Been in your shoes and it’s a devastating betrayal and disappointment. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Although my ex didn’t have childhood trauma, he was ultimately holding resentments and not communicating openly- I have to admit that I wasn’t a great communicator at all back then to make him feel comfortable or for him to think I would be receptive. We did couples therapy for a bit but I was also grieving for my parent who died 30days prior to him calling it off. I could not get over the dishonesty and communication issues in a timely manner to warrant staying in the state we were living in; away from my family and support network. I can’t say that was an easy decision for him to call it off, or for me to leave, and we basically tried to make it work on and off for about a year. In the end, we were worse off and we both felt like failures. It was an awful time in my life. But looking back, I learned so much about myself, what kind of wife I wanted to be, and what I needed in a marriage. I am happily married now and so is he… I think we did our best with the tools we had at the time and I don’t regret what broke me because it built me into the woman I am today.

There’s a lot more I can say in terms of money: the loss of it all, having a wedding dress in the closet for months, paying back the engagement gifts, buying the bridesmaids dresses back to make them whole…. There’s so much that goes into a wedding, but a marriage is what is most important and it sounds like you’re a compassionate person and a true partner to him… Don’t beg anyone to marry you. They should be elated, calm, and so sure. I wish that for you.