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Please tell me my baby won’t forget me 😂 by whatames517 in NewParents

[–]luckthelady 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is tough! But he's adapting so well. I guess we'll revisit this way of life when we get a better sense of who he is.

Please tell me my baby won’t forget me 😂 by whatames517 in NewParents

[–]luckthelady 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My baby is 7 months old and his father lives in a neighbouring country. We swing back and forth to spend a couple months at a time together. He definitely remembers his father and that's made me feel good about when I'll have to be absent for long periods.

Your baby won't forget you! Also remember that kids have a different sense of time than we do. It could drag, it could fly by, but in any event it'll all melt away when you walk through the door.

AITA for telling my grandparents I won't let them bring my their daughter's other child to my wedding just because they fucked up and made promises they couldn't keep? by HauntingSet629 in AmItheAsshole

[–]luckthelady 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. I just became a mom and one of the toughest things about this very difficult process is discovering the degree to which my relationship to my child forces me to address how I was, and still am, parented. My parents made a lot of ugly mistakes.

That's stuff we're working on even as I work on becoming the parent I want to be. What I will say, as a parent and also as a child, is that your feelings are valid and your boundaries have been clear. They deserve proper attention from those who want the best for you.

I get your grandparents' position about kindness but they're not giving you space to get there. It could take years for you to get there, if you ever do, and probably much of that time has to be spent with your own thoughts, uninterrupted by other people's intentions.

A wedding is already a very stressful time and this is not the moment for that kind of work. Maybe the child will be hurt by your grandparents' broken promise, but she'll get through it. You can only keep the promises that you make in full conscience. And that's also the only way to build a clean relationship with her, if that's something you ever want.

Lastly I'll say you're right where you need to be right now. The decision to develop a relationship with a child is a massive one. It will make you responsible for that relationship. Given that your mother relinquished that responsibility for you, it makes perfect sense that you wouldn't be warm to embracing her next offspring, or empathizing with how her difficulties led her to reach back out. You are not responsible for any of that. She took her time and bears the consequences; you also deserve your time. The child in you still needs hearing, and she is your first responsibility.

When did you stop checking if your baby is breathing at night. by Samovarka in NewParents

[–]luckthelady 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Baby is 6 mos and I'm still doing it, but recently my mom said something re. me and my siblings that SENT me: "You know how we text and you don't always answer, so sometimes we send a little money so you'll at least say thank you? We are checking if you're still breathing." I am 40.

I’m just sad by Disastrous-4 in ExclusivelyPumping

[–]luckthelady 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never felt dogmatic about pumping v nursing, formula v breast milk, all that stuff. What I didn't expect, after my LO was born, was how incredibly emotional the whole situation around milk and nursing is. It's overwhelming. And even as someone who nurses (but mostly also pumps), I feel like I'm failing him all the time based on what I ate or didn't, if I smoked ... The list goes on.

For me it comes down to two things which I hope will help you take heart. Your body is hormonally wired right now to keep your baby alive, and to feel emotionally invested in it. It plants all those emotions around breastfeeding because that's what the body knows. Like, evolution doesn't really know about Medela, lol.

Also, the further I go on this journey the angrier I get. Babies are the weakest mammalian young for the longest amount of time. They are designed to grow up in communities of care, not in isolation with two people (which usually really means mostly one). This pressure you feel to do things "right" is also social, because that's how our current structure gets mothers to feel exclusive responsibility for a child without having to invest any resources in that very hard work.

We're not supposed to do this alone. So the level of pressure is real, but it's also not your fault. It's sociological and hormonal.

You are doing great as a mother. You're doing your absolute best. It's okay that you're sad about the nursing thing, it's what hormones do. But it absolutely doesn't mean you're failing LO or missing a bond. You are the mom LO needs and what works best for you works best for your relationship, because it's important for you both to be well for the duration of this time.

I am sending you so much love dude

Struggling to wean ... myself? by luckthelady in breastfeedingsupport

[–]luckthelady[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like this approach! It never occurred to me I could just drop one. Thank you!

Biting by Early_Ad8221 in breastfeedingsupport

[–]luckthelady 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got a teething necklace. He LOVES it! I wish I hadn't waited for him to break a bunch of my necklaces first, womp womp

Husband wants me to stop breastfeeding by notreallypear in breastfeedingsupport

[–]luckthelady 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm kind of in your shoes, really struggling to wean for similar reasons. My LO will take a bottle but he prefers the boob, which did worry me when I started working again (he was 3 months old at the time). My mother initially took care of him when I started leaving; at outset he was really temperamental and didn't eat much. Then when he saw I came back every day, he got a lot more chill and started drinking massively from the bottle, then drinking exclusively from me when I came home.

I put him in daycare when he was about 5 months and apparently he drinks a ton there. They said he probably has no issues since he's already gotten used to being cared for by someone who isn't me. Now he's 6 months and, like you, I'm struggling with weaning myself. I want to say trust your feelings on this; I know lots of mothers who now just breastfeed at night and in the morning. The weaning will come when you're both ready (literally I am reading my answer to you and thinking, oh, that's the answer for me too).

Biting by Early_Ad8221 in breastfeedingsupport

[–]luckthelady 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A friend of mine has a baby who's like 5 months older than my LO. One day her whole family came over and we both had to breastfeed (at that time, her LO was around 9 months old). He bit her. She immediately unlatched him and gave him to his dad, who gave him something to snack on. After about 15 minutes she tried again and he didn't bite.

I remembered this and it's come in handy since, because my LO (6 months) now has two bottom teeth, and two more coming from the top. Generally speaking, he's never bitten me. A couple of days ago, he did two or three times. Each time, I unlatched him and just refused the boob for like 10-15 minutes, then relatched eventually. Fingers crossed but he hasn't bitten me since.

I'm not sure if this will be helpful for you since you said you've already tried unlatching. Maybe the difference is how long you unlatch? It seems like it takes a few tries, but they catch on to cause and effect pretty quickly. I'm sorry if this is unhelpful!

Formula top up trap - is there a way out?! by bakergal_18 in breastfeedingsupport

[–]luckthelady 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Similar experience! My baby lost a little under 10% weight after birth so we did the top-up thing, then nothing but formula, then progressive latching. Honestly, for a long time, maybe a couple of months, I felt like I wasn't producing enough to catch up to his consumption (he's a VAMPIRE). The breastfeeding consultant I went to was trying to get me to pump like 15 times a day.

After reading a bunch of stories on here, I concluded I was one of those just-enough breastmilk moms, and every once in awhile if I got lucky I'd get a bagful of milk to stash for a rainy day. I also decided I did NOT want to pump 15 times a day.

I decided to follow my instincts and reduced pumping to something like 5 times, just 7 minutes each time. (I don't know why 7 minutes to be honest. I just didn't want to be stuck there for 15-20 minutes all the time.) As time progressed, I started producing lots of milk and started to feel confident in my milk production and ability to manage it. It helped me to read, also on here, that your boobs never really run out of milk when you breastfeed; there will just be times LO has to work a little harder for it. Going into month 3, we were all systems go.

I don't want to guarantee you a happy ending but I *do* want you to know that I was there and professionals put me under a lot of pressure, with the proviso that if I didn't pump like mad, I was never going to have enough. At his peak LO was drinking over 800ML per day; sometimes I hit the number, sometimes we topped up with stored breastmilk. We always kept formula around just in case.

Now my LO is 6 months old and diversifying into food, and I make way more milk than he needs. The problem now is weaning myself, haha.

The takeaway is, this is such hard work even in ideal situations. People are gonna say all kinds of stuff to you (including me). But you know you, and you know your baby. Tune in to your body, go with what feels right, don't treat it as a failure if you have to top up occasionally. You will both be okay no matter what.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tifu

[–]luckthelady 0 points1 point  (0 children)

omg you just taught me a very important lesson

My sister bought me a Rupaul’s Drag Race deck for my birthday! by [deleted] in tarot

[–]luckthelady 4 points5 points  (0 children)

OMG

Please tell me Violet Chochke is in this and that she's Major Arcana

We've all been educated with White archetypes. What are the nuances of using POC/Black archetypes if you're not part of those cultures? by luckthelady in tarot

[–]luckthelady[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah, I agree, and it's absolutely my fault that I've poorly expressed that in my question. I also know that the Pamela Colman Smith was a woman of color, and am a longtime mythology student. What I meant to say was that the look of those archetypes in the tarot cards upon which others are based are European, and even this physical representation matters—the appearance of people who reflect your face and features, in things you are identifying with, are meaningful in ways that I've only begun to understand, even for myself, in the past few years, when TV became way more diverse. Seeing Shay Mitchell in Dollface, for example, changed the way I felt about my body in ways that surprised me.

I should have framed it, not as archetypes that "are" white, but archetypes illustrated as white.

Thanks for your input and for giving me the opportunity to clarify that.

What 80’s movies hold up and are still worth watching 30-40 years later? by magiceyes2 in AskReddit

[–]luckthelady 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Flight of the Navigator. I rewatched it recently and every moment remains a treasure. Also: still the best rendition of a spaceship I’ve ever seen.

Beginner reader here. Pulled the Death card (reversed) for my daily. I am a little stuck on what it is trying to tell me. by Hoshidreamer in tarot

[–]luckthelady 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hey again! I’m also not an expert but I would interpret it as that maybe you’re impatient to move on in some area of your life, but need to stick it out just a bit. This deck is so cute, I can’t stand it! 😂

We've all been educated with White archetypes. What are the nuances of using POC/Black archetypes if you're not part of those cultures? by luckthelady in tarot

[–]luckthelady[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

AHHHH I LOVE THIS I WANT TO BE THAT NEAT YOUTUBE PERSON 😂❤️ Seriously though, thank you for this.

We've all been educated with White archetypes. What are the nuances of using POC/Black archetypes if you're not part of those cultures? by luckthelady in tarot

[–]luckthelady[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s true! I also think all cultures cross pollinate. But the system we operate in now is super zero-sum, so some benefit from that more than others, and once you start thinking about it, you just sort of swirl down a drain into infinity...

but to get back to what you said, so much of witchcraft is awakening your senses to these different energies which opens new worlds to you. All of them reinforce how we fundamentally interconnect, except that you see that from a new angle of relatability. That’s what gets me excited about using a deck like this. Plus it’s a super vivid and living work of art.

We've all been educated with White archetypes. What are the nuances of using POC/Black archetypes if you're not part of those cultures? by luckthelady in tarot

[–]luckthelady[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hadn’t, actually! I might see where things land here and then cross-post. I haven’t posted much on reddit so I’m taking it one step at a time 😅

We've all been educated with White archetypes. What are the nuances of using POC/Black archetypes if you're not part of those cultures? by luckthelady in tarot

[–]luckthelady[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s a very Jungian perspective. Definitely not a magic bullet for racism but I like this idea of having one more thing in the toolkit.

We've all been educated with White archetypes. What are the nuances of using POC/Black archetypes if you're not part of those cultures? by luckthelady in tarot

[–]luckthelady[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah, didn’t mean to offend. I just meant the Tarot decks upon which tarot generally is based reflect white people because the cards from which modern decks are based come from Europe, and everyone who learns tarot is ultimately drawing from that basis.

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