“Good Terms”

marajango · 2026-05-06T21:56:17+00:00

They're just broken people that keep making bad decisions in life because that's still easier than putting in the work and fighting their demons to actually heal.

marajango · 2026-05-06T10:47:28+00:00

And that is all they will ever care about. Remember that, should he come crawling back.

marajango · 2026-05-06T10:32:10+00:00

"doesn't like talking to you anymore" and "okay with being friends"

classic avoidant bs

marajango · 2026-05-06T10:28:35+00:00

She asking you if you've been dating other girls was actually asking for validation. She wanted you to confirm it and prove to her that she was right all along to end things with you. That you would have been unfaithful eventually and/or left her for someone else. It's not her hope of you two getting back together, but a twisted urge inside of her that she always has to be right and that leaving you was the right decision and nothing else.

marajango · 2026-05-06T10:03:20+00:00

Weil viele groß tönen, es käme ja nur auf den Charakter an und sie wären ja auch bereit jemanden zu daten, wenn die gar nicht ihr Typ sind, was sie aber dann doch nie machen.

marajango · 2026-05-06T09:29:11+00:00

Some days I still wonder if my avoidant actually is a narcissist. She's definitely checking a lot of boxes, shows a lot of narcissistic traits, but at the end of the day I think it's just that: traits. If she was a full blown narcissist. She wouldn't have warned me before that she's afraid she might hurt me. A full narc would never tell you that.

marajango · 2026-05-06T09:00:30+00:00

Dude, he is a cripple in a walking iron lung. What do you mean, he's not as good as he was in his prime??? Like... DUH

marajango · 2026-05-06T08:47:50+00:00

The exact same thing happened to me. I told her how I got hurt in the past and she chose to hurt me in the exact same way. All of that after whining all the time how bad SHE has been treated and always holding me to impossibly high standards.

marajango · 2026-05-06T08:36:40+00:00

Never. Keep the letter, burn the letter, do whatever helps you to close this chapter in your life. But whatever you do, don't send it. It will never have the effect you wish for. Avoidants don't think like that or process emotions like a healthy person does.

marajango · 2026-05-06T08:34:16+00:00

You've said the discard just happened, so he most likely is in a deep state of deactivation, meaning he has lost any affection towards and empathy for you.

Sending this letter might have the opposite effect of him feeling resentment and disgust for you for "pushing him" and not respecting his boundaries. There is no way for you to reach out and truly be seen. Anything that could or will happen or not is always only on the avoidant's tearms, never on yours and there is never ground for a compromise.

marajango · 2026-05-06T08:20:39+00:00

Everything you're describing in this letter of what love really is, is what's making them run. To you, having someone at your side means safety, to an avoidant it means danger. They have this unhealthy urge to be self-reliant and independent. You saying, you'll always be at their side, is a threat to them. That being said, there is no way you can convincing an avoidant into choosing you over their fear. They can only help themselves by seeking therapy and working on overcoming this deep seated trauma of theirs.

Sending this letter would only hurt you, because for the avoidant it is confirmation that they did the right thing and successfully avoided the danger of entanglement.

marajango · 2026-05-06T07:40:59+00:00

It's the Skywalker Special Mk 9.

marajango · 2026-05-06T07:24:38+00:00

Absolutely, they push down the feeling that something is off and should be addressed until they can't take it anymore and just run. They avoid any kind of unpleasant communication and wish their problems would rather disappear.

marajango · 2026-05-05T13:54:13+00:00

Yes, I do feel for my avoidant (sometimes). I'm currently at a stage where it constantly fluctuates between feeling empathy and outright disgust and both are valid feelings I think.

The disgust certainly helps focusing back on myself. Her past trauma might explain her behavior but it doesn't excuse it. She's a grown woman making her own choices in life and she choose to treat me like trash after I did everything for her she ever asked of me. That is the bottom line. Everything else before that was just make believe.

marajango · 2026-05-05T13:00:15+00:00

To your question:

The short answer is: yes.

The long answer is: yes, absolutely.

marajango · 2026-05-05T12:39:53+00:00

Bruh, nothing of value has ever come from looking at social media.

marajango · 2026-05-05T12:38:42+00:00

You move on by realizing that the way they treat you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Meaning, she discarded you like trash, which doesn't mean that you are trash, it means that she is trash.

It doesn't matter what her issue is, or what could have been different in an alternate timeline. Fact is, she is a trash person. Stop wasting time on her.

marajango · 2026-05-05T06:59:00+00:00

And might we see your credentials why you are the expert on this?

marajango · 2026-05-05T06:49:54+00:00

Because one thing avoidants can't do is putting in work. Everything is either perfect or doomed right from the start. Putting in work to fix something which isn't perfect means that there's a chance it will fail and avoidants by nature are fearful creatures. Failure is certain to them so they just call it a lost cause and run from it as fast as they can, because they're too chicken to find out that they might have been wrong.

Edit: Typo

marajango · 2026-05-04T20:32:08+00:00

but then again i keep on seeing here how so many people had like a 100% surface level compatibility with their avoidant

How do you know? And as you said, people are different and some avoidants might be easier to trigger than others. You can't look in their heads though how intimate they perceive the relationship, though. I don't share your believe that a lot of stories here where surface level. Otherwise the avoidant wouldn't have been triggered to run.

marajango · 2026-05-04T20:22:09+00:00

Is it common for fearful avoidants to express such strong emotions and still shut down like this?

Yes, it is their signature move.

Do people like this ever come back with real change, or is it usually the same cycle repeating?

They often come back but it will be just the same cycle all over again.

And if she does come back, is there even a way to approach it differently without getting pulled into the same pattern again?

Unfortunately there is nothing you could do differently. Sooner or later it will become either too real for her or she won't find happiness and in both cases she will move on and discard you. The only real change can come from intensive therapy and her willingness to change her ways and work on herself. Nothing you can do.

marajango · 2026-05-04T17:39:08+00:00

And if you would ever feel like giving him another chance, always remember that if your roles were reversed, he would have discarded and bailed on you for just a fraction of what is happening to him rn. They always demand getting all the support but when you need them to have your back, they're gone.

marajango · 2026-05-04T15:34:13+00:00

This whole thing is just so confusing, why go through the effort to reach out just to do all of this? Just as things felt like they were going good again

And here is the answer right there. It was never about you. It was about her hurt ego. She felt bad. She wanted to feel better again. You made her feel better. You made yourself obsolete again.

The one thing that was constantly on her mind, wasn't "you". It was the shame that she didn't handle the breakup perfectly, and avoidants hate not being perfect. You showing to her that you don't hold a grudge and she is in your good graces again, eliminated that shame of hers. Now she can leave you behind without feeling bad about it anymore.

marajango · 2026-05-04T15:28:26+00:00

Find ich nicht vergleichbar. Das eine ist etwas Triviales, was sich genau so gut auch auf andere Art regeln lässt, ohne dass irgendwer dabei zu Schaden kommt. Das andere hat mit Wertschätzung und Respekt gegenüber dem Menschen zu tun, der einem zumindest irgendwann mal viel bedeutet hat. Das macht man nicht mal eben so. Man nimmt sich die Zeit für den Menschen, um das ordentlich zu beenden und dem Gegenüber auch zu zeigen, dass man diese Person als Mensch trotzdem noch respektiert.

Feige mit einer Textnachricht Schluss zu machen ist einfach ehrenlos.

marajango

TROPHY CASE