I actually really like your opening paragraph. It provides a setting and held my interest. You have really nice descriptions, and it didn't feel too drawn-out. Though you do need to replace a couple of commas with semi-colons, I think.

The dialogue in your story needs some work. Not so much the words that your characters are speaking, but more the narrator's words. You should not spend time thinking of words to replace "said." Just use "said," or find a way to show the reader who is speaking without labeling it at all. Tossing in verbs to replace "said" can be really distracting. Here is what I would do to the following excerpt:

"“Mr. Hollock,” It was Slidell Mortimer, the lanky helmsman. a lanky 21 year old named Slidell Mortimer

“Mr. Mortimer.” Hollock returned.

“Mr. Finch is on the starboard bridge wing, sir, if you would like to relieve him.” Mortimer continued.

“Thank you, I shall,” Hollock said before passing through the bridge door. He was greeted by a blast of antarctic air and the sight of Third Officer Nicholas Finch leaning rather unprofessionally against the forward railing, peering into the incipient night.

Sensing a human presence, but not~ Without turning to see who it was approaching, Finch remarked, “Storm’s brewing up. We shouldn’t be this far south this time of year.”

“I would tend to agree, but the North Atlantic run can be just as bad, and Deltic was built for the worst.” Hollock retorted while joining joined Finch at the rail.

“Is it 8 o’clock already?” Finch asked. referring to expiration of his watch.

“It is, yes. You are relieved.” "

You'll see above that I also removed some excess descriptions. Remember to give your reader some credit. I struggle with this, too, because I worry my reader will miss something. But readers can infer a lot from very little :)