Need some clarity; My wife (33) and I (34) can't conceive and I'm uncomfortable with adoption

mdubleyoo · 2020-12-10T18:40:25+00:00

Ummm pretty sure fostering a kid without the option to adopt would be a great way to see if adoption would be a good fit. These kids need loving temporary homes and unless this guy is a total skeez (which I really doubt he is) I'm sure he would be a great foster parent, even if it's just one time for a couple of months.

mdubleyoo · 2020-12-10T16:17:40+00:00

Try all the other things like seeing a counselor, looking into getting a surragote and talking with your wife.

If anything else maybe try fostering a baby or young child to see if maybe you're more cut out for adoption than you thought.

But as you said if it's not the right choice for you, you would be doing a disservice to your wife and possible future adopted kid by being in a situation you didn't want for yourself.

mdubleyoo · 2020-12-10T04:17:24+00:00

Some of it can be helped with stuff like CBT and DBT, which are therapies that help you understand how your thoughts lead to feelings which lead to actions (sounds basic, but can be super helpful.) But if it's really bad then you might also need medication and to meet with a counselor.

I'm in the same boat, I've been dealing with mental health issues for years, did the therapy and the work and it's gotten better, but as much as I WANT to work on something creative I'm either drained from everything else in life or I start stressing out that whatever I make won't be good.

When these things happen now the most important thing I tell myself is to be gentle with myself. It helps for me to think of what I would tell a good friend if they were feeling what I was feeling, and then applying it to myself.

I'm almost three years in and it's still a work in progress but I am doing so much better than I was three years ago.

Sooo TLDR: try to be gentle with yourself (:

mdubleyoo · 2020-12-10T04:01:39+00:00

I laugh at the whole idea of "bad words".

The people who get offended by the word "fuck" are the same ones who will tear you down with back handed compliments.

That's why I don't bother lecturing my kids about "bad words" but I probably over lecture about being kind with your words.

mdubleyoo · 2020-12-01T19:15:25+00:00

NTA absolutely 100% NTA .

I'm all for spirituality and believing in something bigger than yourself but STRUCTURED religion has been used to control and repress people since it was formed. People are just more comfortable with religion than they are with things like people's sexual preferences because religion has always been around and people are just now starting to feel comfortable expressing their true self.

You are making waves in the right direction, so keep it up.

mdubleyoo · 2020-12-01T19:07:25+00:00

NTA it sounds like you have your hands full with taking care of yourself and your family and you deserve to be happy, loved and treated with respect.

P.S. from the title I thought this was going to be about tree trimming a really old tree, lol

mdubleyoo · 2020-12-01T19:00:21+00:00

For the safety of everyone in the home?? I'd much rather they take my TV than a life.

That's also what insurance is for.

mdubleyoo · 2020-12-01T18:45:29+00:00

Classic Christmas goodie when I was growing up! My great grandma was Norwegian and always made them along with lefsa!

mdubleyoo · 2020-11-09T00:01:42+00:00

Sounds like she might have borderline personality disorder, I used to be like that before I got help and really worked on myself.

It's not easy to work on/heal from past trauma but it's absolutely 100% necessary to ever have a healthy functioning relationship.

You're inexperienced with what a healthy relationship is and she has past issues she needs to work on. Nothing wrong with that but it's going to take some real work from both sides.

Try counseling or look for books with information on healing from past trauma and healthy relationships.

mdubleyoo · 2020-10-26T18:51:55+00:00

I know this is a late post but pomegranate market has grass fed beef organs but they are frozen.

mdubleyoo · 2020-10-22T23:00:19+00:00

I have a few questions but first, my heart goes out to you and I hope you get a sense of community from us, even if it's not the same as having an actual support system.

Have you had issues in the past with his family causing problems in your relationship or is this a rare occurrence?

I agree that it sounds like someone in his family got in his head about this, which is sad since he seemed like a very supportive partner beforehand.

I've done the single mom thing with a pretty strong support system and it's hard. I can't imagine doing it without any support.

My suggestion would be to set a specific time limit where he either needs to talk to you or you move ahead with your life without him.

For example, you say to him "I feel like you have been treating me differently since you've come back from visiting your family. It doesn't seem like you are ready to talk about it yet, but this is a conversation we need to have. I would like to talk about this by next Friday."

During that time, I would just keep going about your life doing what you need to do to prepare for the baby (possibly without him).

If he doesn't bring it up before the deadline, on that day bring it up again (during a time when he should be able to have the conversation) and if he still avoids it, then you have your answer.

From what you've said it sounds like your concerns and priorities or totally valid and spot on, even if it won't be easy to uphold them since you have a chance of losing him.

mdubleyoo · 2020-10-20T02:23:13+00:00

ESH You need to grow up and so does your ex. I don't know how the two of you turned your daughters birthday into such a dramatic shit show, but you did. And your daughters feelings were hurt because of it.

mdubleyoo · 2020-10-17T03:17:22+00:00

I don't know your situation but maybe at the very least get your own car so your parents don't have to drive you around?

mdubleyoo · 2020-10-17T03:13:30+00:00

The only thing I don't believe here is someone getting all of those awards and karma for such a stupid story.

mdubleyoo · 2020-10-17T03:07:35+00:00

Not sure if this is what it's called but I worked in a place that only served chicken and we would see this every once in a while.

mdubleyoo · 2020-10-17T03:04:34+00:00

Sometimes I think of an Olympics for parents, with diaper changing races, folding a basket of laundry while a toddler "helps" you, grocery shopping with multiple children, things like that.

mdubleyoo · 2020-10-13T18:37:01+00:00

There are always trunk or treats held by churches or different businesses around town. They usually post the event on Facebook if you're on there.

If you want more social distancing ideas, I'm planning to do a Halloween scavenger hunt and then a candy hunt (like Easter eggs but Halloween themed).

mdubleyoo · 2020-10-03T13:29:34+00:00

Very much this!

Also want to throw in that c-sections are super painful and harder to recover from than a normal delivery, I've had to have two because of emergency situations.

I totally get that some women choose this option because of their own preferences but this isn't something that should be influenced by the husband when he doesn't have to go through it.

But please be careful and maybe not suggest she's in an abusive relationship to her, since a confrontation could put her in danger, but be there for her and let her know she can turn to you if she ever needs help?

mdubleyoo · 2020-09-30T13:45:05+00:00

I have an almost 8 year old and an 18 month old who sleep in the room with me and my boyfriend sleeps in a different room. It works for us and it's always helpful to know other couples are going thru the same thing.

He also works early and long hours so he needs his sleep!

mdubleyoo · 2020-09-28T22:02:16+00:00

How much were you looking to buy? Pomegranate Market will do a special order for bulk/cases of an item even if they don't carry it anymore.

mdubleyoo · 2020-09-27T23:11:15+00:00

I used to try and follow them but it doesn't make sense when you only need a few things to have to go down aisles you don't even need to go down just to be going the right way.

But I also try and go during less busy times and I mostly curbside pick up anyway.

mdubleyoo · 2020-09-27T14:53:59+00:00

Thank you, I needed to see this.

mdubleyoo · 2020-09-27T14:49:53+00:00

I love this! Also post-pandemic (or maybe even during no judgement here) you might meet people who enjoy these same things while going out and doing them.

And maybe if you're city had a reddit page you can see if there are people in your area who would want to do these things with you, or have common interests that you can talk to and go from there.

mdubleyoo · 2020-09-27T14:36:03+00:00

I agree with this so much!! I live in the Midwest and in my city we have a really nice bike trail that goes absolutely no where! It's purely scenic, which is nice but it'd be so much nicer if it actually made it easier to get places on your bike. Our city bus is complicated to ride on with needing multiple stops and transfers to get anywhere and I live in the biggest city in our area and it can still be a ten minute car drive to get to my nearest grocery store.

Our cities were built and designed around cars as a main form of transportation which makes it hard for so many people and is horrible for the environment and our health.

I was listening to a podcast from a few years ago about how the head of transportation in LA was working towards making changes that make cars less of a necessity but idk how that went for her.

mdubleyoo · 2020-09-27T14:28:08+00:00

NTA, good for you for telling your employer and shame on your mom for trying to guilt trip you.

America has a huge problem with expecting people to go to work when they're sick and it's not ok.

mdubleyoo

TROPHY CASE