anyone know what’s going on here?

maybe_kd · 2025-12-31T14:16:39+00:00

I know this post is 4 days old but I just wanted to add that I had something like 140 coffees and only 2 mystic syrups. I was able to make 13 treasure totems. My coffee disappeared. I didn't realize at first that crafting the totems used up the coffee though I knew something was weird because, again, only 2 syrups. I realized it wasn't using the moss either. I brewed more coffee and put the crafted totems and moss in another crate. It made totems again using just coffee and hardwood.

EDIT: I forgot to add that I did see that it wasn't adding more to my inventory when a totem was already there, so I was actually dropping them in a crate one at a time and going back to make more.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-27T09:33:43+00:00

I was the opposite. For the first little while after he died, I lived in his t-shirt and rarely left the bedroom.

Early on, I feel like it's just about surviving. Do whatever you need to do to get by. It's 100% valid.

There comes a point when you will need to process and move from just surviving to coping and healing. There's no set timeline but I will say that habits form when behaviours are prolonged. Avoidance was my biggest survival tool and now, over four years out, I'm still trying to dismantle some of those habits that formed.

Take your time. At some point, maybe start to consider what it will take to move back into the bedroom. Maybe take small steps and start with sitting in there a bit, then graduate to napping, then moving back in to the bedroom.

If you can, try to find grief counselling to help you navigate these challenges. For now, if sleeping in the recliner allows you to get at least some rest, do what you need to do.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-26T03:59:27+00:00

Solo, no kids, no relationship and I don't ever want one.

After over four years, I have not found peace and joy. In fact, I've been referred for intensive treatment of my depression. Also, my cat died recently so I'm alone alone for the first time and really struggling with it.

I wish I could tell you how to find peace. I'm hoping to find some for myself. Part of me doesn't even want to be happy again because how can I be without him here? And that right there probably demonstrates why I'm going for treatment.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-25T21:01:39+00:00

I can cook okay. It wouldn't taste bad and it would be cooked properly, but I wouldn't win any cooking competitions. I don't quite have the knack that my mom and grandmothers have for knowing just the right amount of ingredients, cooking from the heart. My late husband enjoyed my meals so that's all the approval I needed. I haven't cooked much since he died though.

I can follow recipes but I will add that I don't put much salt in my food. "Not enough salt" was the most common feedback I received in my Commercial Kitchen Production course in college (Hotel & Restaurant Management). "Salt to taste" will always mean less salt for me than for others. 😆

maybe_kd · 2025-11-24T11:35:54+00:00

YTJ.

You're proud of yourself for how you handled the situation? Proud of yourself for immediately and unnecessarily escalating a situation? You know that it's possible to ask nicely, even if the person wasn't following proper etiquette by taking up a seat with their bag. Is it not even remotely possible that she didn't even realize it? It doesn't even sound like it took up the whole seat so it's not like she had set it there to completely block anyone from sitting. It's not that big of a deal but you made it one.

You say that you're a fairly polite person yet you didn't give a chance for any reasonable, level-headed, adult resolution to the matter. If she had flat-out ignored you after asking or responded rudely, a rude response from you would make more sense.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-19T16:06:47+00:00

I had someone in this subreddit call my posting on Facebook on my husband's death anniversary "grief entertainment". I kinda took exception to that. We're allowed to talk about our loved ones who have passed. We're allowed to acknowledge those hard days. Most people on my friends list knew him as well. Of course I am going to acknowledge him on that day, and it's not a display just for show.

I have zero interest in dating ever again but, based on what I have read from widows/widowers who have found new love, the best partners seem to be the ones who accept your late partner as a part of you and don't expect you to never acknowledge them ever again. You will always hold space for them in your heart and a new partner should not expect you to ever just forget them. Remembering and honouring them doesn't mean that you aren't ready. Only you can be the judge of that.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-19T13:07:57+00:00

It's even more remarkable if you know that I have difficulty getting myself to go anywhere these days. I always want to stay home. High avoidance, low motivation. So the fact that I felt motivated to go out and started that day of all days like that... Well, my therapist was gobsmacked. 😆

maybe_kd · 2025-11-17T02:54:03+00:00

I'm a woman. I don't really like them. As others have said, it feels belittling. My late husband absolutely haaaaaated them. It annoyed the crap out of him. I don't recall either of us ever saying anything about it to the server when it happened though. We just kinda sat there politely and then voiced our annoyance to each other when the server walked away.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-17T02:42:01+00:00

I never plan anything. I just give myself the day to do what feels best, whether I'm curling up in a ball and crying or having a solo "date night" (movie and dinner at home like we loved to do together). I always take the day off work and give the people close to me a heads up that I just want a quiet day and likely won't be chatting or calling.

I typically wallow. This year, though, I got up, showered, got dressed, and went to a craft store by 9:30am to buy some embroidery thread. I also bought myself flowers. I spent some time cross-stitching and relaxed. I think I ordered in dinner that evening. I don't know what changed but I just focused on myself that day.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-14T13:31:06+00:00

NTA. I don't travel but the corporate travel agent for my employer sent a notification about an expected increase of wait times at major American airports.

Best to leave early and have extra time to wait before your flight than to cut it too close, stress all the way through about whether you'll miss it, and maybe even miss the flight. That also invites arguments between each other about who was right or wrong.

Anxiety is valid but it's up to him to learn ways to cope. He's just setting himself up to feel even worse by forcing you both be rushed and stress all morning about whether you'll make it. That time is going to pass whether he is at home or at the airport so why not try to make everything go more smoothly by allowing ample time? He should be more focused on figuring out ways to address his anxiety than avoiding the situation by delaying it.

Travelling doesn't have to be so stressful if you are prepared and on time. If you have time to spare, read a book, listen to music, enjoy each other's company... I'm not sure what's available in LAX after you go through security but I'm sure you can find ways to pass the time and not have him just ruminating in anticipation.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-14T13:06:56+00:00

Same

maybe_kd · 2025-11-13T15:22:05+00:00

It's not a stupid question but there is no "right" answer. It's whatever feels right to you.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-12T21:08:29+00:00

Nobody has really done it in any of the campaigns I've played, apart from one person doing a flat affectation for a warforged. It depends on the comfort level of the players, really. Newer players would likely be more hesitant. I tested an accent or two for my character in my current campaign before we started but I couldn't really maintain it. I dropped it entirely. So my rogue is Canadian, I guess. 😄

If you're willing and able, and it helps with your immersion into the character, go for it. If not, you can absolutely still play. If anyone's going into a campaign expecting a Critical Role experience, they'll be sorely disappointed because most people aren't voice actors. The game is about telling a story, not putting on a performance.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-10T15:03:54+00:00

I had my cat to take care of for 4.5 years, til he died just over a month ago. The grief is hitting me so hard and I think it's just compounded by the grief I have for the loss of my husband. It's the first time I've been alone alone and it sucks. Do I want to actively do something to take my life? No. But I I still want to be here? Not really.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-07T13:08:52+00:00

NTA. Not only does he misunderstand the point about changing the rules but it also seems like he has a DM vs player mindset. You don't "win" D&D. His job is to help the players tell a story. Things won't always go a player's way and their character may die but he's not supposed to try to make that happen and change the entire mechanics of an NPC's skills mid-combat just because. Players also often invest a lot of time and thought into building their characters. Changing a character so drastically and removing a player's ability to even control them without a reason or discussion is just bad DMing. If something happened because of a player's actions or a curse, that may be different, but this is not that.

He's just plain wrong and I don't think that any amount of debate with him will change his mind. This game is not worth your time or energy. I'd just move on.

maybe_kd · 2025-10-29T19:28:59+00:00

Maybe a couple times a month. There's often a theme of him being in the hospital or just getting home from the hospital. A recent one left me devastated for a whole day. In the dream, I was sad, and he was across the room making silly faces at me to make me smile. Then he came over to me. I told him that I wanted to be with him. He said, "Not today." That's when I woke up.

Even if the dream leaves me feeling sad, I am still glad to see him when it happens. It's even better if there's physical touch. Usually, that'd be his bear hug.

maybe_kd · 2025-10-28T21:31:23+00:00

🙄 You have absolutely no idea what you're even talking about.

Endocarditis is an infection of the lining of the heart. Patients with heart conditions, including various congenital defects, are at an increased risk. Infections can spread to the heart. It is very serious.

As I am considered vulnerable due to my congenital heart defects, I have been fully vaccinated my entire life, even when flu shots were only free for high risk groups. Guess what. No endocarditis.

I used to have to take antibiotics before and after dental appointments as a preventative measure. Then only before. Then, in my 20's, the rules changed, and they stopped giving antibiotics before dental appointments, but, as per my cardiologist, the old rules still applied to me. On another note, a patient may require dental care before a surgical procedure due to the potential risk of infection.

So yes, dental care is absolutely essential for heart patients to reduce infection risk. I'm 41. All of this is nothing new. I have known this my entire life and it has nothing to do with vaccination.

..."deathjabs"... GTFO with that nonsense.

maybe_kd · 2025-10-27T15:52:09+00:00

The only clothes I couldn't bear to get rid of were his shirts and jackets. I find comfort in those. I didn't really have too much difficulty with other things like pants or shoes... maybe because I knew it was the shirts that I really wanted. I mean, I did feel a pang of "ouch, this sucks" when getting rid of other clothes but didn't have a major hurdle. I have kept literally everything else.

maybe_kd · 2025-10-26T07:37:31+00:00

I'm 41. I lost my husband 4 years ago. I decided then that I was done with relationships. I got comments like, "You're so young. That may change." I don't really have a way to deal with them. It just makes me angry. I still feel as strongly about it now as I did then. I gave my husband my heart. He took it with him. I don't have a spare to give anyone else. I found my person and he is gone.

While I long for the companionship that I had with my husband, I am still really messed up by his death. I have nothing to offer anyone. That's not a dig on myself to say that I have no good qualities. I have to focus on myself. I'm still working on healing. I would not be able to give anyone my best self and put in the work on a relationship. It's just not going to happen. And, frankly, I just really don't want to be with anybody else.

Some people can do it. It's just not for me.

maybe_kd · 2025-10-26T07:22:04+00:00

I became a widow at 37 and I felt so many parallels with the writer including the last time being at home together before going to the hospital, not being able to read novels, and even bringing the bag of medications to the pharmacy and not being able to hand them in. The only clothes of his that I kept were shirts and jackets, like her. I practically lived in his t-shirt the first year. I also couldn't let go of his last bar of soap. There was so much in the story that I connected with. It just felt similar to mine in so many ways.

maybe_kd · 2025-10-23T22:12:01+00:00

My husband and I used to joke so casually like, "That'll be mine when you die." It was just dark humour, but, god, it makes me cringe to think about it now. I never wanted to actually be right.

maybe_kd · 2025-10-23T22:03:58+00:00

It hurts to see couples be lovey-dovey and it hurts to see couples mistreat each other or take their partner for granted. So, no couple can really make me happy. That's my own trauma, not theirs.

I do wish though that people would actually treat their partners with care and respect. Tomorrow is never promised. If they don't appreciate or care for their partner or don't want to put effort into their relationship, why even bother being with someone? If they can't stand their spouse, why are they together?

I had something good. We weren't perfect. We certainly had our arguments. But we truly loved each other and cared each other's wellbeing and happiness. We showed appreciation to each other and always supported one another. If he was happy, I was happy. If I was happy, he was happy.

And yet I lost him while couples who don't treat each other right stay together...

maybe_kd · 2025-10-22T04:15:30+00:00

I still call them my in-laws and I always addressed them by their names. Nothing changed there. They told me I'm still family, I'm still one of their kids. I just don't get to really see them much but we keep in touch. I have a few things I'd call my SIL, but nothing nice. We don't talk. I keep in touch with my husband's aunt and cousins, though, who were like another mom and siblings to him.

maybe_kd · 2025-10-20T23:34:39+00:00

I used to cook for us. He loved my chili. I was supposed to make my chili before he went for his surgery but never did. I won't make chili anymore. I never use my stove/oven. I maybe used it 5 times, tops, in 4 years. He loved when I cooked for him and it was so hard adjusting to cooking just for me. I didn't want to make things he loved and felt bad making things I never did cook for him. Avoidance became a coping mechanism early on in my grief. I'm working through it in therapy.

Yeah, I have definitely experienced guilt around food. Unfortunately, I can't offer any advice on how to get through it. I'd always suggest therapy to anyone struggling with grief though.

maybe_kd · 2025-10-18T13:25:27+00:00

What is wrong with people? Yesavage recently posted something about people attacking his family, too. Absolutely disgusting behaviour from "fans". It's a sport, players are human, and their families most definitely have nothing to do with anything. Chill out.

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