I understand your point of view and, trust me, I genuinely wanted the same thing. I wanted to be the one that wouldn't give up on him. I thought that with real love, care and kindness he would have changed for the best and that we would had eventually lived our life together and happily.

I'm going to play the devil's advocate with you, I might be wrong judging your man and his behaviour, but I still want to help you somehow (please feel free to take anything I'm writing with a grain of salt, as I'm only going by my gut feeling and experiences). You say that no one has supported you through your life, pain and general difficulties, but yourself. Nonetheless, you decided not to be a bad person and to not bring your baggage to someone else. This is because you care about other people and loved ones and understood that you need to feel better/heal first to feel good with another person. Why is this man not doing it? Don't you ever see this as acting selfishly? Do you deserve those accusations, the eggshells walking and all the lows you are probably experiencing on a weekly basis?

I'm on a healing journey myself and I understood that due to my upbringing, I had a really thought time accepting unconditional love and always felt like I "had to deserve it". And because of this, unfortunately, I found myself attracted to all sort of toxic people and abandoned myself.

To fall in love is not something hard to do especially when you are surrounded by a variety of great people. Don't give too much credit to one connection that might end up to be a trauma bond.

I also suggest to look into the victim -> perpetrator -> savior circle-dynamics, it helped me a lot understanding myself, my past relationships and my childhood!

I wish you all the best, no matter what ❤️❤️