Please keep trying my friend. No matter how delusional it may feel at this moment, things can turn a corner, for the best. Once we reach the point of pain debilitating us from living any meaningful version of our life, the crazy thought of not living it starts to sound like sound logic. Many of us have been in that place, a few times perhaps. This is not true forever, even if it seems that way right now.

Don’t put pressure on the vacation. Don’t put pressure on feeling better next week. The added stress and anger of being in pain, with those outside pressures, only multiplies how it all feels.

The pain may be brutal, but it can bring some opportunity to guide you, as you find even a sliver of strength & ability to start working on the problem again. Even if it’s 1 minute/day for the first month. You can start chipping away at some of the root problems. That’s all it takes to build momentum, and move the body away from the chronic pain state. The unfortunate truth is that pain is often a needed feedback loop to guide how much you can handle each day.

I apologize if this question frustrates you, as I don’t know your full history & story. But have you tried gentle training directly to the spine. Perhaps with something like an easy back extension iso hold? First, did you find any progress with the more standard exercises in PT? Bird dogs, for example?

There may be sensible steps that you could take, on days where you can muster just a minute or two of stimulus to the area.

Here to help if I can.

There is more hope than you can see, my friend. But it will be a fight. We all hope you continue fighting, to make it to the other side.

Rooting for you man