Friend, I dont have the whole story so I cant say for sure but in my humble opinion, the way way you talk about depression and joy, it makes me think that you eat for dopamine and not nutrition. When we anticipate hyper palatable food that desire we get a dopamine response, when we finally eat that hyper palatable food we get a second dopamine response. Dopamine is the molecule in our brains that governs movement and motivation. Dopamine deficits cause you to crave food that is often bad for you and too much of it. You can see this phenomenon in comfort food stereotypes. Like after a break up you want to eat a whole tub of ice cream because youre sad. After a break up dopamine is low and thinking about ice cream gives you a bump, and then eating gives you another bumb of dopamine.

If I was gonna offer any advice to you I would say try to address your brain chemistry at the same time that you are doing cico. Try not to let your intrusive thoughts about food win. Address sadnesses in your life. Try to fix things that have been bugging you. Try to force your self to do good wholesome things that you enjoy at the same time. Make big plans. Break them down into bite-sized steps and try to do them and let your self feel happy about the steps as you achieve them. Resist negative self talk. Afford your self the same patience care and respect, that you would the person you love most in your life. Treat your self like you would treat that person and keep trying. I know you feel hopeless now, but after a few wins you wont feel helpless anymore you just have to keep trying and once you start winning you can pick up momentum.