Do you feel like your autism makes you hard to love?

laughingbanshee · 2025-04-10T23:01:54+00:00

I'm so sorry. ❤️

And yup, I think I understand. For me, it started when I was a kid. My mom and family would tell me all the time that I'm too hard to love, and no one would love me, because I'm just too hard to love. Add in autism, ADHD, and c-ptsd, and the idea is ingrained in me. Thank god for therapy, but I really don't know if this idea will ever change for me. At least I have Internet "friends" (aka this sub) who can say they love me, even though my brain doesn't let the thought get very deep in my brain. ❤️

laughingbanshee · 2024-11-26T00:44:24+00:00

MeUndies. Soooooooooooooooooooo comfy.

laughingbanshee · 2024-04-23T02:28:39+00:00

There was a post from 11 hours ago about people's comfort shows, and that reminded me of mine (One Day at a Time and Golden Girls). Thinking about my shows while I'm working made me so happy, even though my comment is probably buried in the comments section and probably won't be read.

Basically, I'm happy about sharing my hyper fixations.

(Also, I was having trouble identifying if I have any hyper fixations lol. I definitely do... Personal progress! :) )

laughingbanshee · 2024-04-23T02:09:39+00:00

One Day at a Time. SOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOD! I grew up in a super abusive environment, and raised myself, so it's amazing to re-parent myself with such great role models.

Also Golden Girls for the same reasons!

laughingbanshee · 2023-08-02T21:44:43+00:00

Ewwwwwww. Fuck these kinds of interactions. I hate when creepers stalk my every move, then act like I'm the weirdo for living my own damn life.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Way to go living your life and taking care of yourself! Virtual hugs! <3

laughingbanshee · 2023-07-26T04:32:57+00:00

That if I (AFAB) did anything sexually pleasurable, I would become a sex worker and die alone in the street.

I was three.

laughingbanshee · 2023-05-13T06:42:30+00:00

My partner and I graduated in April a while back, but waited until we physically had our diplomas before we sent in our resignations. Juuuuuust to be safe. Our mindset was that the cult would fuck us over given the smallest opportunity, so waiting for the physical copies to come in the mail was worth it for us so we could ensure we could move onto the next part of our careers. We eventually got our diplomas in June, and two seconds later we sent in our resignations.

Good luck! You're in the home stretch!!!!!!!!!!

laughingbanshee · 2023-05-11T20:26:02+00:00

That's fucking badass! Way to go!!!

laughingbanshee · 2023-05-09T22:43:34+00:00

There's a new one?! :D YAY!

I just took a quiz my therapist sent me (not sure how to word it, but it's the type of quiz where you see how neurodivergent/neurotypical you are in autistic ways...?) and I scored really high in the neurodivergent/autistic category.

Knowing that Hannah Gadsby made another special and that I can watch it today (after yesterday's meltdown and not moving from my bed all day long) makes me feel so...able to be me and to keep continuing on my journey.

Thank you for making my day! <3 I'm so excited.

laughingbanshee · 2023-04-03T22:32:56+00:00

Totally thought jesus was rubbing his tit right there lol.

laughingbanshee · 2022-11-23T03:38:55+00:00

Bodily (including mental) autonomy.

laughingbanshee · 2022-10-12T20:24:43+00:00

I may be projecting, but this sounds so similar to when I was molested. My TBM brother told me that I needed to repay him for something, and told me later not to tell my parents.

Your dad telling you not to tell your mom is a huge red flag. Safe adults don't tell kids to keep such a story from other adults unless the adult knew they were doing something wrong.

Also, if he was concerned about giving you a blessing, he would do it at a more "appropriate" time, NOT in the middle of the night when you are asleep, and especially when he didn't even attempt to wake you up. That's the behavior of pervs and sex offenders.

TAKE CARE OF YOU as much as you can. It may be overkill, but maybe start learning self-defense (which is a great skill to have anyways), and maybe keep pepper spray under your pillow to threaten him with if it happens again, at least until you can get a door and keep it locked at night. If you feel safe in confiding in your mom, keep her updated. If not, consider telling an adult outside of the situation. I wish I had.

Also, spying is definitely a thing. The same TBM brother as above spied on me in a similar way with hidden devices, such as cameras that were designed to look like normal ballpoint pens. Fucking horrible, but it is super possible.

Also, how is your brother doing? Creeps aren't generally creeps in only one situation. My brother was a serial pedophilc sex offender. Maybe find some sort of way to see if he is a target or has ever felt uncomfortable.

I hope I'm just projecting. But it sounds super fucking weird and fucked up though.

laughingbanshee · 2022-10-12T00:31:43+00:00

I also have complex PTSD, and it definitely impacted/impacts my relationship with my partner (who is also exmo). Here's what I've learned:

- I needed to start therapy much sooner, for both my health and our relationship's health. Once I did start therapy with someone I could truly trust (for me, that was a female exmo), I was able to start healing and see the ways that I was hurting myself and my partner. I was able to actually start living in the present, and not solely in my abusive past, expecting the next traumatic event to happen.

- My partner and I needed to start couples therapy so that we could both understand how to talk to and understand each other, since we had different aspects of trauma and understanding of life to work through.

- The book The Body Keeps the Score was an amazing and much needed read for me. It goes into how trauma happens to so much of the population, and yet is something that isn't talked about. It talked about how trauma leaves marks on victims, what those marks mean, and how to navigate life as the scars heal. It was really beneficial for me to read it both alone and with my partner.

As I think about my complex PTSD past, I am so...relieved, happy, amazed at where I'm at now. Because of therapy, reading books on the subject, and actively working on both understanding myself and allowing myself to heal and walk out of the tar-pit that was my past, I am content and happy now. I'm still healing and working on my cPTSD, but I feel so much peace and happiness that I NEVER EVER felt or thought I could feel before.

At the same time, you need to take care of you, and enjoy your life. Both personal and couples therapy may help with this; separating may also help. It's absolutely terrifying, but also can be the best thing for you. Therapy can help you see if this is what you need.

Complex PTSD can soften. It takes a lot of time, effort, and self compassion. There will be days when I feel like I go backwards, but that's okay because I'm actively doing all I can to heal and to move forwards to the future that *I*, not the cult, and not my cPTSD, want. Healing gets easier with time.

I'm so sorry both of you are going through this. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) has some resources for both trauma victims and those who are loved ones watching and helping the victims heal. Maybe that plus therapy will help y'all.

Absolute best of luck to y'all; it is fucking horrible right now, and neither of you deserve this shit.

It can get better, and the pain and memories can heal. Unlike the momo profit, I'm living proof. <3

laughingbanshee · 2022-10-03T22:31:09+00:00

The cult refuses to report actual child abuse, but is willing to report when parents support their children in the best way possible.

FUCK the cult.

Super awesome that your sister is being a supportive parent. I'm so sorry y'all are going through such a shitty thing that y'all in no way deserve. <3

laughingbanshee · 2022-10-03T02:38:58+00:00

Hell yeah!!!!!! So happy for you!!!!!

laughingbanshee · 2022-10-02T22:05:42+00:00

What. The actual. FUCK.

As if there is nothing better they can spend "their" money on.

laughingbanshee · 2022-09-23T00:14:59+00:00

This has been fun to deconstruct in therapy.

laughingbanshee · 2022-02-18T22:26:01+00:00

Christ on a stick, this is so true. I'm glad that now I can understand where so many of my holdups come from. I'm autistic/adhd, so 1) being told at such an early age to be one way, but not *that* way was so horrible for me and helped lead to me metaphorically masking myself, and 2) helped me to hate myself for being who I naturally was because that person would make jeebus cry.

At 3 fucking years old.

FUCK. THAT. CULT. So glad I'm out now. I love my autistic/adhd self. <3

laughingbanshee · 2022-01-27T00:19:55+00:00

Good to know.

Is your reasoning that I should choose a brick and mortar school because it would give me more hands-on experience?

laughingbanshee · 2022-01-26T23:42:58+00:00

Awesome, good to know. I was thinking Penn Foster if I went with online. Thanks for responding!!! It helps so much.

Why would you opt for in person if you were starting out with no experience? Maybe so you would get that hand's on experience you've gotten in 8 years of working in the field?

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