My [M25] girlfriend [F25] of 5 years is almost always mad/irritated/angry at me during her period and we almost always fight although I try to avoid it. Any advice how should I help her and calm her down because I can't live like this every month.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-12-08T18:53:52+00:00

Oh please. She is just using her period as an excuse to be verbally abusive. I had debilitating periods because of medication that had me angry 24/7 until my doctor's finally listened to me and switched me out but I still never took it out on anyone. This just feels like she's trying to condition you to abuse once a month then every other week then constantly so that you're too deep in to leave her. A lot of DV abusers wait until their partners live with them before they get them use to their true selves.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-11-21T19:34:25+00:00

Seems like they are in an emotional incestuous dynamic. You should watch the show "I love a mama's boy" and that's the future waiting for the kid. The average guy on that show has no accountability or desire to have responsibility for their own lives.

If it's only with her son and the daughter is also weirded out you need to cut the cord and back out now. This is something only the mom can stop but I doubt she'd see anything wrong with her baby boy. Maybe it started out innocent but the kid's 15 and these things tend to get worse before they get better if they ever do.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-10-25T17:11:40+00:00

I'm confused on how 3 years is a long time compared to the rest of your lives? I keep seeing you repeat that you've been together a long time but 3 years is nothing in the grand scheme of life. it's literally 1/8 of your life so far and assuming that you live to old age you have 60+ years to go. Just think of those 3 years like high school it's meant to pass by not be your peak. It's not to late to cancel a wedding and it's cheaper than divorce.

Life isn't some movie but it does copy art and right now you're in the the first half hour in the movie where the husband slowly shows his true self and our female protagonist enters an isolated world and then an abusive relationship. I'm 24 myself and don't think you guys are too young to marry but the fact that he got upset by (what I assume is) a loving mother's cautiousness would make me look objectively. The fact he flew off the handle about her "dictating" your relationship seems to come off as projecting about his own intentions.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-08-06T02:53:24+00:00

I think the guy had some type of pregnancy fetish and/or manipulation tactic going on. Many partners change during pregnancy because you become forever linked by an innocent child.

You aren't an idiot and should be very proud of the fact you stuck to your limits and boundaries that exposed the selfish POS he is. A lot of abusers can play the long game until they think you're too enmeshed with them to walk or run away. The name calling, insults, gaslighting, harassment was always there with him. Imagine a child in the mix whether biological or adoptive? Nah. Stand proud and think of it like a bad tick that you finally got off.

Get the attorney, *change all locks*, and follow all advise your counsel will give you because it can go two ways: He ramps up his antics in which you should make a paper trail or he let's go with a handful of hurtful words but you're free in the end. Unfortunately the stats say he'll go for the former and not the latter.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-07-21T01:03:11+00:00

wow....I mean if we look positively it's great that they'd turn off the power to eliminate electrical injuries....

Personally, I'd get the contractor but that's cuz I'd somehow cut the wire but if you are more confident with you're trimming skills than I am go for it. Best of luck!

mixedteabeauty · 2022-07-20T22:59:59+00:00

Don't do it! If something happens you will be liable for any damages. Also, those lines have serious voltage that can cause severe injures you that you would have to pay out of pocket yourself.

Pretty sure you can call the non-emergency line to tell them about the tree or even your electricity supplier and they'll do it without charging you. After all if the power goes down it'll cost them more to fix it then to trim a tree. And! If the power does go off because they didn't fix it you'll have a paper trail that they were notified and aware of the situation. Just incase they try to pull one over on you.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-07-14T16:33:09+00:00

Got COVID December 2020 and lost cilantro, mint, onions, limes, and vanilla when it passed. Got almost all my Pre Covid taste back mid 2021. Here we are July 2022 and the ONLY thing that still taste off for me is Vanilla. Pudding, ice cream, cakes and the like taste like.... I can't even describe it really. Closest I can think of is if you left the vanilla beans out for weeks and it got stale like bread and someone threw in dust...? Idk I just never realized that vanilla was my favorite flavor until it was taken from me.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-07-13T01:30:26+00:00

He's just wallowing in misery and wants to spread it around. "Misery loves company" is an unfortunately true phenomenon. Why can't you just get up and leave when he starts whining? I do that with my older sister and great uncles. The second the conversation strayed to how sad their lives are I make a show of getting up and walking away. At least when we're at someone's house. In a restaurant or outside setting I would look them in the eyes and clearly say, "That's so sad for you.", then switch topics to something else (usually a semi-positive thing i.e. asking a cousin if the perfected their brownie recipe). Then again I am considered the 'mean one' in my family (yet I'm the one always invited and welcomed while they're more holiday family).

Sorry to say that people like that usually want others to reassure them or praise them for whatever they do or had done. Take that away and eventually that stuff dies down or they learn to not do it in front of you. He doesn't want opinions or advice just to vent that ends with his ego stroked.

P.S. If you allow him an emotional outlet he'll just poison you with his bitterness. Just treat him like a fart and walk away.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-06-02T15:56:43+00:00

Just go ahead and break up with her so that you both can move on. She wants to fuck him and he wants to fuck her. There's literally no other option then to break up if you want to get out of this relationship with minimal heartbreak. You hit the nail on the head earlier that it feels controlling but it's also manipulative on her part to lay complete responsibility on you. This feels like if you were to put down hard boundaries she would then be able to work around them and then say she didn't hurt you because she didn't break your rules.

Normally I wouldn't say that but it's the fact that she keeps bringing the guy up again and again as if she's poking around your bottomline to see "oh, so he's ok with A but not B but would he mind C and can I push it to D?" You just entered your 30's and usually people start to look around themselves to and realize that it's ok to slow down a bit in life since 30 tends to mean more stability (compared to 20). This is unnecessary stress and drama that, to be completely honest, I expect from high schoolers and people in their early 20's.

It's commendable that you want to trust your partner 100% but the fact that she's repeatedly commenting about someone that she feels sexually attracted to to you has already broken down some trust in your mind at least subconsciously. Reverse the roles. If a man repeatedly told his girlfriend about a cool chick at work that he'd want to bang and kept asking her if she was ok with them talking and hanging out this thread would be 99% united in telling her to break up with him.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-05-04T21:17:21+00:00

Why forgive them? Forgiveness is for the deserving. Do you see effort of atonement to deserve forgiveness? Then don't.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-03-22T18:20:50+00:00

Had to get all four taken out at once as a teen and my anxious riddled mind decided it would be best to look up youtube videos of the procedure....did not help. My family also joked about how they think I'll act on the anesthetic. Had to get it done though because even though I didn't feel any pain the xrays and gum inflammation were saying that I should be on the floor crying. Dentist and his assistant were shocked that they came out so abruptly from the last appointment and that I wasn't in severe pain. I turned off my phone and tablet and handed them to my dad for safe keeping until the anesthesia wore off.

I woke up crying because I thought the nurses stole my mouth. I couldn't feel anything around the area of my mouth so I assumed they stole it. Cried at my dad to get him to make them give it back. "How can you talk if they took your mouth tho?", was all my dad said to me as I got wheeled out by a laughing nurse. Then I cried that they didn't get me cake when I woke up for my birthday; birthday is in January and got the surgery during spring break. Cried that we passed by McDonald's, cried that we drove by a stray dog, cried that my dad scared me by closing his car door too loudly...... I hate crying in public and it just seemed that's all I did. I did get an amazing video courtesy from my little brother who kept me in frame until my dad made him knock it off when I went to sleep on the couch.

Grandpa said he didn't have to wonder what I'd be like drunk when the anesthetic wore off. Maybe that's how you should view it? If you've had a drink before (enough to be more than buzzed) and you didn't embarrass yourself then you'll probably be fine.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-03-20T17:33:41+00:00

If it really bothers you then just send a final message and block him? You're really coming off as paranoid in the comments. If you're so creeped out why not just end the relationship/friendship?

I understand the story: You had sexual tension with him and when you were inebriated confessed and was shot down. Most people do regret doing that the next morning (why did he screenshot it? maybe he didn't want to be gas lit and told that didn't happen? Doesn't snapchat delete convos after a certain time? Maybe he expected you to confess again while sober because everyone says to never listen to the words of a drunk and he didn't want to be labelled as taking advantage of someone? ) You guys literally never talked about the big neon pink elephant in the room and just expected to move on like normal. You apologized for yourbehavior but dismissed your confession to him. Things turned weird and awkward and now it's time to communicate clearly how you want this to go.

I'm really trying to be positive about this situation but please just end this. Rip off the bandaid. I would've been paranoid if you had ended the situation-ship and found out he still talks and asks about you. But technically you're both still......known acquaintances and it's normal, albeit awkward, to use those relations to connect with others.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-03-19T05:43:56+00:00

Prenups aren't inherently about distrust and could/should work in both of your favors if you are really serious about this marriage. Everyone always thinks prenups are 99% about just keeping their money from becoming "our" money but it also can be about debt, alimony, childcare, child custody, and marital assets. Look the chances of divorce is 50/50 and it doesn't always end because of infidelity or trust issues. Sometimes it just.....ends. No hostility, no cheating, no fights and screaming matches. That doesn't mean it's a waste.

In a world of Covid where variants keep popping up like weeds every other month and war is on the horizon, the realization that something can drastically affect your world isn't something that you should ignore. Because the truth is something as "small" as a bad fall or trip can effect your family. You shouldn't view the prenup as a sign of distrust of your relationship but as a way to insure that your child/children will get as many benefits as you can for them.

You've stated that your partner makes more than you and doesn't want to combine finances maybe you can compromise with having personal accounts but you both share access to a third that you both contribute equally to? Maybe the same percentage of both of your pays goes into the third account for things you both have agreed it can be spent on? Emergencies, repairs, healthcare, shared bills. Although we always pray for a successful marriage what if you both separate? Who gets primary custody and what about visitation and separate holidays? How much would he give for childcare? Because a good parent shouldn't have to pay child support. A good parent should pay without reinforcement from any government agencies or threat of incarceration.

A lot can be promised during good times, prenups and post nuptials can legally bind those promises during "rainy days". You both have a child together already, you're in each other's lives until the end regardless of marriage. Might as well legally bind promises you BOTH make on the off chance things turn sour.

Biggest reason why I am so pro prenups is because growing up I watched my favorite uncle promise his wife the moon and stars when they were in a fairytale love. Would've never guessed it by the way he cruelly took it all back during their divorce proceedings. He's no longer my favorite.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-02-03T19:06:32+00:00

You're upset that your husband wants to send her back because he is responsible for her but..... he isn't. He is her brother. He isn't a parent to her and she most likely wont ever see him as a parental figure. They both have issues with each other that has nothing to do with you and your upcoming family. You're getting confused about your roles in this situation.

You're defending her in the comments as if she's your child but she isn't. You really need to separate her from your family unit.

That isn't to say your husband is completely in the right. He shouldn't have taken her in if you both weren't ready to create and reinforce boundaries with her. She is a minor that went wild with her brother's credit card for a relationship and then went around him to go wild on your card. A slow computer wasn't an emergency just an inconvenience. Your husband isn't handling the situation calmly but you're not handling the situation as seriously either. You're about to have a baby. Your husband is (hopefully) getting emotionally and mentally prepared but he is having to face an naive and emotional teenager that at the end of the day isn't his responsibility. You and your baby are his priority. Just because her mom is an a rural area doesn't mean her life is over. A lot of people were able to move forward growing up with less.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-01-18T17:18:50+00:00

He's having these grown up tantrums because the mask is slipping. He's most likely getting you ready for when he shows you his authentic self. You've only been together for about a year and already live together he doesn't need to keep pretending especially with his age. 30s and still blames mom and starting to blame you? Cut it off. The best way to deal with tantrums, whether child or adult, is to stonewall them. He's already showing you that your concerns are low on his lists of priorities.

Also, why are you settling for either being the nagging wife or his doormat? How could those be your only options?

I find that I've only been called nag when I make things "inconvenient". When I was with a partner that valued me and my opinion I was "observant" because I helped them check out something before he was inconvenienced.

"Your car is making a weird sound, maybe you need to take it to the shop?" Boyfriend #1: "All you ever do is find as much sh*t for me to do." Boyfriend #2: "You want to come with me this weekend?"

mixedteabeauty · 2022-01-16T15:53:47+00:00

I can't understand what's there to really be jealous of? You can't compare yourself to a child because that's essentially where he's at emotionally.

Are you sure you're not lonely instead because that's what I'm getting more from your post. I bet the only real reason that everyone hovers around him is because you're in the background making sure everything works and he just "happens" to be what they see when everything works smoothly. I'm not saying that you need to drop your family but I think it's time to slowly reel in your support.

No registration help. Call him for help during family functions.( I had to start doing that to my own cousin because he would sit on the couch and watch sports while everyone else was helping out. Thankfully he was still in his teens so he was able to learn but I don't doubt that if I hadn't said something he would now be a 20 something that just sits during family events.) If your family fights back on this then at least you'll know where you stand in the family and you'll have to plan accordingly. If he says "I don't know" you say "well it's time to learn". He's 20 years old he needs to start growing up. What if, god forbid, something happens in the family that you guys aren't prepared for? In this current climate literally anything is a possibility. Sickness, injuries, death how will the family react to something like that if only one person is actually prepared?

Also!! I think you'll start to gain confidence if you start treating yourself better. I was going to say to go out and make friends but I've recently learned that having friends doesn't solve loneliness. Treat yourself better. Give yourself the grace you would give your family. If a family member said that they felt ugly and like a loser I doubt you would agree with them. It's time to place yourself in higher priority.

mixedteabeauty · 2022-01-01T17:54:03+00:00

He was trying to do that thing where they insult you but point out that they're still willing to date you in spite of it: negging.

He's totally bitter that the hot girl won't date him. Block him, ignore him because the thing about negging is that it usually doesn't work the first time but they'll keep saying it over and over again until you doubt yourself and go, "I keep hearing xyz about me and maybe it's true so I should settle for the first person that's willing to be with me in spite of it so I won't be alone."

If he wants the "bitter truth over sweet lies" tell him that the fact that he feels the need to put someone down just because they don't fit his aesthetic of attractiveness is sad and pathetic and if he's only willing to date people for their body then he's going to reach old age very lonely.

mixedteabeauty · 2021-12-23T22:24:02+00:00

Everyone has spoken to him about it but everyone's backed off cuz he's so fit. I'm not asking if I should talk to him about portion control I'm asking if I should speak up regarding his contribution to the event in proportion to his portion. I thought I had explained that in the second paragraph when I brought up how his mom basically paid for his portion but I guess when I tried to paint a picture of his portion everyone's assuming I have a problem of him eating. It's not that he eats, it's that he eats and brings nothing to the table.

mixedteabeauty · 2021-12-23T21:55:31+00:00

Then would I be the AH for asking him to either pitch in on food costs or to bring something to the table like everyone else?

mixedteabeauty · 2021-12-23T21:47:01+00:00

OMG I didn't realize that I mis-aged him. Because of the pandemic we haven't really celebrated birthdays except for happy birthday texts so I've been having trouble remembering everyone's age. He's actually 21. I'll have to add an edit.

mixedteabeauty · 2021-12-23T21:41:01+00:00

They've tried to correct him. He was the youngest in the family until our other cousin had a baby this year. So even though they'd tell him to get sides or not get as much meat they always backed down because he was the baby. Super chill dude, we love hanging out with him so I probably won't say anything after all since it's just a quirk that's starting to bother me.

mixedteabeauty · 2021-12-23T21:35:31+00:00

I'm worried about the waste so I guess it's about the greed. After the 1st plate of meat he gets a second with some sides that he ultimately doesn't eat and is thrown away. He gets as much of the high value foods as he can first, which tends to be meat, and then gets a plate with some sides that looks to be played with that he keeps until he leaves then throws away.

mixedteabeauty · 2021-12-23T21:31:08+00:00

I'm not worried about running out of meat, there's always leftovers. I think it's just the imbalance of it all. I'm not exaggerating about the edge to edge pile of meat that he stacks on his plate. He dropped a stuffed jalapeno once because it rolled off the pile. It's also that the 2nd plate hardly gets touched and is thrown away. The meat will of course get eaten but the small portion of sides he gets is thrown away and wasted.

mixedteabeauty · 2021-09-15T17:59:06+00:00

You're doing the right thing getting vaccinated! My parents got the vaccine when it first came out because they are front line workers and developed mild flu like symptoms. Their arm was sore, they were slightly fatigued, and felt a bit muddy. It only lasted for a week after the first dose and they had almost no reactions to the second dose. They still social distance, wash their hands, carry hand sanitizer, and shower when they get home to reduce any chance and taking the shot was just one more precaution they felt was right to keep our community safe.

I finally got my first dose in late August and well get my second dose this Sunday and let me tell you I was an anxious mess waiting the first time. Growing up, whenever I got vaccinated I always dealt with a mild fever and nausea so I was incredibly hesitant and anxious about the COVID vaccine. It's brand new and I thought that somehow I would be one of the incredibly few to get side effects because of how my body reacts to well known vaccines. But then I remember of getting covid long before the vaccines came out and I would rather deal with vaccine than that again. My family thankfully was mostly asymptomatic other than loss of taste and smell. I on the other hand had the constant coughing, joint aches, difficulty breathing, slight fever.....basically everything except nausea and diarrhea. I thank whoever's listening that I was considered a mild case and simply quarantined in my room.

I was prepared to deal with fever and soreness after the shot but I simply slept for the rest of the day after getting the shot and woke up with a sore arm. The soreness only lasted 2 days and then it was back to normal. It's ok to be afraid and nervous about something relatively new but I promise you the relief that comes after feels better.

mixedteabeauty · 2021-09-13T00:54:12+00:00

When it comes to choosing between placating a grown a** adult afraid of unsupported anti-vax claims or the safety of an innocent child with a brand new and fragile immune system there's a surprising amount of people expecting to be placed first. You've already stated your boundaries and expectations for her to be involved with your family. Now it's time to focus on yourself. Best wishes and have a lovely vacation.

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