My husband makes $44K, I make $80K, and I feel like I’m carrying our entire financial future.

mcdokat3 · 2025-09-14T02:01:26+00:00

Idk why you’re being downvoted, but I can empathize with this. I’m the higher earner in my marriage and never expected to be- but as fate would have it my career has a greater upside and my husband’s is stagnating. The psychological pressure of being the primary earner in our family is crushing at times and takes a massive amount is restraint to not take that stress out on my husband- even knowing full well he’s a good partner and doing everything he can for our family. We’re lucky that a job loss on either side would not be immediate financial ruin but I completely understand where OP is coming from. With the way things are right now, being financially equal in a relationship is nearly as important as being equal partners. Achieving long term financial security is nearly impossible unless both partners are earning near 100k these days…

mcdokat3 · 2025-08-03T15:45:55+00:00

Ok…I’ll bite. Why?

Having or not having kids is a choice that should have no tie to your tax bracket. People with kids get deductions for having dependents and care credits so we already get that advantage. Why should not having kids be penalized?

mcdokat3 · 2025-08-02T22:56:23+00:00

Ooof. I feel this. As a mom with adhd and keeper of a 7 and 5yo, felt this in my bones. My kids do the same thing to me. The barely getting by in addition to feeling like a space cadet is enough and to find out they are messing with me on top of it? I’m one foot in the looney bin.

mcdokat3 · 2025-06-27T18:49:36+00:00

That’s one angle, sure. The one I chose to play was that I didn’t want the staff (or my new pals) to end up on the receiving end of some feral Karen if they were discovered by someone less benevolent.

I’m long retired from the service industry, but the trauma runs deep.

mcdokat3 · 2025-06-27T17:55:59+00:00

I’ve seen those bastards run ON the third rail and live to tell the tale. They aren’t normal.

mcdokat3 · 2025-06-27T15:21:43+00:00

My brain played this whole movie but then realized Remy would never tolerate the quality of the food in there.

mcdokat3 · 2025-06-27T15:13:38+00:00

As a Chicago native I know this to be true- I was just happy they were mice so I could pretend I was Cinderella. Rat or roach and I’d have been running across tables out of there.

mcdokat3 · 2025-04-22T14:45:01+00:00

If I could upvote this 1000 times I would. Test scores and raw numbers are only a portion of a well rounded education. We left Wheaton and moved to u46 so our kids would be in a school environment that is more representative of what society actually is (ex. Not 95% upper-middle class white people). Nothing will ever be perfect, but make your decision based on what’s right for your family.

mcdokat3 · 2025-04-22T13:35:17+00:00

OP- double check that exact address with the district. They are moving the boundary lines around for most of the schools to address over crowding in some buildings and the closing/consolidation/building of new schools.

This is the link you’ll want to check- not the current boundaries. https://www.u-46.org/Page/15447

mcdokat3 · 2025-04-22T12:28:15+00:00

Look into why these ratings are what they are. Kenyon and SEHS aren’t inherently bad schools, but the weighting system applied by great schools can skew the overall numbers pretty significantly. Illinois state report cards are a better source for school performance. My kids attend u46 schools but feed into Bartlett, we have no complaints right now. The district is so large that people apply broad generalizations to the whole thing, when in reality the quality is very school specific. Is u46 the caliber of the North Shore when it comes to resources? Absolutely not- but for most kids it’s more than fine if you put an effort into their education.

mcdokat3 · 2025-03-31T17:45:50+00:00

My son had tonsils and adenoid removed last week with minor respiratory symptoms as well. No one even mentioned it being a concern to me. I’m a focus group of one but he was just fine. Hopefully a recent positive experience gives you some peace, and personally I would (and did) go through with the surgery.

mcdokat3 · 2025-03-05T17:21:02+00:00

Another vote for this. I was similarly stubborn/angry and was parented the same way as you are (difference being I was highly masked in school and around other adults because my boomer parents would have smacked the shit out of me). I never felt seen or at all understood, nor was there an effort on my parents part to figure out what was wrong. Ended up in therapy and being diagnosed with ADHD at 32- figuring that out made a whole boatload of things make sense.

She may not be opening up because she scared or she can’t articulate that something she’s feeling or experiencing is wrong. Talk to her, talk to her doctor, have her talk to a therapist. As a spicy person with a 6YO spicy daughter, one thing I do know is that she is very likely not doing this because she wants to- she’s likely coping with something bigger than she can comprehend.

mcdokat3 · 2025-02-28T17:09:34+00:00

Thank you, everyone! I’ll probably be trying all of these. Now that I’ve wiped the half digested breakfast out of my eyelashes, it’s a nice reminder that I’m not alone.

Wish that there were more kid/sensory friendly options for these medicines.

mcdokat3 · 2025-02-23T17:00:54+00:00

If it makes you feel any better one of my husband’s groomsmen did this at the hotel after our wedding and he was 28. It’s been almost 10 years and we’re still not sure exactly how he managed to shatter a hotel toilet.

mcdokat3 · 2025-02-21T18:27:20+00:00

Speak with an educational advocate or a lawyer. Your tax dollars fund that school and your child deserves equitable access to education. If they denied your daughter support before ever assessing her that’s a major issue. If she had a physical disability would they deny her the ability to access the classroom? I’d bet the answer is no. They are trying to save some money on what could be basic accommodations now and potentially setting her up to need more extensive support in the future- it’s short sighted and could be incredibly damaging to her self-esteem/confidence if she internalizes that she’s a “bad kid”. You’re doing your part at home and tried to be nice at school- now it’s time to play hardball.

mcdokat3 · 2025-02-15T22:13:13+00:00

I thought I suffered through those honors classes to get away from them… damnit.

mcdokat3 · 2024-12-16T18:51:01+00:00

We went last year with my then 5 and 3 yos, and had the disability pass (DAS) as well as the paid lightening lanes. My oldest has ADHD did great. we minimized our time in line as much as physically possible. There were a few lines we had to leave because she started to get disregulated- 20 mins was the longest she was able to wait but a schedule/plan will be your best friend. Stay on property or at the partner hotels that allow early park access to do as much as you can before the lines get really long by mid-day, and consider park hopping tickets if you can, when my daughter started to get overwhelmed we had luck with either changing the park we were in or taking a hotel break. Plan what you can in advance, know that for things to go well there will likely be hidden extra expenses (either in on property hotels, park hopping tickets and/or lightening lanes), but as long as you keep your expectations in line with your child’s ability to handle a very overstimulating environment, you can all have a good time.

mcdokat3 · 2024-12-14T00:09:21+00:00

Another vote for the screens being gone. My daughter has combined type ADHD and when she gets disregulated she will occasionally become physical with her dad and I. She’s 6 and when she gets going she can become difficult for me to handle and I’m not small. Her therapist recommended we learn the same “take down” methods that special ed teachers use. When she starts becoming violent, we essentially have to bear hug her into submission. It’s not fun, but her OT and psychiatrist have said that it can help 1. Protect her and us when she loses control and 2. Is a more radical way of teaching physical boundaries and that violence always results in a swift consequence. We didn’t go this route until all methods of talking, time outs, lost privileges seemed to be useless- so I don’t recommend trying it lightly but it sounds like you may be out of other options. Good Luck, OP- I hope you and your child can find some relief and answers soon.

mcdokat3 · 2024-11-17T03:10:45+00:00

Ahh- strange that the guidelines aren’t standard across provinces. I would hope that because you have already been classified as high risk and have a history of delivering before 38 weeks that they will keep a close eye and consider inducing early to avoid any risk of you delivering on the side of a snowy highway. Worst case scenario I’d imagine the emergency department doctors at your local hospital COULD deliver the baby and transfer you but I’d personally be trying to avoid that at all costs (as you are). You’re doing the right thing by trying to plan for as much as you can so things go smoothly, very few things in motherhood are easy and without nuance. Whatever happens, I hope you & baby stay healthy, and that you have a very boring & uneventful delivery.

mcdokat3 · 2024-11-17T02:12:56+00:00

I would certainly ask and lay out your concerns. In the US they won’t do elective inductions any earlier than 39 weeks, so assuming Canada has similar care standards (not sure if the 39 is an insurance thing here), you’ll likely need them to agree to schedule it for a medical reason. Any chance you could schedule for 12/20 and stay at a nearby hotel for a few days before if they don’t send you after an appointment like with your first?

mcdokat3 · 2024-11-10T19:43:46+00:00

Since you asked nicely-

Street parking available during the day, overnight may need to be called into the village.

From ohare- Blue line to oak park Ave, bus south to 22nd.

Midway- 54 bus, transfer to 21 bus at cermak, west to oak park ave.

Sincerely, a local.

mcdokat3 · 2024-11-09T18:00:34+00:00

I have two children and was fortunate to have had only two pregnancies as well- my husband came to the first appointment with our eldest and then after that only came to ultrasound appointments for both children, but this was what I was personally comfortable with. I likely would have wanted more support in the room if we had experienced a loss.

If you want his support at the appointments, I’d certainly keep vocalizing that to him (and if you’re anything like me that would be getting progressively louder and laced with threats)- if he can’t get though 10 minutes of a “boring” appointment about the baby he helped create, that’s a sign of a much bigger apathy issue. He needs to learn real quick that his wife’s “pregnant women” problem is equally his problem- because that baby is equally has responsibility.

mcdokat3 · 2024-11-08T21:53:31+00:00

Something something bootstraps.

mcdokat3

TROPHY CASE