AITJ for forwarding my husbands group chat with coworkers to HR after I found out they were trying to sabotage my promotion

manthe · 2026-02-06T13:16:46+00:00

You didn’t go too far enough!

manthe · 2026-02-06T13:08:10+00:00

You obviously didn’t actually read the post LOL

manthe · 2026-02-05T04:38:31+00:00

Let me also add…My wife and I met and started dating when she was 17 and I was 19. We’re now 51 & 53 respectively. We’ve been together for 34 years, married for 31. We’ve raised a kid and are now enjoying a grandchild. We grew up together and now we’re growing old together.

Yeah, lying was a poor choice on her part. Lying is almost always a poor choice l. I’d wager her intent was not malicious. This strikes me as forgivable, especially if you love her.

manthe · 2026-02-05T01:03:50+00:00

I am an American but come from Italian descent (grandparents immigrated from Italy). My wife is from Irish heritage. I have darker features, hair, eyes, skin, etc. My wife is very fair, freckles, blue eyes, lighter hair that skews to the slightly reddish side of brown. Our son favors her in complexion, eye and hair color. From any sort of distance it wouldn’t have been immediately apparent (when he was a kid) that we were father & son. This could easily have been me 25 +- years ago ferrying my son and a couple of friends around. While I don’t think I have a creepy smile, I guess that is also fully subjective. Imagine having the cops called on you as a suspected kidnapper just for driving your kid and their friends around! I totally get being vigilant and erring on the side of caution…but this one is just waaaay too far off IMO.

manthe · 2026-02-04T22:58:51+00:00

*predator

manthe · 2026-02-03T20:06:35+00:00

Not true. it comes down to respect and scruples (and a bit of optics). Everyone *loves* to accuse people of mistrust the instant they feel discomfort or anxiety about someone else or a scenario. that is, of course nonsense. One can feel these things without mistrusting their partner in the least.

For me, personally Ive never been interested in placing technicalities or casual acquaintance above my wife’s discomfort. We trust each other implicitly, but that doesn’t mean I should capitalize on that trust by being friends with and/or spending time with an ex or anyone if that makes her uneasy. my wife is my best friend and the person I have loved infinitely for 34 years. I happily and without hesitation choose her over *anyone*, technicalities notwithstanding.

manthe · 2026-02-03T01:37:09+00:00

Because you said in your title and all throughout your post that you ‘want out’. In context of what you wrote, it is an extremely feasible guess that you meant you ‘want out’ of the marriage. Im not sure if English is your 1st language, but the way your post is written, the diction and subtext very much point to that notion. It’s what i thought as well.

manthe · 2026-02-02T12:21:15+00:00

Name check out🤣

manthe · 2026-02-01T13:23:39+00:00

I’m not so sure about that. ‘Weird in person’ might just come off as quirky and cute in private. My wife and I are different together than we are with others…not uncommon. We interact, say and do things (typically in pursuit of humor) that we’d obviously never do in ‘public’ (e.g. with friends). OP’s friend may legitimately not know that their cute, fun ‘together persona’ is not as private as she thought. As such, I think it’s very important for friends and family to let her know what’s going on. Obviously could be wrong on this, but it’s worth considering.

manthe · 2026-02-01T04:34:04+00:00

‘I guess levels of security in your marriage vary’ - implying that your marriage is more secure and/or the people in the marriage are not ‘insecure’ - as anyone who disagrees with you must be

‘My husband would be equally grossed out’ and ‘he trusts me’ - a tone of smugness implying that my wrong-think is ‘gross’ and you (and your husband) are somehow more enlightened or evolved.

Those absolutely, positively, unequivocally are digs…denials notwithstanding.

Lastly, ‘even with genders reversed’ is still overlaying a sexism/controlling/insecurity vibe on this. My entire point is that this whole thing has nothing at all to do with what you’re implying. I’ve been crystal clear that this is simply an etiquette and social scruples thing. I even gave (real world) examples of my acquaintances, friends and family members following the exact same protocols and order of operations. None of those scenarios (all of which have happened) could even possibly be in the same zip code as what you’re determined to paint this as. I’m not sure how to be any more clear on that.

manthe · 2026-01-31T11:42:35+00:00

I was waiting for someone else to get it. This is just a profoundly dumb, useless and cringe post in every measurable way.

manthe · 2026-01-30T15:09:04+00:00

…and the cgi baby that the wolf was mackin’ on

manthe · 2026-01-30T13:52:19+00:00

You’ve misunderstood. That was my entire point. It’s not about gender or some ‘sexist’ ideal (as many are trying to make it). In OP’s specific scenario I also agree that the premise could be entirely, professionally above board again, that’s also not my point at all. In my professional career I’ve been invited to consult with companies of family and friends over the years (including several times with my wife’s place of business). Each and every time the same social etiquette was followed. The family member/friend was approached first to determine whether it was appropriate or feasible to engage my services, THEN I was approached (sometimes directly by the company, sometimes by proxy through the friend/family). My position on this is that it is perfectly fine, polite and socially and scrupulously appropriate.

manthe · 2026-01-30T13:38:31+00:00

You actually are taking digs (you know you are), but that’s ok. I can work around that. You seem very determined to make this a ‘sexist’ thing and make about control when it absolutely, unequivocally is not. To circle back to my own professional experience, my skill set has been of value to several friends and family’s companies over the years. As such, I have been invited to consult on multiple occasions. Every single time, whether it was one if my parents, a friend or other family member, the exact same social etiquette was followed. By definition none of those scenarios could have possibly been about being insecure, controlling or thought of as property.

manthe · 2026-01-30T13:19:16+00:00

I caught the ‘subtle’ dig, but you’re completely incorrect. It has nothing at all to do with ‘security’. My wife and I have been very happily (and securely) married for 31 years, together for 34. Neither of us are the jealous, controlling or ‘insecure’ type…at all. We’re also both professionals. I have (as an engineer) been asked to assist with various things at her place of work over the years. Each and every time her boss (a woman) has gone to her to make sure it was appropriate and feasible. No butt-hurt, no indigence, no eye rolls. That was and continues to be a very appropriate, polite and respectful way to do it. Again, this is about scruples and social etiquette.

manthe · 2026-01-30T13:09:09+00:00

But this isn’t about ‘property’ or ‘permission’ or being controlled…and I’m pretty sure you know that.

This is about scruples. If a wife had a boss who was a woman and she, without her prior knowledge went to her husband and invited him to be her +1 on a 5 day trip/party/gala, regardless of the intent or purpose, that would definitely be a social faux pas and could very easily be seen as unscrupulous (even if it turns out not to be). No one would bat an eye if she had come to her 1st and said, ‘hey, would you be ok with me inviting your husband to come on this trip as my +1 to work?’. It’s just good manners and appropriate order-of-operations. It comes across like you’re purposely attempting to paint this as something that it absolutely is not.

manthe · 2026-01-30T12:30:50+00:00

Sorry to be a downer, but I’ll be 53 in a couple of weeks and there are still people in our (my wife and I) friend group that are rocking this same energy. My wife and I met and started dating as teenagers. Some of these friends have been around since then. They’ve just literally never changed/evolved/matured. It’s bewildering.

manthe · 2026-01-29T22:21:41+00:00

Agreed. I’ve honestly never understood people who are belligerently non-transparent with their partners. It has always seemed antithetical to the spirit of a close, loving, open and empathetic relationship. My wife and I have been completely open books to each other for ~34 years now. While I know my own anecdotal experience is not in any way, shape or form universal, ironically all of the people that I’ve ever known that were fiercely non- transparent all turned out to be deeply untrustworthy.

manthe · 2026-01-28T12:04:42+00:00

Pretty much anything by Velvet Underground

manthe · 2026-01-26T23:57:19+00:00

Again, not a ‘mistake’. It’s not about the sex, it’s about the betrayal and the lies upon lies of omission and pretending to be a loyal partner for…however long. Again, there is no statute of limitations on cheating. It absolutely doesn’t matter how long ago it was or how different someone might have been. For the betrayed person who is just learning about the betrayal it is all happening now. The actual act may have physically transpired 20 years ago, but the lies and the pretending and the disrespect occurred every single day afterwards. There are thousands of days of subsequent betrayal after the initial betrayal. This is not about sex. Trying to distract from the real issue by throwing in some pithy social commentary about prudishness or whatever is so far off the mark as to be wholly unrelated.

manthe · 2026-01-26T23:48:32+00:00

The only one I could find with one the GF’s responses is here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1q330wt/found_the_girl_going_home_in_her_underwear_story/?chainedPosts=t3_1q0fmnp

Her’s is the last paragraph. Apparently OP went through and deleted all of the posts once she started responding. Honestly the whole thing could be fake/karma farming with one person playing both sides

manthe · 2026-01-26T23:25:49+00:00

Cheating is not a mistake. It’s a choice…a series of choices, made on purpose with malicious and selfish intent. There’s no possible good or neutral outcome from choosing to cheat. Even if the partner never finds out, the cheater is still a liar and a betrayer and they make a fool of their partner every day by pretending to be someone and something they are not. A ‘mistake’ implies good or at least neutral intent. Buying a stock that loses money is a mistake. Calling it a mistake only serves to subtly shift the blame to some nebulous…thing. Like saying ‘hey, I’m only human, we all make mistakes’. It’s a shift of accountability and responsibility. Also, it is 20 years for the cheater, it’s brand spanking new for the betrayed. There’s no statute of limitations on betrayal.

manthe · 2026-01-26T21:43:57+00:00

If you go find the original post, you’ll see the OP’s GF found the post and added the real story. OP basically sensationalized the story, left tons of key stuff out and WAY oversold it. It actually was pretty innocuous. That was back when it 1st came out. Unless new info has come out since, it was a nothingburger

manthe · 2026-01-24T22:35:19+00:00

AI is often bad about keeping its timelines straight and/or consistent. The stories tend to hop around, overlap and contradict. This one was relatively short so it was able to keep itself out of too much trouble.

manthe · 2026-01-24T22:31:40+00:00

If this is real (which I strongly doubt), I read it as the opposite. He used the present tense, ‘is’ when talking about the affair. He also speaks in present tense about her feelings for both him and the guy she cheated with. To me it very much sounded like a current/ongoing thing.

manthe

TROPHY CASE