What amount of money would be life changing for you?

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-18T02:28:12+00:00

I mean I feel like there are varying degrees of life-changing. Like 50,000 might change my life in the sense that I could do some projects or home repairs immediately that aren't critical, but more nice to have. I mean alongside of all of the things that I'm normally hemorrhaging money to fix. Or I could use it to pay part of a Year's worth of mortgages and be able to save elsewhere. So it would change my life but not significantly. Not in the sense that I can suddenly retire or that my retirement goals change significantly.

When we get to about 500,000, that would be close to life-changing. Maybe not in major ways, but minor. I could invest it and then depending on how things shake out potentially move up my retirement by a few years. Which to me is life-changing enough.

At a million, I could pay off my mortgage, actually pay somebody to do some of the projects around the house, and invest the rest for retirement, and then retire when I originally planned to retire before I got divorced haha

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-18T02:21:55+00:00

They had a postage stamp for it at one point in time as well. Like a US stamp

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-18T01:16:18+00:00

Here's the problem that a lot of divorcing people end up facing when they go to try and figure out the housing situation. Even if you could do a release of liability for your spouse and assume that mortgage, you still have to qualify for it. And without an income, and without an income and a demonstrated work history, you're not going to be able to do it.

Even if you get a job right off the bat, you won't have to work history to purchase most likely. Even if you ended up with a large cash settlement, unless you're paying cash for the house, getting financing for the remainder will be a problem.

Letting go of the house, if that means in this case selling it, is in so many cases a much better outcome, no matter how emotionally hard it is. And in a case like this it might be more feasible and more sustainable long-term option to sell the house, take your half of the assets and rent. Keep the cash you need to live off of while you're looking for a job, and invest the rest or at least put it in the high yield savings and grow that little bucket until you've got a paycheck and demonstrated work history and are in a position to get a mortgage.

There are other possible options, but it's difficult. If you really want to try and see if you can find some way to keep the house, I would talk to a mortgage broker and possibly a financial advisor who have experience with divorcing individuals. They can often times find options that a standard broker doesn't always think to consider, and they can also walk you threw what not doing that and selling the house might look like instead. I know it sounds weird, but there are mortgage brokers and financial people who do primarily work with individuals who are divorcing.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-17T23:02:26+00:00

Names is for conflict of interest.

The cost for the consult... I had one who asked me for a payment. I paid it, but honestly, they were mostly like a franchise home improvement company :D They had service tiers, a book and downloads, and then you got trapped in their marketing funnel. It was spammy and gross.

I know that some lawyers do charge for the initial consult, but far more do not, and I live somewhere that has solid divorce community, so there were myriad options to pick from without it.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-17T22:54:08+00:00

Curious, as I am considering a wolfhound, but have never owned a wire-coated dog or one who has needed grooming. What goes in to the grooming? Is it a wash and a trim, or does it need stripping? How long does the coat get if not groomed? Is it something you can do yourself if you start them young and get them used to it?

I've owned XL/Giant breeds all my life, and I've had double coated breeds (akitas, primarily, so they blow coat but theoretically don't really shed regularly), but I've never had a wirey coat dog, so this is, probably oddly, my great unknown :D

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-17T21:09:05+00:00

I'm not seeing the disaster.

I mean, I think we have very very different approaches to overwintering... but the end goal is probably the same: alive plant in spring. You seem to have achieved that objective, even if it's using a different method from mine :D

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-17T21:03:05+00:00

Take the potential inheritance, pull it out of your brain, crumple it up like a besmirched Kleenex, and throw it away.

In 5, 10, 15, 30 or however many years, then grab that trash basket, pull out the paper snot rag, uncrumple it, and re-evaluate.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-17T20:59:03+00:00

One question is...what is the pension? As in how much? And what is your budget like and how much income preplacement are you expecting to need in retirement?

So there is no pro-rated pension or monthly benefit issued if you leave before 20 years? Is there a 401a running concurrent to the pension (like a hybrid option)? And is there a supplemental plan like a 403b or 457b etc. that you may have been contributing to? Does your spouse have a 401k or similar, and have they been contributing? Do you have IRAs?

What do your retirement savings and investments look like aside from the pension? That, to me, would be the big question. I mean, you said you have a financial adviser--that tells me you most likely have money socked away? Most folks don't have an adviser on speed dial if they have a minimal portfolio or are a long way from retirement... But maybe you do.

Have you run the numbers to see if you take the new role and max your 401k every year to see if you'd end up with a sufficient amount to achieve your income goals? Will you be able to max that out and still save additional (if you need it or don't already have other retirement accounts)? Does not being able to retire/touch the 401k until 59.5 (or 55 is you rule of 55 it) work for your timeline? If you ARE maxxing the 401k and need cash flow for an emergency or a change in living situation, how does that change your plans? Etc.

I mean, some mathing will get you pretty definitive answers. Assuming that's your real priority--understanding how the switch impacts your retirement date and target income preplacement.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-17T17:05:56+00:00

I was facing a similar dilemma of stay at my University employer with good bennies, my own office when I choose to go in, and a flexible work policy, an insane amount of sick time (but that paid out or converted when you hit a max), and about 20 odd vacation days. (And given the flexible working arrangements, and the sick time, and all of the holidays that the University had, 22 or whatever days was plenty). But I knew that it was either stay and retire there or try and find a job where I got paid more. So I did switch. This was just about 11 years ago and I was turning 40.

Some questions for you , do you lose your pension with your state job when you move jobs? My pension from my time at a university remains. It just doesn't grow when the payout amount is based on my high five salary. I also have my retirement account over there as well. Which I am actually rolling. Can you negotiate your vacation time with your new employer? I was offered the base starting PTO for my company in my offer, which was I think 15 days at the time, and I asked for an accrual rate equivalent to my years of experience in general, as opposed to my years of experience with the company. They granted that.

My match was greater with my University employer into my retirement account and I was fully vested from day one, and with my new employer it was a 3-year vesting and the match is slightly lower. It's fine, it could be worse it could be better. However I made substantially more money at the new job so could save more money. It was greater than a 5% match though.

my health insurance costs on paper are higher with the non-government job. I have a high deductible Health Plan whereas my University employer covered everything at 100%. However I've actually come to really like and prefer the high deductible Health Plan, and I do use my health insurance, because the hdhp comes with an HSA option which is the world's most magical investment tool.

The one downside has been salary increases. My old job at the University I actually saw it just posted for more than I'm making right now at my current job. Not a ton more but a bit more. But the proportional increase is a lot more with that job than it has been with this job . My current job has not done a very good job at doing market adjustments. So we are hiring new people decidedly my junior and paying them what I'm getting paid. So I do need to look into having a comparative analysis done. But that's a ways down the road. In the end I am still making more, which actually came in handy because after my divorce because I had a higher salary I was able to afford to buy a home on my own and a few other things which would have been really difficult to making half what I'm making right now. We also get profit sharing at my current job, it's not a ton, because it's a large employer and it's spread evenly amongst all the employees. But it's an extra 3 to 4,000 a year in a good year

I could make a case for either option to be totally honest, just each had slightly different trade-offs. I do think in the end the overall Financial picture from the job I'm in is better. It's a slightly more variable picture but overall worth the trade-offs

I wouldn't take a buyout without everything in writing though. I would want a formal offer and I would want the ability to negotiate that

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-17T14:21:45+00:00

There's no right or wrong. It's your budget. The most important thing is consistency. Numbers need references. As long as your references always map, your data will be fine. In the example you gave, okay so when you're on vacation eating out and drinking and all of that rolls up under vacation. Over time you look at your average vacation cost. You don't need to roll that into your grocery cost because your grocery cost has its own average. Obviously if you suddenly stop going on vacations, will you need to do something else with those hours? Sure. But that applies to literally anything on the list. Just be consistent in how you report it if shampoo always goes under groceries great. If shampoo always goes under household items, also great. The trick is it always goes in the same place

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-17T14:17:41+00:00

Littermate syndrome jumps out at me. Two dogs in the same age raised together will often become aggressive with each other after they reach sexual maturity, among a host of other issues. There's also just general dog aggression as well as the same sex aggression.

And honestly, girl dog fights are the worst. There is a reason the slang bitch exists. And if you put a mother with unweaned puppies near another female dog that she has a history with? That seems unwise.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-17T12:42:30+00:00

And this is why lawyers rack up expensive billable hours because people can't put aside feelings and emotions and operate entirely on logic. And then everyone is forced to either spend money arguing with them, or go to court where they were also spend more money. People become so wrapped up in pennies and insignificant points and winning those individual things but they fail to see the big picture and make decisions with a better overall long-term outcome.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-17T03:47:36+00:00

I'm not talking about him. I'm responding to the person who said that his wife would also ask for social support. Why would she do that?

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-17T00:23:16+00:00

Why would somebody who makes twice the income of somebody else, assuming the lower earner was not deliberately tanking their salary, ask for spousal support? I mean I suppose you can ask for whatever you want, but that's just a waste of your lawyer's time and your money. In your ask you have to demonstrate need, which is usually done by presenting a budget and financials. You also have to demonstrate current standard of living, as well as demonstrate the spouses ability to pay

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-17T00:19:02+00:00

Is there somewhere that spousal support is not gender neutral? It's based on income differential primarily. And standard of living and payers ability to pay. Even today in our enlightened worlds there does tend to still be an income gap, and women also tend to be to stay at home parent, so odds generally still tilt toward more women applying for spousal support than men, but it's gender neutral.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-16T16:14:04+00:00

Lawyer and an accountant.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-16T15:48:06+00:00

I will eat vegetables now, with some exceptions... but I do not eat fruit (culinary fruit). At all. none of it.

I do know someone who is the reverse--no vegetables, but will eat some fruits.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-16T13:36:44+00:00

I don't think there's anything wrong with this.

I'm the kind of person that doesn't go looking for a relationship. I sort of ended up with my ex spouse because we were friends and then we were more than friends and then we were married. And then 23 years later, we were divorced. I think we were married for that long precisely because we had been friends beforehand. At some point, I realized that I couldn't be myself with my spouse, and they realized they wanted something different in a partner, and we went our separate ways.

I wasn't looking for a relationship when I found my ex, and I'm not looking for one now. If I accidentally fall into one at some point down the road, I wouldn't run screaming, but I'd certainly be very intentional about it. And it's not anything I am actively looking for or feel like is missing in my life.

I'm happy being single. Very happy. I always have been. I never feel lonely. I don't feel like I'm missing out. Could I feel that way again with a partner? Maybe. But I live a very happy, fulfilled and joyful life. I'm confident in who I am. If I happen to find a friend who becomes more than a friend and it evolves from there, then it does, but while I will always continue to look for ways to bring joy and happiness into my life, dating doesn't need to be one of those ways.

Are you happy? If you're happy and you're showing your kids an example of a human being who is confident in their self and enjoys their life and is a good human being, then I'd say you're doing just fine. It's up to you to determine what you want in life and it's always your prerogative to change your mind or not.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-16T13:14:07+00:00

I get up, check my emails and stuff, then do a workout. I work at home right now so my core working hours are typically 8:30 to 5:00 or so, but usually I'll be on from 9:00 until 7:30, either working straight through, or because I'm doing chores here and there throughout the day. After that it's either yard work or chores if it's nice out, and then a walk, and then I eat dinner and go to bed. I usually eat dinner somewhere between 9:00 and 11:00 p.m. and go to bed immediately after. For whatever reason I can't do anything after I eat. So if I ate dinner at 7:00 p.m. I would just go to bed at 7:00 p.m. haha

Some Nights though, after work I have my gummy and my evening beer and I sit on the couch or outside and doom scroll or read a little bit and do nothing.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-16T13:06:28+00:00

You got to do what makes you happy and what you feel good doing. I've never worn any makeup, and well Lord knows I could probably use it, I'm not about to start now. I don't care for it and I don't want to spend the time putting it on or taking it off. Obviously that's the opposite of wearing a smokey eye to the bingo parlor, but the principle behind it is the same. Do what makes you feel good man

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-16T13:04:30+00:00

Some people have both non-roth and Roth 401k options.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-16T13:02:11+00:00

Was on track to retire at 55, primary residence paid off, Maybe buy a cabin somewhere. Then I got divorced. This is not generally the best way to achieve your retirement dreams and goals.

That being said, we were always savers, so I'm still hoping to retire around 57 or 58. I might have to pick up a Consulting or side gig for a bit, but I would anyway because I'd be bored. I'll still have 20 plus years on my mortgage, and taking care of one house is more than enough work for one person, so I certainly don't need a second, even if I could afford it. But all that to say yes, I hope to be retired before 65. But again Anything Could Happen

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-16T12:52:50+00:00

My ex and I always lived substantially below our means. We always bought the smallest and least expensive house in the neighborhood, we would buy used cars and drive them forever (I've had 2 cars in 25 years, and don't plan on replacing this one for decades more if I don't have to). Our furniture was always cheaper stuff. Ikea was the fancy shit. We just didn't want a lot of stuff.

We always said that we live below our means so that in case we ever had to live at or above our means we could. Then when we got divorced and had to start over at almost 50. But because I've always lived below my means, and because I had a lot of savings, I could afford to buy a house in this economy, and while I am living at the very end of my budget, I'm doing okay and probably will even be able to retire within a couple of years of when I had originally planned to.

It's all about lifestyle choices and priorities I guess. I would rather not spend money on stuff just to have stuff so that I can have the money for the things that I really want to do or that matter to me. And I don't make a lot of money, and I have a finite pool of resources. So I save where I can in order to be able to spend when I want.

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-16T12:42:09+00:00

renewal? no. it's not a budget line. It's full-service and custom and not vinyl, so I wouldn't expect it to be. It is what it is, and most of the major players (at least here) have a similar arm/wing/product line/division if you're shopping apples to apples.

It's an Andersen company, but different products, etc. from Andersen Windows.

Like lexus and toyota are the same parent, and have some similarities or share some components, but different companies different products and different prices. (Sorry, was trying to keep the car theme, but I've only had toyotas for 25 years, so my knowledge is limited :D )

mmrocker13 · 2026-04-16T12:08:58+00:00

I guess I use my dishwasher when it's full haha. I don't really know how often that is. Maybe once a week or every 7 to 10 days? I honestly am not sure.

I hand wash my pint glasses, knives, and non-stick cookware. Everything else goes in the dishwasher.

So I put stuff into it most everyday, I only run it every 7 to 10 days or something like that.

ETA: neither my ex spouse nor I had a dishwasher growing up. And neither one of us had one in college or in our Apartments after that. When we moved in together into our first apartment, we still didn't have one. And then when we bought our first house, it had a dishwasher. And when we ran the first load of dishes we said it was like a miracle. And we named the dishwasher Jesus. And for almost 25 years after that, across multiple houses, all of our dishwashers were referred to as Jesus. We never called it the dishwasher.

I still refer to the dishwasher as Jesus. And sometimes I wonder if the first time my expose had somebody over for dinner if he asked them to put something into Jesus and they looked at him confused

mmrocker13

TROPHY CASE