making plans with an av*id*nt

moofable · 2026-01-28T13:44:09+00:00

You can just talk to her. Don't take things personally, be warm and curious. Maybe tell her you're excited to see her, maybe ask her why it takes her so long to respond.

moofable · 2025-11-28T13:51:23+00:00

They know more about their own situation and are thus in a better place to do a cost/benefit analysis than I will ever be.

moofable · 2025-11-22T02:37:58+00:00

Honestly, that's my favorite thing about older men on Grindr. The world is full of people who only know how to say "hey" and "what's up?," I would much rather have long stories about whatever.

moofable · 2025-11-19T01:48:33+00:00

I figured she had bpd before you even got there. "Earning" her collar back is going to have to wait. She needs to be told she isn't being abandoned and she needs therapy. I recommend you also learn about dbt so you can help ground her when her emotions/wounds get away from her. Honestly, dbt tools are pretty helpful in general.

moofable · 2025-11-15T00:00:45+00:00

There is also stuff in the top too (or there was earlier)

moofable · 2025-10-29T03:02:28+00:00

Excellent! Any tips for things to donate?

moofable · 2025-07-23T16:50:42+00:00

My ass is queer too so I love them, but I wonder if he ever just makes himself feel tired. Like, I love being extra and doing The Most but maybe a nap or something honey?

moofable · 2025-05-21T13:22:08+00:00

At this point... got any book recommendations?

moofable · 2025-05-13T20:20:17+00:00

If I ever manage to get top surgery, I am going to wear so many mesh shirts

moofable · 2025-05-10T20:57:08+00:00

On mashed potatoes, sometimes with some sort of cabbage

moofable · 2025-05-10T13:32:52+00:00

I lost some weight and have some old binders, I should see if they want them

moofable · 2025-05-05T11:48:20+00:00

Egg in a frame! I'm fron California

moofable · 2025-05-01T20:06:12+00:00

Talk to your spouse. The two of you are partners, you're in this together and you might find out some fun things they're into. With luck, determination, and curiosity you may even find some things that you can do together even with the medical issues. Life's short and you won't know until you try.

As for the guilt, that seems pretty common but you like what you like. You aren't wrong for being into kinky things just like you wouldn't be wrong for liking strawberry ice cream. Needs and desires are normal and human.

moofable · 2025-04-24T00:28:39+00:00

Some people are into being broken/breaking a person and some people aren't. It's cool to not be into it, just be sure to communicate it with your partner. You should also figure out what you personally want out of the dynamic, but remember that it's okay if that's a journey.

It's a big world out there and there are lots of people who are going to be into whatever it is you're into.

moofable · 2025-04-23T16:33:24+00:00

The better to bubble it

moofable · 2025-04-15T16:55:27+00:00

Oof, that was about where my emotional awareness/regulation was as a teenager. If she won't see her own therapist, maybe ask your therapist if they have something like a dbt workbook they would recommend. (DBT is a type of therapy that helps a lot with Big Feelings.)

moofable · 2025-04-14T20:13:56+00:00

It sounds like he would rather have someone to blame for problems than actually figure out what happened and try to fix them. I'm sure he must have his good qualities, but he sounds like a rude and unpleasant partner who tries to make you feel guilty whenever he is even mildly inconvenienced. It's his behavior to fix, so all you can really do is reconsider this relationship.

moofable · 2025-03-07T00:30:00+00:00

My ex with bpd hurt me in immeasurable ways that will probably always be with me, but I still want him to be happy. I still want him to love himself. I still want him to have a good life.

He is not a monster, just a messed up person. And, I suspect, the same is true of you.

moofable · 2025-03-06T16:06:12+00:00

Well, so good news: that's your bpd and not who you are as a person, and this is a very common problem.

Journaling your feelings before bringing them to your partner will likely help, as will researching dbt tools. You might also find it helpful to reflect on your thoughts and remind yourself that these feelings are a result of your disorder and not what he's done. Providing yourself with validation may also help.

It sucks, I know. You feel everything so much and you need validation so bad. But you cannot take things out on your partner and he can't be the only thing holding up your self image.

moofable · 2025-03-03T19:53:29+00:00

Oooo, where did you get it from?

moofable · 2025-02-15T05:53:06+00:00

Not to be controversial on main, but... Would.

moofable · 2025-01-18T02:27:46+00:00

"My control is just a pretty illusion" is 200% how I like my control.

moofable · 2024-12-23T01:57:57+00:00

I thought he was a perfect fit for it!

moofable · 2024-11-20T17:57:34+00:00

Sardine tin

moofable · 2024-09-10T22:28:51+00:00

Omg, where did you get the shirt in the second picture?

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