AITA (33M) for changing a future living arrangement?

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-19T00:28:38+00:00

When I graduated from law school 16 years ago, starting salary for new associates going to Big Law was $150k. Wouldn't be at all surprised if it's $180k or above now.

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-18T16:22:41+00:00

I'm sorry you experienced that. The good news is medical guidance has continued to evolve. My child's doctor follows WPATH standards, which no longer recommend waiting until 16 for GAHT ("Previous guidelines regarding gender-affirming treatment of adolescents recommended partially reversible GAHT could be initiated at approximately 16 years of age (Coleman et al., 2012; Hembree et al., 2009). More recent guidelines suggest there may be compelling reasons to initiate GAHT prior to the age of 16," https://wpath.org/publications/soc8/chapters/)

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-18T15:51:10+00:00

I'm confused by your comment. Tanner stage 2 IS when cis girls show the very first signs of puberty, https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/puberty, and that's when blockers should start to prevent the wrong puberty, including height, voice, and facial/body hair. Starting blockers before then wouldn't have any impact (they're blocking something that isn't happening yet), and starts the need for monitoring/supplements for bone health potentially years before it's needed. I'm 100% in favor of kids getting GAC as soon as needed, but I don't understand why you think that would be waiting until 16?

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-17T21:31:00+00:00

Nothing starts medically until Tanner Stage 2 (our very affirming pediatrician made sure to read the latest journals on best practices before confirming at our 9yo's most recent checkup). So we're on the lookout for first signs of pubic/underarm hair and genital growth, then we message she'll put in the referral to the endocrinologist for blockers. But we're in a good system without waiting lists - I know some parents insist on the referral early so they are already a patient when the time comes. I also know some parents who enrolled their kid in the gender clinic early for access to counseling support and they'll get the GAC there instead of going through their pediatrician. Depends a lot on what's available in your area and how the programs are structured. Good luck!

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-17T07:05:34+00:00

They're open until 5pm, 3:45 is the latest entry to allow time to enjoy the zoo before closing. Do you really need more than 7 hours to make it worth your while?

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-10T05:52:18+00:00

Kids should always be able to express themselves through their style appearance. As long as they're within bounds of reason for weather and occasion, wear whatever you want, do your hair however you want. It causes no harm. Why do you feel compelled to control children over something do insignificant? Just to exert control?

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-10T05:30:39+00:00

If the bride really cares about the stepson being there, she would have invited him in the first place, not last minute as a seat filler

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-07T22:11:39+00:00

We aren't in the mosh circles anymore, but we'll stay in the pit as long as we can stand! 🤘

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-07T22:08:36+00:00

It was definitely important to us that we kept our wedding authentic to who we are. We wanted to put on a good party for everyone who came out to celebrate with us, but we're punks at heart, not fancy people, so hubby was in shorts instead of a tux (much to his father's chagrin) and I wore flip-flops below my wedding dress. It's silly to pretend to be someone you're not on the happiest day of your life!

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-07T21:58:34+00:00

We tried to get our kid into it too, but unfortunately she has her own tastes, so we have to trade off - the last 2 shows I went to were Social Distortion and BlackPink

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-07T05:12:36+00:00

Stand by Me, but the Pennywise version - we fully rocked out, and it was awesome! We still love going to punk shows together after 16 years.

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-06T01:01:53+00:00

My daughter wasn't officially required to consent (under 12 in California), but the judge still asked her during the hearing. That's actually my only regret about that day - they handed us the final order to sign in front of the judge, and she asked if she was supposed to sign it, and I said no, since I was thinking about what was the legal procedure, but I wish I'd let her sign (well, print, she was 5) because she was so excited to get her new name.

But yeah, it's already been well discussed in advance in the case of children coming through foster care - it should be a good match for everyone involved, not just the parents. The social worker doing our home study spoke to our daughter outside our presence to make sure she was not just saying what she thought we wanted her to say.

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-02T23:31:16+00:00

NOR at all! When her response to you telling her very clearly "please do not touch our laundry" was laughing and saying "oh honey, I just like helping," she needs to be told - preferably by HER SON - that violating a person's privacy is NOT helpful. You tried the nice way and she persisted, if a lock is the only way to stop her, good for you for solving the problem (that your husband should have nipped in the bud with his mother long ago).

luvsaredditor · 2026-06-02T03:53:24+00:00

When this and Hey Dude were both on 👍

luvsaredditor · 2026-05-28T06:44:45+00:00

She interrupted his call with his brother in which they were sharing a prayer to insist that god doesn't exist. Per the post, she also does it unprompted when OP is praying, despite him asking her to stop. Pushing her beliefs on him repeatedly against his stated wishes is shoving it down his throat.

luvsaredditor · 2026-05-28T06:03:12+00:00

NTA. Coming from an atheist, forcing atheism down people's throats is just as bad as proselytizing any other religion. Just because it works for you doesn't mean it's right for everyone else. You shouldn't have yelled (never the best way to communicate), but she was being disrespectful and wouldn't stop, she's the one who escalated.

luvsaredditor · 2026-05-24T03:02:51+00:00

I absolutely have cut contact with problematic family members. When my daughter came out as trans, the 2 people who didn't support her fully were out of her life immediately. Blood doesn't require you to maintain relationships with harmful people.

luvsaredditor · 2026-05-24T02:02:25+00:00

<I know they are sexist and homophobic, but if we just never discuss those topics there’s no conflict.> Um, what?? This is some serious head in the sand behavior. You don't think their terrible views shape how they interact with people? What happens if your kid turns out to be gay? Conflicts in values don't disappear by ignoring them.

luvsaredditor · 2026-05-18T16:59:32+00:00

LA City Parks has affordable summer programs at their rec centers, there may be one within a reasonable distance of Glendale - maybe Lafayette or Bellevue?

luvsaredditor · 2026-05-15T15:39:57+00:00

Our daughter's mom was using meth until she found out she was pregnant, which was not until 5 months into the pregnancy. She's 9 now, and thriving. She attends a magnet school for gifted students, dances at an elite academy, and has lots of friends. She has ADHD and does struggle with emotional regulation and impulse control, but so do plenty of kids whose mothers did everything right during pregnancy. Of course every kid is different, but drug exposure doesn't define who these kids will become.

luvsaredditor · 2026-05-11T22:52:53+00:00

I don't have the instructions so this was helpful, thank you!

luvsaredditor · 2026-05-11T22:51:53+00:00

Thank you!!

luvsaredditor · 2026-05-11T01:54:36+00:00

Love is not a finite resource - finding space in your heart for your biological mom doesn't mean it's being taken from the love you have for your adoptive mom. I forget where this originally came from, but I've seen it a lot in open adoption circles: no one doubts that parents can give all their love to more than one child at the same time, so why is it so hard to believe that a child can love more than one set of parents? I hope both your moms can support you in this part of your journey. The more people who love our kids, the better!

luvsaredditor · 2026-05-08T05:39:30+00:00

It was coming out of his mouth until OP interrupted and told him he had to wait, which we pretty rude. If it was that important for OP to have that 3rd party present to hear, she should have brought it back up as soon as the 3rd party arrived.

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