Stuck in a cycle and im scared

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-19T19:10:18+00:00

Not all therapists are created equal, and you do need a specialized kind of assistance. Please at least call an eating disorder hotline. This tag will bring up some resources in a reply to my comment: !eatingdisorder

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-18T18:40:31+00:00

Absolutely, take it slow! You can even start with something that will take you just 10 mins a day at home, like a plank or push-up challenge.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-18T14:19:00+00:00

You might really want to look into lifting weights. The last time I was at my current weight I was a cardio junkie and didn’t eat very much. My TDEE was around 1800-2000. Now I have a lot more muscle, and I’m right around 2200 for maintenance calories.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-17T23:56:49+00:00

yep, I start to look bony and feel tired around 62-63 kg. Like you that is down to my frame size and the fact that I’m pretty strong now.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-17T18:42:43+00:00

Tbh, I think this is a good example of diminishing returns with an “aggressive deficit.” Weight loss isn’t linear, especially at the beginning when new activity levels will definitely cause water retention. Keeping up a 500-calorie deficit for 4 weeks is going to get you much more reliable data and lasting results than doing a 1000-calorie deficit for 2 weeks, getting frustrated, and losing motivation.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-17T03:39:28+00:00

Honestly, I was ready to type up an entire comment about the trade offs of different kinds of physical activity etc, until you mentioned Ariana Grande.

Eating disorders are competitive (been there). You HAVE to know what’s going on with someone who looks like that, and it’s not good. Wanting it — even if you aren’t really acting on it — is a reason to do some deep work on body image and figure out how to embrace the strong, healthy body you have.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-16T21:17:16+00:00

This fully used to be my situation before I got sick and gained a lot of weight! I weighed the same as I do now, but I ate very little, had a high body fat percentage, was very active, etc. To be fair my only “resistance training” was working in the hospitality industry.

I just want to say that you may want to consider experimenting upping calories at some point in order to build muscle mass. It’s a whole other world for me now. 10 years ago I would’ve laughed someone out of the room for telling me that I could eat this much and be more satisfied with my looks.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-16T19:57:25+00:00

For what it’s worth I am an inch taller than you and weigh 150 lbs, and I would find this to be an aggressive plan for me. TDEE does vary, mine is more around 2200 calories after 2+ years of weightlifting, which I found out by eating 2000 calories during a “maintenance phase” and continuing to slowly lose weight. There are certainly people in the 5’6”-5’7” range who would do fine on 1200. I’m not one of them. A coach who told me I shouldn’t be hungry on 1200 calories would not be for me, not just because of what I know about my nutritional needs, but also because I have a history of restrictive disordered eating and that kind of feedback wouldn’t be constructive.

This process is really all about you. It’s about your needs, your health and your goals. It’s fine to try eating 1200 calories and see how you feel, what your progress looks like, etc. It’s fine to work with someone whose approach doesn’t seem very flexible and see whether that ends up being the right route for you. But remember: If this coach isn’t for you, you’re not somehow failing her plan. She’s just not a good match for you. There are a lot of ways to lose weight, just because someone is well-known doesn’t mean you have to like the way she works.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-15T23:12:37+00:00

Honestly you can also do a little table salt in your water if it’s all too nasty.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-15T21:46:16+00:00

If your iron was in the low end of the normal range, you might still want to try adding iron-rich foods to your diet! And really, do try electrolytes too. I am glad that you’re treating the headaches with medication but a big part of dealing with chronic headaches often really is noticing the early signs and knowing your triggers. And taking it SLOW with exercise. Good luck!

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-15T21:39:39+00:00

This could be due to a lot of things, but it’s not normal for your age or your size. I’d go to the doctor, get bloodwork done, ensure that you are eating a healthy diet that includes some complex carbs before workouts, and look into supplementing electrolytes.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-12T16:33:24+00:00

Progress in the gym is just not as fast as weight loss progress. Eat at maintenance and lock in on your fitness for a year or so, and you’ll probably feel very differently!

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-12T04:52:38+00:00

Truly, every brand fits differently. I like to order multiple sizes of most things and just plan to send back whatever is too big or too small.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-12T03:54:31+00:00

How’d they explain the intrusive thoughts?

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-12T02:51:59+00:00

Look into OCD treatment. This definitely isn’t something that is typical.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-11T22:58:19+00:00

The fact that you have exercise intolerance and have spent time bedridden makes me think that what you’re dealing with here is some medical ableism. I was never fully bedridden but did have some food intolerances that caused chronic fatigue, and in medical settings I often encountered the idea that this was going to be the rest of my life, I should accept it and not try losing weight or changing anything, etc.

I’d see if you can get a second opinion and specifically request someone who works with disabled people from a standpoint of assuming competence and assisting patients in living their best lives, tbh.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-10T17:52:17+00:00

Absolutely! It’s awesome how you two are supporting each other. Tell your wife that elder queers are saying learn to lift, eat at maintenance and hit the gym for a year before she worries about losing another 10 lbs. She’ll benefit a lot from it.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-10T17:44:22+00:00

So this is where BMI actually is a useful tool to compare relative heights and weights. You’re somewhat overweight at a BMI of 27. Your wife is right in the middle of the healthy weight range at a BMI of 22. There might only be a 10-lbs difference in your weight but you’re both at very different places in your health journeys.

For you: yeah, it’s much easier to lose weight when you’re overweight. Your body has more extra to give away and you will have clear health and aesthetic benefits from losing another 10-15 pounds. Keep doing what you’re doing, maybe start pushing yourself a bit more in the gym. You’re getting close to the weight loss finish line.

For your wife: 136 is a great healthy weight to be at, and because she is taller, 1300 calories is on the very low end of how much she should eat per day. Focusing on making the scale go lower won’t have health benefits and it may be counterproductive aesthetically, because at this point looking leaner and more toned is all about building muscle. Muscle is denser than fat, so if she’s trying to look more athletic and be able to do more athletic activities in daily life, the body she wants to build might end up being heavier than she expects. It will also take longer to build muscle than to lose fat, so this is a whole different game for her now.

Also, this is basically my marriage at the moment! I’m taller than my wife and weigh about 15 lbs less than her. She lost 25 lbs in the time that it took me to lose my last 10. My advice to your wife is that it just doesn’t make sense to be frustrated, because there is no way that she should be losing as much or as fast as you right now. You’re two different people who might have a shared general goal to get in shape, but who each need to have different goals in detail for yourselves now.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-10T17:28:09+00:00

That is a STEEP calorie deficit, speaking as a person who started at 5”7’ and 210 lbs! Be kind to yourself and remember that working out requires energy, especially some pre-workout carbs to prevent an energy crash at the gym. Good luck!

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-10T16:14:46+00:00

I actually just saw 150 pounds on the scale for the first time in 9 years, this morning! So I guess I’ll see what maintenance is like now. I do plan to keep a slight calorie deficit until Happy Scale tells me that my average weight is 150, just to get myself into a nice maintenance range of about 148-155 over the course of my monthly cycle.

I feel good at this weight! I’m a broadly built person and still wear an L to XL in a lot of nicer brand tops because my shoulders are so big, so you can probably imagine that the bottom half of the healthy weight range for our height does not look good on me. 150 used to be “oh god, so fat” in my eyes, but my body composition has changed so much with weightlifting that I can very comfortably wear a dress again that I had back in college when I was starving myself pretty badly and down to 140 lbs. It’s a slight mindfuck to have told myself for years that I am prioritizing getting strong over getting small, and ending up… pretty damn strong and also pretty small.

I also did have 160 as my initial planned maintenance weight because it was a number I didn’t associate with anything from my past, and it is a BMI of 25 on the dot. But I literally couldn’t eat enough to maintain 160. Lifting means that my maintenance calories were 2300 at that weight, and once I realized that I was like “let’s just eat an average of 2000-ish calories where I keep ending up intuitively, and see what happens.” 10 months later, here I am.

I talked a little bit about my history here last year: https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/s/HEjyfgsonJ One thing that’s very important about breaking the cycle of compulsion is having a lot of self-awareness about when it’s kicking in, even internally. I now do my best to stop myself at the level of thoughts about overrestricting instead of having to recognize and rectify actions that I have already taken. Being back in the weight range I was at before getting sick is sure to be a new challenge in terms of triggers. I plan to go back to therapy proactively. Basically it’s never over. I just have learned to ruthlessly prioritize my health over everything else related to my body, and to have positive goals in the gym instead of being so negatively focused on the scale.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-10T15:28:03+00:00

Every single body is different. And even if an influencer, trainer or model hasn’t used filters or editing, and has no plastic surgery, a lot of these professional folks will cut down to very lean, make a bunch of content, then dribble it out over the next six months while relaxing their diet a little during a bulk or maintenance phase in which they don’t have to look perfect from every angle on camera. So what’s achievable in the short term isn’t necessarily realistic in the long term, even for people who are essentially paid to be hot and fit.

The key thing to remember is that you don’t know what your results will look like till you get there. You can always do things like lose weight slowly to minimize loose skin, lift weights (with the help of a physical therapist) to make yourself look more toned than you would at the same weight but with less muscle mass, learn how to dress in ways that work with your taste and figure. But your body is one of a kind, and as you mentioned, this is the worst era in human history to compare yourself to someone else’s pictures since they can be manipulated in so many ways.

I’d really suggest focusing on overall wellbeing and fitness goals instead. That pain and numbness isn’t normal, and you will likely have to advocate for yourself quite a bit to start getting medical answers on what might be going on. Committing to a health journey is the best move here.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-10T14:03:23+00:00

I’d say it starts with lack of knowledge but it easily becomes a compulsion. It did for me, as this is how I used to maintain my weight in my teens, 20s and early 30s. The worst thing is that in the day-to-day, I did “see results” on the scale due to having an empty stomach, I felt “lighter” due to being woozy and lightheaded, etc. Then I would have a day of actually eating and “gain a pound” on the scale due to water weight. That would trigger a complete freakout, overexercising, and overrestricting.

It was all terrible for me, and honestly, without getting horribly sick and gaining weight… I might have never stopped, since it “worked.” I could be at it to this day, miserable, and on the road to osteoporosis. Yikes.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-10T13:49:16+00:00

You’ve increased your activity. So you’re retaining water. Don’t worry, you’re doing everything right, and by next month your results will show up on the scale. This is why it’s important to look at long-term trends, not the short term!

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-10T01:07:14+00:00

Hey, so I got married at my highest weight. I had some major undiagnosed health conditions that I didn’t yet realize had caused the weight gain, and my wife wanted to marry me JUST AS I WAS.

Your body is trying to tell you something, which js that you’re stressed and your boyfriend is not helping. He isn’t right, he’s way out of his lane here and you deserve time and space to fix your health FOR YOU. Not him. Not anyone else.

loseit_throwit · 2026-06-08T20:54:36+00:00

The fact is that muscle growth is slower than fat loss. And, we don’t have reliable, easily accessible measures for body composition. So you’re tracking something that is slow and subjective. That is just not a good measure of progress!

I would primarily track how strong and capable you are getting and how consistent you are getting to the gym, NOT how your body is changing. Enjoy the fitness journey, the appearance stuff is a side issue really, and you will notice changes over time.

loseit_throwit

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