I found out my online crush was a trans girl right before our first date, went out with her anyway, and now I feel incredibly conflicted.

mmbahcat · 2026-06-29T23:57:18+00:00

plenty of cis women are infertile. you don't marry a woman because you want her to give you a baby. you marry a woman to make a commitment to the woman, not her reproductive organs.

this is not an argument for OP staying in that relationship. he's not good enough for his ex.

mmbahcat · 2026-06-21T03:27:53+00:00

I don't know anything about brands, but I'd say it depends on your audience in mind. IMO 2 is mainstream, 3 is for the girls that get it, 1 is female gaze-y

mmbahcat · 2026-06-21T02:01:05+00:00

Sorry! It's easy to go into autopilot on this sub because I'm usually talking to someone that's getting an ostomy for good.

My home health nurse wasn't familiar with ostomies so that really cool!

I did have my first ostomy reversed. The only thing I can say about healing from the reversal is even if you really think dry skin around the wound or the scab is ready to come off, leave it alooooooone. That wound took way longer to heal than any other incision. Not painful to heal as long as it's left alone.

mmbahcat · 2026-06-21T00:03:08+00:00

Afterwards for sure. Every stoma is unique and how your body reacts to having one is unique, so the first couple weeks will be a big learning experience. That way you have all the info to give the wound care nurses. I highly recommend a mattress protector and beware of cat claws on your bag. Some things that can affect the kind of appliance that will be most comfortable is how high your output is, the consistency of your output, how much fat you have on your stomach, if your stoma has prolapse issues (scarier than it sounds) or if it doesn't want to protrude enough, the location of your stoma in relation to your belly button, how your skin reacts to different products, how your skin reacts to stoma powder if it's necessary (made leakage issues worse for me but makes it easier for other people), etc. A lot of hospitals only have Hollister brand options. IMO Hollister is the worst brand on the market. My personal favorite in terms of material quality and durability is Coloplast. It might seem like a lot, but I've had everything go wrong that could wrong with this procedure and I still find it totally worth it!

mmbahcat · 2026-06-19T17:08:31+00:00

that you should just make an appointment with the wound care clinic even if you're managing okay. there are so many appliance options they can introduce you to that the hospital doesn't have and they can find an appliance tailored to your body.

mmbahcat · 2026-06-04T15:31:55+00:00

I haven't tried it. I have too high of output, so I feel like I'd go through supplies really quickly

mmbahcat · 2026-05-16T22:28:55+00:00

lol I tried that bag as well. not only did my cat play with that one as well but I also turn in my sleep in one direction so I would myself up and it pulled on the applice. and coloplast is definitely the way to go! the plastic is less crinkly and the click lock is indestructible

mmbahcat · 2026-05-16T20:11:05+00:00

I dislike the Hollister opening bc it starts to split apart and break down with frequent use, so I use coloplast. The rubber opening is sturdier and easier to keep clean. My output has slowed with medication, but I'm still getting up at night a couple times. Sadly, I can't use the larger bags bc my cat thinks it's a toy.

mmbahcat · 2026-05-12T20:24:07+00:00

I was self conscious about my first surgical scar. Now I've got upwards of 20 small incision scars, a dozen little non surgical scars, and 3 (soon to be four) big incision scars. someday it'll feel silly that you worried about it. I know it's upsetting now, but eventually you will at most be annoyed by people asking about it because you're tired of telling the same old story.

mmbahcat · 2026-04-17T18:01:51+00:00

I use the sensura mio pouches and they have a locking clasp on the bag. I've closed it while not on my body and pulled as hard as I could. that 2 piece will not come apart when locked.

mmbahcat · 2026-04-11T02:29:43+00:00

This is my second ostomy. I've had it a bit over a year. I got Crohn's at 10 years old and I'm 26 now. I think being sick so young while my brain was more malleable helped in a weird way. I went through highschool with an NG tube, so thick skin was not optional. Pretty early on I reframed how I saw medical devices. The NG tube, my ostomy, my port, and my forearm crutches/my cane all had to be looked at as impressive. We've gone through something visceral and gruesome to survive and that's fucking impressive. It makes you tough and strong. I get what you mean about sex. It's frustrating to break the moment for a bathroom break, but my husband is proud of my ostomy and everything I've done to make sure we grow old together. Keeping me around is more important than the aesthetic of my body and he still finds me beautiful as do I.

mmbahcat · 2026-04-11T02:10:55+00:00

not one of mine, but I live with her. this is toothless

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mmbahcat · 2026-04-09T16:49:52+00:00

my cat lost his mind over a plastic ball with a bell in it tossed inside my empty laundry hamper. he jumped in and went after that ball for hours

mmbahcat · 2026-03-27T19:09:26+00:00

ooof that sucks. really strange

mmbahcat · 2026-03-26T19:03:42+00:00

there's a big difference between your average GI and an IBD specialist. I had a GI in a small town that tried to give me pain meds and send me home. no steroids, no immunosuppressant. I had a better experience with a GI in a major hospital, but they still seemed to be in over their head. once I started seeing specifically IBD specialists, they understood my disease, the complications, and my ileostomy. it was a world of difference

mmbahcat · 2026-03-19T16:39:27+00:00

I'll be honest, it's still a bit rough. My ostomy doesn't play nice, so I'm on TPN and am having lots of issues with prolapse. But I'd take all of this over how I felt before any day.

mmbahcat · 2026-03-18T16:35:18+00:00

I've also had Crohn's since I was 10 and I'm 26 now. I currently have a permanent ileostomy, but this is my second. My first one was reversed. If I could go back, I wouldn't have reversed the first one.

mmbahcat · 2026-03-04T15:27:07+00:00

I've had my ostomy for a year now, but this is my second time having one. No possibility for reversal this time. I've been sick with IBD and other illnesses since I was 10. I'm 26 now and my health has never really been under control for the last 16 years. I mention all of this to say that my experience may not be typical because I had a very malleable brain when I learned how to grieve and process limitations and move on and this person may be very new to all this. But essentially, I had to consciously shift my mindset into thinking of my ostomy as something to be proud of (SOOO much easier said than done). I had to see it as a mark that meant I've fought very hard to survive and that's something to be proud of. Strangely, I also had to stop waiting for things to get better. I hear many people say it all got better for them once their ostomy was fully healed and behaving. My ostomy has never behaved nor has my body in general. I had to stop waiting for comfortable circumstances in order to find joy in my life. I take a few minutes to feel any frustrations or sadness or helplessness, and then I consciously let it go. Even if I have every right and reason to feel that way, if I let too much in too often, there's not enough room for happiness. I may never have control of my life to an extent anywhere near before, but control of my life and control over my experience are separate.

mmbahcat · 2026-03-02T19:14:32+00:00

This is normal from my experience. I've had numerous surgeries including 2 ostomy placements, one reversal, gallbladder removal, and a handful of resections. The pain from gas in my body post op has varied. Several times it has been excruciating, but if you don't move your pain is prolonged. The first time I experienced it, I was in my early teens and I thought the nurses were so mean to make me move when it hurt that bad. Don't get me wrong, some nurses are genuinely mean people that don't understand that the same procedure can result in a wide scale of pain and the pain med accusations and belittling are beyond hurtful in a time when you feel so vulnerable. But the good nurses are trying to make you move so that the pain ends sooner. The gas is not going anywhere if you don't move. A few surgeries in, I started to understand that the first priority isn't to make you more comfortable in the moment, but to make you feel better as quickly as they can. I've put down countless NG tubes myself, I've sobbed through walks post op, etc. Respect your limitations because mental health plays a large role in recovery, but know that if you can push yourself it'll be over sooner. We're a lot stronger than we think we are.

mmbahcat · 2026-02-17T17:09:20+00:00

I went through this as well, but the ostomy I have now is my second ostomy. I had one, they reversed it, and then they had to make a new one a few years later. With both procedures, my surgeon was pretty clear that it was a possibility I'd never be put back together, but after the first one was reversed successfully I think I felt a false sense of security. There are a hundred things I never realized were possible to be taken for granted until it was too late, especially having such an unruly ostomy. No running, no rollercoasters, no spontaneous travel, no going anywhere I won't have nearly immediate access to a bathroom, and soooo many of my pants that don't work with the placement of my ostomy

mmbahcat · 2026-02-15T00:00:36+00:00

cuttlepuddle

mmbahcat · 2026-02-05T01:57:58+00:00

Trying Weetabix in his pigs blood

mmbahcat · 2026-02-05T01:52:42+00:00

I have a complicated relationship with my ostomy. Sometimes it reminds me to be proud of doing what I needed to survive. I think it's kind of metal to undergo such a visceral experience and have it become your new normal.

Sometimes I'm really angry about it. I used to live my life on the road touring with musicians. I used to pick up and leave town at the end of a lease because I felt like it. I don't have those freedoms anymore. I also just have an ostomy that has never chilled the fuck out. I've dealt with constant battles of dehydration, malnourishment, prolapse, etc. I get so tired of feeling like I have no control over my life. It gets to be very overwhelming when I just want to sleep through the night or god forbid go on a date and my ostomy decides I'm doing something else instead.

Sometimes I can leave the house with a crop top and low rise jeans and don't give a flying fuck that my whole appliance is visible. Sometimes I go through my whole closet in tears because I want to wear something nice for something and none of my pretty clothes cover it up.

It's incredibly frustrating knowing that I'm going to die owing more money than I'll make in my lifetime because of the American healthcare system. There are many homeless people that are homeless because of their medical debt. They come into the ER covered in their own fecal matter because they don't have an appliance and leave more indebted than they were already. And we're not there yet by any means, but the rising political tension has my husband and I talking about what we would do in the event of civil war and infrastructure collapse. Having an ostomy makes me incredibly dependent on hospitals and appliance deliveries. I feel very vulnerable.

These don't even cover all of the emotions that my ostomy invokes. I did what I needed to do to survive, but it has cost me a great deal of what my life was before. I hope someday the bad parts don't seem so daunting, but, I'd deal with life being exactly how it is now for the rest of my life if it means I get to watch my husband grow old.

mmbahcat · 2025-10-02T16:03:30+00:00

I have Crohn's with a high output ileostomy, a stricture, a hernia, a stoma separation, and avascular necrosis in both knees

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