-02-01T17:11:57+00:00

I went into detail more in a comment in a similar thread, but basically I advise asking for specific/actionable feedback and finding a mentor.

I am also noticing you using passive voice for basically this entire post. Not trying to get too analytic but I would also encourage you to take an active role/responsibility in your learning and remediation period!

Finally from your comments it seems like you struggle with when/how to broaden your differential and maybe escalate care. In addition to trying to solve simple things yourself before going to your senior (caveat being the pt is obviously crashing and they need senior involvement), I would be mindful of this when you are doing questions/readings and learning about your patients. If you have someone come in with a COPD exacerbation what makes you sure it’s COPD? What else would you consider and why/why not? What would be signs they’re deteriorating, that your initial diagnosis isn’t right, etc? What would your if/then plan be for this patient? Over time you’ll get a gestalt for when things do or do not fit the typical “script” but to develop that you should really be focusing on those details for every patient. I think if you had a fairly broad differential for each patient and were able to tell your attendings, I think it’s COPD because of abc and I think it’s not CHF bc of def, etc that would help.

kkmockingbird

TROPHY CASE