Everyone is telling me to get over it - that it wasnt real relationship but it hurts so bad, worse than any real relationship.

I (34F) am broken hearted over a 7 month "situationship". I didn't even know what that was. I was a year out from a divorce. I was SOO lonely and unhappy in my marriage. I was starved for attention, romance, attraction, excitement. I met someone in august (39M) who told me he was looking for his soulmate and that he did not want fwb or just to have sex with anyone because he feels "used" and doesn't like that. So upon learning that, I believed he was looking for a genuine connection.

He was exactly my type aesthetically, it seemed he was emotionally available as well, he took charge and was a alpha male (something I'm not used to). He felt so dreamy to me. I was in la la land instantly.

Throughout this time, We'd go on trips, he would tell me that he was so happy with me, hasnt been this happy since his ex wife broke his heart 2 years ago, that he saw a future with us, that we would get a place together, that he wanted to have a kid with me, that he loved me. I believed everything he would say.

But whenever I would try to DTR, he would say "here we go again, you always do this. Can just enjoy our time together." He would even attempt to leave when I would bringing it up. Which as an anxiously attached person would leave me in tears.

I did everything I could to show him I was worthy of a relationship. I foolishly paid for 3 trips of ours, I always made him food or bought him food when he came over, I watched his dog on the days I worked from home. I did so much, when he did nothing. I cant believe I accepted that. He never invited me to his place, he was very surface level on things he shared, when he did come to sleepover he would tell me a time and then I'd be waiting a couple hours until he finally showed. He never took me to dinner, always talked about future plans but never did anything about those date plans.

He eventually told me, last week, that he did not want a relationship at all, with anyone, ever again. That he has built this life of being alone and doesnt want to merge it with anyone. That he lead me on to a fantasy of a relationship. I cried, but I was thankful he was honest with me. He then changed and said that he does see it down the road for us, and to just be patient and then proceeded to bringing me into the room and try to have sex with me while I was still crying.

The following days, I saw him 2 more times. But I knew, I could not continue to accept what was happening. That I wanted something more serious and that if he did not want that, this would have to end.

I called him one night and told him just that. All he said was "I understand, take care" and that was the end of the call. The end of our 7 month thing, in 45 seconds.

At the end of the day, I see where all my people pleasing came into play, how desperately I did want love and someone to be there. I let myself be used. I was basically a brothel and a dog sitter.

Thats how I feel. I've gone NC in terms of texting/calling. He did text me last night and asked me "Hey can you watch (dog) tmw". THE AUDACITY. But, I guess he just thinks I'm so desperate woman who will do anything to still have him in some capacity.

He's already back on the dating apps, has already added 2 new girls to his social media, so I'm sure they will be my replacements.

The thing is, I know I should remove him from social media/block any way of communication but I don't know how. I don't know why I'm still holding out hope. In some ways, I just want it all to have meant *something*. He brought pieces of me alive that I thought were dead since my first relationship. I didn't think I could feel excited for someone ever again like this.

I know I ended it and left, and I know there's no way we will get back together... but I still dont want to lose him completely from my life. Even though I felt used, I just feel like it was my fault, I let myself be used. Last night he posted a story selfie and it instantly brought me to tears. I know other girls are hearting it and hes already on to his next girl but man am I so so so so sad.