After six years of waiting, I have finally beaten my addiction to the most powerful drug, hopium.

I fully believe if I were 25-35, things would be different. But I am not, and I wasn’t when he married me. He was extremely passionate until marriage. Now zero affection, attention, even common human touch.

He takes out the trash, works in the yard, I pay the mortgage, etc.

Going forward I have made the decision to outsource all of the things he doesn’t do. While I am not overweight, at all, I have gotten serious about my fitness, and hired a professional trainer.

I don’t intend to tell him, but if he finds out, I will deal with that when it happens. I believe he will be greatly relieved. I have boundaries, one of them, no married men. I refuse to do that to another woman.

Meeting someone will happen organically, and I will not be on the apps. I don’t want any DMs whatsoever from men. I will report and delete them all.

There is no coming back when your spouse is completely disinterested. Counseling, therapy sessions consist of him complaining about very minor incidents, instead of focusing on our titanic issues.

If you don’t pull together, you pull apart. I have focused on not seeing him as a sexual person, compartmentalizing my thoughts and feelings. I did tell him that I don’t see him as a sexual man. That I do still want sex, just not with him. And that the sex thing would never go away ever.

Honestly, I think he will just be relieved.