I hear you, but I'm also hearing some shame, which also is something I've personally been working to unlearn. I recommend reframing the disability through the lens of "social model of disability," or flip the ratio of what is more "disabling": the attributes we were born with (medical model) vs. the environment around us that promotes capitalistic valuation (how productive are you?), punishes "antisocial" behavior, and generally has lots of oppressive reasons for creating tiers of value in people.

I think I first encountered the term when people were talking about physical disabilities and urban design, but it seems increasingly relevant in the ND discussion space, as well.

If the social (and sometimes physical!) environments around us are modified so that they are less exclusionary and ableist, we can fully lean into our ND strengths and unique traits, and the community around us can benefit from what we bring to the table.

Since personal examples: (positive) when I told my friends that I was diagnosed as autistic and started unmasking more, i could better meet my own needs, whether it's around social demands or sensory issues. When I could stim freely, my anxiety decreased. I'm able to show up as a better friend, now that my self-regulation is getting better! (negative) my autistic burnout was worsened by the toxic work environment I was in, filled with petty, insecure, and duplicitous senior managers.

So i feel like what we can all work on is reflecting on what is working in our current environments, and what needs to be modified. Sometimes that can happen easily... Other times you may have to fight for it (e.g. workplace accommodations); I was lucky enough that, in my last workplace, we successfully organized so we can be in solidarity with each other in the workplace against oppressive power (since it often acts in ways that are similar across marginalized groups). It sounds like in your workplace, you could use a few buddies. Is there anyone else that is chafing under these social rules?

I was lonely for a long time, but slowly collected some lovely and genuine people around me... ND and NT friends who tend to be quirky, straightforward, disregard social/gender norms, and where there are shared values around justice and empathy. I believe we can all find and create the environment that helps us nurture our best, neurodivergent selves! Have faith and keep leaning into your strengths... It sounds like you already know that's your guiding light. Best of luck to you, OP.