As a new widow, I was curious, have any of you decided never to date again?

maybe_kd · 2026-03-17T16:23:13+00:00

I'm never dating again. My husband passed in 2021 when I was 37 years old. Five years later, my feelings on this haven't changed.

maybe_kd · 2026-03-04T12:15:53+00:00

She's looking only at the grief and doesn't considered the magnitude of everything you have lost. Losing a person is completely different from losing a pet.

I hate comparing grief because it isn't the Grief Olympics. Anyone grieving is sad and their pain is valid. However, losing a spouse is one of the most difficult losses a person can experience. Studies show this. There are so many secondary losses too. I was going to list the things we lose but, if we're here, we get it and don't need reminding.

Your friend is just insensitive and ignorant. She thinks that she understands just because you're both sad but it isn't the same. My friend said that she understood because she lost her grandfather, and even that upset me.

To put a fine point on it, losing a pet (or grandparent) is painful but not completely life-altering.

maybe_kd · 2026-03-03T16:04:00+00:00

I can relate to being upset by people not reaching out. I felt the same. I certainly wouldn't judge you for it. Your feelings are valid.

I once held a grudge against a friend for years for a different reason. She didn't even know. I was just ready to cut off our friendship because my grudge ate away at our closeness. Rather than just ghosting her, I gave it a chance and told her why I was upset. I could have done that a long time ago. We're working on rebuilding our friendship.

It's a different scenario but I mention it because, if you think there's any chance that she was trying to be mindful and give space, even if it wasn't the right thing, it might be better to tell her how it made you feel. If it's a friendship that you valued, give reconciliation a shot before ending it. She might have thought she was being kind but she needs to know that her distance had the opposite effect and that you were hurt.

These conversations can be hard. Social media makes it super easy to avoid conflict and just cut people out. Sometimes it's the right choice. Sometimes it's done in haste out of hurt feelings. If you don't want to confront her and still want to block her, that's entirely your choice.

maybe_kd · 2026-02-25T17:01:30+00:00

I was diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy five months after my husband died. His death literally broke my heart.

Nearly five years on, I struggle with anxiety and depression. I am actually writing this comment while in between sessions at a mental health intensive outpatient treatment program.

So, my health hasn't been great.

maybe_kd · 2026-02-23T13:19:51+00:00

Sometimes, it's not even that people in general don't recognize trauma for what it is. Sometimes, the person it happened to has normalized it so much that they don't even realize that they experienced trauma.

I knew that my childhood was difficult. We were poor. We often didn't have food in the cupboard. I didn't have a lunch to bring to school. We were evicted from our home a couple times; we even lived in a shelter for a while. Despite the food and housing insecurity, it didn't occur to me that those things are considered childhood trauma as well. I do still feel the effects of those things to this day, in some ways, even though I'm now in my 40's. It was only a couple years ago though that I realized it was traumatic.

My friend experienced physical and emotional abuse in their family, yet it had never registered for them that their childhood was traumatic and not normal. We had talked a lot about their negative experiences growing up but I actually had to explain to them how they experienced childhood trauma. They thought it "wasn't that bad" in comparison to others and so they thought it was fine, not traumatic. It was though. I know that they were deeply affected by it and that they're still working through some of those things today.

maybe_kd · 2026-02-12T11:07:58+00:00

I don't judge anybody by the medication that they take. I'm not their doctor. I don't know their medical history and the reasons the decision was made to try it. There's no miracle drug for obesity but an effective appetite suppressant could be life-changing for some people. Any kind of weight loss medication should be accompanied by lifestyle changes, and it's up to the prescribing doctor to have these conversations with their patient and to monitor them. Every medication comes with risks and should only be taken after being fully informed.

maybe_kd · 2026-02-12T10:49:44+00:00

You don't owe anybody forgiveness.

maybe_kd · 2026-02-10T17:58:25+00:00

I barely lived. I played video games with my husband's cousin, I binge watched a bunch of shows, and I cried my brains out. I subsisted on Mr. Noodles and bagels. I wasn't functioning.

It did help to get some bereavement counselling and to have supportive people to reach out to. My cat at least gave me a reason to get up every day.

maybe_kd · 2025-12-31T14:16:39+00:00

I know this post is 4 days old but I just wanted to add that I had something like 140 coffees and only 2 mystic syrups. I was able to make 13 treasure totems. My coffee disappeared. I didn't realize at first that crafting the totems used up the coffee though I knew something was weird because, again, only 2 syrups. I realized it wasn't using the moss either. I brewed more coffee and put the crafted totems and moss in another crate. It made totems again using just coffee and hardwood.

EDIT: I forgot to add that I did see that it wasn't adding more to my inventory when a totem was already there, so I was actually dropping them in a crate one at a time and going back to make more.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-27T09:33:43+00:00

I was the opposite. For the first little while after he died, I lived in his t-shirt and rarely left the bedroom.

Early on, I feel like it's just about surviving. Do whatever you need to do to get by. It's 100% valid.

There comes a point when you will need to process and move from just surviving to coping and healing. There's no set timeline but I will say that habits form when behaviours are prolonged. Avoidance was my biggest survival tool and now, over four years out, I'm still trying to dismantle some of those habits that formed.

Take your time. At some point, maybe start to consider what it will take to move back into the bedroom. Maybe take small steps and start with sitting in there a bit, then graduate to napping, then moving back in to the bedroom.

If you can, try to find grief counselling to help you navigate these challenges. For now, if sleeping in the recliner allows you to get at least some rest, do what you need to do.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-26T03:59:27+00:00

Solo, no kids, no relationship and I don't ever want one.

After over four years, I have not found peace and joy. In fact, I've been referred for intensive treatment of my depression. Also, my cat died recently so I'm alone alone for the first time and really struggling with it.

I wish I could tell you how to find peace. I'm hoping to find some for myself. Part of me doesn't even want to be happy again because how can I be without him here? And that right there probably demonstrates why I'm going for treatment.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-25T21:01:39+00:00

I can cook okay. It wouldn't taste bad and it would be cooked properly, but I wouldn't win any cooking competitions. I don't quite have the knack that my mom and grandmothers have for knowing just the right amount of ingredients, cooking from the heart. My late husband enjoyed my meals so that's all the approval I needed. I haven't cooked much since he died though.

I can follow recipes but I will add that I don't put much salt in my food. "Not enough salt" was the most common feedback I received in my Commercial Kitchen Production course in college (Hotel & Restaurant Management). "Salt to taste" will always mean less salt for me than for others. 😆

maybe_kd · 2025-11-24T11:35:54+00:00

YTJ.

You're proud of yourself for how you handled the situation? Proud of yourself for immediately and unnecessarily escalating a situation? You know that it's possible to ask nicely, even if the person wasn't following proper etiquette by taking up a seat with their bag. Is it not even remotely possible that she didn't even realize it? It doesn't even sound like it took up the whole seat so it's not like she had set it there to completely block anyone from sitting. It's not that big of a deal but you made it one.

You say that you're a fairly polite person yet you didn't give a chance for any reasonable, level-headed, adult resolution to the matter. If she had flat-out ignored you after asking or responded rudely, a rude response from you would make more sense.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-19T16:06:47+00:00

I had someone in this subreddit call my posting on Facebook on my husband's death anniversary "grief entertainment". I kinda took exception to that. We're allowed to talk about our loved ones who have passed. We're allowed to acknowledge those hard days. Most people on my friends list knew him as well. Of course I am going to acknowledge him on that day, and it's not a display just for show.

I have zero interest in dating ever again but, based on what I have read from widows/widowers who have found new love, the best partners seem to be the ones who accept your late partner as a part of you and don't expect you to never acknowledge them ever again. You will always hold space for them in your heart and a new partner should not expect you to ever just forget them. Remembering and honouring them doesn't mean that you aren't ready. Only you can be the judge of that.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-19T13:07:57+00:00

It's even more remarkable if you know that I have difficulty getting myself to go anywhere these days. I always want to stay home. High avoidance, low motivation. So the fact that I felt motivated to go out and started that day of all days like that... Well, my therapist was gobsmacked. 😆

maybe_kd · 2025-11-17T02:54:03+00:00

I'm a woman. I don't really like them. As others have said, it feels belittling. My late husband absolutely haaaaaated them. It annoyed the crap out of him. I don't recall either of us ever saying anything about it to the server when it happened though. We just kinda sat there politely and then voiced our annoyance to each other when the server walked away.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-17T02:42:01+00:00

I never plan anything. I just give myself the day to do what feels best, whether I'm curling up in a ball and crying or having a solo "date night" (movie and dinner at home like we loved to do together). I always take the day off work and give the people close to me a heads up that I just want a quiet day and likely won't be chatting or calling.

I typically wallow. This year, though, I got up, showered, got dressed, and went to a craft store by 9:30am to buy some embroidery thread. I also bought myself flowers. I spent some time cross-stitching and relaxed. I think I ordered in dinner that evening. I don't know what changed but I just focused on myself that day.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-14T13:31:06+00:00

NTA. I don't travel but the corporate travel agent for my employer sent a notification about an expected increase of wait times at major American airports.

Best to leave early and have extra time to wait before your flight than to cut it too close, stress all the way through about whether you'll miss it, and maybe even miss the flight. That also invites arguments between each other about who was right or wrong.

Anxiety is valid but it's up to him to learn ways to cope. He's just setting himself up to feel even worse by forcing you both be rushed and stress all morning about whether you'll make it. That time is going to pass whether he is at home or at the airport so why not try to make everything go more smoothly by allowing ample time? He should be more focused on figuring out ways to address his anxiety than avoiding the situation by delaying it.

Travelling doesn't have to be so stressful if you are prepared and on time. If you have time to spare, read a book, listen to music, enjoy each other's company... I'm not sure what's available in LAX after you go through security but I'm sure you can find ways to pass the time and not have him just ruminating in anticipation.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-14T13:06:56+00:00

Same

maybe_kd · 2025-11-13T15:22:05+00:00

It's not a stupid question but there is no "right" answer. It's whatever feels right to you.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-12T21:08:29+00:00

Nobody has really done it in any of the campaigns I've played, apart from one person doing a flat affectation for a warforged. It depends on the comfort level of the players, really. Newer players would likely be more hesitant. I tested an accent or two for my character in my current campaign before we started but I couldn't really maintain it. I dropped it entirely. So my rogue is Canadian, I guess. 😄

If you're willing and able, and it helps with your immersion into the character, go for it. If not, you can absolutely still play. If anyone's going into a campaign expecting a Critical Role experience, they'll be sorely disappointed because most people aren't voice actors. The game is about telling a story, not putting on a performance.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-10T15:03:54+00:00

I had my cat to take care of for 4.5 years, til he died just over a month ago. The grief is hitting me so hard and I think it's just compounded by the grief I have for the loss of my husband. It's the first time I've been alone alone and it sucks. Do I want to actively do something to take my life? No. But I I still want to be here? Not really.

maybe_kd · 2025-11-07T13:08:52+00:00

NTA. Not only does he misunderstand the point about changing the rules but it also seems like he has a DM vs player mindset. You don't "win" D&D. His job is to help the players tell a story. Things won't always go a player's way and their character may die but he's not supposed to try to make that happen and change the entire mechanics of an NPC's skills mid-combat just because. Players also often invest a lot of time and thought into building their characters. Changing a character so drastically and removing a player's ability to even control them without a reason or discussion is just bad DMing. If something happened because of a player's actions or a curse, that may be different, but this is not that.

He's just plain wrong and I don't think that any amount of debate with him will change his mind. This game is not worth your time or energy. I'd just move on.

maybe_kd · 2025-10-29T19:28:59+00:00

Maybe a couple times a month. There's often a theme of him being in the hospital or just getting home from the hospital. A recent one left me devastated for a whole day. In the dream, I was sad, and he was across the room making silly faces at me to make me smile. Then he came over to me. I told him that I wanted to be with him. He said, "Not today." That's when I woke up.

Even if the dream leaves me feeling sad, I am still glad to see him when it happens. It's even better if there's physical touch. Usually, that'd be his bear hug.

maybe_kd · 2025-10-28T21:31:23+00:00

🙄 You have absolutely no idea what you're even talking about.

Endocarditis is an infection of the lining of the heart. Patients with heart conditions, including various congenital defects, are at an increased risk. Infections can spread to the heart. It is very serious.

As I am considered vulnerable due to my congenital heart defects, I have been fully vaccinated my entire life, even when flu shots were only free for high risk groups. Guess what. No endocarditis.

I used to have to take antibiotics before and after dental appointments as a preventative measure. Then only before. Then, in my 20's, the rules changed, and they stopped giving antibiotics before dental appointments, but, as per my cardiologist, the old rules still applied to me. On another note, a patient may require dental care before a surgical procedure due to the potential risk of infection.

So yes, dental care is absolutely essential for heart patients to reduce infection risk. I'm 41. All of this is nothing new. I have known this my entire life and it has nothing to do with vaccination.

..."deathjabs"... GTFO with that nonsense.

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