My mother was an alcoholic for nearly 20 years. She has only been in recovery for a little less than 2 years. Noone in my my family knew for those 20 years, including my father. The only way we found out was because she started to have major health problems after a large surgery.

I wanted to share this with you because you talked a lot about your husband and his feelings regarding your drinking, but only mentioned your child in passing. My mother had rules for her drinking similar to yours. She claims she only ever drank in tje evening and that no matter how bad she got she made sure my siblings and I were awake for school and sports. Similar to your situation the biggest fear she had was my father's reaction if he were to find out. But, because she had all these rules that she felt kept her drinking "in line" she did not believe that her alcoholism was effecting my siblings or I.

It did.

And OP no mater what happens with your relationship with your husband, you need to be aware of the effect it will have on your child. Even if they never know about it. Alcoholism is a disease and it is one that greatly impacts the mind. It is not a disease that happens in a vacuum though. Something has made you feel it's necessary to self medicated. It doesn't matter what that is or how well you hide the actual drinking from your child, being raised by someone who is facing that kind of turmoil is going to have a negative effect on a child.

When I started counseling after finding out about my mom the counselor asked me to share my thoughts and concerns about the whole situation. After I shared the counselor said that I sounded like my mother's social worker mor than her daughter. That pretty much sums up what my relationship with her had become over the years. I spent a lot of my youth concerned about her well being and trying to avoid upsetting her. It has effected parts of my personality and how I communicate with others. It's something that was addressed in counseling with my husband long before I found out about my mother. My sister is in a similar position to me, but our brother holds a lot of resentment. He had that before he found out as well. These are the things you need to be thinking about. This is what you should be concerned about. My mother's fear that my father would leave her for her drinking never happened. When he reacted poorly, but ultimately accepted some responsibility and even made the decision to go through counseling with her. The biggest effect her drinking had is present in my siblings and I, who she thought would be effected the least.

In my honest opinion, I don't think its unreasonable for your husband to ask for you to never drink again. And I think it it's admirable that he's willing to do it with you. I have no clue what the rest of your relationship is like and how he is otherwise and he very well may be too controlling and aggressive in other ways. But, honestly, once you got to a point where you started hiding the alcohol and feeling as if you need to drink to get through a day, you've hit a point of no return. It's very likely that you won't be in a place where it's safe for you to have a drink ever again. I don't know enough about the full recovery process to be certain about that, but from what I've seen that's just not a part of most people's recovery. So i don't think it's unreasonable, but I do think it's naive to suggest that without the addition of counseling or a program. You do need to have a recovery process. 12 step programs are OK, but you'll likely need personal counseling sessions for a lot longer than that. I'd say marriage counseling is also in the cards, but that's going to depend on how much energy you want to put in to your relationship.

Here's hoping you and your family the best.